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Should You Celebrate Yourself Before You Celebrate Others?

PsychosisVonnegutCoverIs this an either or question?  Think of Life as a balance scale with yourself on one side and others on the other side.  Too much on one side or the other and the scale won’t balance.  It also can make you grouchy and resentful and possibly greedy.  How about the person for whom nothing is ever right and who is difficult to please.  Too much candy and then none of it tastes good.  You work hard so you can enjoy life and then you never have any time to do what you enjoy.  Rush through things and then you don’t have time to enjoy them.  Best get-a ways I ever had were when we forgot about time and enjoyed the setting, the company, the conversation, and sharing the experience.

Savoring is enjoying what you do have.  Whether it is clean sheets, fresh corn on the cob, a clean car, or unexpected, but welcome, company.   Savoring involves being able to accept a change of pace when one offers it self.  Remember when you were in schoo9l and had a snow day?  It represented a free day to go out and play in the snow.  Did you ever really miss having school on a snow day?  Have you ever read a book while caught in a traffic jam after an accident on the interstate?  I did and it was one I had already read so I reread it.  Did I waste my time grouching and complaining about the jam or the fact that the only book I had I had already read.  Time went faster as I lost myself in the story I had read before.

“Enjoy yourself.  It is later than you think,” was a title of a song.  Did the writer know what he or she was writing about?  On the other hand are you too busy enjoying yourself that you have no time left for anybody else?  Grandma or grandpa are you too busy to babysit your grandchildren because you always have a golf tournament, a card game, or a committee meeting.  You may even rationalize this away by telling yourself that the grand children will be more fun and less work when they get older and then you never find the time then either.

me,me,mejpgAre you there for every meeting your social or church group has and have held every office over the years and some for several years in a row.  Do people say that they don’t know what they would do without you?  Are you tied up babysitting for family and the family always knows who they can get at the last minute.  You!  You tell friends that you would like to do something with them and then are unable to follow through with your plans with them because of family obligations.  You have planned a trip somewhere on a special day and have made all the reservations and paid fees that are not refundable but don’t go because you have to do something for someone else and that is more important than what you wanted to do.

Is “wallflower” your middle name?  Do you let everybody else take all the credit, get all the prizes, and celebrate all the milestones?  Would you be surprised if nobody showed up for your own funeral and/or that your relatives didn’t even have a memorial service for you.  In fact, while you are alive you even encourage them to do this when you die.

There needs to be a nice balance here.  You are just as important as others are and others are just as important as you are.  Giving and receiving are both part of the equation.  Knowing what might really please you now may be the inspiration for something you can do for somebody else later.  Parents of young children often know this as do members of families with a chronically ill loved one or a recent unexpected death in the family.

kindness,acts ofGiving is important.  Gratitude is important.  Giving as a form of gratitude is one of the most sincere forms of thanks.  You give me some of what you have and I give somebody else some of what I have.  It is the daisy chain of gratitude.  I may not be able to pay you for the tank of gas I needed to get to the doctor, but may be I can mow the neighbor’s yard.  Remember the old story about someone who gets out on the wrong side of bed and kicks the cat who scratches the dog who bites the mailman, etc.  Start your day off right and who knows who the favor might effect?

Ever skip a meal to get something done (maybe even for someone else) and then wind up so hungry you bite someone’s head off?  Was that a really good idea to begin with?  Being self-sacrificing can lead to “gunny sacking”  in which you expect the recipients to pay you back without you asking them to do it or to stop asking you to do things for them or to say, “No,” once in awhile when you offer to do something.

 

Old Rolls Or Old Roles

rp_300px-Nuclearfamily.jpgOld rolls or old roles?  Which are staler.  Have you changed even so you might fall back into old roles when you are back in an old situation.  The expectations can still be there and you can’t resist them.  Does everybody eat at the dining role table when you eat in the kitchen even though you are not a child anymore.  Do you wait until everybody else has eaten before you even attempt to eat your food?  Anticipating a family visit can take you back to childhood, adolescence and possibly young adulthood. and when you actually get there it can be even worse.  The cues that used to set you or family members off, still do.  Okay, it doesn’t happen for you.  What about your partner when they visit their family.

Do we ever grow up in spite of our families?  Daddy’s girl or mama’s boy are roles that are easily taken up again when around mommy or daddy again.  Do you or did you have a sibling that used to boss you around, always got their way , or could beat you in a fight verbal or physical?  Were you the “STAR”, the one always recognized for your accomplishments or were you invisible and if you you did anything that achieved  recognition,  did certain or all other family members ignore it or worse yet  not even know that something like that happened?

Old habits die hard. Do family members that were used to giving you orders still order you around effectively when you are around them?  Do you pick up the check, wash the dishes, mind the little children while the rest of the family doesn’t even thank you and may even go off without you.  Enabling, double binds reassert themselves.  Do they order for you, refuse to get you a drink, or comment on your hair or what you wear or even go so far as to pick out what you wear.rp_Yes_stars_drama_logo.png

Worse yet do you become sick or somewhat spacey when planning to make a home visit.  Worse yet can be family reunions where you are given no choice as to what happens or do you do the opposite and wind up planning the whole thing with everybody else’s wishes, preferences, and time schedules in mind, not yours, because it is easier for you to just give in.  Do you find yourself not making a fuss even when you are grossly inconvenienced.  If it is your partner’s family reunion, do you get taken along for the ride and have a miserable time.  Do old dramas reoccur like Uncle George drinking all the spiked punch and getting sick and puking all over someone’s pants or carpet.

Do you wonder why you went.  Was it just to go and put in an appearance.  Did it even mess up your schedule and cause you to miss something else that you would have preferred to go to another family reunion, or a planned event with hard to get tickets.  Do the people there smoke, drink excessively, or cuss outrageously even in front of children?  How many of these events have you enjoyed? in the past ten years.rp_Send_It_On.png

Are you still the scapegoat at these events like a school reunion, etc..  Or worse yet do you still get bullied or even worse yet emotionally , physically, or sexually abused.  Some times sexual abuse by a family friend or member does not stop when the victim reaches adulthood.  Do the people there go off into their own groups (old school friends) and leave you on the fringe. Or instead do you lapse into old negative behaviors deliberately talking about things and doings while openly leaving someone out and who has a miserable time.

I suggest a spa visit before to get ready or better yet after to pamper yourself.  Aim to just live through it and give yourself some quiet decompression time possibly both before and after the visit.  Reward yourself for getting through it even if you only went out of obligation such as  “Honor thy father and mother.”  You might even go so far as to do or not do one thing that that you usually don’t do or do (almost helplessly) on these occasions.  Stand up for yourself, but be totally prepared for what might happen if you do this.  These people can still push your  buttons even if they have not been pushed in a long time.

Okay you are strong; you wouldn’t let this happen to you.  What about letting it happen to somebody else just because this was the way it always used to be.  You don’t want to cause any conflict.  Worse yet then they might pick on you too.  Have you really matured and do what you think is right rather than falling back into going along with the crowd.  “The crowd” can exert a lot of pressure and you may be seen as spoiling their good time.

“Human”istic Psychology And Spiritual Psychology Are They Far Apart?

rp_5854234616_9eb56eac3d_m.jpgI always called myself an eclectic psychologist but I have now realized that I actually am a Humanistic Psychologist ala Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers. I feel that the person’s inner concept of who they are directs their life.
People are also looking for the answers to life. One of the areas that people are looking into is spiritual psychology. This has not been an area of psychology that has been studied. Many psychologists avoided working in this area based on the idea that you can not scientifically prove that things that are spiritual (like mental telepathy and prayer) actually work.
That is not true now. The scientific studies are now out there and even atheists can’t ignore them because of the scientific proof that now exists. Especially see the book, “Measuring the Immeasurable” by Sounds True publishers and Message From Water by Dr. Masaro Emoto’s The books cover his experiments on water crystals.
My study of the spiritual began when I met Dr. Elisabeth Kubler –Ross , a psychiatrist, who worked with terminally children and adults and who heard about many near death experiences from them.rp_3704705698_7d71898ce1_m.jpg Elisabeth was a very sincere woman and when she talked, it was a mesmerizing experience and the listener knew that she was telling the truth.

Elisabeth never made any money doing this. Her and her fellow leaders only collected enough fees to cover the expenses of meeting for several days in a “bare bones” retreat facility with room and board included. The only other expense was a participant‘s travel expenses to and from the retreat. The leaders volunteered their time. These workshops were often life changing experiences for the participants.

Celebrate Yourself?

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Do you keep a low profile.  Do you wait for others to celebrate you life landmarks and they never do?  Did you miss your graduation? because it was too much pomp and circumstance and you saved everybody the hassle of coming to it.  I have my Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin; but I don’t know what my academic colors are because I didn’t go.  I didn’t feel I should make everyone make the trip back  as when I finished I was no longer on campus.

Only two people were invited to our wedding, the witnesses.  I don’t believe I have ever celebrated my anniversary with a special date night on the town.  Is it bad to blow your own horn?  I bought my own birthday cake and my friends knew I was celebrating my 70th birthday last November but my family didn’t know it wasn’t an ordinary birthday (Don’t worry it has been almost a year and either I am getting used to it or getting over it (being 70)).  Many achievements in college I didn’t get to celebrate with my family because they couldn’t make the trip but my mother did come for my graduation.  But when my son and my son-in-law graduated from the training academy, we went.

If you don’t celebrate yourself, no one one else will.  If you don’t think you are worth it, no one else will?  Your attitude toward yourself communicates itself nonverbally to others and they treat you the same way you treat yourself.  I can be very professional when I know I am right and have the responsibility to do what is right!  But it doesn’t carry over sometimes to my family and friends.  Even the grand kids have begun to question my authority.  But I’m not going to back down for their sake.

I have a list of complements hidden on the back of my medicine cabinet door that I would like to get; but it is not posted where anyone could see it.  Why are we encouraged to be so self-effacing?  I am the opposite of a narcissist I guess.  Stand up, stand up for what you believe in including yourself.  I hesitate to share my opinions at home or at family occasions so nobody knows what I think there.  I hesitate because I might embarrass myself or others like family or friends.  Keep your mouth shut.   Ever hear of that?

Self-help materials suggest that you associate with only supportive friends in order to keep your self-esteem high.  Of course that can keep you in denial by only associating with people who agree with you.  Is there a happy medium?  Are you lying to yourself or do other people keep trying to put you down?

Happy, Happy, Happy!

My happy face anyway!.

My happy face anyway!.

Taking a Rocket Risk  ala  Mary Mcellehattan’s book,.  Going where my heart’s desire is.  Fuflilling my bucket list.  It may be my last hurrah; but I am going.  Learned a lesson.  Don’t wait for somebody else to do it for you.

Create your own happiness.  Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.  It’s your decision.  It’s your life.  You don’t need somebody else’s permission even if you would like to have it.  Don’t lose the moment.  I am not going to let anybody else’s opinion spoil your day or days spent where you only dreamed of being before.  Being yourself is not necessarily bad and is actually mostly or all good.  Most of us have been raised to seek somebody else’s approval (and sometime it’s even the world’s!) before doing something.

Don’t cloud a life time experience by being scared, afraid, or unhappy because somebody else doesn’t want you to do what you want to do.  Unhappy emotions are for the most part useless unless they are part of the grieving process.  Yes, I may be scared when I announce my intentions.  Just as people have different tastes in movies and music, they have different tastes when it comes to choosing a lifetime experience.  Do you have a certain food that you dislike and you can’t even stand to see it on somebody else’s plate.?  Liver (and onions) is something I enjoy, but I don’t have much company.   Are you always eating where someone else wants to eat as you don’t want to make waves and it’s not that big of a deal. anyway.  Move over Rover, there is a new dog in town.

Experiment!  Campaign for your choices when you are with someone or a group.  How often have you listened to yourself when deciding on something to eat.  Do you wait to see what others are

"Make my day!

“Make my day!

going to order first?   Have you ever thought, “My, wouldn’t that taste good.”  I even eat snails and of course all kinds of mushrooms including those we pick ourselves during mushroom season.  I have to agitate someone to get them on my pizza!

Planning a life experience like I am.  Go ahead fantasize the best trip ever including every thing you want even if you are not sure how you are going to get it.   It doesn’t hurt to be prepared if someone asks you what you want.  It’s your trip, it’s your budget.  What do you like best about visiting some other place?  I like to get to know the people and taste the food.  I like for my trips to be multipurpose and accomplish more than one of my goals.  I want to be met by a local and showed around by a local.  I want them or someone knowledgeable to set my itinerary.  I want to really experience the place while I am there.

Do you want to go through life saying , “I wish I could have done something.”  That negativity can last for a lifetime.  Who is being negative about this.  You oar someone else?  Is it,”If I feel bad about what you are going to do, you should feel bad too and have a miserable time planning your trip, taking your trip, and talking about it after.”  Secretly they may want to ruin your whole life by being this way about things you want to do.  Does someone in your family have this power over you?  To whose benefit is it?  There was a cartoon character  that always had a rain cloud over his head.  This could be you if you let this happen.

“If I am not happy, nobody else is going to be happy!”  Have you heard that before?  Does it have to be true?  How about having a good time anyway.  Happiness is a choice and it’s yours. Don’t listen to this sort of thing.  Don’t let this happen!   Some people are self-sacrificing and if they don’t let themselves do or have something, they don’t want you to either!

Out With The Old, In With The New Or Is It In With The Old Out With The New?

There are a lot of articles about decluttering your house, your apartment, your dorm room or your room at home.  How about decluttering your life or better yet your mind!  How long do we hang on to old ideas like old clothes, old newspapers, or worn out shoes?   We haven’t used them in the last few years or we haven’t reevaluated them recently to see if they still serve their purpose or reflect who we are.  Have you ever noticed a woman or a man who hasn’t changed their style of dressing and/or hair style since they were much younger?  It may not suit them anymore but they continue to wear them.

Now Is The Time That....

Now Is The Time That….

When we are younger, we learn rapidly and may change our minds just as fast.  Have we changed who influences us and/or what we believe? even if we have found evidence or had experiences to the contrary?  Sometimes we are even proud of this.  Yes, if it still makes sense continue to believe it.  Or do you not change your opinions or the way you practice your beliefs because of stubborness and/ or pride.  Or are you afraid that someone will find you to be easy to be led by the ring in your nose? or just plain wishywashy?  Who controls your life?  Is that what you really want?

Who controls your life?  good?  or evil?  How comfortable are you about the decisions you have made?  Are you afraid of losing your identity. of not knowing who you are any more if you realize that rp_KUWtK_titlecard.pngyou need to reconsider some of the decisions  you have made about yourself and your life.  Remember what works for one person may not work for another and you may be unhappy if you follow the crowd and continue to judge yourself by what you think that the crowd thinks is important.  Anthropology is the study of different cultures in different lands and it might surprise some people if they study anthropology that different people find different things and different behaviors necessary to be considered civilized or attractive.  In our society, consider Kim Kardashian’s  posterior anatomy which some men find very enticing.

This is especially true if a person is raised to follow some standard because of what other people might think.  This is as true of teenaged gang members as it is or was of teenagers in Beverly Hills.  Isn’t it amazing that sometimes someone will do something or wear something that is very original that will start a new trend that then it seems like everyone now has to admire and/or follow?  I was raised that way and I wondered why everybody was more important than me.  Such a thing detracts from one’s self-worth.

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There is room for a lot of different beliefs in the world if one believes in freedom.  Why do some people think that they have to destroy or convert (often by threat of death) anyone who does not believe as they do?  Diversity can be a good thing.  It is often a good thing if most people like different things and activities.  If their were no people who liked to cook how would we get something to eat?  What makes one occupation better than another?  Who would fix our toilets or collect our trash?  Is an airplane pilot more skilled than an airplane mechanic.
When my brother was in the U.S. Air Force, he told me that in the Canadian Air Force that pilots were sergeants and mechanics were lieutenants just the opposite of what was true of the U.S.
Air Force.

Another thing to consider is if we should be constantly changing to something new like the new core curriculum in schools?  It appears too complicated for elementary students to grasp or even for adults?  Who is going to help children with their math?  Homework already has been difficult enough for parents to help with.  What happened to common sense?  What happened to the freedom of school districts to determine what and how to teach something.  Different teachers have different strengths and can use different approaches to teach the same thing from other teachers or within the classroom with different students.  Why are these choices being made more and more by people who are far removed from the very situation that  they are making the decisions for.  A good leader uses his or her employees’ or supervisees’ knowledge and strengths in order to make decisions.  They also delegate authority when appropriate..

 

How You Grieve Can Not Be Predicted Nor How Long

How you grieve can not be predicted nor how long.  Also it can not be avoided or it will cause irrevocable damage.  Grief over the loss of a child can cause relationships to fail especially when  communication shuts down.  Grief can’t be easily avoided or ignored.  A person can grieve for any loss or impending loss such as the loss of a job, having a child leave home, etc.

The longest I grieved was five years (and it’s really not over yet.) and the deaths were unexpected and tragic.  I never have forgotten my dear, dear, friend (who was like a sister to me) who was pregnant and her toddler daughter who died on the way home for my friend and her husband to tell both sets of grandparents she was expecting.  Shock is hardly the word for how I reacted.  They have always been in my heart and mind and I marked the occasion for several years on my friend’s birthday.rp_3704705698_7d71898ce1_m.jpg

There are several stages of grief and a person does not go through them in any particular order.  This statement was made by Dr. Elisabeth-Kubler Ross herself at a workshop I attended.  Different sources on the internet say different.  They say that people progress through these stages in a particular order.  Actually a person can bounce back and forth between them.  A person may think that they have completed a certain stage and then he or she goes back through one of them again.

The stages are:  denial,  bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.  Denial is not being able to accept the the loss has happened or that the impending loss will occur.  Such as “No, no, he or she can’t be dead” or not accepting a diagnosis of terminal illness.  Pretending that a spouse who leaves is not gone for good and is going to come back when he or she returns to their right mind are other ways that a person can deny that a loss has or will occur.  Bargaining  is making a deal with God or other sources of power that the person will not die or some loss will not occur if the person who is doing the bargaining does some particular thing.   A person can be angry at the person or situation that caused the loss or at the deceased for leaving them alone.  Depression occurs when the person   realizes that the loss is permanent and the person left behind doesn’t know how they can be able to stand it.   Realizing that life will go on after the loss or that no matter what a person does the loss has or will occur is part of acceptance.

What is dangerous is that people who are grieving will isolate themselves and not encourage anyone to console them.  People in different stages of grieve often clash and harm rather than help each other.  People who grieve can project their anger on to others and even go so far as to seek revenge.  Many people who grieve feel helpless and unable to cope.  They can even become irrational and impossible to reason with.   Many deaths are just senseless and can’t be rationalized in any way.  For example, a random killing by a person bent on killing someone and doesn’t care who it is or a death or deaths from an auto accident killing whoever happened to be there at that place and time such as in my girlfriend’s case..

For example, years after my father died I got to see his death certificate and found that he died from multiple bed sores which was probably the fault of the nursing home.  My father had dementia and was irrational and unreasonable at times.  He remained a strong man and my mother could not handle him.  We grown children all lived away from home and she relied on neighbors and other family members to help her with him when he became aggressive.  For over a year after my father’s death, she couldn’t be reasoned with because she continued to constantly blame herself for putting him in the nursing home.   We all thought that she should have given up taking care of him by herself years earlier.  Now I know why she wouldn’t listen to us when we tried to talk to her.

You Can Get Away With It! Or Should You?

Do you ever listen in on other people’s conversations or do you ever even listen to the comments you make about others in your head! How negative are they. Why does it make us feel better to put other people down? What does it say about us if we are always putting down, criticizing, and denigrating others and ourselves? Why are we constantly bringing down our own and other people’s self-esteem? Why is gossip only juicy when it is about bad things about others.rp_291253057_150_150.jpg This can be called being defensive or self defense doing this to others or yourself before someone else can. Or is this because we are in constant competition? Can we  only get ahead by climbing on someone else’s back. Why does it seem not to make us feel good by saying something nice about somebody and/or are we afraid if we say something nice about ourselves, someone else will put us down? Do we have to hurt others before they hurt us? Is this a good form of self-defense?

Worse yet we often do this by telling lies, not the truth. Lying is a bad habit whether it’s telling white lies, black lies or lies of omission instead of commission. We have built in lie detectors that we are born with but we are taught from early on not to trust our instincts about this. How convenient this is to help enable others to tell us what to think so we really don’t know how things are when it is convenient for them to do so. For example, child molesters find this very hand a very handy way to coherse children into being victims.

No mater how convenient it is for parents to tell a child a little “white” lie how destructive can it be when other people with not so good motives in mind to be able to get away with this. For example, have you ever heard an adult tel a child an untruth just to upset them and then the adult gets a good laugh out of the child being upset because they think what the adult told them was true. Does the child have gullibility or has the child’s basic sense of trust in others been broken?

face-partsSince when has it become funny to hurt others in any way? What does doing this do to civilization? Carelessly doing this for a joke or because it is easy or convenient provides a bad example. How often in the past have we heard as children be on your best behavior when adults did not follow that example themselves. Monkey see; monkey do? How often were we told to keep this a secret if we caught an adult doing this after telling us as a child not to?  Is this a double standard?

Since when have we learned that it doesn’t pay to be honest and that telling the truth can get you in trouble? What a distorted, dishonest, ugly world we live in. In business and politics today.  It is the norm not the exception that this occurs.  It is alright if you can get away with it and if they get away with it, most assuredly they will do it again and again and again as they think that they will get away with it again and again and they usually do.

 

also liars insist that others should tel the truth as they know it wil hurt them. If you are on the wronside of the right  side, you can’t “get away” with anything but it is no problem if you are not. . Why therefore is being politically correct a one way street?  Certain people, political groups, and religions get cited for this while others do not. The former can’t get away with it while the later can! What kind of an example of justice is this for our children? No wonder they grow up mixed up with no internal standards of behavior.

9-11

Why haven’t we learned from 9-11?

Going Around In Circles Again

Going Around In Circles Again

I thought we had learned in WW II that loose lips sink ships and that nice guys finish last.  Some people don’t play by the same rules as we do and as long as we don’t learn this,  we are going to be playing catch up or worse yet we will learn that good guys finish last.  Haven’t we learned not to trust our enemies? Haven’t we been warned, “Don’t telegraph your moves?”  Isn’t the enemy laughing behind our backs right now or worse yet planning the complete destruction of the whole western world? I thought we had learned our lesson in WWII and we wouldn’t be blindsided again.  What do you think? This is what I think!

Woman for Peace

THERE ARE NO PICTURES ACCOMPANYING THIS POST BECAUSE ONES THAT ARE HORRIFYING ENOUGH TO HELP BRING THIS MESSAGE ACROSS CAN NOT BE PRINTED WHERE ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE TRAUMATIZED BY THEM MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE THEM.

 

I am a Woman for Peace.  Are there other Women for Peace out there?  I feel that women have something unique to offer the world  that the aggressive terrorists don’t.  Why are we women, girls, and babies raped, subdued, and considered chattel in parts of the world.  Women and children there are often considered useless and unimportant.  Do you as a woman or a man consider that women basically have a different view of the world than men do.  Do you feel that when women become successful in this world, it is because they act and think more like men which is probably not helpful at this time when we need to  encourage love, care, and concern for others?  Why does society still keep women down? and consider womens’ and mens’ participation in the reproduction of the human race something to be looked down upon and not worth anything in this society?  Things are valuable because people think they are.  What can you do with a lump of gold if it was not worth anything monetarily?  I think that women can perceive this side of things better than some men.  The brains of men and women are different.  Why don’t we glorify this and use it.  It happened for a reason.

I am considering offering Second Chance  Workshops for women in the midst of life and interested  men who have taken or who want to take a woman’s perspective on things.  Actually we all have feminine and masculine sides and should own and develop both of them.  For example, I have a strong masculine? drive sometimes to prove I can do risky things like have a conversation in his cell with a prisoner who had committed several murders while in prison.  We should respect both sides and not consider either one of them useless or unnecessary.

Major religions of the world often lead to believers realizing that power for power’s sake and material wealth also for its own sake do not make a person really content.  Most people are not grateful for what they do have.  How many homes does a person need?  How many yachts, airplanes, and limousines does one need to have at their beck and call.  Famous and important people often pride themselves on who they know and who they can influence and sometimes form a tight knit little group who grant each other favors and congratulate each other on how well they are doing in acquiring fame and fortune.  Think of being in a quiet green place in nature or lying on a sandy white beach.   What does it cost really to do this and why should we keep such experiences from others?  The world was put here for us to enjoy, not destroy.  Sometimes tribes of primitive people had the right idea.  They didn’t require too much to enable them to thrive and be happy.  Often they had ways of settling disputes and problems which involved the contribution and concern of the whole group before they became catastrophes..

Pope Francis ( I’d rather call him Father Francis because he is such a humble man), Mother Teresa, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I think, are examples of people who put the welfare of others first and who do not or did not seek or require the trappings of power and wealth.   Shouldn’t people like these be our idols? not the prophet Mohammed who in his later days wrote in the Koran that people who didn’t believe like he did should be killed.  Now this doctrine has led to senseless tortures and murders  and what appears to be blood lust, a thirst which can not be quenched and motivates these believers to do more and more harm in terrible ways in order to get the same “rush” and a chance at having numerous virgins in paradise to have forced? sex with   As a psychologist, I know that sexual preditors and serial murderers require more and more horrible acts to achieve the thrill that they are seeking.  Doesn’t this posibly seem true of these terrorists and do I have to say that they are mostly men.  Do they feel somewhere deep inside that they must do something noteworthy because yes ,they have an equal part in the conception of a child but sometimes they take little or no part in the gestation of a baby, its nurturence after birth, and often also the development of an emotional bond with it.  Then why do they care for any human life if they don’t take their part in caring for a human baby before or after birth?