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Monthly Archives: May 2014

You Have More Control Over Your Life Than Others Would Like You To Think You Have

rp_268978514_7408b21dbf_m.jpgThis is a very rough draft; but I wanted to capture this idea before I forgot.

You have more control over your life than others would like you to think you have.  Diversity is the stuff of life.  What would we be missing if we were all alike or were made to be all alike.  For example, the anonymous citizen uniforms of China in the past and possibly of North Korea in the present.

Diversity makes many people uncomfortable.   It can lead to stereotyping and prejudice.  (Opps I almost said the r—– word.  What happened to freedom of speech?)  The more control you give over to others or the more control over your life that you don’t know you have, the less freedom to be yourself you will have.

rp_1360757052_a551272cf9_m.jpgI grew up with what will other people think, not think about how this might effect someone else,  including myself, in a positive or negative way. even if this involved not doing the right thing for me such as standing up to a bully.

Boundaries are appropriate; but they also can be restrictive.  Whose boundaries are you using yours or other people’s?  I am a middle child (the great appezer) and I have a tough time sometimes knowing what I do or don’t want.  I am so busy thinking about what other people might want or not want and how my choice might effect them

Do you, like me, wait in a resturuant til everybody has given their orders before you give yours.  Do you instinctively know what you want and immediately think of reasons why you shouldn’t want that or reasons why your order would affect the orders of others or the serving of them.

Hypnosis Controls Others' Behavior

Hypnosis Controls Others’ Behavior

Often when you give control over your life to someone else when it is not appropriate you are allowing that person to manipulate you in order to meet their own goals, not yours.  Yes this is why we put some restrictions on children and adolescents (May it should be even young adults) as to the kinds of decisions they can make on their own.  They may be easily influenced by people who try to guide them for their own reasons.

It is also important that close scrutiny is given to people who control the lives of those who are not yet old enough to handle everything on their own and of those who through disability can’t make most or all of their own decisions.  Especially with the disabled it is important to know exactly what the disability is, how it effect the specific person who has it, and what help they might need on which decisions.

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

 

You Don’t See It (All) Coming

Oh, Oh, I have been thinking again and have just got to get it out where you and I can see it and read it.  So here again is another rough draft.

You don’t see it all.  Don’t you think that you could trip over something if you didn’t see it and you might get badly hurt.  Most of us do this all the time psychologically.  If it hurts to think of something, it is easier sometimes to forget it.  If we have a fault, it feels better to focus on the faults of others rather than our own.  Where do you think gossip c0mes from?

Gossiping

Gossiping

If we have a significant failure in our life or think we lack ability in an important area, we might overcompensate by focusing all our time and energy in another area where we think we are might be able to do better or there is less competition.  This often happens in families where an older sibling is a star athlete or straight A scholar.  Have you ever heard about a young girl who is attractive and limber and says she won’t try out for cheerleader because her old sister or cousin was one and she couldn’t compete.    Are we just fooling ourselves  (“Pride goeth before a fall”) or are we making it to a bad situation.

For example, frequently extremely talented people when their performances turn into money making propositions, often neglect to get good help in managing their assets and live in a fantasy land where they don’t have to think about things like that.  They often give over control of their own organization to someone else while retaining the right to spend what they earn as they see fit.  Can’t you see the train wreck coming in this type of situation?rp_300px-The_game_you_play.jpgFreud called these tendencies to avoid psychological pain and difficulties defense mechanisms.  They are projection, overcompensation, denial, repression, and rationalization.  As good a job as they do of protecting us, they can get in our way of living a full and healthy life.

For example, if you lived in an area with poisonous snakes denying that they lived in your part of the country, might lead to a dangerous surprise someday especially if you go to an area where these snakes are known to live and come out of hiding to lay in the warm sun because they are cold blooded creatures and you both pick the same sunny spot?! to sun bath.  In this case ignorance is not bliss.rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgBlame rhymes with shame and that is what we feel when we do this.  Shaming is a powerful tool used by significant others and others in power over us to keep us from doing something or to get us to do something.  Shame seems to have no useful purpose but to thwart us in our desires.  Often this turns into a situation like in the story about the emperor’s new clothes.  The tailor had the emperor thinking that he had such a fine cloth to make him a new outfit that only very special people could see it and thus were able to wear it.  How the townspeople laughed when they saw him in the new outfit that the tailor had made for him and they could only see he had only underclothes.rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgWhat we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel with our senses and what we make of them are our perceptions.  After you go to bed and turn most of the lights off, you won’t be able to see anything until your eyes adjust and then what you see will be mainly black and white and not as clear as you normally would see it.  Now do you know why toddlers see monsters and are afraid of the dark at bedtime.

Last night my little grand daughter was spending the night and sleeping on the couch.  She keep asking about that black thing over there in the corner and was not satisfied until I went over there and found what she was looking at, a dark blue throw in a heap on the floor next to Grandpa’s recliner.  Since she trusted me and I reassured her with my actions by checking it, she went to sleep.rp_300px-Sweet-dreams-dreaming-of-snow-white-and-the-seven-dwarves.jpgChildren are less stupid than we give them credit for being.  They know less than we do and may have put together what they know in a guileless way, but it still makes sense if you can see it from their point of view.  Unhappily sometimes it is easier to put these children off or tell them a convenient lie than to spend the time it really takes to understand and deal with the situation.  For example, the old there are no monsters under the bed comment which can lead to tears on the child’s part and frustration on the adult’s part.

Do we hide stuff from ourselves by using such things as defense mechanisms?  Then do they come back to haunt us in the future?  Maybe it is better when you do see it all, no matter how uncomfortable that makes us.  How often does one partner not see it coming when the other partner asks for a divorce and/or has an affair?  Yes, we do have to focus in order to get anything done like texting while driving but then we might fatally fail to attend to something else that was going on at the same time.

 

 

The Puzzle Of Life

rp_300px-Whimsy.JPGGo with me as I start on this new journey giving me insight into life.  This is as usual a rough draft.

The puzzle of life is different for every person.  Each person creates his or her own solution.  What fits for me might not fit for you.  This doesn’t make any one solution better than another.

I have a fondness for autobiographies.  They document each individual’s solution to his or her puzzle of life.  Recently I have read autobiographies by Michael J. Fox and Jane Fonda.  People about whom I ordinarily wouldn’t have read their current life stories.  Many people don’t like Jane Fonda because of what she did in the Vietnam War.  They would have never given her a chance to convince them otherwise; but I did.

Jane Fonda did a good job of explaining why writing a life history is good for you and helps you to see how you became the way you are now.  I got Micheal’s book because my cousin found it and gave it to me to read because she knew that he has Parkinson’s like my dad had.  Neither of these person’s solutions to the puzzle was entirely like my solution but it gave me a glimpse into theirs.

I am more intrigued when it is the person him or herself and it is not an autobiographer or ghost writer who mainly directs their writing of their life story.  It can be a very lonely existence when you have little understanding of where and how any other person took to find his or her direction in life.

Creativity Creates Creativity

 

INTUITION

INTUITION

Creativity creates creativity.  If you can conceive of something, you are on the way to creating something.  Before we thought some things had the probability of existing, they didn’t exist.  For example, the four minute mile, that the earth is round, being able to send invisible messages through the air.  Just think of the benefit that science fiction has been to developing the probability of things that we previously thought could not exist.  For example, a man on the moon; exploring Mars by robot and sending the results back to earth.

If you don’t ask a question, you won’t get an answer.  Most of the time the pathway to an answer is developed by asking questions, especially the right ones.  For example, how do we create a three dimensional replica of something that is like a photograph or projected image of a film strip which is a two dimensional replica of something that can be sent across space.  It is a hologram, the most notorous one recently has been of Michael Jackson dancing at an award presentation.rp_300px-Pieter_Bruegel_d._Ä._075b.jpg

Is creativity limited by our imagination or is our imagination limited by our creativity?  Would the things that have been created in this and the last century be considered magic and therefore evil by some people in the previous centuries?  Something a person doesn’t understand and therefore can’t conceive of is often considered to be evil.  Natives who saw sailing ships on the horizon from the shore in what are now called the Americas did not perceive them or recognize them as sailing ships as they had no previous experience with them.  They had no conception of such a thing.

We, too, must expand our horizons.  We must derive new possibilities from what we know and from them go on to derive even more fantastic possibilities.  What if aliens from outer space made contact with natives in south america and egypt and gave them knowledge and skills which helped them build architectual marvels?  How does that change what you think about what happened there and what future inventions might you hypothesize we might create from this?

The Wings Become Windows

The Wings Become Windows

Here we are constantly discovering marvelous possibilities that were limited by our previous ways of thinking until we made new discoveries about earth and the things on it and surrounding it.  Here at home, we have canines that can smell things that we as humans, don’t, and can detect the presence of things we, humans can’t by smell.  There are animals that can camouflage themselves by taking on the coloration and textures of their surroundings.  What does that make you think about the stories of the possibilities of the invisible man?

 

Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go; Why Change Is So Hard

rp_Cant_Get_You_Out_Of_My_Thoughts.jpgLet it go, let it go, let it go.  Why change is so hard.  Did you ever think you were perfect? That you can’t make a mistake.  Many people do and that is why it is so hard for most people to change.  To change and therefore admit that you might need forgiveness for something that you did is almost impossible for some people.  Too often we are so hard on ourselves that we can’t or won’t let us make a mistake.  Changing something indicates that you didn’t do something right the first time.  Edison and Lincoln shared the same “fault?”  They had many failures and thus had to admit that they did something wrong and change what they were doing.

Frequently that is one of the biggest blocks to success in therapy.  The patient has to admit that something or somethings that they did in the past didn’t work and that is why they are not working for them in the present.  For example, men often say, “If I could just find a woman that….” my problems would be solved.  Group therapy is sometimes useful in removing this block because of the feedback that they get from other group members that this tactic is not working.  They may be able to give this man many different examples of how this didn’t work in this man’s everyday life and in the group itself.rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpg

When it comes to control, the only one you can really control and thus change is yourself.  If you believe that things for you won’t change unless other people change, you are at a dead end.  In our society, we are often looking for someone to blame and yet if the person at fault won’t admit that then things won’t change.

In experiments, it is as often as important to find out what doesn’t work as it is to find out what works.  People often find this so hard to accept that they falsify consciously or unconsciously results.  For example, in a study on snake phobia, psychologists found people who admitted they were snake phobic and thus could be tested for effectiveness of the therapeutic procedure by facing a real live snake.  Real snake phobics wouldn’t do that and thus wouldn’t admit they were snake phobic because they were too afraid that that might happen.rp_300px-High_Anxiety_movie_poster.jpg

These scientists often feel that they have only made a significant contribution if they have found the cure that works which would only have worked in this situation because the experimental subjects they found were not “real” snake phobics.  They would have been hiding in the woodwork where I hid when they brought real snakes into the office hidden in shoe boxes.

Sometimes the greatest findings are made by mistake.  Something goes wrong in the experimental process and the scientists are in spite of this successful.  This can be true in therapy.  Often when a person is trying to find someone to love them, they are not aware that person really has to be him or herself.  How can you love yourself if you do things wrong and can’t forgive yourself, let alone find others to forgive you.  No many people think mistakenly that you have to be perfect for others to love you and you can’t admit that you have done anything wrong and get the love you need.rp_300px-Determinants_of_Forgiveness_Graphic.JPG

 

Anger, The Source Of Depression?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgIs anger the source of depression?  Doesn’t it take a  lot of anger as the motivating force in order to kill yourself.  You can’t take it out on anybody else so you take it out on the only other possible victim, yourself!

Anger is the dark cloud that follows the depressed person around.  It is always raining on the depressed person’s parade.  When it is hard to feel happy (Some people say that this is genetically so for the depressed person) and sadness lingers longer for the depressed person than for the nondepressed person.

“Don’t rain on my parade” could be the motto for the depressed person.  The average depressed person; however, doesn’t see any way out.   Normal solutions for other people like creating a diversion like going for a walk, listening to some music, or watching a movie doesn’t serve as the distraction that it might serve for normal person who is upset and feels bad.rp_3775721812_ec64821eb7_m.jpg

As tragic as it sounds, “taking” someone with you is not an unthinkable solution for the depressed person because he or she is so angry.  Worse come to worse the most horrible solution is not taking just anyone with you, but taking your loved ones, your children with you.  It is a way of taking them out of this cruel world so they don’t have to suffer like the depressed person has.

Not being able to vent anger or modeling what parents, authority figures, and possibly peers have done is to blame the only one left to blame, themselves.  If you are not allowed to be angry and are in fact even more rejected if you try leaves no way out.  The beauty of the world is “blacked” out.  Not only is the depressed person chronically unhappy, but  they have been made to feel that the only one they have to blame is him or her self.rp_Anxiety.gif

This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that it is hopeless to try and do anything about being depressed.  Often venting about being depressed and hopeless and how needy you are only has one possible outcome driving other people away because they become tried of hearing this.  Also it usually also generates the creation of “Why don’t you, yes buts,” which is a game people play to insure that there is no solution for their plight which seems to be more important than finding one.  Because it justifies them having not found one before now.  (See the book, “The Games People Play.”)

Feeling responsible for having lived a lifetime of depression is hard to accept and/or give up.  If I am not the happiest person in the world, than I must be the unhappiest one.  This provides some justification for one’s helpless plight in life.

rp_Enjoy-life-foods.jpgIn conclusion, again could it be that some people have a harder time feeling happy than others and that it might be genetic.  Perhaps endorphins are not as easily released in some people as it is in others.  Another genetic possibility is that when unhappy some people have a harder time getting over it when their past experiences in trying to do so have been unsuccessful or prolonged so that the depressed person can’t predict an immediate or future good outcome when they are suffering in this way.

Last, but not least, depressed people may have had little success finding role models who are able to successfully handle depression by such things as distraction and avoiding ruminating about it.  Also parents and other role models may have added to this sense of hopelessness by focusing on their own inability or the depressed child’s inability to do anything about it and by reinforcing a poor self-concept.rp_8779146668_6e5def7ac9_n.jpg

Don’t Hit Him, Hit Me

Don’t hit him; hit me.  The bystander problem.  When you are little you may not realize that you are not big enough to take somebody on or that society thinks it is an inappropriate for someone in your role in society to do this.  Those words are a childhood memory.  Why would I remember them if they were something I did not say and something I did not experience.

In school, I once attacked someone who was attacking my brother (who is two years older).  I didn’t stop to think if this was appropriate.  I just went to his defense.

Living with someone with a bad temper is both contagious and dangerous and promotes inappropriate ways of solving problems.  What will a child as a bystander do?  Defend her siblings, defend her mother or father whom she sees as helpless?  A child thinks he rp_6690197133_ebab8b0bfd_m.jpgcan do anything he thinks of as children have good imaginations and are not so bound by reality as older people are.

Sometimes it is more painful to be a bystander in these situations than to be the victim who knows how much it hurts.  Something going wrong in the family with other members can leave a child feeling helpless.  What would hurt worse?  Being paddled yourself or watching another family member that you love and who you are close to being beaten?

Sometimes people don’t know the damage they do when they get their anger out on anyone or anything that they can get to while not fearing retaliation.  What would you rather do lose your own life and save the life of another or lose the lives of others and be there to suffer the loss.  Most parents say that they would like to die before their children do.

 

Hostility Is Your Own Worse Enemy

rp_7985592878_a18c6ea153_m.jpgHostility is your own worse enemy.  Do you expect the worst of people?  Constantly go around with a chip on your shoulder.  Do you always expect that something bad will happen?  Are you like the cartoon character in the comic strip, “Little Abner,” that went around with a cloud of rain pouring down on his head?  Are doom and gloom your constant companions or worse yet are you angry all the time?  Eats at your guts, doesn’t it.

Who do you think can help you.  It is someone near you, it’s yourself.

Only you can change your attitude.  Being mad generates the motivation to get even and hurt the other person whom you think will do you wrong or has done you wrong.  For example, road rage, where does it get you a damage car and possibly the loss of someone’s life or possibily even your own.  What will do you the most good patience or retaliation?  Life is not a war which you have to fight everyday.  Anyway it usually takes two people to keep a fight going.

Attitude attracts attitude.  They are drawn to each other.  Often it is difficult to decide who starts has a bad attitude initially, but it takes two to keep it going.  Drop out.  It’s not worth it.  A smile can generate a smile.  Has anyone given you advice about someone telling you to stay away from them but that doesn’t happen for you because you and that person do not have a history of not getting along and you go ahead and are nice to them anyway.

There is someone for everyone even if that person is not you.  Don’t create a self-fulling prophecy about someone even before you meet them.  If people have formed an opinion sight unseen about a person, it is hard to get rid of it.  Is that being racist?  It could be if you are eager to put labels on people even before you get to know them.  Are you prejudiced?  Do you stereotype people?

Why Do We Reinvent The Wheel In Government And Discard It

taking-advice-badge

Politicians seem to lose track of what real life in this world is like.  In education, it is easier to achieve some concrete standard which is rotely learned (meeting the new core curriculum standards perhaps?) and then forgotten if not used or attached to other knowledge in a useful way to form a platform to go on to the next step, the next new idea, that might facilitate gaining new knowledge.

It becomes more difficult to encourage children and adults too to follow their own path, see their own world as it really is and from this create a new and better world with ideas possibly never thought of before.  One size does not fit all.  Why are we not allowed to try others on.  Charter schools are a good example of this type of education which is being chipped away at by new government decisions limiting or dis-enabling them.

Are We Giving It All Away?  Why do we create something that serves it purpose and abandon it or give it all away.  NASA for example.  Now who is in charge of our space program, our cold war “buddy”, Russia?  What will it cost to rebuild it if this falls through instead of maintaining or extending what we had.  How many jobs were lost in the United States.  How many new ideas came from the program and where will they come from now?  Other countries?

Locally we had a fine, effective maximum security prison.  It was shut down.  It is now unused after putting much time and effort into it.  The prisoners have been transferred to less secure, older, mostly run down prisons without the staff to control or facilities to control these type of offenders.

What do we do to a prisoner who repeatedly murders other offenders and is a constant real threat to staff as well.  Also consider the jobs lost or the transfers that had to be taken if an employee was to keep his or her job with the transition.  Hours of training gone up in smoke.

Why change when we can maintain perhaps even expand fruitfully what we have already developed?  There is a constant waste of manpower, concrete facilities, and the lose of ability to compete in this world.  We used to be number one.  Now where are we?

Poverty and desolation is wide spread.  There are areas in cities like Chicago and Detroit that are no man’s lands and no reasonable person would drive through them let alone live in them  Life in the ghetto is a one way street often with only one possible destination.  More children are born with out the resources to make them productive useful citizens and life often has a cheap price as a surprising number  of sometimes random, useless murders occur there almost daily.  The most practical occupations there are often being a welfare recipient or drug dealer.  How do you gain an identity?  Join a gang or, if female, attach yourself to someone who is in a gang.

If I am wrong, tell me as I would like to be wrong about this.

 

I Am Not Afraid Of Aliens, Just Politicians

logoMost aliens treat or will treat us fine in spite of the government’s mass effort to cover up any contact that has been made.  I myself, for example, have been shown irrefutable evidence of crop circles.  But I think like on Star Wars most “alien” civilizations are just that, civilized, and don’t want to harm the worlds they are exploring.  They might feel it is their calling to not disturb other civilizations unless they can help avert disaster.

Now politicians that is another question.  Many are not motivated by that kind of code of honor.  They assume much responsibility as the representatives of the rest of us.  Currently many are doing a poor job of this.  As one of the general population, I hear from few politicians that care if we are happy, prosperous, and our rights are preserved.  Could it be that aliens have more respect for us than the politicians do?

Politicians are so involved with themselves that they forget about  the rest of us.  They are probably usually not curious about what the rest of us think or do.  They often like to play, “Nanny,”  to their constituents because they know better what we need and should think.  In addition they can often easily sub cum to the allure and glamor of the powerful who can make their lives easier if they follow them.

They are susceptible to the attraction of dumbing down the populace so they can more easily control us.  What they believe is that what we don’t know won’t hurt us.  They think we act like children and can’t handle the whole truth of the way things are.  Takes us back to slavery days like in my previous post.  Some are taking on lying as a profession.

Creativity and original thinking is the stuff of life!  We all need to learn such things in this society but at what cost?  Who should be in charge of our own growth and development.  Aliens or politicians.  If we had to choose,rp_Truman_pass-the-buck.jpg  one might not be better than another or are they?  Who would most believe in our right to make our own decisions? and our own mistakes (which we might be able to learn from)?