When someone is rude inappropriate or disrespectful to you, are you too embarrassed to speak up for yourself or are you afraid that the other person might get angry at you? Some people count on you doing this so they can keep on doing what upsets you either to you or others. Sometimes we feel “we got it wrong” and if we said something we might be made to look foolish.
From the female point of view, some men think that they can grope a woman or cop a feel and the women won’t act like anything is wrong. Somehow taking the blame on themselves, not putting it on the offender. The offender sometimes says, “You liked it. I can tell.” They believe women somehow are inviting them to do this and they are just doing what the women want them to do but are afraid to say.
Should I list the men who have done this to me? Also, some sexual talk, pictures, videos, and movies are off-putting to some women rather than arousing. But we don’t want to rain on a man’s parade and let him do it and even watch, I would say sometimes uneasily, ourselves.
Has woman’s lib gone too far? Are women thinking that under the new era, that women should be more sexually active and cooperative when they are not comfortable doing it? Is groping by your male seatmate in the back seat of a car while another couple makes out in the front seat satisfying or uncomfortable and maybe even embarrassing?
The woman’s idea of a sexual relationship is that it involves at least mutual affection, mutual sexual attraction, comfort, and privacy. Some women up the amp even more and want the penthouse suite so to speak, etc.
Women can be very cautious about expressing their wants and desires sexually and it may be something they have not had practice doing. Men like to express their dominance in a sexual relationship for bragging rights to other men (that’s a no-no) and the secure feeling that they are right about what their opinions are about what makes for great sex (for him) and they won’t take no for an answer.
Another true story, I had a professor like that and it was difficult for my office manager friend to keep him in secretaries he was so disgusting and predatory. Yet, the rest of the office (mainly men) thought he was a great guy. He was actually inconsiderate and self-engrossed.
Did he try something on me, yes, and I did not consider him attractive or available (he was married and had a family) even though I was divorced at the time. During that time there, I met a much younger man with whom I was comfortable with and who was attractive in a cozy comfortable way. I wasn’t a cold fish, the professor was not my cup of tea and he was nasty to women and I didn’t like him or like to be around him.
True story, I was in a small crowded attic room with this professor and other students. Several students and this professor were smoking. My eyes started to water. I am not a smoker. He told me to take my contact lens out if the smoke was bothering me and that day, I was wearing glasses. I said nothing.
How much is allowed to go on; because we don’t speak up. I once told my guiding pastor that it did not seem polite to start a ruckus in church but some people deserved ton be confronted. I was not denying them Jesus but doing what Jesus did with his disciples when they were not doing the right thing, They were ordinary men who sometimes got off in the wrong direction and Jesus knew what they were doing or were going to do and told them that.
What have I got to lose if I do this (speak up in public), maybe just self-respect. Don’t let others “buffalo” you into accepting something from that them that you feel is wrong and should be stopped because somebody is or will or could be hurt. We even though we are innocent bystanders sometimes have to confront the problem we see happening in front of our eyes even if it doesn’t involve us directly.
Once a man (I’ll call him a young man because he has a lot of growing up to do, was “high” in front and was very self-satisfied about how he was when he was high and even proud of himself. I do like and love the guy but he can be exasperating sometimes. I confronted him about being high (he thinks I am a nerd and don”t notice when he is high) and his “false” self-confidence and narcissistic attitude was really phony and annoying.
Having explored many different areas of life and having come to the conclusion that there are:”Different Strokes for different folks,” I suggest we embrace diversity. Just because we are used to something doesn’t mean that there isn’t another way to do it that is accepted elsewhere.
For example, I was invited to a friend’s for supper and there was no silverware. I then realized it was normal in this household for people to eat with their fingers. I come from a German background and in that culture, there are few if any physical displays of affection in adult social situations. A person like me feels embarrassed when we get around people from a different European culture where this is done freely and easily.
Babies die if not given affection: cuddling, cooing, etc. This is called marasmus. Yet something so vital to human life is something most of us have to learn to live without. I remember trying to give my dad a hug as an adult and he shied away from me. It’s only in sexual relations and with very young children that this is allowed.
Who knows what science will say about this in the future? And how vital it may be found to be to human interaction and human thriving.
I can’t remember how many times that males in my life wanted “to cop a feel” without getting any permission. It usually was at the beginning of something that the male thought might eventually lead to sex. It usually left me cold especially if I did not find that person attractive and/or I was involved in another relationship. It led to feeling used, not cared for.
I do “healings” and even with that, I can sense when a person feels okay about me healing them or when it would gross them out or otherwise be unacceptable.