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Monthly Archives: February 2014

Bringing The Light To All, Answering Life’s Questions

Bringing the Light to all and consulting on life changes.  Please join me here as I further my goal in life of helping others answer life’s questions.  No, I didn’t start out this way.  I was lost as many of you were or maybe still are.sun on hand gesture

Some may call this wisdom, the knowledge that I have gained.  Some may think that I have had a life changing experience or experiences, a painful one or ones at that.  Maybe the pain is what led me to seek different methods of self-help and ultimately led me to dedicate myself to the spiritual side of psychology, mindfulness, Carl Jung, and…

It all seemed to start with some unanswered questions about my life purpose, the universe, and the future.  I would like to share these answers that I have found with you and helping you at the same time to recognize that you may have had some of these questions too and even came up with the same answers.  You are not alone.

At first life’s  the answers I found may have not seemed to fit and even made me more uncomfortable than the facts that I was brought up with.  I didn’t think that so many people in this world could be wrong.

Also I have found over the years that some of the answers I did originally find find no longer worked.  I had the idea that when one made life decisions, career, marriage, children, etc. that they would stick with them.  Also I felt that only certain answers were acceptable and that what I liked to do was not necessarily what I should do.

Lightner Witmer, the father of modern clinical...

Lightner Witmer, the father of modern clinical psychology. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Also I often picked reasons for doing things that while they were the easiest were not the best.  For example, I picked a Big Ten graduate school close to home that offered a clinical psychology program (my preferred area of interest).  What I didn’t realize then was that I had to find a professor whose area of interest in research was something I would be comfortable with as I would have to do a masters thesis and maybe a dissertation in this area.

The type of practical courses offered by the school in clinical psychology were taught by these same professors whose real area of interest was research, not clinical practice.   Also some of their research was aimed at discrediting those who performed psychological evaluations and did psychotherapy.

Carl Jung integrated psychology with spirituality

The answers I found were not all out there; but they were found within.  Along the way, I found I was not alone in my search.  Others had the same yearning I did to find the answers.  Others like Carl Jung had gone on the same journey and could lead the way.

 

 

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What If Someone Could Read Your Thoughts But Didn’t Know They Could and Thought They Were Their Own

What if when you were thinking about a person who had a problem in their life that concerned you and you were thinking of what you would like to say to them, about how they were thinking of solving a problem but were uncomfortable actually doing so, and psychically they picked up on it anyway?  It certainly would make you more comfortable in the situation because somehow they knew something you wanted them to know to possibly warn them about and even then were able to consider your reasoning about why you were concerned about the situation without knowing it did not come their own thoughts.  I’d certainly talk to myself a lot more and have more imaginary conversations with the people in my life.

Green Thought Bubbles

Green Thought Bubbles (Photo credit: iNkMan_)

 

Most of us have been taught by experience not to give unwanted advice to others.   We often feel frustrated when we see others make a mistake that they could have avoided if we had only spoken up.   Would they have listened to us if we did?

Sometimes it would be great if our concerns could be transmitted in a way that would not taint them as coming unwantedly from another.  People who are uncertain of their decisions often do not seek those of others if doing so will only make them less confident of their own.  Don’t you wish sometimes someone would come up with one of your ideas for them and would unknowingly think that it was their own and act on it?

The Thinking Man sculpture at Musée Rodin in Paris

The Thinking Man sculpture at Musée Rodin in Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Take Good Care Of Yourself

Have you ever said to yourself, “Take good care of yourself.  You belong to me.”  If you haven’t, you should.  How often do we focus on what others need and not on what we need?  Or do we give secondary needs priority over primary needs like breathing, needing to relieve ourselves, or eat.  I passed up eating breakfast because I got up late for work.  Then on my way out from work, I skipped taking bathroom break (leaving it for later when I got to my next appointment).  When I started to go out the door, I discovered that a snow storm had started while I was in class.  I decided to head directly for home before it got worse and skipped stopping to use the bathroom and/or finding something to eat.  It was also lunch time by then.  I realized that if I got stuck in the snow, I might extremely regret not having stopped to do either of these two things.

Take Care of Yourself

Take Care of Yourself (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you put off doing things for yourself so much that you wind up putting off a potty break until it is almost too late and/or or you held it in passing up several chances to use the bathroom to do something else. Have you not shaved or put on makeup because you didn’t have time because you were rushing to finish other things before you left for an appointment.  Getting the family ready to go somewhere, might mean that you neglect getting ready yourself.

Have you ever fixed a meal and not eaten yourself?  Washed a car that wasn’t yours when  your car badly just as badly needed to be washed.  Whose clothes are in the laundry right now?  Yours or someone else’s?  Have you done without sleep or given someone else money that you really needed to pay one of your bills?  Have you volunteered to do something because you couldn’t say, “No,” when you were already over scheduled?

Santa and moose

Santa and moose (Photo credit: Jenny P.)

Have you ever played Secret Santa for someone? You think of something nice to do for your person everyday before Christmas.   Could you try doing this for yourself?  Make your bed, start your car and warm it up before you have to leave, wash a load of socks or underwear before you run out, fix a decent meal for once which includes meat, vegetables, and fruit. You could take a break and do something that you want to do that you don’t have to do including take a nap, read a frivolous book, magazine, or newspaper, or watch a silly TV show or movie.  Finally you could take a whole day and only do what you want to do not what you have to do or need to do including where you go, what time you get up, when you go to sleep or when and if you take a nap.  Accomplish nothing that day, but to feel good and be happy.

Take good care of yourself.  You belong to me.

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A Valentine To My Sister

Valentine's day countdown

Valentine’s day countdown (Photo credit: Julie K in Taiwan)

A Valentine to my sister.  You know who you are.  You were made, not born.  I thought I had no sisters, only brothers and I envied those who did.  I know sisters fight sometimes and envy what the other has.  This was true of us; but now we’ve formed a sister’s bond and I know you were chosen to be my sister, we were made to have this relationship, not born this way.

I thought the world was wonderful when I had two daughters of my own; but I didn’t know what the world had in store for me when I acquired a daughter by law.  I am so proud when I go anywhere with you three.  I know I have to share you with your own mother and with your mother-in-laws too.

Bonds can be made as well as created by birth.  We also have two wonderful sons by law and my husband (their father-in-law) appreciates them too.  We never lost a daughter or a son, we just gained another son or daughter.  We also greatly appreciate their parents for giving birth to them and for becoming part of our extended family.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The biggest blessing of all is the nieces and nephews, cousins, and shared grandchildren that came to be.  The more love is shared the more there is to share.

 

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Find Yourself, Not Someone Else

Find yourself; not someone else.  It may be admirable to have a child or even children who are like you and follow in your footsteps; but he or she or they may not be comfortable in your shoes.  In times past, it was important for people to have children so they could pick up where they left off.  Parents trained their children to take their place someday and to be of help to them in a labor intensive time.  Parents usually were not happy if their children did not take over for them.

Now it is more a matter of self-validation.  It confirms to the parent that he or she took the right path when the children take the same path.  Sometimes it is like the story of the ugly duckling.  Remember that one turned out to be a swan, different, but beautiful.  You can feel like the ugly duckling if you don’t fit into your family, class in school, or community.  Some children like the ugly duckling even look different from the people that they are being raised with when if they were being raised with their own genetically kind (people who would probably look like them) wouldn’t look different at all.  Down syndrome children and some biracial children are even often seen as different from their relatives.

English: Vilhelm Pedersen illustration for &qu...

English: Vilhelm Pedersen illustration for “Ugly Duckling” in public domain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you study genetics and how traits are passed down from parent to child, you will often find that it is a very complex problem and doesn’t always work the way it seems it should.  Children can have the same parents and have surprisingly different traits.  This is also true of apptitudes and abilities.  Add into this what happens to them from the time of conception to birth which may not be like their siblings and the children and their parents will still be related; but can be very different.  Also traits may get passed down, but not to the desired child or sex (like first born male).

Children inherit tempraments which may or may not be like that of their parents.  Sometimes oil and water do not mix.  An “easy” parent may inherit a slow to warm up child and he or she can’t understand why his or her child does not easily take to new things.

Some talents or abilities which might be very strong can not be desired or appreciated in the family or society into which a person is born.  I was born on a farm and eventually married a farmer (after doing other things) and I can understand why he sometimes does not understand why a “city” boy does not know how to do things farm boys know how to do and he has difficulty valuing what the “city” boy can do by virtue of his college education even if it was not in agriculture.

As much as I love flowers,  I don’t want them to be all alike all the time.  I like seeing new and different ones.  Also some flowers that some people call flowers around here are called weeds by other people in other places.  This might even be true of people growing marijuana when flowers appear in their plots.  (I am not recommending that  you start growing marijuana however.)

Be yourself as long as you are not deliberately hurting yourself (or others for your own gain) and when you find yourself, you will make your contribution to the world and become what YOU were or are meant to be.  I believe finding yourself is why we were meant to be as we each have our own contribution to make.  If we pay too much attention to what others tell us we should be, we may get led astray.  It may not be easy, but it often will be rewarding.  For example, how many shoes at how many shoe stores do some of us have to try before we find a shoe that fits us, feels good, and wears well.  It usually is a personal thing.  What shoe style works for one may not work for another.  Also many people, especially women, pay the price for wearing shoes that they think they should wear because they are in fashion, etc.  (Check out Oprah on this issue.)

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Decision-Making Time

myopia

myopia (Photo credit: haglundc)

Adolescence is decision-making time for many.  These decisions might effect a person’s whole life.  Have you ever felt that you couldn’t take back something that you have said or done.

There is sometimes a cockiness to adolescence which gives them the power to make judgments, not only for themselves, but others as well, usually their parents or anyone whom they do not really understand.

What preparation do adolescents have for these often very enduring decisions?  “Do what I say; don’t do what I do,” some folks seem to imply when disciplining their adolescents.  Adolescents can be near-sighted and see things only from their own point of view.  They are quick to see the faults of others, but not their own.  Someone else’s problems, especially those of older adults, are easy to solve if they just did what the adolescent thinks that they need to do.

Knowing the repercussions that would accompany most decision choices are usually necessary precursors for making these judgments.  A lot of topics that adolescents need information about are not always covered in public situations but it is reserved for the family or church to do teach these things and ultimately if they don’t get this done, the electronic media or equally uninformed peers do it.

It is amazing who and what teaches our kids.  Their babysitters, preschool if it is a choice, and then there are the parents if they make to decision to keep the children at home and sheltered from outside sources of this information.  In the past, we tried to protect our kids from disturbing information only for them to get it elsewhere sometimes under less than desirable conditions.  Some parents take their responsibility very seriously and others do as little as possible and sometimes they can’t wait to kick the teenager out of the house and on their own at 18 with little or no preparation for independence.

Adolescents ultimately have to make it on their own.  They need to know who they are, what their values and talents or abilities are, how they view the responsibility of being sexually active, answering the question of, “Why am I here“,  and solving their own problems so they can live a happy life.  Also there are 0ften also the jobs of picking a life partner, parenting children, and finding a way to support oneself and dependent others.

What are some other decisions that adolescents usually have to make?  Are they prepared?  Also one part of the brain that has to mature in order for them to make good decisions and to be able to consider long-term over short-term effects of making decisions is not fully developed until sometime in young adulthood.

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First You must Be Able To Forgive Yourself Before You Can Forgive Someone Else

God Wants Me To Forgive Them!?! DVD Cover

God Wants Me To Forgive Them!?! DVD Cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

You must be able to forgive yourself before you can forgive someone else.  How can you conceive of the need to forgive somebody else when you can’t conceive of needing it yourself or worse yet being able to offer it to others.  You have to know and understand that all of us have done some things for which we need to be forgiven and it may be easier to offer it to others than it is to offer it to ourselves.  Are you hard on yourself and while you may not be the Holiest person in the world, might you not be capable of having the title of being the most unforgiveable person in the world.  How self-sacrificing to offer to someone else what you, yourself, feel that you don’t deserve.  Then and only then can you relate to the need to forgive someone else.  When it comes to forgiveness, we all need it and realizing that we ourselves need it, we realize what it means to extend that to someone else besides ourselves.

Now there is another side to the story.  Some people feel very good about offering forgiveness to others when they think that they don’t need it themselves.  It can come from a “holier than thou” attitude.  These people can’t conceive of the need to forgive themselves even though they are happy to offer it to others.  Doing this shows how much better off they are than the other people whom they need to forgive.  “Who me?”  “I don’t need to forgive myself.  The fact that I can forgive others proves that I don’t need to be forgiven myself.”

The point to this story is that we need to be able to do both, focus on things we need to forgive ourselves for and things we need to forgive others for.  The best example of this perplexing problem is someone who has been physically or sexually abused as a child and this leads to them to doing this to children themselves.  Maybe you have not done this but you have made foolish possibly even egregous mistakes in the past which might have even caused a tragedy.  If we can’t accept responsibility for what we did and then forgive ourselves, this will stand in the way of truly being able to forgive someone else for what they have done to us.

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

No one is perfect or we wouldn’t be here.  Whether you believe in original sin or not.

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Give Me A Break

Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning (Photo credit: jspaw)

Modern society has its disadvantages.  Sunday used to be a day of rest.  Stores were closed.  No one worked or did business that day.  It was a time for worship, recreation, and rest or R and R.  There was time for naps, reading the Sunday paper, socialization at church, and family gatherings.

When it got dark in the evening, it was difficult to see to do work or travel.  Things shut down at sun down.  You put your eight hours in in the day and you had your nights to yourself.  Now we are busy almost every evening doing things we didn’t get done during the day or attending activities.  Families are so over scheduled these days that kids and parents are not getting enough sleep and their stress levels go up.  Bread winners are working overtime and young people can’t have just one after school activity or a weekend job.

Families don’t get to see each other or when they do they are part of a huge audience of like-minded parents and don’t actually get to spend time with their kids.  Teenagers disappear to attend extensive practices and work lots of hours.  A family meal is a thing of the past.  Working parents are not going to prepare supper somewhere in the middle of this time crunch and a lot of fast food gets eaten.

People don’t have conversations any more and take a break to spend some time catching up with friends.  Time that used to be spent talking on the phone is spent texting and waiting for a reply and catching up with social sites on the internet and playing games on apps on phones.

Teenagers, and probably adults too, are also not getting enough sleep as electronic gadgets and artificial light are keeping them awake and interfering with the production of melatonin which would help them sleep.

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