Have a problem you can’t solve? Has somebody hurt you? Do you like to talk it over with a friend or friends? Do you want to share your frustration or hurt feelings. Do you think it will make you feel better if someone thinks or feels the same way you do?
A little coruminating can help but continuous airing of frustrations, bad news, or unrequited love can make you feel worse, especially for women. Depression can deepen and anxiety increase and you can even drive away friends with your constant texting or late night phone calls.
Pathways can be reinforced in our brains and associated feelings can be intensified with constant musings and repetitious ventilating. Going over and over a problem for which there is no current solution or recourse is frustrating both for you and the person you are sharing it with. It may even make it worse leaving you unable to recognize a solution or change in the situation when it happens.
Sometimes you can create a time table suggesting when you should try to solve the problem again or when you really should worry because you haven’t heard from someone. In the mean time take a break and encourage yourself not to do anything rash or jump to conclusions.
For example, being called to jury duty may throw a wrench in your monkey works if you are sequestered in a jury on long infamous trial but you might get excused from jury duty before you even have to report because of something that you didn’t know would excuse you from serving in the first place or after you get called in for the jury selection for a trial.
There is one thing that I usually say to myself when I start worrying about something that might happen or have happened and that is usually when something bad happens, I don’t expect it so if I am worrying that it has, it probably hasn’t happened.
Enjoy yourself. It is later than you think. Excuse yourself from ruminating about something especially when you don’t have all the information and won’t have it for a while. Yes, be ready when the time comes to do something about it. It is a lot easier to prepare for something and make plans for when something happens when you’re not worried about it and can think rationally.
Am I better than you? Competition is what it is all about. Our society is all about winning and losing. Some people give up before they start because the perceived competition out there is so overwhelming. Worse yet, even when you don’t want to compete, someone else might enter you in the competition. This is often true about children and their parents.
Yes, you should do your best; but you should enjoy yourself doing it. I learned this lesson early; but it didn’t hurt me. I was almost always picked last for the pickup ballgames in the schoolyard; but I still enjoyed playing. Winning was not so much on my mind then.
“Whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game,” is a famous quote. Do you agree with it? It is like seasoning something you are cooking. Too much salt, too little salt, too much pepper, too little pepper, or too much sugar, too little sugar. In our society, we sometimes don’t want anyone to lose so everybody wins. What should the emphasis be on?
Or are you so competitive that everything you do is a contest? I was that way in my classes in school. It even spread over to my life outside of school. Every time a party I attended played games; I wanted to win every time. Did that make me a spoil sport? Did that take the pleasure of playing the games away from everyone else who didn’t win?
Even if I am better than you, I shouldn’t gloat. Making people feel bad in this way may eventually drive them away. Remember the song, “I can do anything better than you?” Plus the strengths, talents, and abilities that our society admires are not always what is needed to solve the world’s problems or fix society’s faults.
Aren’t you excited when somebody on a reality show makes a fabulous find of something previously undiscovered. Who knows that when it comes to other people and even ourselves what hidden things we might have that might better ourselves and/or others.,
Have a fight with a friend or a loved one? Do you know that you can be attracted to someone who has as many problems as you do? Often there is no such thing as a perfect couple or a marriage made in heaven and best friends can have fights. The glue that keeps a relationship together is often forgiveness and acceptance of each others faults and lacks.
Do you know that in divorce and custody determinations that sometimes who’s at fault can’t easily be decided. That is why sometimes both people are granted divorces from each other in the former and in the later joint custody is granted.
As I have said before in this blog, “People with equal problems attract.” Thus the pot can call the kettle, “black,” and the kettle can also call the pot, “black.” If you are a friend or a relative or even a mere acquaintance, be careful and don’t spontaneously take one’s or another’s side in this kind of dispute.
Some people repeatedly take on people with problems and that is what their real problem is! “Can I help you?” is what they say when they see someone with a problem and the answer that the other person gives is “Yes,” initially but it is soon followed by a, “But.” Worse yet if these people make up and they often do, then you may become the one who gets blamed for interfering.
Do adults bully children in their own families? Unfortunately, yes. Making fun of someone, joking with them, is not humorous if the person being teased gets upset. Do we stop or this is this a signal to keep on going? Building a child’s self-esteem is one of the most important functions of the family.
Most children will get plenty of opportunities outside the family to be put down, bullied, and feel insignificant. What downers! But this doesn’t happen in my family! Yes, it does and it is often ignored and not even noticed or the person gets away with it because the family member should be able to take a joke. While this may be alright in adult company, it is not right in a family setting with vulnerable children with fragile egos. Do you think making a three year old cry on purpose can be justified?
I have noticed that in this society we often do not notice what is going on around us and it is especially true in families. We tend to do the same old thing over and over and nobody notices it. They often say things like “I was just teasing (while repeating an unappreciated taunt).” They follow this with comments like, “I don’t know why he or she cries so much? He or she must be a crybaby?”
Love will keep us together. Hugs and kisses, well earned complements, a smile in someone’s eyes or elsewhere on their face is priceless and does not cost anything to give. They are free. What are we thinking? Is it that by bringing someone else down we are building ourselves up? In this case are the means are justified by the end result.
What do you think if you see someone kill a baby rabbit out in the field just for the fun of it and then laughs? Aren’t children just as vulnerable? Especially when they don’t know as much as you do and don’t always understand what adults are talking about.
Don’t let the bastards get you down. Sorry for the language; but this stirs up feelings in me. Do you have guilt switches? I do and they seem to get turned on automatically. I suspect that they go back a long way in my life.
Self-esteem should be considered something that is to be reinforced and not torn down. Without it, we can do nothing. Guilt attacks self-esteem and demolishes it. It can demoralize a person.
We all want our children to have everything; but something that we often miss is self-esteem. Little ones are easily bruised and even though they heal quickly at that age, repeated attacks on their self-esteem can at the very least leave a mental scar.
Guilt creates a conscience most people think and therefore it is necessary to help children grow up right. Guilt is also a way of establishing control over someone and may not necessarily be in the best interest of the person who develops it and feels it
Some of the happiest times in life are spoiled by guilt. Have you ever enjoyed something and then somebody or something made you feel guilty about it? If you have spent the money, devoted the time and effort to do something, should you then not enjoy it? There is a name for such people, “spoil sports”.
Enjoying life should be for most people an inalienable right. Feeling guilty and therefore miserable is not the way to live life. Most of us are more concerned with what other people think than we need to be. Have you ever opened your mouth to take a bite of something that you have been wanting for a long time. Then you think something or someone says something about it that causes you to feel guilty about eating it and then it doesn’t taste as good?
Learning theory makes the case that positive reinforcement given intermittently gets the most positive results. Punishment of the unwanted behavior as compared to reinforcement of the wanted behavior is the least effective way to establish it. How does guilt work do you think?
Returning after a not so brief hiatus with lung problems. Writing is what I love to do and I usually have lots of ideas about what to write about next. Most of my ideas come to me as possible titles for my posts.
When I was decommissioned when I was sick and recovering, the ideas did not stop. Sometimes they seemed to be superpowered and I could not capture them as they came so fast and quickly floated away. Also as much as I was motivated to write, I had responsibilities that I had to catch up with after being out of the circulation for so long.
Also I try to keep up with talking to people about these things who are part of my life and to those who come into my life solely for the purposes of what I can share with them. Don’t be confused, sharing information, philosophies, and ideas is a two-way street. I always learn from others with whom I share. Especially when we are open and honest with each other.
Enjoy yourself; it is later than you think. How often do you put things off? Perhaps waiting for somebody else to do it for you? Is it selfish to do it for yourself? How often do you secretly resent it when other people do things that you would like to do? Do you smolder and burn on the inside when it happens to someone else and not you?
We often give other people things that we would really like to have them give us. (You can become a good present giver when you master this concept.) Then we are crushed when they don’t reciprocate or don’t appreciate our present.
Appreciate life. Pay attention to what makes life pleasant for you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Surround your self with the things that make life meaningful for you or if you can’t do this , visit places where you see or hear the things you like. Remember you can’t take it with you unless it is a memory.
Pick me up or pick me down (or is it actually actually pick me apart). Most of us have an eagle eye for other people’s faults. “Oh, my God, look at the color of her hair!” “He must have slept in those clothes!” Do you ever say these things or at least think them about other people?
Does putting other people down pick you up? Do you feel more confident about yourself when you can compare others unfavorably to yourself? Do you feel even better when you can get others to agree with your judgments of others?
Have you heard the saying don’t say anything about somebody else unless you can say something good? How many of you follow this? Putdowns by other people of ourselves can often lead to competitions where one bad thing follows another.
How often do you think instead of how nice somebody looked, how attractive their smile is, or you admired their sermon, lecture, or how much you appreciated their presentation of their point of view? Then how often have you actually said something to the person by giving them a compliment?
Three simple words, “I love you,” but very dangerous. Can a boyfriend say this to a girlfriend or vice versa? What if he or she doesn’t say it back?
Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” This can be done silently or out loud. Love is the match for hate. Remember your enemies will have a long hard row to hoe someday. God reminds us of this.
I am not the judge of someone else. I don’t know what God knows or the other person knows so how could I know is right for them.
I try to keep my temper; but sometimes emotions comes first before rational thought. Remember this is not the part of the brain that is fully developed in teenagers, young adults, and some adults.
Act without thinking, repent at leisure. How can it hurt to say I love you (even if only in your head) and go on without behaving rashly or expressing an emotion that can hurt others?
I was the cause? of some road rage yesterday. I drove through the drive way used to pick up and drop off college students; and I guess I cut off another car that was pulling out after picking someone up or letting someone off. That car followed me downtown and passed me by going into the oncoming traffic lane. I had already forgot about the incident until I recognized the car.
Positive thinking is where it is at. I don’t get anywhere fast; I do some things slowly and I guess incur the rage of some other drivers. (Don’t worry I have a lead foot sometimes when I am out on the highway whether or not I am in a hurry.) Usually I look for the beauty in things and people I see around me. I also look for ways to help people and look out for people. Occassionally I give a cautious compliment based on what I observe..