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Currently inspired by books by Joyce Meyers, babysitting some of my eight grandbabies, and picking up after my spouse. Teaching psychology when the local junior college needs me. Would love to be on a cruise ship lecturing and signing my latest book. Wouldn't mind taking a couple of friends with me who have never been on a cruise.

Finding Your Way Without A GPS System

Everyone has a journey in life and hopefully at the end of that journey, they have found their way!  Who are you?  Who am I?  Once we realize that many of the influences we have had in life since birth have formed our self-concept.  At some point in life, we realize that these outside influences have thwarted our finding our own path and realizing what abilities and resources have been given us to help us on our way and it is time to find out who we really are and what are we doing here.  I have reached the time in life when it becomes more important for us to know what is our pathway and how and when can we meet our goals before we transition (which I prefer rather than using the word die).

If you have followed my posts you may have realized what some of my goals and values are, things which I have been searching for most of my life.  I grew up in a rather strict and sometimes rigid Lutheran church at a time when my mother’s motto was, “What will other people think?”  Both the church school and my parents tried to control my life.  Anytime, I tried to be “ME” I usually got in trouble.  It was here that I connected with books.  I learned there a lot of things that I wasn’t taught in school or at home.  I thought about being a Catholic nun and a nurse.  Then I found the James Bonds books before they were made into the famous movies.  College and graduate school were rigorous and I had little time for outside fun.  Although I often hid in the library stacks and looked at old magazines from the 50s and World War II.  In high school, I was able to catch old movies from World War II that were on right after I got off the bus.  In high school, I did some arts and crafts and was in band but then I thought I wasn’t good enough in these areas to pursue them as careers.  I even played a crazy lady in Gas Light our senior class play.  I realized I was not that good at memorizing lines.

It wasn’t til my second marriage and my first child that I realized I had an interest in finding out who I really was when I met Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and started on a spiritual journey reading book after book and attending workshops but a spiritual calling (or New Age as it was called) was not very acceptable at that time and I felt I almost had to go undercover with my interests.  I did meet a few people and found a few groups that attracted me because of these interests, but I never settled in or on one group permanently and/or completely finished a path of study.  I was frustrated because none of these things I pursued was exactly right.  I might be attracted to them for a period of time and focused on them seriously for a while, but never finished any one course of study.  I didn’t seriously think that I had accomplished much in my life and I felt that other people felt that way too about me.  I could not meet other peoples’ standards completely and I really didn’t know what I was missing.  At the same time, my husband and I had three kids (which I never thought I would have a chance to have) and they became entangled in our lives and hearts.

Now from my perspective that I have now I came to realize I had to have some of these experiences and so-called failures to take to where I am now and a lot of my mistakes led to me having experiences with people where I was able to give them acceptance and respect even though they were supposedly lower class.

It wasn’t until my revival in the Christian church lately that I realized I was often doing what Jesus and the apostles did.  I also discovered I could sing hymns and had memorized the words and the melodies singing in church and never got a chance to have the singing lessons I thought I could use.  My interest in fashions and interior decorating and architecture were an outlet for my love of harmony and beauty.  I grew up on a farm and wound up on a farm although I had gotten a Ph. D.  I found out that I didn’t really want to be cooped up in a city where I couldn’t have room to enjoy mother nature.

But I still am discovering things about myself and who I am like those DNA commercials on TV but different.  I take care of others more than I take care of myself.  I love working with children, hypnosis (how often am I really in a trance?), and the use of drawing in therapy ( especially with children) and in projective diagnostic testing.  I continue to learn life’s lessons that sometimes something has to end in my life before something new can come in and this is especially true with friends.  I am totally loyal to my friends and chose them by how they feel about me and how I feel about them not by what I can do for them or what they can do for me.

Many things have happened to me spiritually and otherwise that I originally felt could be made up and not “real” and now I accept all my memories and experiences even if they don’t make sense at the time.  I have had experiences that were not “normal” and felt like I had to reject them because other people thought they had not had them and therefore, they were not normal to them and therefore, shouldn’t be normal for me.  In the Bible which I am reading now, a lot of things happened to people that were written about that were not “normal”.

Could you write your personal life story too?  Your experiences are “meaningful” and have guided your life.

If You Don’t Want To Do It, Don’t Say, “Yes”, And Then “Gunny Sack” It!

Many people play games and if they win, they can say, “Gotcha.”  This first happened to me when we had our first child and my husband’s aunt volunteered to come with me and the baby to a specialist in St.Louis.  Later I learned from her that she was just being nice and didn’t really want to do it.  Sometimes I can be very independent because of this Catch 22.  Especially when it winds up in the gunny sack which will be opened up at a later date and used against me!

Also, beware of narcissistic sociopaths and borderline personality disorders as they can manipulate you too.  You will wind up taking the blame and the perpetrator will wind up smelling like a rose and be one up on you too.  For these people lying is their favourite sport.  They like to see how easily they can take you in and leave you in the dumpster.

Worse yet they can cause your friends to think bad of you while they get accepted as the “real” victim, not you.  Initially, they can get you to care about them and take their side, but they are just as phoney as a three dollar bill.  You know how poison ivy can spread?  This is worse because you can never get over it.  Accomplished liars are good at telling the “truth” and leaving you, not them in the lurch,   And if they are good enough, then they can take all your friends away and make them their friends!

They can use anything such as a “fake” conversion experience to get you to take their side initially and to be considered to be a loyal friend by your former friend or friends.   “The devil made me do it,” is an honest reason for doing this but they would never admit it.  A good liar manipulator is often so good at this because they don’t really have a conscience to bother them like you do.

A family member like this aimed to put her stepfather in the nursing home so she could inherit.  A stroke of luck as she died before he did.  Sometimes I feel life is a snake pit and you always have to be on the lookout for snakes which might bite you.

The fraudulent manipulators never seem to get the blame; they just get the goods and take off with them.  It can be very difficult because you may be the only person that sees through them.  Good Luck!

Quit Negating Yourself!

Ever say something to yourself about something you are wanting to have or do and immediately saying that it will never happen? and finish the job by saying Why it will never come to be?  I do.  Move over if you think you have ever done this, as I have done this too consistently.

Why you talk yourself right out of it and it doesn’t have a chance.  Do you read about positive thinking and affirmations but figure they wouldn’t work for you anyway.   And when they don’t work do you tell people that you tried but they don’t work for you and you have given up visualizations and vision boards.  It only works for Oprah!

Have you ever dreamed up a special dress for a special occasion and worked on the idea changing things here and there in order to make it perfect?  I planned and planned additions to my old house and yes we did use one of them.  Later I started looking at double wides and multitudes of floor plans even visited many different sites so I could see the actual thing.  Yes, I wound up with one when we had to move.

Now I feel frustrated because there are things about our doublewide now that I would like to fix. And my husband would like to add a garage-above ground storm shelter.  Now I know what worked for me so I am going to do research and make plans for the needed addition and changes to the house.  It still needs some windows replaced which on one occasion, I would like to change the old picture window for a bay window.

We often spend more time proving why something we want to do don’t work than we spend on why something could work.

It’s Their Drama, Not Yours

I learned a valuable lesson today:  “It’s Their Drama, Not Yours!  I’m a fixer-upper by nature and it doesn’t hurt that I am in a helping profession.  “Did I hurt your feelings”  Whose feelings are they?  “You should have known in the first place that I didn’t want to do it!”  “So why didn’t you let me off the hook?”  Am I a bad guy because I should have known that even though they said,”Yes,”  They really didn’t want to do it.and they felt it was an imposition.

Now whatever you do, they get mad because you couldn’t read minds.  They take that load off their shoulders and put it on yours.  Now you end up feeling bad instead of them.  It is like a sudden rainstorm landed right above your head and you get soaked.  They wind up feeling better and you have accepted a part in their drama that you really didn’t want and really didn’t earn.

What if you had a really good time and thought they had too.  Whose fault is it?  It’s not yours and why didn’t they “fess up earlier that they didn’t want to be there.  Imagine you cooked a really good meal from a recipe you found and wanted to try and felt you had successfully mastered a good meal.  Then someone tells you that there was something in the meal that caused an untoward reaction in them and you should have known it would, but they didn’t remind you and ate it anyway.

Another person who ate the meal smiled and said that they liked it but really they didn’t like casseroles as they were a meat and potatoes type of person.  What happened is that you fixed a nice meal for a couple of ingrates.  What a waste of time! and now you get mad when you didn’t feel bad before.  Is it catching?  Drama attracts drama.  Sometimes no one is happy unless no one else is happy.

Is drama a disease?  Sometimes it is not so bad when the contagion involves happiness and success.  How about learning that someone is going to have a baby.  Whoops there was one person in the crowd who is childless and unable to get pregnant or better yet did successfully have a baby by in vitro fertilization and then lost it to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).  This can be a wet blanket and the person with the news now feels bad that they even mentioned it in front of that person.

Some people even stage a situation so they can create drama.  This woman had a display of fragile glass perfume bottles on a coffee table and almost the first thing that she did was to call the toddlers present attention to it and if they would not have touched the perfume bottles in the first scenario; but they will now.  Possibly it will result in a broken bottle or two, maybe the most expensive ones.  The payoff in drama is superlative and the instigator is super comfortable in her innosence, but the others don’t know how she did it or even that she set it up.

See the previous post, “Leave the Drama to the Lama”.  Feelings can be catching; but often not in a good way.  Have you ever left a group when an argument became heated.  Some of these situations can leave you shell-shocked with PTSD  (post-traumatic stress syndrome).  This is what makes soap operas so exciting.  What will they stir up next?  Calm down.  Go listen to some soothing music, take walk in the park.  Make a quick exit back to where you are feeling good again.  If someone had a bad cold would you stand close to them, kiss them or maybe even drink out of their glass.  You wouldn’t expose yourself to that so don’t expose yourself to somebody’s drama.

Sometimes drama is fun like in movies or books; but you know it is not really happening in front of you.  You might get scared, laugh hysterically, or even shed a few tears but you know down deep that it isn’t real.  If you tend to take some things seriously, then you might avoid certain types of stories.  Me, I don’t like horror shows.  There are enough really scary things happening in real life.  Has anyone followed the news lately?

 

Devilish Behavior And The Las Vegas Shooting – A Hypothesis

There has been a lot of people looking for a motive for the shooter in the Las Vegas shooting.  They haven’t found any accomplices and the shooter was a known moderately (by Vegas standards) successful gambler and he had openly lived that life before the shooting.  He had gone on 12 or 13 cruises in the last year.  He had several homes. It apparently took a lot of planning, the acquiring of specific knowledge, and the scoping out of other possible locations and events where he could have carried the same type of atrocity.  He knew how to aim his semi-automatic weapons standing upon special platforms and he had made calculations to be sure he would aim the rifles in such a way as to enable him to kill or wound the most people.

Now you might not believe in the devil and/or in demon possession as described in the Bible but it seems to fit here.  Could a bargain have been made with the devil which allowed him to live the successful life he did even though he started his life with a very low-level job?  Also, his girlfriend said that he would struggle and thrash in bed (was he fighting with a demon or dealing with demon possession?).  It also accounts for the extensive planning that he did, the knowledge that he acquired, and possibly the targets.  Surely the devil would like to have him choose a target which would include a lot of lovers of country music which are often Christians?  Maybe he didn’t need an accomplice if he already was involved in a pact with the devil or had opened himself to demon possession.  As I present this hypothesis, I am calling upon the name of Jesus to rebuke the devil and his accomplices and to protect me from the devil.

The possibility of mental illness has been proposed, but it usually is not possible for a mentally ill person to be so successful in doing something that involved so much knowledge and preparation.  Was he a narcissistic sociopath? a paranoid schizophrenic?  Often mental illness leads to confusion and unrealistic ideas of special powers and also unrealistic ideas of how to carry out distorted ideas.  Yes, they can desire to kill people.  Maybe he had it in for Christians; but if he did, he told no one about it.  There has so far been any evidence of any delusions.  He was not the type of guy who stood out in any crowd and he was known as a frequent successful gambler but he did not cause any problems.   He was not known to associate with anybody but his girlfriend and, if not her,  prostitutes.

 

How Men And Women Differ On The Subject Of Sexual Harrassment

Men do what women consider to be gross things and some men go so far as to think that women are asking for it.  Ugh (my comment as a woman).  Ick!  Men like to think that women think like them.  It makes it easier for them to sexually harass women because  then they can think that women are asking for it.  This makes it easier for them to do things to or in front of women that are actually disgusting to most women.

I have been shown Play Boy center foldouts and asked to be present when a psychiatrist does a physical exam on male patients so I could do the mental exam.  I was not a nurse or physician.  I have been invited back to see a therapist that I had seen so I could let him know how I was doing.  I opened the door and he had set up his office so that I could join him on the floor and make out.  Where had I gone wrong or where had they gone wrong.  I was shocked and didn’t know what to say.  I am telling you this because I shouldn’t have felt ashamed and kept this quiet for many years.  Where did these men come off by doing this?  P.S. I was also groped on the Grey Hound bus by the guy seated next to me when I was trapped by him in the window seat.

Men can spend hours talking about women who they think have led men astray.  Maybe it was the other way around.  Women’s reputations have been tarnished this way.  Men’s reputations are not tarnished this way, they are seemingly enhanced.  If women fooled around as much as men think they do, they wouldn’t have time for anything else.  Most women usually have so much to do involving working, taking care of the home, and caring for children, when would they have time?  When could they sneak away to do this?

I think most of this goes on often only in men’s minds and they think that women must think like they do.  If this is so, then they think they are justified in acting on it.  If a man is running around on a woman, then he often thinks that she must want to do the same.  This then justifies their wanting to do it more.

This does not forgive women who use their sexuality to entrap men and use them.  This has led to men (especially in conservative circles) not wanting to be alone with women unless their husband is around or they are with a group.  What do you think?  I think most women will say that they would “like” to be with a certain movie star or music star, but often that is far as it goes.

Often women have trouble accepting their sexual attractiveness and they sometimes “dress down” and use little or no makeup because of this.  This can spoil whatever appropriate sexual relations that they have with a man with the women not feeling sexually attractive or even sexually attracted to their partners.  Women’s sexuality is often fragile and easily tainted this way.  While many men have rehearsed the sexual act both in their minds and in actual self-stimulation.  Having sexual thoughts seems to be more acceptable for men.

There is a form of child sexual abuse where a mother may flaunt her sexuality in front of her young son both by having open sexual relations with a man in front of him and by displaying her body to him by having little or no clothes on.  This can lead to fondling of the child by tempting the boy to touch her and cuddle with her?!

Education is important.  We need to know what is appropriate and not appropriate in the sexual realm.  No education does not keep children and some grownups safe and sound.  Ignorance is not bliss in many cases.  When it is found inappropriate, the victims should know that they should speak up and to whom they can do it.  When I was harassed above, I initially had no idea of what to do, I felt shamed, and I kept the secret to myself for a long time.

Notice there are no pictures illustrating this post.   I do not want to promote anything by having what might be considered sexually explicit pictures.

 

Quit Dumping On Other People And Letting Them Clean It Up

In Hawaii, there are fines for littering.  People you wouldn’t think of as doing this, dump on others all the time.  Some rich people never pay someone that provides them with services, they just find someone else.  Because they are rich, people take them on as a customer, thinking there will be no problem getting paid.  I call this ripping them off.  Who will bother going to small claims court?

We have had very few dogs and cats on the farm that we got from a breeder.  Farmers probably have more rescue animals than anyone else and they may even get them neutered.  Dumping an animal in a place way out in the country is thinking that someone else will find the animal and take pity on it or it will get killed or die of starvation.

Don’t be a “rich” childless aunt or uncle; because poorer relatives will “borrow” from you and never pay it back.  Thinking that it won’t hurt you or that you will forget how much they owe you.  They think that you have plenty of money anyway.

Finally how about dumping kids on somebody else?  Many people have kids but don’t want the responsibility of raising them.  They sluff them off on somebody else (or the foster care system) and only show up when necessary to assert their property rights.  Kids are not property for those want to claim ownership and the ordinary court system is not the place to determine custody of them.

Are You Pineing For A Punk?

What First Attracts!

Are you pining for a punk?  You might be if your story is part of the content of a scandal sheet.  Being recently confined for illness, my friend gave me a buch of scandal sheets. Whether I knew them or not, I found a common theme, recent breakups and connections between famous people.  They have everything, shouldn’t their relationships work out?

How they treat each other is outrageous!  When under the influence of first Love, it appears that they can’t see straight!  Faults are glossed over and relationships are formed immediately without much time to get to know the other person, faults and all.  They have the ways and means with which to get over involved.  Common sense goes out the window.  When things come down crashing down (reality rears its ugly head),  there is surprise and obvious grieving for something that wasn’t to be in the first place.

Falling in love is not supposed to be a revolving door.  Test the waters and see if you want some more.  In these relations ships, it is just too easy to leave and find someone else eager to be the new LOVE.  Doing this seems to mean that the new person is some type of winner and not the loser they might be.  Just because you are choosy doesn’t mean you are a loser because someday you might pick the winner and avoid messy relationships with people that don’t go anywhere.

FAME ATTRACTS!

Fame, money are very attractive.  Yet somebody with a great talent may not have much to offer other than that.  It is hard to mix that kind of glamourise life with success in the real world.  Whatever attracted him or her to you might wear off and leave you high and dry.  Cheating proliferates in this type of world and is supposed to be tolerated complete with possible STD’s.

The Missing Link

Relationships turn into a kind of a game with one-up-manships proliforating.  Security does not exist and when a crisis occurs, the sufferer is usually left high and dry.  What do you want a glamourse red carpet evening dress that you have to be sewn into or a practical comfortable attractive outfit that you can  wear over and over?  Relationships are that way too.  Even though he or she is not to your taste and you are not his or her taste, doesn’t mean you are a failure.  You both just avoided a big mistake.

Remember When You Are Down, Some People Like To Keep You There

Some people can be particularly nasty.  Maybe it’s the devil in them.  When you’re down and can’t bring yourself up, some people particularly relish the idea of making you feel even worse about yourself and not having any reason for living.  Maybe because they are jealous of the person they try to bring down and they think it will make them feel good.  Just as the devil is jealous of all believers,

When I was premenstrual, I often would have one day where I was down and couldn’t bring myself back up.  One time I even had a dream where I was trying to commit suicide by trying to drown myself in a pool.  If I hadn’t of known that I would usually have one day like that before my period, I would have let it get to me.  I would weather the storm knowing that the next day I would not feel so down so I didn’t let it get to me.

Some people are so evil that they would even provide the means for a suicidal person to commit suicide.  A boy’s parent gave him as a Christmas present the gun that his brother had used to commit suicide.  See the book by M. Scott Peck, The People Of The Lie.

Sometimes when parents lose a child that they favored they wish that it would have been another child in the family that died.  This is heinous as usually, that child had nothing to do with the death of the other child.  It could have been an illness, an accident or a suicide that caused the death.

If a person’s self-esteem is particularly low, they can even think that it would be doing the world a favor by killing them self.  These people can be particularly fragile and vulnerable to negative thoughts and feelings.  Bringing someone like that down even further can artificially raise someone else’s self-esteem.

Before The Time Is Up, Use It Wisely

Can You Beat The Clock? 

Time is like money.  It is something you can spend wisely or foolishly.  It belongs to you and it is like you have your own bank account except if you don’t use it, you lose it.  Pretend then that it is your money and what will you do with it?  When you procrastinate or sleep on the job, you misuse it.  Sleep itself is not bad but there is a time and a place for it.  We all need 7 to 8 hours of sleep in a day.  Mindlessly watching TV or checking your texts or social media can be addicting and before you know it you can have an addiction problem and may be no better than an alcoholic.

Achievement is important in the use of time.  Think of it as something you can use to accomplish something.  I don’t know about you, but things talk to me when I see things that need to be done.  It adds to my mind clutter.  Worrying about doing something rather than doing it.  Arguing with yourself about why somebody else should do it, not you.  These things are a waste 0f precious time and shouldn’t be left attracting your attention.  Right now my kitchen floor is reminding me that it is past time to be mopped.  I can sweep it, but not mop it what is stopping me from doing the former when I can’t do the latter.  That mop bucket full of water is impossible for me to lift, but I can push a broom and I have a dust pan with a handle.

If you goof off, do it well.  It is not wrong to enjoy something like a TV show or a newspaper, but don’t stay glued to the TV when something you wanted to watch is over.  Us senior citizens often fall asleep.  Time passes quickly when you are having fun or when you sleep through something.

Life is like a box of chocolates.  Delicious to eat but they are quickly gone if you can’t help yourself from eating them all at once.  Sometimes you concentrate on the “delicious” things to do and avoid the things you consider boring or useless, but they can make life unpleasant if you have to pay for them later like avoiding flushing the stool after having your morning B. M.

Once I shared a bathroom with a girl who was also renting a room there.  We did not speak and I hardly ever saw her.  Until she got drunk (I think) and threw up all over the stool and the floor in our shared bathroom.  I waited for her to clean it but I couldn’t ignore it as the facilities were unusable until I gave in and cleaned them up no matter how icky and stinky they were. like this that you put off only get worse over time.  Things like this that you put off only get worse over time.

There is nothing wrong with time off if you use it wisely because before you know it, it will be gone.  Some people use up vacation and sick days when they get them.  Then they are bankrupt when it comes to time off.  Some people save them for a major illness or extra money when they retire and get reimbursed for them.  It really is your time, not theirs.  I am going to use mine right now to take a break for lunch which I plan to enjoy before I get back to work and finish this.