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Monthly Archives: May 2013

How Do You Let Them Treat You That Way?

Have you ever stood back and observed how others treat you?  Do you stop yourself from reacting long enough to see what’s happening.  What is the first remark that they make to you as they come in the door or as you come in the door?  I bet it wasn’t, “Did you have a nice day?” or maybe it was.  How nice for you.  Better yet, they say nothing at all.   If you didn’t see them as they came in, you wouldn’t know they were there.  Are you a nonentity?

How do you let them treat you that way?  Is your self-esteem level in the basement?  Are you taken for granted and if you didn’t bring home a paycheck and deposit it in the bank, nobody would notice you were gone?  Are you always being compared to somebody else and not in a favorable way.  Better yet, do they think it is funny to do this so when you don’t laugh with them, you are considered a poor sport and they tell you that you can’t take a joke.

Modesty is considered a virtue.  You should humble yourself and put others before you.  This is how you let them treat you that way when you believe this stuff 100%.  Greatness is achieved, not by being a shrinking violet, but by being a shining star.  Notice other people too and they will notice you.  Brag a little.  Let other people know what you are doing.

How You Give Things Away

homemade-bread-800x800Do you know when you give things away?  Do you give things away without knowing that you do.  Maybe you don’t just give things away for free but maybe you don’t sell them for what they are worth.  Are you aware of what you are worth?  Do you have something of value to sell?  Can you actually afford to give this stuff away?

If you are aware of how you give things away, then you can get in control of what and how you give things away and you can do so when you can actually afford to do so.  Have you heard the story of the little red hen who grew the wheat, made the bread, and then gave it away, but did not keep any for herself  so died of starvation and could no longer provide the bread for others.   Of course, the little red hen even liked to grow the wheat and make the bread; but she could not keep doing this when she did not get anything in return and ran out of resources to do it.

One way that you give things away is by offering free samples; but you need to leave your audience wanting more.  This is when you offer to sell them more by getting something from them.  You have to sell it for more than the cost of the ingredients because your training and experience, your knowledge, your time and energy are worth more.  In order to develop new products, to offer quality services, to make improvements in your existing product, and thrive, you must price your product appropriately.

Everybody does not know everything and there is a good chance that you know something about something that is not common knowledge and could be worth an appropriate amount of money to other people who need this knowledge.

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Leading People On By Those Who Should Know Better

Academic

Academic (Photo credit: tim ellis)

Leading people on is a scam.  Here’s one you didn’t think about awhile back.  How many worthless college degrees are there out there?  How much in student loans is owed and can’t be paid off in this economy.  I bet you know at least one person like that.  I know several.

Colleges and their financial aid offices are leading people on.  These days a college degree doesn’t guarantee you a good job anymore, perhaps not even a job.  Accurate numbers are not being kept of people with college degrees who have given up looking for a job.  Also how many people are working only part-time or even at minimum wage service jobs?  Add to this the number of people who are working at jobs where a college degree is not needed and also in an area that they did not complete their studies in.  Last but not least how many people are stay-at-home moms or dads because even with their college degrees they can’t find a job that pays enough so they can afford a babysitter?

Leading people on is a scam in which promises are not kept.  College students are encouraged to acquire more debt than they can  pay.   Is this a problem with truth in advertising?  We have had that problem in the housing industry with people buying more house than they can afford.  It is not bad enough that these college graduates can often only get a job paying a subsistence wage with which they have trouble making ends meet.  Then they have to pay off  an exorbitant amount of college debt as well.  Is there such a thing as ethics to consider in loaning money to someone who will not be able to pay it back and in offering educations that won’t pay any return on the investment?

 

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Concealing One’s Motives

But-behavior-in-the-human-being-is-sometimes-a-defense,-a-way-of-concealing-motives-and-thoughts,-as-language-can-be-a-way-of-hiding-your-thoughts-and-preventing-communication.Concealing ones motives happens all the time.  Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive.  The motive behind this is that people wouldn’t believe us or do what we want them to do if we made clear our real motivation.  Deception is rampant.  Many people do not feel that honesty is the best policy.  People feel that they would not get what they want if they told the truth.

Concealing one’s motives also happens when a person feels that the behavior would not be acceptable by others if they knew the real motive.  People like to pass judgments on other people and to avoid being embarrassed or rejected, people conceal why they really do something.  People are often discouraged by other people’s reactions from asking for what they really want or saying who they really are even though their needs, their desires, and even their own identities are not supported by this.

Concealing ones motives happens when we do not trust others.  The real reason we want to do something might give the other person information that they could use to hurt us.  For example, if telling the real reason we have done or want to do something, has something to do with our sexual orientation or religious beliefs.  Prejudice is a big reason some people do not tell the truth.

Live and let live is a motto to have when understanding other people’s behaviors and it leads to other people not concealing one’s motives.

 

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Little Things Mean A Lot

little thingsLittle things mean a lot.  My grandson broke something of mine.  I saw it coming; but I didn’t get to stop him.  He is the oldest of the grandchildren and I expect a lot of him and he usually delivers it.  I realized I was as mad at myself as I was mad at him.  I knew I should have put the thing in a safer place.  I apologized to him for making such a big deal of it and suggested how he might help me fix it.  Then I forgot about it and had decided that no one could tell the broken part was missing anyway.  He surprised me recently having found one of my trinkets that could be used to replace the broken part.  Neither one of us was no longer upset.

Little things mean a lot.  Do you treat children with respect?  You expect them to do this for you.  Respect others.  Respect yourself.  What else should we teach them?  If we don’t treat them the way we would like to be treated?  How can we expect them to do it to us.  Some people think that with little people, those who are still children, with people who are serving them, with strangers, with people of a lower social class, etc., that they don’t have to bother doing the right thing.  They sometimes go a step further and use people like this as scapegoats and whipping boys to release anger and assign responsibility for something they don’t want to take the blame for.

Little things mean a lot.  You can make or break someone’s day.  You may instill discipline into a child, but not in a kind way.  Kids are people too.  It is not that everything you will do or say to them will not trigger a crying spell on their part.  But sometimes, it is not necessary to do this to get our point across and we do it anyway.  Children are a blessing, but sometimes we don’t treat them as one.

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People Who Believe Their Own Lies

Truth lies

Truth lies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People who believe their own lies.  Once I didn’t think it was possible, but now I do.  I have met too many of those type of people.  The next biggest problem is not only that they believe their own lies, but also they have to tell them to you over and over and you can’t leave until they are finished.  How polite is too polite?

The lies that people who believe their own lies tell are almost always preposterous.  Usually you don’t have to be an expert in the area he or she is talking about to know that the story you just heard can’t possibly be true.  For example, just how many life threatening operations can a person have in their life and still be alive to talk about them?

If almost any listener can’t believe the lies that people who believe their own lies tell, how do the liars believe them?  The stories that they tell are usually fantastic and are designed to astound the listener and stupefy the audience.  These liars continue to tell these stories over and over because they think that these tales will have this desired effect on the audience. They especially love to have new listeners who haven’t heard their stories before; but they often don’t stop to check and usually don’t remember or care if the listener has heard these stories before.

What is strangest of all about the people who believe their own lies is that as long as they have the floor, they don’t care whether they have told the story before or not.  Would you like me to introduce you to one of these people?  I didn’t think so.  There are certain people’s places that people don’t like to stop by even if they have a perfectly good reason to do so.  You know why of course.  Then there are people who know they are lying and are not telling the truth, but they don’t care because it doesn’t suit their purposes to tell the truth.

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Read My Lips!

Read my lips, “Hello, out there.  I don’t exist just for other peoples’ convenience.”  I made a crack to some friends in the same situation the other day about how I started my indentured servitude in 1975 and it hadn’t ended yet.  Have  I paid yet for my passage into married life?

Read my lips, “Why do I get taken for granted?”  Back when I traveled and worked outside the home, I had a sign put up that said, “Your mother doesn’t work here please pick up after yourself.”  Of course, no one in the house obeyed the sign.

Read my lips, ” I am someone besides the housekeeper, your personal shopper,  your wife, your mother, and your kids’ grandmother.”   It was suggested that I write a proposal for what I would really like to do with my life.  That stymied me.Personal_Identity_Project_by_LaceX_Foxypowow

Read my lips, “I have always been a mystery to my family, not only my family of birth, but also my current family.  This started in childhood with my father.  He would take me places for activities and pick me up from them; but he never knew what I was doing.  I had the lead in my senior high school play and for all he knew, I had a bit part.  It was a mystery to him.  He supported me financially; and he usually knew where the money was going but not necessarily what for?

Read my lips, “Isn’t about time you and I started living our lives, not vicariously those of others, but our own.”  Have you lost sight of where you were going?  Did you ever know where you were going?  In my mother’s eyes, I was supposed to be a housewife and mother.  She understood that as she was one herself and she did a good job, not only at the basics, but also at the extras like being a room mother, a seamstress,  and a vegetable and landscape gardener.

identity-mind-map-19cc91tRead my lips, “Move over Kim Kardashian, it is my time to shine.”  It is time to stop doing without so others can have what they want.  It is time to be recognized for what I can do, do what I want to do, and go where I want to go.  I have a way with words, I have a good aesthetic sense, I have a singing voice, I am funny, I am well educated,  and it is time I stopped putting myself on the back burner.

Read my lips, “This is my personal space too.”  (I am talking about my house.)  I don’t mind others giving me suggestions, but the final decision should be mine.  I have to live in it, spend the most time in it, look at it, and be inspired by it everyday.  Yet, it constantly reminds me of what needs to be done and how it has been let go.   I feel as if I have little if any power to do anything about it.

Read my lips, “The fight for women’s liberation has not yet been won.”  ( I was there when it started and I won’t tell you how long ago that was.)  Yes, I could write a another whole post on being a wage slave and spending the majority of one’s life working for someone else’s goals.

 

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Laughter

laughter__4920_684290_poll_xlarge

Laughter is good for you and good for others as long as they laugh with you.  Laughing at someone as long as they are in on the joke and/ or they did something deliberately to evoke it is fine.

Laughter has been known to be used by cancer patients to relieve the stress of  cancer treatments.  Frequently videos of comedians are watched to elicit spontaneous laughter.

Laughter initiates a mood change.  It is hard to be grumpy and pessimistic when you are smiling and chuckling.

Laughter is more frequent among children than among adults.  Hang around the younger generation and concentrate on the laughter and joy that surrounds them when they play.

Laughter is generated when you can see the humor in a situation even if it is initially distressing or embarrassing.  Awkward moments have been handled by doing this.  Comedians often make fun of themselves and of things like divorce and death which people don’t usually perceive as funny.

 

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Reading Other People’s Minds

English: A simple pizza slicer.

English: A simple pizza slicer. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Reading minds is it an acquired skill?  Don’t get started reading other people’s minds for them; because then they always expect you to do it.  This got started when I tried to avoid other peoples’ drama.  I think my mother taught me how and then she reinforced it by getting upset when I missed the mark.

Here’s an example of having to read minds, someone in my house can’t find a pizza cutter so they use a dull knife.  That person gets upset with me and the utensil drawer and is going to throw half the stuff in there out (someday when they get around to it).  I didn’t find out until later that they had not looked in the silverware drawer where I found it.  (I indiscriminately often use both drawers for such stuff.)  Then he told me that he didn’t want the small cutter which I had found for him and that he wanted the big one.  Needless to say, I had put that one was in the dishwasher when I partially loaded it earlier and which he had just finished loading and had turned on.  Now what is the message?  That I should have finished loading the dishwasher and ran it before he came home? and  taken care of putting the pizza in the oven and then of course, it would have also been my job to cut it and bring it to him.

If I don’t read someone’s mind correctly, is it terrible if I make someone else upset?  Who is going to consider my feelings?  Whenever it is a lost and found situation, it is always my fault and, of course, I should apologize and immediately go find whatever is lost.  The lost thing is not usually not lost when I go to find it.  Help?

I usually lose at reading people’s minds.  How can such a simple problem become such a big thing? Ordinarily I try to go with the flow.  I usually do not make it 100% certain that things should go my way.  It is easier to not make a big fuss, especially if there is
more than one person involved and everyone is jostling for position.
What is this thing about having to be the winner and the winner takes
all.  The other person is not always right; but he or she finds it
difficult to admit it.

 

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Practice Makes Perfect Sense

Bullying

Bullying (Photo credits: www.mysecuritysign.com)

Practice makes perfect unfortunately sometimes.  People continue to think that obsessive preoccupation with playing violent video games is harmless because you don’t actually hurt someone and you get your aggression out.  As long as you fill your mind up with something and frequently rehearse doing it in your head, you will be more likely to do it in real life.  Bullying is like this.  Kids observe other kids doing this and it seems like fun and if you do it to someone else first than you will be less likely to be a victim.  Observation has shown you being a victim of bullying is no fun.  Sometimes it even generates laughter and favorable attention for the bully.  If you can’t beat them join them.  Young victims of sexual abuse may also go on to do it to other children.  Sometimes people go from being the victim to becoming the aggressor.

Practice makes perfect with manners.  Small children easily pick up manners when they have them modeled for them by adults and are encouraged to use them themselves.  “Please,” “Thank you,” and “You are welcome,” are encouraging to hear toddlers using in everyday life and help them to realize that people don’t demand things from others and when you give someone something,  you should do so graciously.  These same children that I have observed in real life are also being taught to share and to say, “I’m sorry,” when it is appropriate.  Initially these things have to be modeled for them and they have to be prompted to do them; but then later they occur spontaneously.  Children can learn to respect the feelings of others and in turn have their feelings respected by others.

practicemakesPractice makes perfect; but be careful what you practice doing.  This is how bad habits are made.  This is easily observable in people who use cuss words.  After so much repetitive use, these words come easily out of the person’s mouth.  Parents often realize this about themselves when they first have a young child who mimics everything they say.

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