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Lets Not Keep Throwing Kids Away Literally and Figuratively

4-disciplining-children-450a032108Frightened young girls get pregnant so they have somebody to love and young boys like to feel studly and see how many babies they can generate.  Neither is a good reason to have a child.  Nurturing a child is also a full-time process which involves being selfless much of the time.  It also requires good judgment which is not fully developed until young adulthood.

Our welfare state facilitates irresponsible parenthood and children often raised without discipline or love.  How many children are thrown out on the street and have to learn how to survive there on their own.Then we chastise them (not the parents or the state) for doing this and becoming angry at society and not fitting in there.

rp_2290679982_1eaafcaf2b_m.jpgNo wonder these children don’t trust anybody.  Yes, the ghetto (where many of these children end up) doesn’t always teach middle-class values.  In order to survive, these children do what they can to live on the streets or with parents and foster parents that don’t care or use them for their own purposes.  They often only want the check.  Worse yet these parents may have been raised the same way that they are raising their children.

rp_300px-Lansing-correction.jpgParents having the right to raise or not raise their biological children as they see fit does not take into account the rights of the children.  They also go so far as to often use abortion as the method of choice when it comes to practicing birth control.

I think it is a case of blame the victim (which is the child) for the sometimes irrefutable abuse they sustained whether caused by the system, natural parents,  and/or foster parents.

Last, but not least, parents who do a good job of raising their children by giving their kids love, discipline, and values do not get rewarded by the system.  There are no rewards for doing a good job, just for doing a bad job.

rp_9709182109_5fd0b7fbaa_n.jpgChild custody also gets handled often by people who do not know what they are doing, what the child needs, and what constitutes a good parent. If they do know these things they are hampered by laws and regulations that often don’t make any sense.

For example in one northern county of my state, only the worst judges, those who are not doing their job in other venues, get “demoted” to doing child custody cases and they receive no training on how to do this in a way that would benefit the child whose custody is being determined.

I have proposed that that county develop special training for these judges determining custody cases.  It would include forty hours of hands-on training by professionals in the field of custody determination. Doing it this way ensures that judges would actually participate and not just skim through some information on the subject.  It should also be a mixed group so no judge would be swayed in a particular direction.

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Who? Me?

Have you ever tried to figure out who you really are?  I have and have usually wound up confused and/or have found myself wanting!

We need to accept ourselves and others as who we really are.  Studying to be a psychologist, I have studied many different theories of personalities which delineate many different types of personalities, describe them, tell how they originated, and how they affect what a person does.

For example, a person can be introverted or extroverted. Yet, I have found that I have been both at different times in my life.  I used to hide behind my mother’s skirts as a small child and now I more openly express myself and care less what other people think.  Now,  I am me and less likely to change that depending on what other people think.  I accept myself as I am unless I see a good reason to change it.

I also view myself as having found a way to judge myself as a person and have found ways that helped me to become that way.  I am, unfortunately, somewhat judgmental because of this which is something I don’t approve of generally and have trouble understanding why other people are different from me and why we don’t always agree or get along.

I also don’t understand why I am vulnerable to certain things and sometimes make the same mistakes over and over.  Now I think I do.  Many times in the past I have explored the metaphysical science of astrology and I have not been able to master it.  Yet, other people seem to do quite well with it and they can often answer with it the questions that I can’t seem to answer.

I have decided that I am going to explore something called “Human Design” by Karen Parker which is based on astrology, but seems to present it in a different way than I have been used to and possibly seems fertile.

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Boundary Problems?

With what is going on in Europe now with boundary problems, it is getting more and more clear that having little or no boundaries makes them vulnerable to people who will take advantage of that.

taking-advice-badgeDo you feel that you are a pushover?  Why are you a pushover?  Is it because you want people to like you.  Can’t you think of a reason not to do it?

You think you are a good person and that others are good people too.  Not setting appropriate boundaries leaves you wide open to people who don’t think like you do.  It also leaves you wide open when you should be setting boundaries like with children and people who work under your supervision.  Are you the kind of parent or boss who often winds up picking up after their children and/or doing someone else’s work along with your own?rp_23219947_8c2cef7e59_m.jpg

How long can you do this type of thing without feeling angry?  “Read my lips” no more “nice” guy or girl.  You also lose people’s respect too.  I have grandchildren and I can tell who does and who does not set boundaries with the grandchildren by the children’s behavior.  You are courting chaos when you don’t do this.

Righteous anger?  Is that possible?  Is it polite?  When we continue to let people take advantage of us (and we know it) aren’t we lying?  Isn’t this a “sin?” of omission?  So this person or child takes advantage of us figuring we don’t really say what we mean.

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Shamelessly Destroying Another Person’s Reputation

You learn so much more when you ask questions opposed to passing judgmentsDestroying a person’s reputation is easily done.  Destroying a person’s reputation for some people can be so much fun.  Destroying a person’s reputation when they don’t have first-hand information is a mistake many people make.

Even better fun is destroying a person’s reputation so badly that they can never live it down and it continues to build’s on itself like a meme leaving the person to spend the rest of their life in misery and finding solace in the all the wrong places especially drugs.

How proudly some people say about other people when they do this is that they can never live it down meaning what they allegedly have done.  Certain people when they say these deprecating things are so sure they are right that they never even think that they might be making a mistake.

Also, some stories involve two people (often a male and a female) and it appears unjust that often the female’s reputation is tarnished, but not the male’s, especially when other males are talking about the situation.  Then other females’ reputations become tarnished also if they associate with and/or defend the woman.

Judge and jury is what most people become when they gossip.  The person who is the focus of the gossip can never live it down.  Also being defamed hurts and can do personal and public damage to the person while the person doing the gossiping can walk away and possibly even totally forget what they said or did to the other person.


Knowledge, Experience, and Reasoning = Wisdom

rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpgKnowledge and experience, combined with reasoning equal wisdom.

As much as we would sometimes like to, rotely learning material does not automatically generate people who can use the material.  Rote learning is good for learning things  that we must be able to recall quickly and what is learned rotely is different from person to person depending on what they do and what kind of information they need to have on hand.  A simple example is memorizing words and their meanings to give a person a good vocabulary that they will use every day.  This is true of what we call knowledge.

A person does a lot of learning when they are still little.  They generate theories with resulting hypotheses that they test out probably before they can talk.  Most adults reason with words, but children start learning how things work before they can talk.  I am sure science will find out just how this is done with or without words someday or may be studying it even now.

They also learn usually through rewards and punishments what ideas that they have about things work or don’t work.  Even animals learn this way although we used to think that animals had inborn instincts that determined what they would do or not do.  Instincts are definitely inborn probably because most animals have to be able to do some things for themselves at birth.rp_360159124_150_150.jpg

Everyone is an individual even before birth.  Their inborn DNA determines many of the strengths and weaknesses they might have.  Thus no child is exactly like one of their parents.  The problem is that sometimes one of the parents wants a child to do what they like to do; but the child was not born with the same abilities, the same brain, and/or bodies.  Thus such a desire can be doomed to failure and the child may receive the blame for not being able or wanting to do what the parent would like the child to do.  The child then often grows up to feel worthless in their parent’s eyes and to fail to develop as his or her individual self.

For example, my mother was the youngest of two girls (no boys) and while her older sister got to help with chores in the house, her father expected her to help him outside at the farm.  He wasn’t unreasonable but she was afraid of horses and while she was young everything was still done with horses.

Children are thinking and reasoning and planning for themselves long before their parents even know it.  Children can recognize different tones of voice, and facial expressions and body postures and how people react to determine if it is safe to do or not do something.  Sometimes the parents may say one thing and mean another.  How about telling a child to go give someone a kiss when the child can tell that either that person does not like them or their parent does not like the person.  Double bind?  Say one thing and do another?rp_3476636111_c551295ca4_m.jpg

We can learn not only from our own experiences we can also learn from other people’s experiences.  But sometimes other peoples conclusions or theories from these experiences may not fit into our understanding of things.  Eventually most parents want children to think for themselves and to be able to make good decisions so they can be independent  (parents usually die before children) and require less and less supervision.

Ultimately children should be able to think for themselves and to be able to evaluate what they have learned and experienced and change their bodies of knowledge some learned through the experiences of others and their theories about how the world works to fit new information.  Sometimes the information instead is changed or rejected because it doesn’t fit their theory.

Wisdom comes with time and having learned to be able to think for oneself as you have accumulated knowledge and experience.   Strange or new information can be frightening and it might be easier to reject it, but the cost, in the long run, is greater than if the person had worked it through even if it was scary or painful to do so.  Many people do this with physical problems and sometimes if they do do something, it can be too late.  Yes, we all have the right to make mistakes and sometimes we can learn from them; but fear of change or possible consequences can keep us from even trying to do  it.

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Colleges and universities used to be places where you could learn new things and try new ideas out.  It was supposed to be a safe place where things could be discussed freely and new ideas often tried out safely.  Professors could have different ideas about the way things should be; but there was open debate encouraged in classes.  Yes, you may have been expected to learn certain things especially in certain areas of work or professions because you were expected to know these tings to graduate and go on in your field or the college was not doing the job they were getting paid for.

Wisdom is usually obtained over time and there are things that are not learned through study or only by experiences in universities or medical or law schools.  Wisdom is also flavored by individuality and people’s individual tastes.  It never hurts to try something even though you think you might not like it.  I have had experiences that I might not been completely ready for that gave me strengths that I might not have been able to develop any other way.rp_300px-Little_girl_drawing_with_blue_pencil.jpg

You are never ready to do anything, but at some point you have to go ahead and do it because the time when you are completely ready might never come.  Wisdom truly comes from these experiences. I didn’t truly understand grief until my best friend, her unborn child, and her young daughter were killed in a traffic accident.

I may be older than you; but I might be wiser than you in many ways that is one of the reasons I write this blog.  Do I expect you to believe or learn from everything I write, no.  But it might it expose you to some information that would spur you to do or think differently in a way that would benefit you.

I also am a teacher and I have learned that students are all different especially in terms of the knowledge and experiences they come into class with.  They are also different in terms of their mindsets about learning.  This is especially true when it comes grade time.

Think for yourself.  Evaluate what you have learned just don’t accept something without thinking about it or testing it  if possible in real life.  There is a reason that all science classes includes laboratory sessions so the students can have experiences that they can relate to the material being presented in lectures.  This called critical thinking and it is something dictators don’t want people to do.

Power Versus Force

Thought for the day:  We all have power, but people, who like to use “force” to get us to do what they want us to do, don’t want us to believe it.  How many people are enslaved by the thought that they are powerless to do anything about their situation?

Women are especially used this way.   Sexually trafficking is an example of this.  Another example is domestic violence.  The forced dependence of a woman (especially if she has dependent children) on a man leads to feelings of powerlessness.

Another thing that results in feelings of powerlessness is isolation and control of communication.  If a woman does not know anything else, who can she get to help her and who can she interact with that will tell her that there is something else out there.

We do not have to believe what we are told but when we are dependent on others to meet our needs and to tell us how the world operates, we often wind up not being able to think for ourselves.  If we are isolated this way and are told what to believe, we think that change is impossible and if not impossible, foolhardy.

If we have a person in our life that seems to be powerful (but is actually using force to get their way), it might make sense to emulate this person and become like him or her especially if we don’t know something different.  How limited can our lives become if we do this?

Dr, David Hawkins who was referenced to by Dr. Wayne Dyer (who has been featured in many presentations on PBS) makes clear the difference between the use of power versus force in his book, Power Versus Force.0018d3fa



Is It Selfish To Put Yourself 1st?

rp_2504675944_cd089abac4_m.jpgIs it selfish to put yourself first?  Sometimes it isn’t selfish to put yourself first.

What about?





Often putting “self-” in front of a word automatically makes it unacceptable.  What makes people do this?

To get their own way.

To make other people feel that they are being selfish and to be more likely to share.

So other people can be selfish.

Life is a competition and they do it to put themselves in first place.

Threaten a person’s sense of security

Help to devalue others.

How can being self-confident help you?

It is more likely to help you succeed.

It would attract other people to you to help you fulfill your task.

It generates “positive” energy which can be very helpful.

It sends all the distracting “negative” thoughts away.






Orders Are Easy To Give, But Hard To Follow

“Orders are easy to give, but hard to follow.”   Thought for the day!

Have you ever been “bossed around”?  Someone else can think of a million things for you to do and before you get one thing done, they can think of several other things for you to do.

Have you ever been given an order that takes more time to figure out than it takes to follow it?  It seems perfectly clear to the person doing the bossing; but not to you.  Worse yet, they leave you to figure it out on your own and are upset when you don’t get it done right when they come back to see how you are doing.

Sometimes what a person tells you to do is as “clear as mud”.  It involves “technical terms” that you don’t know and when you go find someone to help you with it, they ask you a question for which the person giving the order did not give an answer.

Arguments And Fear Of Upset Feelings

rp_228552603_150_150.jpgI just talked about fear and the biggest fear is of fear itself.  If we don’t talk about things until one of us, either partner gets mad, then it is hard to overlook how bad it makes us feel and deal with the issues themselves.

I don’t know about you but my very sense of security can be threatened.  It got this way in my first marriage and maybe if we had the fights that we did when we were divorcing all along, the marriage could have been better.

Not trusting your partner is very destructive in a relationship; especially not trusting them to make a fair compromise and to not penalize you for bringing something up that needs to be dealt with.

The Maramus of Depression



Alone And Nobody Cares

Alone And Nobody Cares


From my point of view:

It takes many things to create true depression.  Genetics.  My Mom and grandma had it.  Also negative input creating insecurities and low self-esteem.

As a believer, could you hate yourself so much that you would want to commit suicide so that someone else would be saved.

This is beyond worthless.  Somewhere, some how you got the idea that you couldn’t get anybody else’s approval including your own and every time something happened that you thought confirmed that you didn’t grieve the loss and go on.  No, you were suicidal.

Depression and the sometimes resulting suicide are a dead end street.  A depressed person feels rightly so that they go down that street alone and no one would or should miss them.

Depressing isn’t it.

Some say depression is anger turned inward.  And when it boomerangs, the suicidal person can take someone or many someones with them.  Depressing isn’t it.

The person committing suicide this way may feel that they will not die in vain that way and that other people will feel the pain they feel.  I am not advocating this; but it can happen and people wonder why.

Lack of support, feeling isolated, unimportant combined with a chemical depression can be deadly especially if the person feels that they have no one and no where to express this any other way.

It can pass but like post-traumatic flashbacks can reoccur anytime without warning especially when a person is alone and vulnerable.

Handling depression takes a whole lot of support and these people feel that they do not get that.  Some people hide this vulnerability just because they are vulnerable.  It’s a “Catch 22.”

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