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First Shack Ups, Now Hook Ups

rp_376058047_150_150.jpgHookups (having sex with someone you don’t know and might never see again just to have a sexual climax or orgasm.)

First shack ups, now hookups, distancing ourselves, avoiding any real connections.  How can you lose someone when you never really had them?  Avoiding feeling close to someone with whom you perform an intimate act seems to be worse than two people moving in together without any commitment.

Hookups seem like pornography.  How can you mechanically have sex without caring about the other person or feeling close to him or her and have a real life emotional experience?  Sex without responsibility still has consequences.  Sexual diseases and pregnancies can be the unwanted consequences.

Society seems to want to have life without any responsibilities, any form of commitment.  Respect, honor, responsibility all seem to be avoided in this way.  Yet these are the things that make life real.  With these things come pain, courage, glory, and honor.  These real experiences help us learn how to cope with life especially when we experience a loss possibly through no fault of our own.

My best learning experiences often occurred when I thought I was going to fail and initially did not know what to do next.  I had to do something out of the box in order to get out of the box.  I had to give some of myself, something that I didn’t know I had, and risk failure and disappointment.  For me, being intelligent could not always ensure I could win the competition.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained?

I Am Free Of Judging Myself By Others

rp_374315433_150_150.jpgI just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think.  I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field.  I am free to be me finally.  Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions.  I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments  of me made by others.  I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.

Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself.  Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards.  Who am I?  Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences?  Make way for ME!  I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable.  Now can I trust my own judgment?

rp_362536218_150_150.jpgWould you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man.  I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts.  I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions almost offend me.  Am I right or wrong?  Or have I discovered music for myself?

Failures do not always define you.  Whose judgment are you relying on?  Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that.  This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you.  We all do not have the same tastes!

rp_363561405_150_150.jpgYou probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions.  For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat.  Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?

I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want.  Who am I actually?  Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?

Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Manual!

rp_375649339_150_150.jpgLife doesn’t come with an instruction manual even though you deserve one.  You have to write your own!

Criticism is the little voice in your head that holds you back and hinders your performance.  Even though others say it is for your own good,  sometimes it isn’t.

rp_363849983_150_150.jpgReality is not always what you think it is or what you were told it is. You can miss seeing, hearing, feeling and experiencing some things because someone told you that you just were imagining things.

Sometimes as people get older they don’t get wiser, they just get more set in their ways.  Sometimes a strongly held theory or opinion becomes a person’s life jacket when he or she is drowning in new information.

rp_228552603_150_150.jpgHow hard is it for a person to change his or her mind?  This may be why people are told not to bring up religion or politics at the dinner table.  Maybe this is a good reason to think outside the box.  Many inventions were created this way.

Remember people are natural born originals and can’t be easily shaped into something that they are not.  Gemstones have to be cut into shapes that work with their natural structures.  What about individuals who are being shaped into contributing citizens?rp_6250513028_b874eef6f1_m.jpg

 

 

Envy, Jealousy, Covetusness, Greed, Hurt The One Who Suffers From Them

(Post in process…)  How much time is wasted lusting after things we can’t have or lusting after things instead of focusing on the current issues in our lives?  We often do not take enough time to appreciate what we have before we go on to the next thing we want or want and can not have.  Most of us will leave all our possessions behind to be thrown away, broken up, or wasted.  Even the most famous sites preserved, worshiped, and valued monetarily, religiously, or sentimentally can and have been destroyed in a minute.

Sharing is a virtue and it would be my goal to leave a garden, a place of worship, work of art, some words of wisdom, a scientific discovery to be enjoyed by all while I am still here if possible and after I am gone.

How much time do we waste seeing something we want and don’t have?  This makes us feel bad of course.  We can have these feelings every time we are reminded of what we want and don’t have.  Possession and relationships and talents all usually require time and effort to get and to maintain.

You may think gifts, lotto winnings, inheritances, promotions are all things to be greedy about and can build uncomfortable feelings of resentment.We might think, “Why not me?”  I felt that way about an inheritance I did not get from a childless uncle and my brothers got because I was not a boy.

These feelings, when perverted can  lead to heinous crimes.  For example, in the Bible, King David sent his mistress’s husband to the front lines in battle to die so he could have his wife.

Precursurers to Domestic Violence

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgThere are some things a woman should look out for when establishing a new relationship with a man.  Don’t believe that his last girlfriend or wife deserved to be labeled as the “bad” one in the relationship.  Be careful if either you or he came from a family where violence was common or accepted if a woman or child did not do the right thing according to the man of the house.  Be aware too that men or women can come from families where violence was common among the women of the family.

There is no real excuse for violence.  When anger is considered “justified” because the person who is angry thinks that someone or something made him or her feel that way and that is enough to justify acting it out.  This can lead to a very explosive situation.  Add alcohol to this in some people and the situation becomes even worse.

Anger Controls People

Anger Controls People

Being the only man in the family, besides my elderly grandfather, my dad was called upon to “handle” his brother-in-law when he was in an alcoholic rage in order to protect my mom’s crippled sister and kids.  My dad had been quite an athlete in his youth but this did not always help when my uncle was threatening them with a butcher knife.  Also, my younger brother was still at home and had to witness this.  I don’t think Police usually made domestic violence calls back then.

Women and children and even some men are not punching bags and it can leave a strong impression on some children even if they themselves don’t get hurt.  “Don’t hit him; hit me” was a brave statement made by a sister when her brother got hit, not her.  How helpless does a child feel when they watch their sibling or parent get hurt on purpose when the other parent has a “mad fit” and takes it out on him or her?rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpg

 

Is Getting Something Better Than Giving Something?

Is getting  something better than giving something.  When you receive something, do you appreciate it?  When you give something, do you want to be recognized for doing it?  Getting something often leads to wanting something else and so forth and so forth.  Where does it stop?

Materialism is just the state of chronically wanting something new and never being satisfied.  People who are materialistic often do not recognize this about themselves.  They are too busy patting themselves on the back with each new acquisition and looking ahead to what they have to have next.  Materialism builds the economy.  I don’t know what else it does.

If we not so busy acquiring new things and finding a place to put them we might stop, rest, and catch our breath.  This could be quite peaceful.  Often people are so busy acquiring things, they are too busy to enjoy them and sometimes, the purchase is wasted because it is never used or even thrown out and rejected.

Often our materialism even bleeds over and effects our children.  We become competitive with other parents and have to have the biggest, and most unusual birthday party for them.  Sometimes, the children are even too young to appreciate them.  One attraction is often enough and since the attention spans of children can be short; they may tire of the party and need a nap or need real food besides candy, cake, and pop.

Materialism often leads to buying things and doing things that are impractical and require more upkeep than they are worth.  Gas logs can be better than wood fires in a fireplace and of what use are several different homes requiring upkeep that are used infrequently.  It has always seemed to me that skillfully planned and meticulously cared for gardens are wasted unless there are people around to enjoy them.

When Is A Compliment Is Not A Compliment? When Is Criticism Not Productive?

rp_7276688008_157c6001e4_m.jpgCriticism disguised as a compliment can be deadly as well as just plain mean and “snarky”.   Many a fainting flower has sub combed to the projected hatred of others even when he or she doesn’t deserve it.  One way is when a “put down” is disguised as a compliment.  Such an act can permanently damage one’s life.  How many people have stopped going to church when this is done by a “well-meaning?” individual?  “My, that is such a nice outfit.  Do you dress like this every day?”

A Concerned Pastor, Might He Have This Problem In His Church?

A Concerned Pastor, Might He Have This Problem In His Church?

Churches are supposed to be places where well-meaning individuals want to bring more individuals to Christ.  Or are they?  Some people in churches like to think that they are God’s chosen “elite” where only those properly initiated into the ways of the church are allowed to belong.  Membership seems to be by invitation only for those who will appreciate the selectiveness of their invitations and will protect and obey their canons.  If looks could kill, some people could die when they enter churches like this.

rp_366761818_150_150.jpgSome church people feel that their criticism of others is well- meaning and will make others better Christians and they are only being helpful; but often there is an underlying current of hatefulness,  righteous anger, and  severe judgmentalism.  When this is coupled with a victim’s underlying current of self-condemnation and guilt, it can be extremely damaging and make him or her feel unworthy of being a Christian and keep the person from ever going to that church or sometimes any church again.

 

Materialism. Does It Create Selfishness? Or Does Selfishness Create Materialism?

rp_5798468679_59ea50286a_m.jpgHow often have people been led astray when they develop covetousness?  People see what other people have or they are taken in by advertisements that promote buying something new or different that everybody will want to have next.  I am a helpless fan of HGT TV and think that I want to have a kitchen with granite countertops and should paint my walls in shades of gray instead of beige.  Both you and I know these decorating trends will fall out of fashion and demolishers will take their sledgehammers to perfectly good counter tops and cabinets and trash them to make room for whatever new trend is being advertised.

It is even worse with women’s fashion and I am guilty of this too.  I can tell when my wardrobe is looking out of date and throw away or give away things that are not in style anymore that I still could wear.  I read a high-level fashion magazine where items of clothing and accessories sell for thousands of dollars.  Some of them are very attractive and I would like to get one of them but don’t have the dough.  I did buy a name brand fashionable purse once and was very proud of it and I carried it until I wore it out.  Surprise, surprise.

I am not offended when people pay more money for well made, name brand shoes and purses that they will keep longer than a less well-made item.  The same can be true of clothing, but sometimes I see skimpy fashion items without linings or support of underlying supportive material that ordinarily would add cost to the dress, blouse, or skirt.  I am not surprised that men, however, seem to do this and their clothes, however,expensive, seem to last longer than women’s clothes. and their styles do not change that much.

rp_374315433_150_150.jpgCars are also set up for planned obsoleteness.  I, however, would like an attractive, well-made car with good mechanical reliability that I could not wear out quickly and/or not replace until it did or until I found a newer car with features not available when I bought my first car.  A sign of the weakening of the economy is when older cars begin to have more value because people can not afford to buy newer cars.

It is interesting to note that people are now seeking out and buying vintage items of clothing, furniture, and accessories.  Things are still not considered to be antiques until they are much older than things considered vintage.  Wouldn’t it be nice if people developed their own tastes and focused upon buying things that were genuine and well made because they could not be easily replaced?

Do we focus on things rather than experiences?  Do we rate experiences by how expensive the things that we use in these experiences are and not how it felt?  Consider weddings, for example, people often value their wedding experiences based on how much they cost.

rp_AVaP8ps9-q4L3Kdb3ETm_150_150.jpgFor example, there was a wedding on the farm on the lawn and a simple fried chicken meal catered by the local grocery store which was served buffet style in a newly built hay barn.  There were individual cupcakes instead of an expensive wedding cake. Appetizers were served from an ice cream bar manned by some of the bride’s friends.

The bridesmaids all bought their matching sundresses on sale at their local J.C. Penny stores.  The lovely music was provided by the local church’s bell choir.  The wedding dress was a sample and was not specially ordered. The only participant in a fancy dress was the bride’s shepherd dog as the flower girl.  The guys wore khakis and polo shirts in coordinating colors.

All the cars were parked in an open field.  Folding chairs were set up on the front lawn for the service.  The officiant was a family member.  Just imagine what the whole thing would have cost if the bride had it catered, used a wedding planner, and had rented a special venue.  Would the memories have been the same?

materialismmoralandsocialMaterialism leads to clutter and the need for more and more space to store the stuff in.  Often these things require special care and take up time that could be used to do other things.  The Vanderbilt Mansion  in North Carolina is something to see and contains many rare items which you might not see anywhere else, but it  and its contents cost so much to maintain that it is almost too expensive to visit because of the entrance fees that need to be charged to maintain it.

Materialism can also lead to people seeking the fame associated with having such rare and expensive things.  Things can also become obsolete and need to be replaced by newer, betterer and rarer things. Materialism is the love of things and can depend on the reinforcement provided by others.

Materialism would have trouble existing in a vacuum where no one cares about it.  Imagine sometime in the future and some useless object that was part of a fad was found by someone from the future.  For example, what would that person think if he or she found a stash of hula hoops?

Joining In On Doing Something Wrong Does’t Make It Right

People who sin or do something that they know they shouldn’t do often encourage others to join in with them.  Somehow this makes it more okay.  Have you ever done that?  Did something you knew was really wrong but did it when you saw others doing it?

Have you encouraged others to join in with you in doing something you really knew was wrong because it encouraged you to do it and somehow made it seem more right than if you did it all by yourself?

rp_300px-Bullying_Irfe.jpgGang violence is like that.  People who wouldn’t ordinarily destroy property, curse, pick on other people are more likely to do this when they can get others to join them in doing it or they can join a group that is already doing this and they feel there is safety in numbers.

Bravery occurs when a person does something all by himself or herself without the support of others or the example of others doing it.

Who Are You Really? The Journey To Finding Yourself

archsedonaTwo years ago in November I went to Sedona, Arizona, to find myself; but I did not want to take any old trip or stay in any hotel or spa.  I wanted it to be a form of a retreat.  I went to find myself and for that reason, I wanted to go alone.  I found the site for Sedona Soul Adventures which offered an individualized retreat with three days of personally designed spiritual retreat with appointments with local practitioners of meditation, massage, and other types of personalized spiritual experiences.

(If you call Soul Adventures and set up a retreat, mention that you found them on this website.)

dscn3233I wound up staying in a Yoga house in Sedona and I had my own room and the offering of vegan meals for a set affordable price.  I was also directed to a local agency to rent a practical older car in good shape.  I set up two experiences on my own:   a visit to a power vortex with my own guide and a one-day bus trip to the Grand Canyon

rp_696548439_4a98411eeb_n.jpgIt was a wonderful experience and it was all part of my goal to establish who am I really?  Do you know who you really are?  Even before birth, various experiences shape you and determine who you are going to be.  Are you thinking right now, “Wait a minute, I know who I am.”  But do you know how you got to be that way?