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Monthly Archives: January 2018

Are You Lost And Alone And Easily Rejected?

Recently I took one of those FaceBooks quizzes that was supposed to diagnosis blocks in your life (Mind Movies).  Mine were surprising; but not surprising:  rejection and fear of being left alone.

My biggest fear is the loss of all support in my life.  That when it comes to some issue on which I and my family or friends disagree that I will be “thrown out in the street” so to speak.  If there is a choice between believing and supporting me and themselves or someone else, I will lose. I also strongly fear being rejected and deserted with no support (physical or emotional).

The origins of these fears are being raised with love withdrawal as a primary form of discipline by a mother who wanted to maintain strong control of the family members and it seemed, “It was Her Way or the Highway.”  My mother wasn’t the only one doing this.  My father found my behavior to be very exasperating and once in the middle of an argument, said that he was going to move out.  In those days, dads were the bread earners and child support and welfare didn’t exist or at least I had never heard of it.

On top of this, in this very controlling family, the things that I could do (and there were several) were (it seemed to me) not often praised and sometimes, I felt not even noticed.  In grade school, one of my parents’ desires when grade cards came out was that I didn’t have a messy desk.  Children are very susceptible to believing what they hear and experience while they are young especially when the parents’ motto seemed to be, My word is Law and no other perspective on life is available.

Soon I learned to hide and not share things with my parents.  The worst were any notes from my teacher asking them to come to school to talk about my behavior which the teachers had frequent trouble dealing with (except for my second-grade teacher who was the only woman teacher I had in grade school).

Can I help it that sometimes I am very secretive, that I don’t feel appreciated for things that I really like to do, and in the family competition, I don’t usually win and family members feel that I shouldn’t ask for help even when I think I need it?  And if there is a choice to be made over who stays or goes, I am the one who will get thrown out.

Top that off with at times, I can feel that I have a hard time making and keeping friends.  I feel rejected, left out, and unappreciated.  Sometimes when a sense of some competition with me is felt by others, it seems to turn into jealousy and meanness from and by them.  Yes, I am intelligent and educated as I can accomplish things on my own and stick with something even if it is difficult.

I feel like I have a hard time increasing my likeability and acceptance by others.  I can feel alone in a crowd (not that I like it that way).  My exploration of spirituality has given me some experiences where I did not feel left out.  P.S.:  my mom was shy and always took me long to women’s things like baby and wedding showers to keep her company even when I was very young.

I also feel that if my family read this that they would have it all upside down and backwards and only use it to hurt me.  I love my family and consider it the greatest gift in my life although I initially did not think I would have one.  The contributions they want from me is for me to do things they expect a reliable housewife and mother and breadwinner to be.  Hopefully, this is not followed by love withdrawal if I do not meet their standards.

Finally, my family would probably dismiss my thoughts as all something that got cooked up in the many different therapies I have had.  The real me is reflected in my writings (of which I doubt that they have read many) and if they read any, they would be more likely to give me editorial comments rather than any comments reflecting understanding and acceptance of any of my ideas or experiences portrayed.  When I feel I am in an atmosphere that is open to new ideas and experiences, I can be very free to be me.  How about you?

Love Yourself And It Will Let Others Love You

What a terrible story recently about 13 children who were deprived and abused.  It is such a tragedy.  Children are born to be loved and to love.  Each is a unique creature a flower (or a weed) ready to blossom and thrive in this world with the right care and treatment.  You are that child.  No, we are not meant to be the same.  We all have different places to be in life and in the world and different things to do.  We are precious (if we could just accept this) and often need to be supported by others to recognize this.

Jealousy is the curse of this world.  We all think that there is not enough for us.  Love especially.  There is a story about Cold Pricklies and Warm Fuzzies that illustrates this.  A witch perpetuated the idea that people only had a limited amount of warm fuzzies to share and should limit them only to friends and family.  People who would probably give them back.  In fact, people even became stingy and that’s what the local bad witch wanted to happen so she could sell her Cold Pricklies which looked just like Warm Fuzzies but didn’t work the same.

Phony Pricklies don’t work and they leave the recipient out in the cold.  In fact, these people who get Cold Pricklies can even die (whether they kill themselves from lack of self-love or “die on the vine” from lack of Love from others so to speak.  “Wow,” you say, “I can’t afford to squander my Warm Fuzzies.  What if I don’t get them back?  I need to save ’em too for my loved ones.”

The secret that is most often hidden from all is that the more you give “Love” or “Warm Fuzzies” so to speak; the more you have.  The less you give the less you have.  The hidden secret is that you are loveable.  You just have to believe it to make it come true.

Here is a “Love Exercise” to increase your Love.  Breath in and stretch out your belly.  You may think it is not attractive, but it works.  While you are doing this you are breathing in all the Love in the world and when you breath out your are breathing Love from inside of you back out into the world.  Don’t focus on where you are getting the Love from but believe it is there.   You are initially not focusing on any one person or thing as the source of it.  And again don’t “freak out” when you breathe out Love as this will actually only multiply it and you will end up with more to give.

Finally when you let your Light shine and see yourself as loveable as you were created to be; others will love you too.  Also, remember this saying. “I choose to be happy as I wait for something good to happen.”

The Time Is Up

“Oh, the time is up,” Jonner said.  “My little boy has gone to bed.  What a sleepyhead”; but then he stopped and thought, “But I am a sleepy head too.  The best spot is Grand pa’s chair or Grandma’s lap if he isn’t there.  My favorite human only visits me and part of the time, he is taking a nap too like Grandpa.”

You see, Jonner only comes alive when his human boy comes to visit.  Otherwise, he stays where his boy has dropped him; unless his grandma puts him away in the glass cabinet with all the other animals.  Time passes slowly in the cabinet as all he has to do is think and dream.

Jonner’s life is as big as his little boy’s imagination and he only moves when the moves are plotted in the little boy’s mind and then carried out by the little boy’s hands.  He flys through the air and he hides everywhere like in the half-opened drawers of the bedroom dressers or in the cupboards in the kitchen.

Jonner’s moves are only as fast as the little boy thinks.  He’s a fireman, a cowboy,  a soldier; and sometimes he needs a veterinarian to fix his hurts or even one of grandma’s kisses to reassure him he will get well, and grandpa always tells him to keep going he is not hurt that much.  Then the little boy takes him in his clutch and he goes on to play again.

The little boy knows what he is going to do when he grows up.  He is going to be a cat herder and he proudly wears a cap his aunt gifted him that says, “Cat Herder.”  When he started school, his mom took him to the animal shelter to get a kitten of his own so he wouldn’t feel alone when he slept on his own in his new room downstairs and he was unaware that his parents also had a small camera there where they could see him sleep and hear him weep.  If something happened, they could be there for him in a very short time and his parents’ room was just upstairs.  He could no longer share a room with the babies upstairs as he needed his sleep and they could keep him awake.

The boy had dreams and they did not make him scream as his new cat was there and in his dreams, also Jonner was there.  Sometimes even magically so they would fly together and look at the ground below.  The only thought that he had as he took the flight that it would have been nice if his new kitten had also been able to take flight.  In his sight, as they magically went through walls of his grandparent’s house in the bedroom was the glass cabinet were the other stuffed animals there.