Do you realize we learn to like certain skin colors, hair types, body shapes, heights, and to discriminate between them. To me, my mommy was beautiful and my grandmas were a “sight for my sore eyes,” although they were older and heavier than my mother. My BFF, who I met in first grade, was not judged by me on the basis of her physical size but on how much fun we had when we were together. I had a cousin the same age as I was and I often got hand me downs from her as she (although my age) was “bigger” than me. We have to be taught to see these differences as significant. The standards of beauty and handsomeness can vary quite strikingly from culture to culture and have you looked at wedding pictures and seen that there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man.
I was having a discussion with my daughter-in-law and discovered that an actress that I considered to be no beauty was considered very attractive by my daughter-in-law. Also men and women focus on different parts of the anatomy when they try to decide if a woman is beautiful and/or and a man is a potential “chick magnet.” Haven’t you ever heard a discussion about what physically attracts a man to a woman: her boobs, her butt, her legs, her hair color, or whatever.
Remember the saying, “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses.” Doesn’t seem to matter now. It used to be what attracted a woman to a man was his profession or his ability to be able to support her in the style she was or would like to become accustomed to. At mid-life or latter some men look for a younger woman sometimes even young enough to be their daughter. Then there women who are “cougars” and seek younger men. Ever hear the terms, “sugar daddy”or “trophy wife”?
There is one particular cable news channel that is often on at my house and one of the recurring “experts” I became acquainted with was so ugly, I didn’t like to look at him; however he was very knowledgeable and had a very credible life history to support his road to being this “expert.” All of a sudden one day as I was listening to him, I realized he no longer was bad looking to me. His looks didn’t change but my attitude toward them had.
I came to realize that I had been selling other people short when I concentrated on their looks instead of their personality, knowledge, and abilities. I also I noticed I was selling myself short too when I dressed to impress and probably could not afford it instead of wearing something flattering and comfortable so I could be comfortable being me. I don’t mean that looks don’t count. You can go too far in this direction to the point of being offensive.
I had planned to post on the fact that the cable news channel had only impossibly beautiful women in at least distracting (if not very conservative) clothes, dangerously high heels, high maintenance hairstyles, and glamorous makeup that required that these women show up early for work in order to attain this look. Also of course, the men who had the same jobs were often not necessarily tall, athletic, and youthful and wore more comfortable, less revealing, clothes. I then realized I was judging these women on how they looked but in a negative way. They didn’t deserve that either. They invested a lot of time and money into looking the way they did and should not be judged for trying so hard.