In an ongoing relationship that might become Permanent. Learn to have your disagreements now rather than after you get “hitched”
I don’t mean that you won’t still fight when you are further along in your relationship; but some earth-shaking confrontations by either partner is better now then later when your sense of security might mandate that you don’t rock the boat and have those quarrels. “Maybe it will just go away” is not a practical approach to settling differences.
Hopefully your disputes will turn into full-blown confessions of what you really want and don’t want in life and some talking about how to accomplish these things if you decide to make the choices necessary to do them. Things like children, religion, settling down and staying in one place, finances, or intimacy and sexuality. It just won’t go away. It will just get harder to do after you have invested more in the relationship and have more to lose such as security, material objects you have mutually invested in, and time with and your ability to exert influence over what happens to your possible children.
It is better to stand your ground sooner than later. You will have less to lose and probably more to gain. Sometimes it is like trying to catch a big fish. It will be wonderful if you catch him or her; but the process in eventually catching a big fish also involves losing a few along the way. People often talk about the one that got away. Maybe it was too big for someone like you to reel in. Ever order a big steak and were unable to eat it all? Maybe you should have had something smaller and maybe enjoyed it more without getting stuffed. What is a “catch” for one person may not be a “real catch” for another.
A one night stand especially does not honor and respect what should be an act of love. It should not be done with someone you don’t know well enough to even know their name or remember it after one night out.
Clean sheets, privacy, or more than a chance meeting with soap, are necessities not just niceties.
Safety, trust, honor, and truthfulness should be expected not neglected. Pregnancy is a precious gift not an unwanted result of thoughtlessness and impulsiveness. Infertility can be the long-term result of taking a chance maybe just this once.
How do you know whom your shack up partner has been with and what calling cards were left from this encounter. Some people don’t even know if this is so and can’t tell you the truth since they don’t even know it.
Everyone has a built in need for affection and touch itself is an important form of communication. Why leave them out of the equation. Most people are uncomfortable when touched by a stranger even in an unavoidable crowded situation like the subway.
“Why don’t you show me you love me” is a popular line when seeking a good time. A person may not be ready yet to be that deeply involved with someone they really like and might be afraid to lose so they decide to chose to give the gift that they are not ready yet to give. It is priceless and expensive and can lead to bliss when properly used and reciprocated.
Putting the cart before the horse is usually not sensible or pleasurable especially for women.. There are ways that you can show person that you love them by how you treat them: a home cooked meal, a graciously opened door, a brush of a kiss, the tentative grasp of a hand, an arm around the shoulder, or a truthful compliment.
How often do we expect to get something in this world without earning it? Can a car motor go from first to fourth or fifth gear without taking any of the intervening steps like going through second or third gear?
Have you noticed that if you get fired from a job these days that you are escorted out and not let to take anything with you or finish up any tasks you have initiated even those which might adversely effect customer care and service?
Did you ever wonder where workplace violence came from? It might come as a reaction to the bullying of some employees by someone who has the power to hire and fire people. You can be a threat to that person and/or an easy target for a person to use to demonstrate their “fire” power.
Letting someone go is a very serious decision and it might have been avoided if that person was not hired in the first place. It is easier to say, “No thanks, the position has been filled or your qualifications don’t fit our position.” It also looks better on a person’s employment record as it never even appears.
I have never heard a potential employer asking an applicant if they had applied any jobs and did not get hired and,, “Why?” From my point of view even probation periods don’t look so bad or preliminary employment being with a temporary agency doesn’t look so bad either.
Why is that the person fired has a lot of explaining to do after being fired while the person or the company doing the firing usually has none?
You get what you give in relationships. Do you feel “put down”, “unappreciated”? When you give what you want to get with ordinary people, not narcissists, this works.
Demand respect! If you let someone treat you like that, they just do more of it. Tolerance doesn’t diminish it. It helps it spread.
Will expand on this later….
Why didn’t we learn to help ourselves in school? Where were the role models of good adjustment at home? Parents are often as clueless as their children and are afraid to admit it when they didn’t also get the instruction at home or school.
There are self-help books for adults. Where are they for children? Do parents feel that it is to their advantage to have children who don’t know anymore than than they did when they were children?
Do children learn how to deal with life from video games, violent programs, or from the drama they see and/or experience at home. Values, ideals, and spirituality are close to being forbidden in schools or anywhere in the public eye. Wholesome shows have been replaced by shows with lots of drama providing bad examples of how to behave in relationships or deal with problems.
Practicing therapy can be a frustrating business especially when it comes after a person’s beliefs and problem-solving behaviors have become crystallized and so much a part of a person’s identity that they feel threatened when challenged to change. It has a lot to do with how a person’s self-esteem is developed and the practices that they are taught to maintain it. Lying, deceiving, and avoiding responsibility are often used by someone when a person is afraid of being criticized and ultimately rejected.
What results is a fear of change and a learned helplessness instead of developing helpful problem-solving skills and a desire to change for the sake of doing better. We are evolving individuals and making mistakes and changing what we do or think is part of the process. I once wrote a story or a poem about “Old King Never Ever Wrong”.
Stories are to teach and not just to amuse or vent rage. Before most people could read or write stories were a way of teaching things and were passed down orally from generation to generation in order to do this. What about the parables Jesus told in the Bible? What about the Bible stories that are still taught in Sunday school or church?
Do you feel that the object of sex is to please your partner and an orgasm is the only thing anybody ever gets out of it. Not so with Tantric sex. It employs the magic of touch and magnifies the experience into an explosion of sensation, possibly even a “flow experience.” Women have often felt “is that all there is” after a sexual encounter. Come with me as I explore this topic….. +
Often people don’t know how potent play can be. It can make real what a child wants to feel and it can mend a broken heart with an afternoon spent with an imaginary friend.
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Listen to what you say to yourself. Do you make it come true?
Unless you meditate, you might not really pay attention to the thoughts that run through your head and realize what an effect that they have on your life.
Do you ever think, “No matter what I think, nothing good ever really happens for me.” The unconscious mind is listening; and if you believe in the unconscious mind, have you considered how the things you say to you self program it?
We have an unconscious mind, a subconscious, and a conscious mind. We constantly program our unconscious mind (which is extremely powerful because we are usually not aware of how it works) with what we consciously say and think.
In hypnosis, therapists, like myself, create conscious behavior by programing the unconscious. A hypnosis “victim” is surprised when they scratch their head when they hear the word, “mother.” Then they remember what happened while they were hypnotized that caused them to do this. It is called “unconscious” conditioning.
You don’t need a hypnotist to do this. You can and do do this to yourself. Have you ever commented to yourself that someone made a thoughtless remark and how rude and unthinking that was? Yet, you do this to to yourself not just others.
Respect and responsibility go hand in hand and vice versa, responsibility and respect go hand in hand. Who takes responsibility honestly and openly these days? Respect gains respect. It is said that if someone respects you, you will respect that person.
Who can you trust to do that? Honor among men and women used to be very important. What about now?