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Monthly Archives: September 2013

Your Own Bragging Rights

achievementself-loveDo you have your own bragging rights?  I’ve been afraid to have them.  The higher up you go, the farther you can fall.  That’s what I have always been told.  “The meek will inherit the earth,” is another one.  How about, “Be all you can be-in the Army.”  If we all live up to our God-given or inborn potential, will there be anything left for anybody else?  Potentially we can be or do almost everything if we want to.  We may not have the time in this lifetime to do it all.  But I would love to be able to pick and choose.  Parents say they want their children to do it better and have it better than they have.  But aren’t you the parent just a little bit jealous of your own child when this actually happens?

Sometimes the only bragging rights parents have are about their children and grandchildren.  Could it be like second hand smoke?  Everywhere around you and you can’t help breathing it in; but it does you no good.  Parents sometimes work themselves to death in order for their kids to have it better than they did and often the children do not appreciate what has been done for them.  Part of the problem has been that very rarely does the child want to do or have the exact same thing that the parent wants.  Do it yourself, don’t put everything off or postpone starting your life til after the children are gone.  Especially if you have done a lot for your kids, they may still be depending on you when they should be out on their own or worst yet, they expect you to do the exact same thing as you did for them for their kids.  Too much is too much and enough is enough.

Alright already.  Do your children make plans and share confidences that don’t include you?  You know they are having a good time; but you aren’t.  Are you missing out on something?  Create your own experiences, celebrate your own successes, develop your own tastes and appetite for adventure and success as you see it.  Develop your own bragging rights for things that you have or are doing that promote you.  Maybe it is not so bad to search for and find your own purpose in life or thrive on your own accomplishments.

Not only should you do something well, you should want to shine at it and you should try to do it better than even you expected.  Start now.  Don’t wait for an empty nest (or even to be widowed) or it may be too late then.  Exercise your bragging rights now especially to yourself by saying all those things you would like to hear.  Compliments are made, not born, and may not come easily when applied to oneself.  If we fear success and don’t even dare hope that we will do something spectacular, we leave room for others to do what we could do for ourselves.  Wives and mothers, do you wait til everyone else’s needs are to take any or do you not assert yourself because, it didn’t matter anyway and it keeps the peace.

Who are you?  Have you forgotten?  Have you discovered your hidden talents or have not done anything with them because you don’t think you are worth it? or don’t really have any talent as compared to other people you know who have done it?

The most highly defended is the greatest asset.  That’s why Rocket Risks (Motor Mouth Publishing) are worth it.
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Interested in Meditation & Self-Help?

meditation stonesI can’t remind you often enough.  There is a free Holosync CD offered by Centerpointe Research.  (See link at the bottom on the left side.  Click there.)  It finally got me started meditating, really meditating.  The testimonials blew my mind and were so fantastic I could hardly believe they were true.

I have never found any people any easier to work with.  Their support
staff is wonderful.  At the beginning, they have a free on-line course
and you are encouraged to discuss your responses and reactions to it
with them.  Also there are support letters that accompany different
stages of the program and there are often several freebees included with each level.

I am not through with the entire meditating program as there are many levels and it has taken me at least six months to do each level (and they don’t recommend that you do them any faster).  Be prepared to devote some time to it.  Make it a regular practice.

When I am a good student, I spend an hour a day listening to the CD’s; but the benefits are so good that usually you look forward to taking a break with them.  I have
also listened to them in the night when I have had problems sleeping.

The self-help benefits with meditating using the Holosync Solution is so good that it  can take the place of other do-it -yourself programs that you might have otherwise tried if you had not been using Holosync.  Also there are often payment plans offered for about what you might be paying out for
books and workshops for self-growth a month (usually less).

It is easy to begin meditating.  Don’t put it off.  It is simple.  Do take advantage of all the materials offered and included with the program.  All you need is some good stereo headphones (which you can buy from them at a reasonable price.)  and something to
play the CD’s on.  They have kept up with technology having started
with tapes, moving to CD’s, and now are using other methods of
electronic transmission.  The meditation recordings are set up to get
you going without concentrating on anything.  Just listen.  Click on the
Centerpointe link to the on the left hand side and it will take you to
the site that tells you all about Holosync and where you can order the free
introductory recording and/or the first level of the program.

Many of the ideas that I have have presented here, at
www.myeverydaypsychology.com, have come directly or indirectly from my
use of the Holosync Solution.  Try it, you will like it.  I did!

 

awakening-prologue.holosyncjpg

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Alcohol Problem? Why Not Try Hypnosis?

alcohol-addictionWith the twelve step programs and all the addiction services out there, I have never heard mentioned that someone tried hypnosis.  How about you?  Maybe it should not be the only thing an addict tries but it could be an adjunct part of his or her therapy.  People with addictions need all the help they can get.  Hypnosis with a qualified hypnotist who has worked with weight problems and other addiction problems couldn’t hurt.  It would be cost effective if done in groups and that might encourage someone to try it when they wouldn’t do it on their own.  At the very least it would teach a person how to relax without seeking their drug or addictive behavior of choice.

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Chained Emotions

Do you have chained emotions?  Yes, you do.  chained-emotionsEvery time you get to feeling guilty, worthless, or hopeless when you look at something or think of something.  These are learned reactions and while they might have been appropriate when they first occurred, they are not helping you now.  I can leave the moment and ruin the day I am having when I do this.  I also can just let my imagination run away with me and after living in the past and reliving past disappointments, I can envision myself in the future having the same unfortunate things happening to me again.  No wonder I just can’t see any hope for me in my situation.  I can easily list the things that I can think of or see in my ordinary life or on TV or the internet that do this to me.  I have frustrating appliances that are on their last legs and feel extremely deprived because I don’t have new ones and anticipate the problems I will have when they “conk” out.

You have heard of self-fulfilling prophescies well I am creating them when I think this way.  I may feel bad when some “bad” thing happens but why does just the thought of something like that happen to elicit such a strong emotional response.  In psychology, it is called conditioning and it’s a learned response associated with a certain stimulus.  When this happens then whenever that stimulus appears again real or imagined, we automatically have that response.  What we focus on we get.  That is a self fulfilling prophesy.

Stop feeling what you don’t want to feel, stop being dragged down by past emotional reactions.  For example with a failing appliance, be thankful that it still works and lasted so long.  Be grateful for every extra load of dishes that get washed or cup of coffee that gets made.  Pretend this is not really your house so it doesn’t matter what the appliances are like.  Think of how much nicer the new appliances will be when you get them.  They will be spanking new, work perfectly, and save you lots of time.  You can get just what you want.  Go shopping but only with a positive attitude.  You know it pays to shop around.  Who knows you might find a bargain!  Remember that new car smell, the pristine appearance of a newly painted wall, how much fun you will have trying out a new appliance.  Focus on this not on that.

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Psychosis Is Like A Bad Trip

PsychosisVonnegutCoverPsychosis is like having a bad trip on drugs but it never ends.  You are no longer in control of your own mind and you may not even know that you are not in your right mind.  You might do some crazy things that hurt others.  It used to might have even sent you to “prison” at an insane asylum.  Lock them up and throw the key away.

The closest I ever got recently was when I was  coming out of back surgery and having an IV for a pain pump.  I know I pushed it too much and time crawled by.  I just wanted it to wear off; but I knew I was “not in my right mind”.  What if I didn’t know and was that way anyway and had no control over my trip.  I apologized to several different people for what I might have said or did at that time.

At a very young age I had visual hallucinations from taking codeine cough srup for my asthma.  I saw orange and green bugs everywhere and they didn’t go away when my mom turned my light on.  When the codeine wore off, the hallucinations went away.  Seeing is believing.

Also this happens when someone like my father has Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia (my dad’s was Parkinson’s)and we have been more aware what that is like with all the coverage the victims and caregivers have been given.  Victims are frequently not themselves and don’t know it.  The frightening thing is that many victims (with our new ability to diagnosis this early) know what is going to happen to them.  Because these people are so hard to care for nursing homes have developed special locked Alzheimer’s units so they can’t get away and get lost not knowing who they are, where they are going, and where they came from.

People with paranoia can get very dangerous ideas.  They often feel that somebody is out to get them.  Voices in their heads tell them to do bad things. They may think that they have a special mission in this world and that they have to fulfill it no matter what they have to do.

When do we take away a person’s personal freedoms?  Why don’t we have places for them to go that recognize that they have special needs and meet them.  Diabetes is more accepted than psychosis.  It can be the person’s own personal hell.  When people are incapacitated because of these changes in their brain where do we put them?  Do we care for them.? There are illnesses of all kinds, some are socially acceptable.  These people get treated and others who do not get socially acceptable diseases are not.  We often allege that people suffering from mental illness want to be that way and that they choose their own path.

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A Balance Theory Of Self-Esteem

I aselfesteemthinktoohighlyofselfm writing about the balance theory of self-esteem  because I did my thesis on it (but under another name).  High self-esteem exists when a person is able to take a balanced objective view of themselves of both the good things and the bad things about them and the successes and the failures they have had.  Defensive low self-esteem exists when a person only sees their successes as amounting to anything and overlooks or denies their failures.  The scale is over-balanced as far as they are concerned in favor of the “good” things that have happened to them and the things they have accomplished or succeeded at.  To most people,  low self-esteem exists when people discount the good things about them and the good things they have done and over emphasize the bad ones.  Both types of people with the two kinds of low self-esteem are not balanced in their views of themselves leading them to not see themselves in a realistic way and to their not having real high self-esteem.  It was measured by determining how often people chose on a self-esteem test to accept good and bad things about themselves.  They were then put in groups where they were given praise or criticism and it was determined how it effected them depending on their level of self-esteem.

Where do you fall on the balance theory of self-esteem.  Concentrating too much on failures or successes can put you out of balance in terms of self-esteem.  Do you have an inner critic who stops you from doing things (where you might have a chance of succeeding) or do you have a difficult time accepting constructive criticism?  Do you over rate or undervalue yourself?

I recommend that those of you who have low self-esteem with a “downer” point of view of yourself compose a list of compliments that you never got and give them to yourself once a day.  Ideally make list and put them on note cards and put one of them everyday where you can see it and remind yourself regularly of truly how great you are.  Better yet read them out loud and look at yourself straight in the face (use a mirror to do this).

If you have defensive high self-esteem, you truly are afraid of getting hurt which is what admitting that you were wrong about something would do to you.  Try writing a list of those things people have told you or are telling you that you need to change.  Everyday take one of these criticisms and consider it as if it were true.  What would that mean to you?  Consider that it might mean that other people would like you better.

Success and failure are close cousins.  They always keep company with each other.  Where one is the other is not far behind.  How many “successful” people live in fear that one day they will fail and lose it all.  How many one time “failures” learn from their failures and become successes?

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Over rated? Undervalued?

Passenger oxygen mask deployment

Passenger oxygen mask deployment (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you over rated? undervalued?  By whom?  Yourself?  Family?  Society? People at work?  Your friends?  Stop and think.  What is your potential?  Are you thinking right now that the people who overvalue themselves or who are over rated by others are not reading this now?

Take a good look at yourself.  Who do you invest the most time in?  Yourself? Others?  Have you been encouraged to put others first? or do you put yourself first?  Remember the advice given on airplanes to parents, “Put your oxygen mask on first or you might not be able to help your child put on theirs.”

There is a name for those who obviously put themselves first most of the time and that is narcissists.  What do we call people who put themselves last?  Co dependents.  For them, everything depends on taking care of someone else’s problems.  Look up both categories.  Where do you fit?  Hopefully in neither category.  That is taking it to extremes.

There is such a thing as healthy putting yourself first and there is unhealthy putting yourself first.  Helping others rather than ourselves can lead to the unhealthy attitude that nobody cares about us.  Treat yourself and treat others the way you would like to be treated.  Make an example of yourself.  Do you wait for somebody else to do it for you?  Or do you never ever ask for help?  Remember those crime scenes where nobody helped the victim although they were witnesses to the crime?

Think for yourself.  Are you over rated or undervalued?  Do you over rate or undervalue others?  Do you undervalue others to the point that you only miss them when they are gone?  Do you so over rate yourself that nobody else really has such a high opinion of you.  Truly highly rated people are often humble.  Come look at yourself in the mirror .  What do you really see?  What do others see?  Does the image reflect back the true you.  Over rating or undervaluing yourself both come from the same place, low self-esteem.  Think about that.  The next post will be about the balance theory of self-esteem.

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Handling Your Emotions

English: Diagram which shows links between emo...

English: Diagram which shows links between emotions, feelings and expression. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Handling your emotions can be difficult because their origins are in both your conscious and unconscious minds and even when you are aware in your conscious mind why you think you may be feeling a certain way, you may not be right.  A lot of associations are made early in life before you even go to school.  Many associations are being formed in the brain long before we can actually think and/or talk about them.  Understanding why something happens is limited or if explanations are formed, they may not always be correct.  This is why child abuse can be such a powerful influence on children.  For example, a child may wrongly assume that there was something they did or thought that was the reason for the abuse.  Children are very vulnerable and when there is no one there to protect them, they may feel deserted and frightened especially when they can’t help themselves.

Often as adults we feel that our feelings are caused by something “out there” and that justifies what we do in response to express or act out those feelings.  Often that feeling that there is something out to get us stops us in our tracks and we becomes unrealistic in our thinking.  We often think there is no way out and we are helpless.  This is often a flashback to childhood when thinking that way was elicited by the fact that we did not have a lot of experience finding solutions to problems and did not feel very capable of solving our own problems.  We were often in situations where we had to wait for help to come from outside ourself.

Say, “I think I can; I think I can”, like the Little Engine That Could instead of, “I can’t.”  We aren’t helpless when we experience emotions.  We just think we are.  We are just under the influence of unconscious learned associations.  Think before you react.  Did somebody really hurt you or do you just think they did?  You can learn to control yourself and to use your emotions instead of letting them use you.

 

 

 

 

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Writing Your Life History

painting 'Newspapers, Letters and Writing Impl...

painting ‘Newspapers, Letters and Writing Implements on a Wooden Board’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing your life history can make it clear what the influences in your life have been and how they have effected you.  I did that the other day and realized when I read through it, it was mostly negative.  I was passing judgment on myself and my life and I wasn’t being kind.  I was telling the truth but I left out the good things that happened in my life.

Writing your life history can remake your present life either better or worse.  Focusing on all the bad things that happened to me like being depressed just made me more depressed.  There are two things you can do.  Remake your life story by telling it in a new and different way by focusing on the good things, your accomplishments, your blessings (especially the things you take for granted), and all the little (not so big) things people have done for you.  If you are lucky, you may already have written your life story this way.

Writing your life history and writing about what you would liked to have happened can create a new you.  Armed with your positive life story, you can recreate and develop the new you.  Who you might have been if things turned out differently.  What is holding you back from being that person now?  We are always in the present and often waste time bemoaning our past difficulties and worrying about the future which is not here yet.  Yes, it does pay to be prepared and to learn from your mistakes; but why belabor the topics of what if’s, might have been’s, and what could happen.  When we do this we lose sight of the present, we ignore the beauty of the world, the kindnesses that other people show us, and what we can do now.

Join me in this process by writing your life history and gaining some perspective on it.

 

 

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Giving In Versus Taking For Granted

Which type of person are you?  Does it matter.  Each way seems the easy way out to the person who uses it.  Why fight for something when somebody won’t change their mind? I always do what I want to do or I don’t do it.  What price do we pay for making up our minds when they are closed to other ideas?  If you haven’t noticed, I am a mind reader.  No, not really!  When I do what I want to do, I am open to somebody telling me what to do instead.  Good advice?  Maybe.  Nobody knows everybody’s circumstances.  Some people give in rather than to fight the good fight.  Others seem to not think that maybe the other person or persons involved really want to do something else.  The squeaky wheel gets greased.

Conflicts can be over who gets to choose the place to eat or when to hit a rest stop when on a trip.  Family meals can please most of the group by offering sweet tea instead of soda or milk.  Pie may always be a favorite of both the children and adults in the group and leave cake lovers high and dry at every get together.  Rather than complain some people just “drop out” and/or make excuses for not coming to these gatherings.  Sometimes decisions are made because of a medical necessity such as frequent rest stops for a pregnant woman.  The rest of the time it just gets old and people suffer in silence and forget that they have any rights at all.

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I remember when it seemed that all smokers had the right of way and anyone who opposed them was going against their rights.  Today it is the other way around.  Smokers have to give in to other people who do not want to breathe second hand smoke.  I remember tearing up in a smoke filled room and being told to just take my contacts out.  What was the problem?  I was wearing my glasses at the time.

Maybe we should take turns or develop some kind of compromise.  There are smokers in my night class who can’t go three hours without a cigarette.  Now we take two five minute breaks breaking up the class periods into three approximately equal class periods.  Now I see many smokers stepping outside when they want to smoke even in their own homes.give&take.php

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