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Centerpointe Research

Sex? Before Affection. Worse Yet. Sex Before Honor and Respect

rp_272680378_bd063659bc_m.jpgSex was intended to be a beautiful expression of love.  Delicate and tender, unhurried without any worries.

A one night stand especially does not honor and respect what should be an act of love.  It should not be done with someone  you don’t know well enough to even know their name or remember it after one night out.

Clean sheets, privacy, or more than a chance meeting with soap, are necessities not just niceties.

Safety, trust, honor, and truthfulness should be expected not neglected.  Pregnancy is a precious gift not an unwanted result of thoughtlessness and impulsiveness.   Infertility can be the long-term result of taking a chance maybe just this once.

How do you know whom your shack up partner has been with and what calling cards were left from this encounter.  Some people don’t even know if this is so and can’t tell you the truth since they don’t even know it.

Everyone has a built in need for affection and touch itself is an important form of communication.  Why leave them out of the equation.  Most people are uncomfortable when touched by a stranger even in an unavoidable crowded situation like the subway.

“Why don’t you show me you love me” is a popular line when seeking a good time.  A person may not be ready yet to be that deeply involved with someone they really like and might be afraid to lose so they decide to chose to give the gift that they are not ready yet to give.  It is priceless and expensive and can lead to bliss when properly used and reciprocated.

Putting the cart before the horse is usually not sensible or pleasurable especially for women..  There are ways that you can show person that you love them by how you treat them: a home cooked meal, a graciously opened door, a brush of a kiss, the tentative grasp of a hand, an arm around the shoulder, or a truthful compliment.

How often do we expect to get something in this world without earning it?  Can a car motor go from first to fourth or fifth gear without taking any of the intervening steps like going through second or third gear?

Can Firing Someone Be A Form Of Bullying? (Preliminary Post)

Have you noticed that if you get fired from a job these days that you are escorted out and not let to take anything with you or finish up any tasks you have initiated even those which might adversely effect customer care and service?

Did you ever wonder where workplace violence came from?  It might come as a reaction to the bullying of some employees by someone who has the power to hire and fire people.  You can be a threat to that person and/or an easy target for a person to use to demonstrate their “fire” power.

Letting someone go is a very serious decision and it might have been avoided if that person was not hired in the first place.  It is easier to say, “No thanks, the position has been filled or your qualifications don’t fit our position.”  It also looks better on a person’s employment record as it never even appears.

I have never heard a potential employer asking an applicant if they had applied any jobs and did not get hired and,, “Why?”  From my point of view even probation periods don’t look so bad or preliminary employment being with a temporary agency doesn’t look so bad either.

Why is that the person fired has a lot of explaining to do after being fired while the person or the company doing the firing usually has none?

Respect, R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Thought For The Day)

You get what you give in relationships.  Do you feel “put down”, “unappreciated”?  When you give what you want to get with ordinary people, not narcissists, this works.

Demand respect!  If you let someone treat you like that, they just do more of it.  Tolerance doesn’t diminish it.  It helps it spread.

Will expand on this later….

Does Therapy Come Too Late? (Rough Draft)

Why didn’t we learn to help ourselves in school? or where were the role models of good adjustment at home?  Parents are often as clueless as their children and are afraid to admit it when they didn’t get the instruction at home or school.

There are self-help books for adults.  Where are they for children?  Do parents feel that it is to their advantage to have children who don’t know anymore than when they were children.

Do children learn how to deal with life from video games, violent programs, or from the drama they see or experience at home.  Values, ideals, and spirituality are close to being forbidden in schools or anywhere in the public eye.  Wholesome shows have been replaced by shows with lots of drama providing bad examples of how to behave in relationships or deal with problems.

Practicing therapy can be a frustrating business especially when it comes after a person’s beliefs and problem-solving behaviors have become crystallized and so much a part of a person’s identity that they feel threatened when challenged to change.  It has a lot to do with how a person’s self-esteem is developed and the practices that are taught to maintain it.  Lying, deceiving, and avoiding responsibillity are used when a person is afraid of being criticized and ultimately rejected.

What results is a fear of change and a learned helplessness instead of developing helpful problem-solving skills and a desire to change for the sake of doing better.  We are evolving individuals and making mistakes and changing what we do or think is part of the process.  I once wrote a story or maybe even a poem about “Old King Never Ever Wrong”.

Stories are to teach and not just to amuse or vent rage.  Before most people could read or write stories were a way of teaching things and were passed down orally from generation to generation in order to do this.  What about the parables Jesus told in the Bible?  What about the Bible stories that are still taught in Sunday school or church?

The Magic of Touch (And Tantric Sex) (Coming Soon)

Do you feel that the object of sex is to please your partner and an orgasm is the only thing anybody ever gets out of it.  Not so with Tantric sex.  It employs the magic of touch and magnifies the experience into an explosion of sensation, possibly even a “flow experience.”  Women have often felt “is that all there is” after a sexual encounter.   Come with me as I explore this topic….. +

Play and Magic! (Coming Soon as soon as I finish grading papers!)

Often people don’t know how potent play can be.  It can make real what a child wants to feel and it can mend a broken heart with an afternoon spent with an imaginary friend.  Or what to do with all those Beanie Babies.

Listen To What You Say To Yourself (Post currently in process)

Listen to what you say to yourself.  Do you make it come true?

Unless you meditate, you might not really pay attention to the thoughts that run through your head and realize what an effect that they have on your life.

Do you ever think, “No matter what I think, nothing good ever really happens for me.”  The unconscious mind is listening; and if you believe in the unconscious mind, have you considered how the things you say to you self program it?

We have an unconscious mind, a subconscious, and a conscious mind.  We constantly program our unconscious mind (which is extremely powerful because we are usually not aware of how it works) with what we consciously say and think.

In hypnosis, therapists, like myself, create conscious behavior by programing the unconscious.  A hypnosis “victim” is surprised when they scratch their head when they hear the word, “mother.”  Then they remember what happened while they were hypnotized that caused them to do this.  It is called “unconscious” conditioning.

You don’t need a hypnotist to do this.  You can and do do this to yourself.  Have you ever commented to yourself that someone made a thoughtless remark and how rude and unthinking that was?  Yet, you do this to to yourself not just others.

 

Respect And Responsibility Go Hand In Hand (rough draft)

Respect and responsibility go hand in hand and vice versa, responsibility and respect go hand in hand.  Who takes responsibility honestly and openly these days?  Respect gains respect.  It is said that if someone respects you, you will respect that person.

Who can you trust to do that?  Honor among men and women used to be very important.  What about now?

Shame, Shame, Shame On You, Not Me

Have you ever been publicly shamed by somebody when you were especially vulnerable and unable to defend yourself?  Do you know who ought to have been ashamed for doing this?  Probably that person, not you.

Have you ever goofed, made a mistake, or have been unable to control a situation,  not because you didn’t want to but because you couldn’t at that moment.  Some people are blind to their own mistakes but can see those of others in H-D or 3D for those of you who don’t have it yet on your TV.

These people can be merciless and drive people away from places where they have as much right to be as the other person.  This often happens in family restaurants and places of worship.  These critical comments are usually not accompanied by an ofter to do what they can to help in the situation.

These people often wear blinders to their own faults and to those of others close to them.  This is especially true when this is behavior that they might have had problems with once upon a time.  People can be especially intolerant of the behavior of children and infants when they are no longer dealing with them.  They tend to forget what it was like to have kids and how hard it is to be a parent.

People have a tendency to only comment on what they see is wrong and not be aware of what is really going on that might prompt them to  be more understanding.  You never might really know what is really going on in a situation that might prompt the behavior.  We were celebrating a birthday at a nice restaurant when my grandson threw temper fit after temper fit and nothing worked as far as disciplinary techniques were concerned.  Later, when he got home, he was violently ill.  No one could have predicted that.

Remember,  build people up.  Don’t knock them down.  What would you want others to do for you?  Truly gracious people don’t need to do this to embarrass others.

 

 

Whistling In The Dark?

rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgSmall children not only have problems with object recognition in a dimly lit bedroom, they also in early childhood as young as two or three have good imaginations often telling adults that they see or hear something vividly that is only a figment of their very colorful imagination.  Combine the two and they were easily could see monsters in the dark which their parents then tell them aren’t real and that they should act as if they are not there and go to sleep.  What this really means is that they still “see” monsters but know they have to act as if they weren’t there.

When a child is in bed, they see things from a different perspective than the one they have when they are sitting up or moving around the room.  There is the psychological concept of object permanency which is used when a child is able to see an object such as a bottle from different angles and in different types of illumination and still know that it is a bottle and treat it like one.

Another difference is the rods in the retina pick up and transmit the effect of a black and white picture which is more blurry than that the  very sharp image that the cones give in brilliant color (which are in the center of the retina) in very bright light.  Yes, black and white images in photos and motion pictures are almost gone and “little” ones are probably not familiar with them.The-Sacred-Shadow-Header-1024x462Could this be the origin of fears of sleeping in the dark which are topped off by the parent telling them that what they see and what it looks like (how they perceive it) is wrong and their feelings about it are foolish and should be denied so that the parent (not necessarily the child) can relax and go back to sleep thinking that they have banished the monsters effectively and gotten the child to believe there are no monsters in his or her room when they have done no such thing.  What they really have done has made the situation more scarey because the child still believes there are monsters but his or her parents don’t believe it and now they can’t depend on their parents for help and must face the perceived danger alone and probably without a light to illuminate the dark and scarey corners.

Don’t make children deny their feelings, they don’t go away, they just stay out of sight.  They must be seen from the child’s point of view.  For example, mommy, daddy, there is the monster over there and there is his head, there are his eyes and there are his hands and he has claws sticking out.  See he is breathing.  Fuzzy images in the near dark do look like they might be moving or breathing.  It can happen also from a child’s changes in perspective.rp_3363953427_ba6fe42f32_m.jpg

Recently I have been conducting experiments of my own.  There is a night light on in our master bedroom and I often wake up very early in the morning while it is still dark outside and I see things in the shadows and they even seem to move or look unrecognizable especially my husband’s clothes hung on the bedpost or the covers pushed up in a pile at the end of the bed.  It seems very easy to not realize what I am really looking at and could easily identify in broad day light. I’ve seen a goblin with a shiny eyes and a big male pig laying there with two twitching ears.  I have even reached out to touch the apparition in order to satisfy myself as to what the image really is.