Can you cope with life? Can you understand why things happen in life? Can you feel that your life is complete? without a belief in God. Can science and/or philosophy explain everything for you? Are you able to make it through life and face the apparent oblivion of death without having the reassuring belief of life after death.? Are you content with what you can attain in this life without having another life to look forward to?
Is it just because you are weak that you can’t face reality without the solace of religion? Are you delusional or indulging in magical thinking if you believe in miracles like being raised from the dead? Is that all there is and religious people are just not facing up to reality. Should people take what they can get and live one day at a time enjoying what they have now and not what they might get in a heavenly future?
Believe it or not? Science may validate religious concepts such as prayer, Heaven, or the devil. Actually it has already started. Look up the book, “Measuring the Immeasureable”, a collection of scientific studies which were done in order to verify if such things do work or do not work. (Published 2008, Sounds True publishers.)
I was raised to think that my first thought should be, “What will other people think?” when I did something. I grew up thinking that “other people” were more important than me. Yes, my parents were included in that important group of people that I should always defer to; but even my parents were not as important as “other people” were.
This continued on into my adult life as long as my parents were alive. This was the main consideration my mother had when I told her that I was going to get a divorce. She was more concerned with the stigma that being divorced would give me among her friends and family than she was with my well being.
Back when I was first married, I remember coming home to visit my parents by myself and I was wearing a brand new bright red maxi coat which I dearly loved and when it became time to go to church the next day, my mother said, “You are not going to wear that,” and she actually expected me to wear instead one of my old coats that I had left at her house. I stood up for myself and I told her that I was not going to church if I couldn’t wear my new coat.
When I remarried and had children and we were visiting my mother and the other grandchildren were coming to visit too, my mother would become critical of my children and not the others. We were glad when we could leave and escape being found wanting when compared to the rest of the family. Oh, believe it or not, later after she died, my cousins told me that she secretly bragged on my children when we weren’t there. I know she was raised to think that way and her growing up experience was not easy as my grandmother (her mother) was often sick and withdrawn from the family leaving her and her sister with the help of their father who had to work to fend for themselves. I am sure she didn’t know what to tell other people when they asked what was wrong.
Is it all about me or is it all about you either can reflect a biased perspective. From caring too much what other people think to not caring about other people at all unless you need and/or are getting something from them from an emotional reaction, their full attention, to an inheritance.
I have always thought about hospital visitors. When they begin talking about their own past hospitalizations and current maladies, they monopolize and take center stage. No matter how sick the other person is, how horrific their injuries, the persons in the hospital room are monopolizing the conversation and often the person who is ill needs to rest or have some medical treatment and the hospital patient feels he or she can’t do it while the “company” is there.
What is also “sick” is when it is with a parent and adult child and the roles are reversed for once. At that time the parent is reasonably well and you would think be concerned about the child’s welfare. For example, a daughter is having a baby and only wants, her husband, her friend (who has been through this herself), and the medical staff to be there during labor and delivery. If you were the mother would your feelings be hurt and would you pressure the daughter also have you in the room at that time declaring that your rights and privileges as a grandparent take precedence.
Sometimes you need to take care of you no matter what other people may feel or think. I think that at the end stage of delivery when the mother is preoccupied with her own discomfort, her health, and that of the baby is a time when she usually forgets about who is there to see the baby being born, that her language ought to be appropriate, being embarrassed by showing off her feminine parts, etc. When that happened to me. All bets were off. What I said and did were normal at this time. (Please note it is nice to have an ombudsman present who can speak for the mother and her rights and needs, when she is having trouble remaining conscious.)
What other people think of you is important to you. How you “make” other people feel can determine what you will do and say in different situations. Yes, you should own what you actually do to others and its real life consequences; but you should should not be so unselfconfident that you go where ever the wind of other people’s opinions and emotional reactions blows you.
Who are you? Do you know? Being even tempered and calm can help you make it in life. There is a small inner voice that can guide you in terms of what you ought to do. Do you listen to others or do you listen to it? This is often called your instinct or intuition. People who aren’t in touch with this part of themselves have difficulty making decisions. They second guess themselves. They don’t offer an opinion or make a choice until after they have heard what others think or are going to do.
People wonder how other people can sometimes keep their cool. We have to be aware of what sets us off, what we can’t seem to resist, and what we think we have to have. We really need very little, but we think we need much more. This has been conditioned into us by our upbringing in society. Through anthropology, we have learned of what we call primitive groups of people who lead very happy satisfied lives and have very little of what we think we need to have in “civilized” society.
When you pass judgment on others, you pass judgment on yourself. Makes you stop and think, doesn’t it? Would this stop you from doing this? Puts it right out in front of everybody, doesn’t it? You are revealing a lot about yourself when you do it? At first you think about others you have observed passing judgment and how much it reveals about them. It reveals their hidden and possibly secret vices.
What is worse is what it really reveals about ourselves. It makes you stop and think before you open your mouth to do this. My favorite word lately has been narcissistic. Now I have got to apply this to myself. We all can be self-centered and we have a kind of sense of personal importance. We want to stand out from among others. We don’t want to just be one of the crowd. It is not a pleasant term, is it so why do we use it?
For me, it means that someone, namely me, is self-centered to the point where nobody else matters, but me, me, me. If it helps me, I am justified in doing it. Also to me it suggests that someone is so self-confident that they can be delusional and think that they can do anything (and get away with it) even if they really can’t. This causes them to make dangerous mistakes which undermine what they are trying to do. They focus on themselves and their objectives to the point where other people are really not even people to them and this (as far as they are concerned) can justify some horrible behavior on their part. (See the book, “Murder in Little Egypt,” a true story.) Ultimately such a person doesn’t even see other people as people like him or herself.
Stop and think before you open your mouth and say something about somebody else. What does it say about you?
I can’t remind you often enough. There is a free Holosync CD offered by Centerpointe Research. (See link at the bottom on the left side. Click there.) It finally got me started meditating, really meditating. The testimonials blew my mind and were so fantastic I could hardly believe they were true.
I have never found any people any easier to work with. Their support staff is wonderful. At the beginning, they have a free on-line course and you are encouraged to discuss your responses and reactions to it with them. Also there are support letters that accompany different stages of the program and there are often several freebees included with each level.
I am not through with the entire program as there are many levels and it has taken me at least six months to do each level (and they don’t recommend that you do them any faster). Be prepared to devote some time to it. Make it a regular practice.
When I am a good student I spend an hour a day listening to the CD’s; but the benefits are so good that usually you look forward to taking a break with them. I have also listened to them in the night when I have had problems sleeping.
The self-help benefits are so good that using the Holosync Solution can take the place of other do it yourself programs that you might have otherwise tried if you had not been using Holosync. Also there are often payment plans offered for about what you might be paying out for books and workshops for self-growth a month (usually less).
It is easy. It is simple. Do take advantage of all the materials offered and included with the program. All you need is some good stereo headphones (which you can buy from them at a reasonable price.) and something to play the CD’s on. They have kept up with techknowledgy having started with tapes, moving to CD’s, and now are using other methods of electronic transmission. The meditation recordings are set up to get you going without concentrating on anything. Just listen. Click on the Centerpointe link to the on the left hand side and it will take you to the site that tells you all about it and where you can order the free introductory recording and/or the first level of the program.
Many of the ideas that I have have presented here, www.myeverydaypsychology.com, have come directly or indirectly from my use of the Holosync Solution.
Most of us have trouble controlling our own lives so why do we think we can do a good job of controlling someone else’s life, especially that of someone we really don’t know. It seems that our media encourages this and hour upon hour of television news is spent speculating about people who are in the public spotlight and garnering opinions about them, who they are, what to do about them, and why they did what they did. They survey dozens of “experts” and whether these experts know what they are talking about is often not very clear.
Usually this speculating starts before the facts about the situation (if we ever really get them) are all in and often the initial information from which people are drawing conclusions is sketchy, at least a little inaccurate, and sometimes just plain wrong. This jumping to conclusions can lead to actions and reactions that are not just inappropriate, but downright harmful. Mob violence, for example, can be such a thing. There is something to be said for delays in reporting some of the news until all the facts are in and for taking the time necessary to put together a full and unbiased report. Even then should people, consumers and “experts”, be called prematurely to offer ideas as to how they would describe the motives of possible “suspects” and as to what should be done in terms of punishment and in terms of changes in the law that should be made.
How can some of us who may have similar problems of our own that we can’t or won’t solve and/or who have little knowledge of the problem in general tell others with that problem what to do? In college, the sophomore who was taking introductory psychology always knew the most about the subject and was inclined to offer other college students who had not yet taken the class, friends, and family unsolicited advice and opinions about others’ behavior and psychological problems. “Don’t look at me; look at them,” the person seems to be saying and often following this with unsolicited and unsound advice. Control yourself, not others, unless you are officially responsible for them as a teacher, law enforcement officer, judge, or parent.
It is never too late and it is never too early to budget your time and especially your money. Some of the most important things in life, we rely on experience to learn. For example, being pregnant and giving birth, keeping a home, and raising children is something people frequently have to learn the hard way. Some of this in the past was taught to children by having them learn by doing, by modeling behavior, and/or by having children shadow their parents.
Many articles about the causes of divorce and marital conflict highlight budgeting money and housework as the chief or most common problems that develop conflict. Yet, we often do not anticipate these problems when set out on our own and establish our own household or family. We limp along and rely on credit and wind up in serious financial straits with no idea of what we can afford to spend, to borrow to pay for a house and/or a car, and still pay our bills.
As our income improves, we often do not use it wisely. We see ourselves as having increased buying power and credit card companies encourage us to take on an even larger debt load rather than paying them off. It is like a house of cards ready to collapse at almost any time when a small breeze (decrease in income in terms of increase in deductions for medical insurance or reduction in pay due to a dem0tion, loss of job, or becoming a part-time employee instead of a full time employee, the death or loss of an income provider, another child especially one with serious medical problems, a dependent parent, and property loss due to fire or storm damage) comes along.
I remember in high school being taught how to fill out an income tax return and how useful that was especially when I had to figure out my parents income and expenses to apply for financial aid for college. Some schools have kids carry around a five pound sack of flour or a very realistic baby doll 24/7 that requires frequent feedings and diaper changing as well as not being able to be left alone. Tutoring children, adolescents, and young adults in how to finance their current or future lifestyle makes sense.
Why should learning the most important things in life be left to chance. Few people learn to budget their time and money because they like to do it, usually they don’t do it until they have to do it and then they often make a mess of it. Yes, we rely a lot on parents to do this; but how can they do this when they weren’t taught to do this themselves. Our society thrives on financially competent people who can take care of themselves; but we do little to promote this. Instead we encourage dependency on welfare and government payments to take up the slack which is getting bigger and bigger. Some people when this happens (God bless them) learn to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps; but this can be a big price to pay for financial independence which they might have been able to learn how to have before they went out on their own.
Do you fit this picture? Is there anything you can do about it before it is too late?
Dramas and stories have almost disappeared on radios. Those of us who listened to them in the past can remember using our imaginations to fill in the missing gaps left by the lack of visual clues. Going even farther back and racing ahead into the future, reading improves the mind and exercises our skills of imagination and visualization. Other books make us think. They might explain a great deal about a given topic but still leave out some links which the reader must create in order to understand what is being conveyed.
Also I can read faster than I can listen to an audio book or watch a DVD. I actually get antsy when I have to do this. I don’t speed read; but I understand that this can be even faster. The only other thing that can do this is hypnosis and I have experienced that. Time can speed up or slow down and an experience can be even more vivid and realistic than a photo or video recording. When time is speeded up incidents taking a much longer amount of time can be reviewed in just a few minutes or even seconds. And if you have forgotten something, you often can remember it while in a trance.
Are agreements set in stone? How clear are the parameters and do all parties know them? Clear communication is always your responsibility or otherwise it will come back to haunt you when there are costly misunderstandings in terms of time and/or money. Worse yet, relationships can fall apart and even feuds can be created. “I remember when she/he jipped me. Don’t have anything to do with them.” In working situations, valuable employees can be lost or a catastrophic mistake can be made.
I know I may come across as insecure or anxious, but I like to be sure of what was agreed upon. I know when I show up for an appointment that the other party will be there, it is the right place and the right time. I don’t make appointments just to break them. It is better to call or contact the person or agency in some way to be sure you got the information right than to spare yourself personal embarrassment by admitting that you might be forgetful at times.
Often people have second thoughts, something that didn’t occur to them while they were making an agreement and yet might be big enough that it might queer the deal. This person might never do what they promised to do because of this and when they back out (sometimes at the day and time when the agreed upon thing is to be done), you might be up a crick without a paddle.
Sometimes we just give up when trying to solve a problem. Tempers get high and people get nervous. I, personally, don’t like to fight because I might get hurt. We often say and do things in the heat of the moment that make the problem worse rather than focus on the problem and what can and can not be done about it. We chastize the person or persons involved rather than mend fences.
For example when newly married, the toilet overflowed and because of this, I got mad at my husband for not fixing it. Lots of things happened, The new carpet we had just put down got soaked and I tried to mop it up with towels which then had to be washed and I had no washer and drier at the house. My husband was out working ignorant of the situation and I had plenty of time to get mad at him so I exploded when he got home. This happens a lot in the first year of marriage. As I look back on the incident, my husband probably was putting off fixing the toilet; but I was loaded for bear.