Promote your own agenda. Don’t depend on somebody else to do it for you. Why is it always considered more acceptable when somebody else does something for you than if you do it for yourself? Is it because we don’t want to be seen as selfish or greedy. That leaves a lot of “cross” people out there. People who don’t get their needs met. There is also another unhappy group out there; those who are always meeting other peoples’ needs, not their own.
Meeting your own needs when you can means you don’t neglect yourself meeting other peoples’ needs and you don’t suffer from resentment because of this. Codependency is sometimes used as the name for this. This is often found in couples where one member is an alcoholic and the other one enables him or her.
I have my own truth detector, my dreams. In my dreams I am often doing what I either don’t do or try not to do in real life. My first comment in the morning when I wake up from a dream is, “Who me?” My competitivness, assertiveness, and anger come out in a big way and I am fighting the battle the whole night. No, I don’t always win in these dreams.
I am getting tired of working all day and dreaming all night. If this is the end of the world, I am trying to get it all done. Just when you think you have got yourself together, you don’t and your dreams tell you this. If I am not depressed when I go to sleep, I might be when I wake up.
Just learning that I can’t neglect my feelings and become a “goody goody two shoes” all the time. I guess that is why they call interpreting your dreams, “dream work.”
Customer Service can make or break a business as it can make or break a customer’s day. I’ve recently made the point that I can be a grump. One of my frequently used sayings is, “Sometimes, my patience, is tried.”
Sometimes I do not realize until too late that this is happening and I sometimes erupt embrassng myself. Like the time I shook my fist in the third trip through the drive through getting a prescription filled after surgery (which I mentioned in my blog last week) or when I said, s–t! in front of the grandchildren. It is hard to control yourself sometimes when you have reached your limit.
Today , I assigned myself the job of contacting the customer service departments of three businesses and like the rural salesman seeking a tire jack from a “grouchy” farmer in my favorite joke who says, “You can keep your God Damn jack!” when the farmer opens his door., I was ready to explode and had even had several conversations with the various businesses in my head before calling them.
After a couple of frustrating attempts to reach the various customer service departments, I made my connections and had a pleasant conversation with all three and resolved my issues satisfactorily. I felt so good that I sat down to write this post afterwards. Even though my first assumptions were that the conversations would turn out badly, I didn’t let that color my initial conversations with them. The more cheerful I was the more cheerful they were. So spread a little joy this season or anytime. “Please” and “Thank you don’t hurt” and don’t be rude if you can help it.
A week ago at the phramacy drive though, I was in a nasty mood; but when I tried to resolve the issue over the phone talking to different pharamacies, I changed my tone of voice and let my mad fit go. Sometimes things are not fair; but you don’t have to let them get to you and ruin your day as well as someone else’s day (whose fault, it might not have been initially). Some businesses’s customer service departments are so nice that I think I could call them up to help myself feel better when I am down.
This leads to the final thing I want to say and that is the list of businesses, local, online, or national, that I recommend usually depends on how they treat me when I contact them. I hope these businesses would also recommend me as a customer because of how I treat them.
Philosophically I think that I have gained control of my anger; but realistically, I haven’t. The little gremlins (better known as grandchildren) have gotten to me. No matter how patient and understanding I am something that they do or say or something else that they don’t do or say takes me over the edge and I am ashamed of my self afterwards to have such little ones see or hear such a thing or things.
I am on my best behavior (Wouldn’t you be?) with my grandchildren. I want to show my adult children that I have truly grown up since I raised them and am providing a good example to their children now no matter what I was like in the past. I can forgive myself for what’s happened in the past and do better, but can my children forgive me? Will I be jealous if I see them do a better job with their children than I did with them?
Is there such a thing as being too nice!?! Wouldn’t you just like to let go, but not in front of the grandchildren! The longer I live, the more responsible I become and I am not as easy on myself about forgetting to do things, not getting things done, and giving up when I have a problem to solve or something that I have put off mastering. I think I am ready to take a vacation, not from life (I am not suicidal), but from everyday life.
It is amazing how easily a cuss word comes out when you thought that you have literally forgotten how to use them and I could shake a fist at somebody who has ticked me off after being in a confining SUV with a crying baby on a long sixty mile trip home from the hospital after having had surgery by failing to fill my prescription (on the third try through the drive through) so I would have pain medicine when I finally got home. Nor do we live close to the pharmacy.
Anger has a lot to do with control. Yes, it involves self-control but it also involves retaining control when you can and need to have control over your own life, thoughts, and feelings. Too much Mrs. Nice Guy. Was that my problem when I blew up?
Did I fail to stand up for my rights? As an adult, setting boundaries for children. As a customer, letting a business hold me hostage when I was supposed to be served by them?
Almost any relationship can be a love-hate relationship. The more time you spend being judgmental, the less time you have to be accepting. It is a shame that people respond so negatively to judgmental comments by others. Other people want to get a reaction out of you. Do they do it by building you up or by tearing you down?
The more time you spend criticizing and trying to control others the less time you have to love and admire them. Children bask in the love of friends and family. When does this stop? Have you ever been asked why can’t you control your kids and then jumped on their case, that of your children, not of the person complaining. Who do you value most? Other people? or your children?
No I would not suggest that you let children run all over you; but the younger they are, the more pure are their motives. Do you often make them feel like they have just committed a crime especially when you are stressed, not necessarily by them? More negativity just adds to the problem if the person or child was happy until they were judged negatively, how do you think they would feel after?
Some people say that indifference is stronger than hate. If you just don’t care enough to say anything good or bad about a person anymore, where does that person rate in terms of your concern about them. How lonely and unwanted does a person feel when he or she is thinking about suicide?
Women? What is your perception of your place in the world? Women are made to have a unique purpose and niche in the world which they often don’t recognize until it is too late. Men focus on the things that are supposed to make us happy, but don’t. Still in positions of importance and places of power, you see few women and definitely not in suits and ties. What has happened to us? Where are we going? Men have taught us to distrust other women and for us to turn to them (they think) for answers to our problems and guidance in our affairs. It is easier for men to focus on obtaining positions of power and to focusing on amassing large amounts of wealth and control or ownership of vast amounts of property and valuables. Thus they may easily be blindsided by acquiring these things and not seeing the importance of love and spirituality in their lives.
Life is like a speculator sports especially when it comes to having children in your lives, You are like a football fan eagerly following his or her favorite team. You follow along with their highs and lows being encouraging and supportive. . It is intriging how little children learn things and get things done in their own way. You may never have so much influence over another person’s life again. Two things we are not usually taught are how to handle our own lives and our own feelings. Two more because of this, we are often not aware how much influence you have or your children’s lives in turn. Also if you are not the prime motivator of a child’s life, you still can alleviate the effect of those who are. Many people are not aware or don’t care about how teasing others or making fun of others can effect their lives. Why is it fun to make someone cry so easily.
We are one in the spirit and what hurts one of us hurts all of us. Causing pain and suffering even if only of the mental and emotional kind can be cruel and unthinking of us. It can create the type of wound that may never heal. Fear of what will others think of us has been drilled into us in our society. Why do we pick on the powerless and weakest of us in this way. Many of us have not been taught to have respect for the life around us.
It is more probable that women are aware of this and have been made aware of this in their upbringing than men. We (women) are the nurturers of the rest of us. Men and children depend on us to take care of them and to recognize their needs and to meet them. Men have more problems late in life when they are left alone and women are becoming more and more aware later in life that the men who want them to marry them at that time, do not want to be alone and do not know how or do not want to meet their own needs themselves. When they learn this type of ability to live independently they blossom.
Women are more likely to develop faith and spiritual powers to be better able to help others and the whole world and the universe than to meet concrete, self-oriented goals. Women are more likely to know that our perception of the world and of the things and forms of life within it can easily change and that we have often been egotistical and to thought that the world revolves about us. This creates a self-centered lifestyle. In actuality women are often not self-centered enough and to expect others to meet their needs because they have met theirs. Women are more likely to live vicariously and to be the power behind the throne. Consider our First Ladies in our country.
When men have found that they have metaphysical powers, they often abuse them and use them to control others and things around them. That is why some spiritual societies as Atlantis and Lemuria self-destructed.
When I was in school I was expected to learn how to do something and to master this skill on my own. There was no teacher utilizing a method of instructing in math or reading. Tutoring and such additional help is common today but was only used then in extreme cases where the student couldn’t master the subject. If they were given extra help in class, the rest of the class would fall behind. Memorization skills and good handwriting were expected and competitions were held in these areas with winners and losers. To the gifted student, it was motivating and now we know it created brains filled with much knowledge and good problem solving skills.
Such students still exist. My son and I both figure out how to do math problems on our own. I never was very good at helping with the “new” math homework when my kids were in school. Surprisingly I took advanced math classes in high school and did well; but calculus was never offered. I never did master calculus but I memorized derivations in graduate school when calculus was used in statistics class.
When methods are used to teach math, they often do not “click” with every student. This is like with using the computer. You need often to figure it out for yourself and when someone else teaches you, they teach you their way which may or may not work for you. Everyone’s wiring is different and what works for one person may not work for another person. There are many different ways to do things on the computer and how something is done in one program may not be the way something is done in another. Frequently programs on the computer assume that you will already know something and skip explaining this step. If you already know how some things are ordinarily done on the computer, you may be able to almost automatically fill in the missing step while a novice won’t be able to do this.
Assuming that somebody knows something or knows how to do something may make somebody look like an “ass” whether it is you or the other person depends on who determines the winner of the argument you or the other person. I frequently find this a problem with men who feel that if you can’t convince them of something that you are automatically wrong. Who determines the winner is the problem here. As a result, I refuse to participate in such arguments.
What A Way To Go. I have been trying to get my presence known on the internet. I have been at it on and off (mostly on) for the past five years. Before that I mostly used the word processing, email, and check account balancing software. I even temporarily mastered how to do spread sheets at one time. You are asking what this has to do with My Everyday Psychology. While I tried many different “work-at-home” outside sources and invested hard earned money. And yes, I had gotten taken by a few scams. Mostly the tutoring that I got went over my head and was hard to implement.
Part of the reason, was that I was given a lot of material at once and then had to try it out on my own later. I never could read my notes from those sessions and I found it hard to follow on the computer screen what was being showed to me. When I got stuck and I almost always did, I had nowhere to go for help so not only could I not do what I was being taught to do but also I was so far removed from the attempt the next time I had a consultation, I had to start all over again No wonder they probably thought I was clueless.
I needed one-on-one interaction right at my own computer on my own sites so I could solve real problems that had been dogging me right away. I got some good stuff that I wanted to try out right away before I forgot it and my consultant Michelle (how about that a woman tech for a woman user) let me break in the middle of the session to see if what she told me worked when I did it myself. It did. Then I reached the saturation point and asked if I could do the rest of the session (I had two hours) after I had a few days to absorb what she had shown me. There was no problem.
It was a step by step set of instructions where I could correct my errors as I made them and could see a finished correct result. We worked on my particular problems and I got information on the things that I didn’t already know. There was no wasted time getting or giving the basics that I didn’t need. I thought the rate was reasonable and worth every penny and wished I had found them sooner. They certainly literally were the answer to my prayers for assistance. I had tried every kind of resource and no one was familiar with what I was trying to do. I even had computer classes at the local junior college in the past. They were so unhelpful that I dropped out of an online course because I didn’t know what to do.
If you are a computer dropout like me who has barely struggled to get along in this high tech world, there are several software programs including Word Press (which I am using), Excell, and Powerpoint (among others) with which you can get expert help. Learning how to use a new program has never been easier. See this list of programs on the TutorGrams webpage
They even taught me how to put this hyperlink in by myself. No wasting time learning how to use a program you will never use or don’t need to know right now.
I am genuinely not computer literate and I wasn’t born into the electronic age, but I live there. You know what I said about the word, “I can’t” phrase, it stops you in your tracks and you are never going to get anywhere if you constantly use it. Maybe you will even hire someone to do some of this work for you; but wouldn’t it be nice to understand what they will be doing and to be able to see if it wrong?
I am a book person and have always felt that I can get farther faster and learn something in more detail with a book versus a DVR or a webcast or a CD. Still there is usually no one-on-one interaction in these and definitely no real time practice. Even if you get to ask questions, with a group you probably will only get one or two questions answered and the rest will either be over your head or something you already know or something that you don’t need to know about at the time But books often don’t go far enough and/or assume you already know something you don’t and they can’t keep up with the changes to WordPress as they happen so often. I know you techies are out there but you do know you have your own slang and often skip steps (maybe things you do automatically or unconsciously). It is like what happens with instruction manuals. They are written by the persons who don’t need them for the people who do. Isn’t there something wrong here?
If I am going from Redbud, IL to Oak Park,IL near Chicago, IL, don’t start me at a city near Redbud (like St.Louis, MO) and drop me off somewhere in Chicago and assume that I will get me where I am going. Start at my level and take me to your level if that is where I need to go. Go ahead write an instruction book but give it to some person like me who is going to use it and doesn’t know what you know to try it out. I still can’t find in the manual included with my car how to change the time on the clock when the time changes.
Try TutorGrams. It works the way you want it to work. Check out TutorGrams if you would like one on one tutoring for software programs
Wake, Awake, For Night Is Flying.
We have been stuck in a rut; but not anymore. It is mostly older people who have asked these questions. People have learned that to deal with life they have make changes in themselves, not others. Some people have been caught napping. They have been content with the way life was going for them and when it stopped working, they didn’t know where to go or what to do.
I am not a “home wrecker.´” I only talk to those people who want to talk to me. These people already have questions and they think that I might have the answers. I do, but for me, not them; but if I can help I will. When I give my ”advice”, it is “take it or leave it.”
I do believe in the meaningfulness of life. There is a reason behind everything even if I don’t know it right now. I believe in the worthiness of every human being. Everyone has some valuable contribution to make. We should recognize this and not just focus on the rich and famous. These people often can do amazing things and yet, at the same time, they are very humble.
This type of awakening can come during adolescence or young adulthood, middle age, or even at the end of life. It depends on how much society supports such a search. Often it requires letting go of attachments to things people, values etc. which were very important earlier in life.As a result of this awakening, we can change so much that we can hardly recognize ourselves. “Who was that 30 year old woman who met her husband on a blind date after moving to a new town?
Change is a human condition. Most people recognize the physical ones. “Oh, did I look like that when I was in grade school? “What will I look like in ten years?” Some people are very afraid of change and base what they do on what they learned in the past. Nothing remains the same; even in nature. The cycle of birth and death is always a reality that we and other creatures have to face. This is something that we can not effectively deny.