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Whistling In The Dark?

rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgSmall children not only have problems with object recognition in a dimly lit bedroom, they also in early childhood as young as two or three have good imaginations often telling adults that they see or hear something vividly that is only a figment of their very colorful imagination.  Combine the two and they were easily could see monsters in the dark which their parents then tell them aren’t real and that they should act as if they are not there and go to sleep.  What this really means is that they still “see” monsters but know they have to act as if they weren’t there.

When a child is in bed, they see things from a different perspective than the one they have when they are sitting up or moving around the room.  There is the psychological concept of object permanency which is used when a child is able to see an object such as a bottle from different angles and in different types of illumination and still know that it is a bottle and treat it like one.

Another difference is the rods in the retina pick up and transmit the effect of a black and white picture which is more blurry than that the  very sharp image that the cones give in brilliant color (which are in the center of the retina) in very bright light.  Yes, black and white images in photos and motion pictures are almost gone and “little” ones are probably not familiar with them.The-Sacred-Shadow-Header-1024x462Could this be the origin of fears of sleeping in the dark which are topped off by the parent telling them that what they see and what it looks like (how they perceive it) is wrong and their feelings about it are foolish and should be denied so that the parent (not necessarily the child) can relax and go back to sleep thinking that they have banished the monsters effectively and gotten the child to believe there are no monsters in his or her room when they have done no such thing.  What they really have done has made the situation more scarey because the child still believes there are monsters but his or her parents don’t believe it and now they can’t depend on their parents for help and must face the perceived danger alone and probably without a light to illuminate the dark and scarey corners.

Don’t make children deny their feelings, they don’t go away, they just stay out of sight.  They must be seen from the child’s point of view.  For example, mommy, daddy, there is the monster over there and there is his head, there are his eyes and there are his hands and he has claws sticking out.  See he is breathing.  Fuzzy images in the near dark do look like they might be moving or breathing.  It can happen also from a child’s changes in perspective.rp_3363953427_ba6fe42f32_m.jpg

Recently I have been conducting experiments of my own.  There is a night light on in our master bedroom and I often wake up very early in the morning while it is still dark outside and I see things in the shadows and they even seem to move or look unrecognizable especially my husband’s clothes hung on the bedpost or the covers pushed up in a pile at the end of the bed.  It seems very easy to not realize what I am really looking at and could easily identify in broad day light. I’ve seen a goblin with a shiny eyes and a big male pig laying there with two twitching ears.  I have even reached out to touch the apparition in order to satisfy myself as to what the image really is.

Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella (Song Lyric)

Facial Expressions?If you smile with your eyes, you are not telling lies.  What do you think?  We have been trained to give a false smile if we want to be polite or to not offend somebody or to not be seen as unfriendly.  Most people smile just with their mouths when they do this.  Do you smile with your whole face?  Do you just “beam” when you do this?

Many of us practice denial most of the time and say we are happy or not mad when we really aren’t.  How do we get trained to do this?  I see many people with unhappy, sad, or “down in the mouth” looks on their faces and when i “call them on it” they deny it.  Who are they fooling? or do they really think that they are not showing their real feelings?

Children are great “truth” tellers and objective observers until they learn how to be polite and lie about what they feel, see, or think.  How often are you congruent?  That is how often does your facial expression or body posture match the content of what you say you are feeling inside or how you feel about someone else or something else?

How often do we really look into someone one’s eyes and see what is actually there.  From early on in childhood, we camouflage genuine feelings in ourselves and even punish others, especially children, for saying or acting like what they really feel.

An animated face conveys interest in someone or something and verifies what the person is saying with their voice.  How often do we call people on it when they don’t do this even though they say that they really feel involved and interested?

Once you give up this pretense of being polite and telling white lies, people often think you are acting childishly and not like a grown up when you actually have grown up and are now dealing with reality.

Trust, Mistrust, The Theft Of Innocence

rp_300px-Baby.jpgSorry to be so serious, so somber; but as I have been teaching child psychology this semester, I got to thinking about how abuse abuses a child’s sense of trust.  The first psychosocial stage in infancy, according to Erickson, is when an infant (future child) forms his or her sense of trust (or mistrust) in the world.  “Will I or won’t I get my needs met?”  “Am I safe?”  “Will anyone or anything harm me?”

Neglect! Sexual molestation!  Creating fear and anxiety in an innocent!  How horrible and disgusting.  I read an article posted on Face Book about a judge saying that a three year old was not harmed by sexual molestation.  Disrupting a child’s sense of security and safety.  Perhaps destroying and/or perverting the child’s physical and emotional responses to sexual stimuli permanently.

Little children are good at “reading” people and they can rely on their instincts to protect them and to help them meet not only their physical needs, but also their needs for love and affection and security.  When a child “read” another person as “unsafe” and is forced to accept them anyway, it messes up their whole “radar” system which is supposed to protect them from such people.  Such selfish, perverse, obscene interactions can destroy a child’s sense of trust for good

The younger the child the less able are they able to defend themselves from this type of abuse.  If older, they may sense that the abuse is wrong but may feel so shamed that they can’t tell for fear of being seen as “bad”.  Also a parent or caregiver can be an enabler and continue to let the abuser have unsupervised contact with a child whose sense of trust they are  destroying.

 

Theresa Caputo–The Truth And Nothing But The Truth

Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium

Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium

Theresa Caputo  (the Long Island Medium) is not a phony.  She is very real.  And why is she so real?  She tells the truth and nothing but the truth.  I went to her presentation at a local center (Ford Center in Evansville IN) with two friends,  We were also mesmerized by her presence and the type of audience her presentation attracted.

We got to see the real her: longer hair, a bright blue attractive dress, and sparkly heels.  (I wondered how she negotiated moving around on the floor in them?).  She told us exactly what she would do and not do and how she utilized her fan club.  She was very honest and straight forward and I hung on her every word which I could do because cameras (only used for the presentation and then erased) and microphones followed her around and we could see her facial expressions and the reactions of those that she read.

Spirit seemed to pick the most urgent cases.  Those which would have left the theater in a turmoil with no feelings re leaved from a sudden tragic death or deaths and guilt not resolved.  Although, I did not receive a reading,  I got some insight into deaths I have suffered and about my own metaphysical gifts.

She is what she is.  She is not fake and even excused herself from reading for people who had messages or pictures that could be seen on camera because if she had read these people she might have been be accused of  getting information from these things and not spirit.

It was a very intense situation and she had a very intentive and polite audience.  (Also please note that there were people there some from Ford Center and some from her own staff to help out and they did so without distracting or impeding what was going on. )

Theresa was gracious and even invited two randomly chosen audience members behind stage after the show.   There was no press of people to get her attention and autographs after the show nor were any books sold; but when she was in the auditorium, she moved freely among the members of the audience.

It was obvious to me that she was “on” the entire time and that there was nothing “canned” nor  was there material that was used as  “filler.”  You came to see Theresa and there was no “staff” between her and the audience.  I just had to say, “Thank God.”  She was very honest about her beliefs and the most surprising one was that she believes that there is no hell.

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Is Your Life Becoming More and More Like A Video Game?

What levels have you mastered?  What powers have you acquired and how many lives have you had?  Have you ever thought of it that way?

I play these games in virtual reality ever night when I dream and I have many failures and a few occasional successes.  Is it worth it getting work done at night that you don’t have time for during the day?  Help?  I am supposed to be resting then.  Sometimes it seems like the only time I get to do that is when I am meditating.

Play along with me.  It might give you some new insights into your life.

Acknowledge Your Feelings But Don’t Let Them Control You

amygdalaFeelings can be overwhelming and are necessary at times.  Grief for example, must be expressed sooner or later.  It is very damaging especially to relationships if it can not be shared.  When I am very hungry, I get so mad that I could spit nails.  When I am with family or friends I warn them when I get that way.  I am literally not able to fulfill others’ requests until I get something to eat.  You probably could name more.

Some feelings people feel are so strong that they literally take over and people thus say that they “involuntarily” do things that they may or may not regret later.  They are out of control but it is not their fault.  For example, someone says, “He made me so mad…” and this justifies whatever that person does next.

Are we responsible for our feelings?  Well, “Yes,” and “No”.   We are frequently conditioned at a very young age to respond with negative feelings to certain things.   We may be even given rational explanations for feeling that way that we accept as something that motivates us to do certain certain things and often enables us to not accept responsibility for what we do then.

How do we resist all that conditioning?  It can effectively put limits on our life if we let it.   It is often difficult to undo.   How often have we heard someone say, “I can’t help it,” in relation to performing these type of learned behaviors.  Is it a Get Out of Jail Free” card like in Monopoly?

What have you learned to feel and to respond to in certain situations.  Is it you that is behind it or did you catch it from somewhere or someone else?

 

Competition Is Not A Threat. It Is An Inspiration.

Food for thought.  Some of us have always wanted to be on top of the mountain while everybody is down below.  Is this through a desire to be like God so far removed from everybody, nobody can touch them.    Like we think like God thinks.  One step ahead of everybody else and knowing it all.  (Is this possible?  No!)  This a protective mechanism because we want nobody to get ahead of us so that we can control our own fate and often theirs too because it is advantageous for us..

Solve Your Own ProblemsCan you handle being God.  I knew one four year old child that couldn’t and down underneath he knew it but he didn’t want his parents to know he really thought because he had ascended to the point where he and his family controlled everything that went on in that family like bedtime, their diet, and how they felt.  Was that a good idea.  Don’t bit off more than you can chew.  It is easier if you get by with a little help from your friends like in the Beatles’ song.

You can’t know everything in this computer age and when you find it that way you still have to make sense out of the information.  Being in a tower no matter how elevated is a lonely position.  Remember  Rapunzel who got stuck in a tower in the fairy tale and had to use her long hair to bring the prince to her rescue.

Alas so we always can’t solve our own problems and maybe the competition can.  Do you give up and see this unresolved issue as a threat in stead of an opportunity to do what you do that is even better?  Competition is not a threat it is an inspiration.  You wouldn’t have an competition if it wasn’t a good idea in the first place.  Also problems are also opportunities to fix something right now that might have acted up seriously in the future.

Do you really think you can do it?  A good CEO knows when he doesn’t know something, he finds someone who does and also  that new better selling ideas from the competition can inspire him to make some needed changes in his company.   Competition is inevitable and you should expect it.  What inspired you in the first place?   It was somebody else’s success and you became competitive as you wanted to do something somebody else did only better!

 

Why Don’t You, Yes, But…..

“Why don’t you; yes, but” is from The Games People Play by Eric Bern.  As a therapist, I have hit this road block many times in therapy.  No matter how obvious it is that a change needs to be made before a problem can be solved; the patient won’t make the change and/or even consider that a change should be made when things are not working out right.  For the counselor, it is like banging one’s head against a brick wall.

Many real estate brokers have this problem when they tell a client that they can’t meet all their demands and something’s got to give before they can find a property to buy.  I have a friend who needs to move closer to family and to find a house and possibly some yard that is easier to keep.  It is like an accident waiting to happen.   Due to their location and inability to care for their property, something really bad could happen like one of them could fall and the other one might not be able to help them and there might not be anybody to help them.  This could be a tragedy in the making.

Change is opportunity and it leaves room for something new and possibly better to take place.  Sometimes I have not made changes until I was forced into them against my will and then things were able to happen that changed my life in a way that I might have not expected.  Sometimes you need to share your gifts with new people in different places.  Or maybe you are too comfortable and don’t want to trade for something that might be worse than what you have become accustomed to.

Learning or opening up to something new might be slow and difficult at first.  Have you ever learned a new hobby like genealogy?   Could you take one of your “Why don’t you?  Yes buts,” and just do it  and see what happens?

People also have “I never’s,” that is something that they would rather die than do..  Often these start early in life as a defense mechanisms from some early trauma.  It worked then but does it still work now?  Maybe you have never had surgery and don’t want to and then your child needs an organ transplant and you are the only match.

Is it “Look before you leap,” or should it be “Leap before you look” and expect the best.  What you think you are going to get is only a hypothesis and it has to be tested before you know it is true.  It is also possible that you can’t make a change without making room for it and giving something up.  You might have a magnificent collection of something and don’t want to part with anything in it until you find a new treasure that you need to make room for.

 

 

Depressed People, Fragile? Or Dangerous? Or An Easy Target?

Did you know that depressed people can be very rageful; but don’t feel that they can get it out or let it out.  To hate yourself so very much that you feel that you should die like Jesus so somebody else (anybody else) could be saved.  Depression is exceedingly complex and the depressed person is exceedingly perplexed.  To die; but at the same time to get revenge by taking somebody else with you either someone you hate or someone you love. People who have not been depressed, don’t understand this and never will unless or until they have been on the dark side.

Adolescents’ egos are very fragile and what they feel at the moment can be so overwhelming that they may kill themselves and make the biggest mistake of their lives.  They can be so humiliated that they can’t face other people if the other people find out how they have been humiliated.  They don’t expect support and/or understanding just humiliation and defeat.  It really doesn’t help if other people know this can happen and use it to humiliate them.  The part of the brain that considers long-term consequences is not fully developed yet in adolescents and even in some young adults.

My ex sent me a Christmas card (like one we had sent out the Christmas after we were married)  after he had gotten remarried less than a year after we got divorced.  No, I was not married at the time; but I did express my anger in a somewhat more appropriate way by throwing darts at the card and destroying it, not myself.  Thank God, I no longer was an adolescent or a very young adult at the time.

P.S. :  I don’t recommend that anybody get remarried less than two years after they break up with someone or lose someone.  One should not make any changes that they can not undo either during this period of time.  I know of widows who have done this and regretted it.  There is a strong desire not to have to live alone and one’s ability to make such an important decision may be impaired.  Some people know this and take advantage of someone in this situation especially if there is something to gain by making this liaison.

P.P.S.:  WARNING IF YOU NOTICE ANY OF THESE THINGS HAPPENING EITHER WITH YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE, SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY!  Call your local suicide prevention service hotline, local mental health center emergency number, local hospital emergency  room number or immediately go to the emergency room.  Call 911 to get emergency information on who to contact or where to go for help.

 

 

Have You Been Brainwashed As A Child To Not Notice Certain Things?

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Have You Been Brain Washed As A Child?

It is likely that you have.

In order to understand our world, we quickly accept our parents and others views of the world and begin to reject or deny those things that don’t fit these preconceived notions.  How much evidence from our own senses do we reject in order to fit in?  Researchers have found that sounds not used in our native language atrophy  if we don’t use them.  How many other things atrophy from disuse.  Our caregivers teach us what to pay attention to and what not to pay attention to and thus, limiting what we take in in terms of our senses (normal vs. paranormal?).  Yes, if some limiting does not get done, a child will be confused by all the input coming from his or her senses and his or her ability to pay attention will be impaired.

rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgFor example, still today professionals in my field, psychology, deny that children see monsters in their rooms when they try to go to sleep and give advice to parents that they should reassure their children, when this happens, that this is not so, and not to  encourage them to make a big deal of it.  This can make children doubt their senses and this can be seen as a form of manipulation.

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When Things Are Black And White

Recently I have discovered that this is not true.  Things do look different in a darkened bedroom with only a little light from a night light or from the hall through a barely open door.  Our pupils dilate in these circumstance and we can see more with less light.  True, it is the multitude of  black and white sensors (which are called rods) in the retina that perceive this as they are the most sensitive in this type of situation of low light.  Also their accuracy in perceiving things is only fair unlike that of the cones which are not operating. Cones perceive things in bright light and do so with a lot more accuracy than the rods which take over and dominate when there is not much light.  Part of the reason for this is that there are more rods than cones.

Sweet Dreams?

Sweet Dreams?

I’ve tried this out in my bedroom in the middle of the night and things don’t look the same as they do when the room is well lite.  I often initially have difficulty figuring out what things are, even familiar things like my spouse laying besides me.  I am an adult and I know that this is happening.   What about about a child who naturally sees things differently when the light is dim and he or she may see formless shapes that don’t look familiar and is scared.  A parent denying that this happens doesn’t make it go away and further more it doesn’t change what and how children see in their dimly lite bedrooms.  It just encourages them to deny that what is really happening is true.

When Is Reassurance Necessary?

When Is Reassurance Necessary?

Often the child learns that asking for reassurance doesn’t work.  It just teaches them to keep it to themselves and to be afraid of the dark like I was as a child.  The only time I could sleep comfortably is when there was another person staying in the room with me or when I had a low wattage light nearby where I could see it.  This fear can spread farther if parents’ continue to tell children to deny what they see and how it makes them feel.

Can You "See" What he is feeling?

Can You “See” What he is feeling?

For awhile there was a lot of research on the “double bind”and how it was often found in families of schizophrenics (which is a serious mental illness) and their ability to think and reason is also often impaired.  A family member would say one thing when he or she  obviously looked like and or sounded like he or she meant something else.  For example, by holding a small child at arm’s length and saying, “I love you.”  Sometimes adults’ think that they are being polite when they do this and often people are trained to not “see” this or if they do, to not comment on it.  This can completely mix up a child’s brain.   He or she can not be confident that what they are seeing and/or hearing  is what they are actually seeing or hearing.

A Perplexed Child

A Perplexed Child

Genuineness can become a rare commodity if this is constantly done.  The child’s gut feels one thing when he or she is told that the person with them is not feeling that way.  Lately people have been told to trust their intuition or instincts more.  So many people have shut off that “still small voice” so often that they don’t hear it anymore.  How often have we been taught not only what to think, but also what to feel.  Does the word “propaganda” sound familiar?  It starts when parents are uncomfortable with children who see and feel things  like they really are and that is not what the parent wants the child to see and hear.  This makes them uncomfortable because they don’t want a child to feel or think that way for some reason.  What is the difference, if any, between this and outright deliberate lying?rp_Feelings.jpg

We naturally are able to perceive many different things and people find it easier to deny this ability in others so they can control them, not only what they do, but also what they think.  We are not a bunch of sheep who must be herded in the direction that the “shepherd” wants us to go for his or her own convenience or nefarious ends.

How often have we heard the response, “No, I am not angry,” when a person obviously is.  Lying is often a convenient thing to do.  It aids in the manipulation of others and has almost become a way of life for many if not all people.  In this society we continually put people down and this most often happens after we have encouraged someone to tell the truth.

rp_Is-Status-More-Important-Label-LB-1981.gifDon’t put people down.  There are enough people doing it already.  Bring them up instead.  No wonder we are so sensitive.  Sometimes I feel that I should be wearing a suit of armor.  This is often done in childhood when it is most easily done.  Children are innocent and don’t realize what is being done to them.    Do people put other people down just so they can bring themselves up?  Sounds phony doesn’t it?

What do you think?  Continuing to explore this issue, was your childhood family motto:”Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?”  More on this in a future post.