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Monthly Archives: March 2013

Being Self-Objective

It is very scarey when you realize that the people around you, especially the people in positions of power, are not being honest with themselves let alone other people.  Realistic self-confidence is healthy, but unrealistic self-confidence is dangerous not only for the person who has it but also for others.  The best source of knowledge a person can have is that of persons including him or herself who are willing and able to tell a person the truth no matter how unsettling.  People make mistakes; they make the wrong decisions; they overlook a vital necessary fact or source of information; and they are afraid to admit it because of the feared consequences.  People around this person collude with them because they fear the power and authority that person wields.  The higher up you go the more likely this is to happen.

This can happen in psychology and psychiatry when professionals are making (sometimes) life or death decisions.  One theory of psychotherapy is to help a person to be more honest with themselves and to be more open and honest about what they do and why they do it.  If the therapist can’t be a role model for the patient, he or she is either a fake and/or feels very insecure in the position that they have put themselves in.  No one is a saint and the person most likely to admit this is a person who others would call a saint.  The problem is that viewing the practice of psychology or psychiatry as a business does not promote the career of a mental health professional who develops wisdom and with it the requisite self-knowledge.  Materialism and the welding of power have been made more important than promoting the health and happiness of mankind.

In a perverse way, lack of self-confidence can promote dishonesty and deception.  People can make wrong decisions in an attempt to prove that they are the one in power.  They may have made a mistake but can or will not admit it and then it requires that they implement other equally wrong decisions to support the idea that they were right about the first decision or decisions

Confidence and Paranoia

Confidence and Paranoia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Drama Queen

The drama queen, everything is all about her (or him).  Get a new grandchild, all the pictures are of her holding the new baby.  The occasion might also bring on stories about her child’s birth and delivery instead of the new mother’s.  The outfit (new or old) chosen by the drama queen has to be worn home or to the christening.  When things don’t go her way, she can’t cope.  Sudden tragedies involving the drama queen’s family throw her for a loop as she hasn’t planned for them.  It is difficult for the rest of the family to concentrate on the victim (not her) and what actually needs to be done.

The drama queen has developed what she deems as the ideal scenario for her life:  loving, devoted husband; dream home; successful, supportive children who marry someone of the opposite sex and of the chosen racial and cultural background and have the requisite child or children of the appropriate sex or sexes.  Plans are usually not made for any deviance from this plan.  The chances that something like this will happen are almost 100%.  There is only plan A; there is no plan B, C, or D.

Most of the time the problems, not hers, that this causes are other peoples’ and they deal with them instead of her.  Total collapse can occur when she has to deal with her own problems and there is no one to do it for her.  For example, when she has to adjust to something like the loss of the mate she depended on and focused her life around.  The denial defense often used by the drama queens fails and reality hits.

Lisa the Drama Queen

Lisa the Drama Queen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

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Lies Or A Form of Protection?

A person may break your heart and damage your ...

A person may break your heart and damage your pride, but never ever give them the power to break your spirit. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

I have been thinking recently about truthfulness.  Lies can be sins of omission (not admitting to something when you should) and commission (telling lies when you should tell the truth).  Lying is something we learn to do by imitating the behavior of others.  Sometimes it is just a form of teasing and is done hopefully with a sense of fun and it is not meant to hurt the feelings of the person being teased.  Yet, there are people who use this excuse when they really intend to hurt the other person, but don’t want to be blamed for doing it.  It is also something we learn to do when we fear the consequences of telling the truth.  Taken a step further it is something we do to get somebody to do something that they wouldn’t do if they knew the truth.  In our society some lies are punished severely, namely, perjury, and others are permitted and if they harm the person being lied to, it is that person’s fault for believing them.  Namely, scams, and con games.  Taking money from a person who might not want to give it to you by threatening to shoot him or her is a crime punishable by imprisonment while using lying as a form of business practice is often acceptable and if is punished by the courts, it is often with a monetary settlement in a civil court.

Lies in one’s personal relationships can also be exploitative, but sometimes, they are used as a form of protection to avoid feelings of guilt and shame and sometimes even outright rejection by others whose support we feel we can not do without.  Children are very vulnerable.  They start out in life unable to meet their own needs and dependent on others to do this for them.  There is a fine line between teaching right from wrong and rearing a child with conditional love.  Thinking back on my own growing up, I realize that I felt insecure and did not feel self-confident at the times when I should have been able to tell the truth, but but choose not to even though I feared eventually being discovered.

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Are There Extenuating Circumstances When It Comes to Telling Lies?

Anya telling a secret to her brother.

Anya telling a secret to her brother. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sometimes we have promised to keep a secret for someone else.  Does everyone have the right to know that your friend is pregnant?  There may be a reason for keeping it a secret like a history of miscarriages.  Even then who has a right to know? and who determines that right?  Isn’t it the prospective parents?

Some things we feel more comfortable telling others and other things we may feel less comfortable telling others.  We might not want everyone to know how much money we make or how much we weigh.  If to not tell the truth is not hurting anyone, why do we have to make our life history and present circumstances known to everybody.  Especially when some unscrupulous person can use this information to hurt you.

Generally we know inside when we are deliberately keeping the truth from someone who should have it and when we really don’t have to share.  If you come right out and tell the truth freely in every situation, you might find out that not everyone values the truth and respects those that tell it.

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Can We Spot Our Own Lies?

Truth

Truth (Photo credit: d4vidbruce)

Often we are aware when we tell someone else a lie.  Signs of omission are harder to spot in oneself.  It happens when you should tell somebody something that you know is the truth but are unwilling or afraid to share.  Someone asks us for a favor, but we don’t say , “No,” but we don’t say , “Yes,” either.  Then later, the person asks us when we are going to do them a favor and we have to tell them, “No.”  We just put off saying what we should have said when we were first asked to do something and that is that we aren’t able to fulfill that request for them.  Sometimes we hope that by avoiding answering the question that the other person will get the hint that we don’t want to do it and not press us to give them a deliberate, “No.”  An unfortunate possible consequence is that the person making the request doesn’t look else for someone else to do the favor and is up the crick without a paddle by the time they realize you won’t do it.

The biggest problem with the truth is when you don’t tell yourself the truth.  Sometimes we lie to ourselves, for example, by telling ourselves we don’t have a problem with something when we do.  This is often true of alcoholics or people with drug addictions.  When we don’t see a problem, we can’t solve it.  Also possible clues about what might be causing the problem are not part of the picture as acknowledging them might suggest that we do something about them.

Sharing the truth can be a life changing experience especially when done relationships like the therapist-patient one either one-on-one or in groups.

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One Thing At A Time

Choose your biggest or most important problem, especially one where there is a time limit or penalty involved.  Examine all your paperwork dealing with that issue and determine what you need to do first, second, third.  Move all your other problems to second place recognizing there may be time limits on those problems which you can write down somewhere you can easily see them and check on them.   Dealing with a problem can help you keep from having future problems.  It can open up your mind to possible methods of solving that problem and if that doesn’t help, you can resign yourself to the consequences which you have tried not to think about before this.

If you have a major, major problem like a serious illness for which you should focus on diagnosis and treatment, leave other problems that preoccupy your mind like recurring family drama in the dust.  Frequently these type of problems are on a never ending loop repeating themselves over and over and they can only get in the way of what person needs to do immediately.  You can declare yourself an emergency and do what you would do in an emergency.  That is focus on what needs to be done right away.  This is not the time to resolve family problems and/or help out other people in your life.  Post the “gone Fishing” sign on your imaginary door and don’t allow yourself to be disturbed especially with something that is not helpful.  Some people take someone else’s problem and make it about their own problems taking the spotlight away from where it ought to be on you.

Clear yourself of mind clutter while you focus on yourself and your most pressing problem.  Those people who do not understand that it is your problem that is the most important, not theirs, should be left out of your situation.

Circle of Violence: A Family Drama

Circle of Violence: A Family Drama (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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The Competitive Edge

Pope Francis waves to crowds

Pope Francis waves to crowds (Photo credit: Christus Vincit)

What is the winning combination?  It has often been thought to be the competitive edge.  I may be going out on a limb here; but I think that the new Pope has it.  Humility and warmth is part of what is so attractive about him.  I don’t think that he became a Catholic priest expecting to be the Pope.  It appears that all the pomp and circumstance that go with being a Pope is not that attractive to him.  What he seems to desire most is contact with the people.  He is unselfconscious and he is more concerned about what he can do for the job than what the job can do for him.  Hallelujah!

Pope Francis does not seem to be all caught up in the trappings of office and the privileges it can bring.  If anything these benefits of office are not that attractive to him and may get in the way of what he wants to do in the job.  He realizes that the job is bigger than the man and he can not, without God’s help, live up to the expectations that go along with such a position.  He seems to realize that he has been given a great responsibility and besides from being extremely honored, he is somewhat overwhelmed at the magnitude of the job he has to do.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t thought, “Who me?” when the election results were given.

For the Catholic church hierarchy working with Pope Francis may be a humbling experience.  Just as Jesus rejected being made King, this Pope will respect the office to which he has been elected and reject being perceived as anything other than being another human being before he received his elevation to Pope.

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Who Or What Determines Your Mood?

Health Insurance Does Not Insure Health

Health Insurance Does Not Insure Health (Photo credit: SavaTheAggie)

 

 

 

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could choose your mood? and not someone else or something else?  Feelings are catching.  The other day it was Obamacare and the rising cost of insurance leading to the fear of not being able to afford to carry medical insurance and doing without.  It was very upsetting to think about and anyway not a very constructive thing to do.  It is not that I don’t think it could happen, but why be miserable and worry about it when it has not happened yet.  Also the politicians responsible for this potential problem are not and never were worried about it and besides if it happened, it wouldn’t be a problem for them as they have already made sure that they will be covered and/or could afford the increased cost of medical insurance.  Misery loves company.  When one person gets upset about something like this, they want to share the problem with others.

Then there is the sniper, the person who from out of no where says something to you that cuts to the quick and goes merrily on their way while you are bleeding to death.  Consider the source, this may not be the first time this has happened to you with this person.  Are you going to let that person ruin your day? especially when he or she will deny that he or she had any intention of doing so.

Let go and let God.   Just because someone else is upset, do you need to get upset too?  When somebody has bad intentions and denies them, do you let them get away with it.  Not only do you wind up feeling bad, but also you can’t justify it on the grounds that the other person says that they didn’t mean anything by what they said.

 

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You Can Learn From Everything And Everybody

books

books (Photo credit: brody4)

You can learn from everything and everybody.  You just have to recognize that it is true.  Some people are so comfortable in their own little world that they never leave it and ridicule others who live elsewhere.  They do not accept others who have a different point of view let alone try to understand what that point of view is.  We are blessed in that we can learn from others’ experiences and do not have to experience these things ourselves in order to understand them; but often we ignore this idea and depend only upon our own experience to prove something.

Books, movies, television programs, and storytelling are all sources of second hand, but not necessarily useless experience.  How open are you to other peoples’ ideas and ways of doing things?  Some people do not feel secure unless their way is the only way and forget about everybody else’s.  That makes for a very small world and very narrow point of view.  One man used to tell his wife, “I never met a person I couldn’t learn from.”

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Awake All Night

dream pillows

dream pillows (Photo credit: sweetjessie)

My dreams are not just wacky, mixed up images of things I had encountered earlier that day or scarey things that haunt me and ruin my sleep.  I go to work.  Some might call this lucid dreaming.  I am with people and I am doing things and it seems to go on all night.  Am I getting anything accomplished, I don’t know.  I levitate and fly in my dreams also.  This is the enjoyable part.  I am a bit of a show-off in my dreams as not everybody in my dreams can do this like me.

Dreams are just one thing that many people disregard.  Most people will admit that at least some, if not all, people dream even if some people can’t remember their dreams.  There are some people who feel that dreams have no earthly purpose and that trying to remember them and interpret them is foolish and a waste of time.  Things happen for a reason and therefore, dreams have a purpose.  Disregarding our dreams is like denying that the sense of smell has any useful purpose.

 

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