It is unfortunate that some people when bad things happen in order to explain unexplainable things they make connections that make themselves feel really guilty when they actually might not be so. Unfortunately, bad things happen over which we seemingly have no control. This especially happens when someone dies unexpectedly.
From an early age people often makes inaccurate connections between when something bad like this happens and something that they have done unfortunately when they did not know that the unexpected would happen.
This especially happens when someone is grieving and did not know before the person passed away that the person would die unexpectedly. Perhaps there was a family celebration that was not so happy because someone’s feelings got hurt. Being that we often have great expectations for such occasions, this often happens when things don’t meet our expectations and our feelings get hurt or we get mad about something.
Most people know that this will often blow over and be forgotten before the next big family celebration. Then something bad happens and the person blames his or herself for it happening or for not having treated the person who dies unexpectedly right!
A person’s sudden passing is upsetting enough without adding the factor in that one of the persons doing the grieving feels that he or she had a part in it which they now regret. The origin of this problem is often that the person who feels bad would rather they had something to do it rather than it happened for no reason or if by chance a person is not on good terms with the person who passes unexpected and now wishes that he or she had not been that way considering what happened later even though he or she didn’t know that would happen at that time.
It is important to forgive yourself like you should or would do for other people.It is, even more, important to do so if you realize that you had no intention to hurt the person that passed away as you thought this person would be around to make it up if necessary. Don’t blame yourself for something over which you have no control!
We all have the right to have different reasons for celebrating or not celebrating this season. You may choose to feel peace or joy or anger or depression at this time of year. I choose to feel good right now along with many other people. I like to greet people or they like to greet me with “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” so I am going to say, “Have a Blessed Holiday”, to you.
Do you show affection or is it awkward and uncomfortable if you do or someone else does it to you. It has a lot to do with your upbringing. My family background is German and there were few displays of affection while I was growing up and it remains awkward for me to do this even today.
I have said, “Love you,” to some of my family members whom I truly love and they were shocked and didn’t know what to say. I once tried to give my ailing father a hug and he froze. Anger was easier to express in my family than affection.
Physical contact is an important part of showing affection. We all need to be touched whether it is a back rub or physical contact like curling up on the couch to watch a movie with someone.
There is a story about “warm fuzzies and cold pricklies” that illustrates that people need love and affection and can die without out it. Due to an old witch, people got the idea that the amount of warm fuzzies that a person can give is limited and they were encouraged to use cold pricklies provided by the witch.
In my family anger and criticisms were the cold pricklies that kept me alive. Disappointment was sometimes used too. The warm fuzzies were few and far between and they didn’t feel very warm. They mostly were given at a distance as when I would show my Dad my new dress.
Massages of hands and feet can heal certain parts of the body according to Reflexology, Hands are convenient to use as it doesn’t require removing any clothing. Holding each others hands in a group as we pray or meditate or visualize something and the arms can be stretched out to put some space between people as they do this.
Could this affect someone’s sex life. Very definitely so. With all the bands on physical touching in most places, people don’t get much chance to bond this way or offer support and reassurance this way. Sexual relations can be life getting to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank
Pets often get more love and affection than the human family members and they know how to get it. If love and affection are not encouraged when one is a child how can he or she display these things as an adult?
When I went to Sedona, I had the most beautiful massagre and I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable although I was undressed under a sheet. I was not embarrassed when she touched me intimately in parts that I never had been caressed before.
Do you know that boys especially when they start to mature are considered too old for sissy things like displaying or receiving love and affection. It is amazing that because of things like this, that we don’t wither on the vine.
Freedom of speech is a two-way street. It does not protect just one kind of belief. It was ordained to protect the rights for all Americans, not just the Politically Correct (PC) ones. Have we forgotten that?
The American Civil Liberties Union has a strong bias in terms of what freedoms they will protect and they often protect one group’s freedoms and take away the freedoms of another group with an opposite or opposing point of view.
It seems like the American Civil Liberties Union is operating like the PC police and many people who are afraid of being taken to court by them will not say anything although it needs to be said.
When it becomes a war on Christmas, it takes all the merriment, fun, and joy out of celebrating it. I am noticing that stores are not decorating for Christmas as usual. I miss it. Yet, the stores still want people to buy Christmas gifts and decorations, religious or not.
There is a lot of paranoia about celebrating Christmas the old-fashioned way. It is a tradition in the United States of America. Now it seems like people are bending over backwards to facilitate celebrating the religious holidays of other religions.
There are a lot of Muslim converts in prisons forcing prisons to make changes (for example) in the diets of prisoners who are not Muslim. I don’t know if they purchase Kosher food and have special kitchens in which to prepare it for Orthodox Jews. Seventh Day Adventists also have diet restrictions which are part of their belief systems.
Now in our society, I can’t tell certain jokes either. We are not supposed to make fun of people who are different from us even though they might laugh too if they heard what we said. I make fun of myself and have a good sense of humor. I tell jokes about being disabled, being a “Red Neck,” and being just plain stupid sometimes.
What about all the silly Christmas songs? Will the American Civil Liberties Union come after them too.
Training for psychologists has always been politically correct and it always hampered the services we delivered. We are in a world where values are not to be taught and religion should not be practiced. If there are no longer any role models allowed, what will a Godless state be like?
I was trained to not offend clients by talking about values and religion unless they brought it up. Also I was not to critique their beliefs or offer other alternatives unless they did. If I said anything counter to this and offended someone, I was called on the carpet and once lost my job.
Values are to be challenged and religious beliefs ought to be discussed. We are so politically correct sometimes that we can not say something a person needs to hear! Who would you like to live next to? A person with no values and possibly no conscience or a person who has and practices good values?
People do acquire values anyway and if we prevent them from being discussed in school or counseling, what is left? “Bad Guys” don’t feel bad about promoting their values and acting them out. Young people find role models somewhere if they don’t have them at home, school, or church, or in a mentoring situation either individual or group.