How come we leave the most important jobs to chance and neglect providing any preparation for them in the aim of providing people the chance to put their mark on something very important or to ignore it . Do we have the inalienable right to mess up somebody’s life before the person even has a chance to live it? Is reproduction a right or a privilege? Could we mess up another person’s life this drastically if we weren’t allowed to exert this influence until their were of a majority? Does ownership apply only to property and not to people? Sometimes you would think so but it is not true. Do we have the right to mess up a person’s life just because we took part in the conception of him or her? Environmentalists want to restrict people’s rights to use their property but we don’t want to restrict a family’s rights to shape their offspring’s development and future contributions to society and to stunt or restrict a child’s future potential?
People who get parenting classes early enough either before they have children or before it is too late to help their children find it benefits both themselves and their offspring. In terms of protecting people’s rights to promote have their own set of values we may prevent some people from having any values at all or from being exposed to any set of values. Are or are not values useful? Do values help guide people to acqiring goals in life and acquiring respect for other people having their own maybe different sets of values. Not having values and therefore not teaching them often leads to only protecting the right to not having any values. Also the value of human life either after conception or after birth often has no value and results in killing and enslaving other humans.
Love often gets left out of the equation when values get left out of the equation. Babies placed in orphanages in the past to be raised without mothers (or fathers) failed to thrive and did not live to grow up. Some people get more upset about the abuse and neglect of animals than they do about that of children and babies born and unborn.. Some animals if given tne chance become emotionally attached to other animals or humans if given the chance. Do humans have the right to be given this chance. We talk about pets who give their masters unconditional love and how people who are alone and maybe also ill do better if they have access to pets. What is unconditional love. It is love given without the expectation of it being returned. It is recognition of the innate worth of life. It is something that innately benefits the giver as much as it benefits the recipient.
Love is giving without expecting it to be returned. Modern day business people might think that a person would be crazy to do this. Forced giving does not assuredly generate trust nor reciprocation. Stoke the fire and watch the blaze. Each person has something to give. Love is the core of values. Caring for other forms of life reinforces the value we have for life. Often we give up caring about something because we feel it won’t help. Evil (the absence of values) is facilitated by those who have been encouraged to have no hope that they will to be able to make a difference.
Look up the words, “power” and “force.” We are often encouraged to think that we don’t have the strength to be able to make something to happen. This is the core belief behind wars. That is that we have to exert force and go against somebody’s will in order to make them do something they don’t want to do but what we want them to do anyway. “Power” is the strength inherent in wanting really to do good. It is stronger than “force.” Good people often don’t use it because they don’t think that the have it and /or that it will work against the force of evil. However, consider Gandhi and Martin Luther King as examples of “power” in action. “Love” and “good” are the strength behind power.
Stoke the fire of “good” and watch the blaze. Giving unconditional love is the way to do this. We are not “powerless” as other people who have no values, who want other people to have no values, and who would use “force” to generate evil would like us to think.
Let it go, let it go, let it go. Why change is so hard. Did you ever think you were perfect? That you can’t make a mistake. Many people do and that is why it is so hard for most people to change. To change and therefore admit that you might need forgiveness for something that you did is almost impossible for some people. Too often we are so hard on ourselves that we can’t or won’t let us make a mistake. Changing something indicates that you didn’t do something right the first time. Edison and Lincoln shared the same “fault?” They had many failures and thus had to admit that they did something wrong and change what they were doing.
Frequently that is one of the biggest blocks to success in therapy. The patient has to admit that something or somethings that they did in the past didn’t work and that is why they are not working for them in the present. For example, men often say, “If I could just find a woman that….” my problems would be solved. Group therapy is sometimes useful in removing this block because of the feedback that they get from other group members that this tactic is not working. They may be able to give this man many different examples of how this didn’t work in this man’s everyday life and in the group itself.
When it comes to control, the only one you can really control and thus change is yourself. If you believe that things for you won’t change unless other people change, you are at a dead end. In our society, we are often looking for someone to blame and yet if the person at fault won’t admit that then things won’t change.
In experiments, it is as often as important to find out what doesn’t work as it is to find out what works. People often find this so hard to accept that they falsify consciously or unconsciously results. For example, in a study on snake phobia, psychologists found people who admitted they were snake phobic and thus could be tested for effectiveness of the therapeutic procedure by facing a real live snake. Real snake phobics wouldn’t do that and thus wouldn’t admit they were snake phobic because they were too afraid that that might happen.
These scientists often feel that they have only made a significant contribution if they have found the cure that works which would only have worked in this situation because the experimental subjects they found were not “real” snake phobics. They would have been hiding in the woodwork where I hid when they brought real snakes into the office hidden in shoe boxes.
Sometimes the greatest findings are made by mistake. Something goes wrong in the experimental process and the scientists are in spite of this successful. This can be true in therapy. Often when a person is trying to find someone to love them, they are not aware that person really has to be him or herself. How can you love yourself if you do things wrong and can’t forgive yourself, let alone find others to forgive you. No many people think mistakenly that you have to be perfect for others to love you and you can’t admit that you have done anything wrong and get the love you need.
Find yourself; not someone else. It may be admirable to have a child or even children who are like you and follow in your footsteps; but he or she or they may not be comfortable in your shoes. In times past, it was important for people to have children so they could pick up where they left off. Parents trained their children to take their place someday and to be of help to them in a labor intensive time. Parents usually were not happy if their children did not take over for them.
Now it is more a matter of self-validation. It confirms to the parent that he or she took the right path when the children take the same path. Sometimes it is like the story of the ugly duckling. Remember that one turned out to be a swan, different, but beautiful. You can feel like the ugly duckling if you don’t fit into your family, class in school, or community. Some children like the ugly duckling even look different from the people that they are being raised with when if they were being raised with their own genetically kind (people who would probably look like them) wouldn’t look different at all. Down syndrome children and some biracial children are even often seen as different from their relatives.
If you study genetics and how traits are passed down from parent to child, you will often find that it is a very complex problem and doesn’t always work the way it seems it should. Children can have the same parents and have surprisingly different traits. This is also true of apptitudes and abilities. Add into this what happens to them from the time of conception to birth which may not be like their siblings and the children and their parents will still be related; but can be very different. Also traits may get passed down, but not to the desired child or sex (like first born male).
Children inherit tempraments which may or may not be like that of their parents. Sometimes oil and water do not mix. An “easy” parent may inherit a slow to warm up child and he or she can’t understand why his or her child does not easily take to new things.
Some talents or abilities which might be very strong can not be desired or appreciated in the family or society into which a person is born. I was born on a farm and eventually married a farmer (after doing other things) and I can understand why he sometimes does not understand why a “city” boy does not know how to do things farm boys know how to do and he has difficulty valuing what the “city” boy can do by virtue of his college education even if it was not in agriculture.
As much as I love flowers, I don’t want them to be all alike all the time. I like seeing new and different ones. Also some flowers that some people call flowers around here are called weeds by other people in other places. This might even be true of people growing marijuana when flowers appear in their plots. (I am not recommending that you start growing marijuana however.)
Be yourself as long as you are not deliberately hurting yourself (or others for your own gain) and when you find yourself, you will make your contribution to the world and become what YOU were or are meant to be. I believe finding yourself is why we were meant to be as we each have our own contribution to make. If we pay too much attention to what others tell us we should be, we may get led astray. It may not be easy, but it often will be rewarding. For example, how many shoes at how many shoe stores do some of us have to try before we find a shoe that fits us, feels good, and wears well. It usually is a personal thing. What shoe style works for one may not work for another. Also many people, especially women, pay the price for wearing shoes that they think they should wear because they are in fashion, etc. (Check out Oprah on this issue.)
Much Ado About Almost Nothing or Save Your Drama for Your Llama! A Llama is a Drama Queen.
I recently purchased a tee shirt with the saying on it saying, “Leave Your Drama To My Llama” I didn’t know at the time that I was going to go off on a tangent about Llamas. My first thought (which was not “politically correct“) was of changing the first two letters of “Llama” to “Ob“. Oops, now I am talking politics and I am not sure what is happening to our freedom of speech in this country so bear with me while I digress; but I have.
I knew the shirt was meant for me as it was in my favorite colors, pink and turquoise and it was my size, at my price point (two bucks), and it was the only one. I have never seen one like it before or since. It was meant for me I concluded. I was looking for something to wear to my class on Halloween. Screwy, right?
Nobody got the pun in my class so I decided to look up a Llama as a symbol and this is what I found
“LlamaEndurance, service, sacrifice. Hard work, responsibility, stubbornness. Llama people tend to be sociable, giving, and easygoing, but fully capable of standing up for themselves if crossed. Llama medicine can teach us to relax and trust in our own abilities to maneuver even the most difficult paths in life,” from Foxloft.com. Does that fit me?
Because I did the search for Llamas as symbols; I found several memes about Llamas. I liberally salted these through out this post. I’ll keep looking as this intrigues me as I had never heard of the “Drama Llama” before. What do you know about this? See below. Just joking?
I am sure most people have had a narrow escape where they met a person and got involved with them and escaped before any damage was done. I once went out with a person whose sex seeking line was, “You wanna?” He said this at the end of the first date. He drug me from one college party to another where he would consume “doubles” and “triples”. I was glad to get out of that relationship as he was the one doing the driving that day and also he had ignored me all day and even stopped on the way home to wait while his buddy had a quickie with the girl he was with.
Anyone who knows me knows I am a cat person like some people are dog persons. I went out with this guy also for the first time and he told me he liked to go out into the woods and shoot feral cats for fun. Needless to say, I never went out with him again. I surely got the wrong number in both cases.
Some people think that they got lucky and escaped into the arms of someone else before their partner could dump them. No matter what if you left them or they left you, you both could be making the same mistake if you do this. That is going from one person to another with the same problems. I did, but I got lucky. When the first guy I was dating seriously after my divorce dumped me, he revealed his passive-aggressive side which had hurt me before.
It takes at least two years and/or some exploration on your part of what the problems were in your past relationship, both the other person’s and your own, before you can enter into another relationship without making the same mistake as you did before. Haven’t you heard of women who kept getting involved with alcoholics time after time?
What rules do I have for being a better person? I answered this question in a post of another website. Some are easily remembered and others I often am only reminded of when I do not follow them.
Rules To Become A Better Person:
Don’t pass judgments on others. This means too that I will keep a rein on any criticizing. As the Bible says, “Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone.”
To forgive all wrongs that have been done to me and in doing so practice extreme forgiveness. Not to hold a grudge. Not to carry resentments against others. Going even further this means forgiving every person whose behavior I have let effect negatively me in some way even going so far as to forgive radical terrorists.
Ask that what happens be not just for my own good but also for the good of others.
To work on keeping the word, “should”, out of my vocabulary. That is more for my own good than the good of others.
Keeping a good attitude towards life. Expecting the best instead of the worst.
To keep the amount of worrying that I do down to a minimum. If I must think about potential problem, let it be in order to plan ahead.
To constantly wish for the best for others (and for myself and my loved ones).
To remember humans are not God’s only creations and to treat those in the animal, plant, and also the mineral kingdom like I would like to be treated.
To rejoice in the blessings that others receive and to be happy for them.
To put the best construction on everything. That is to not always assign evil motives to others’ actions.
Not to let fear or anger take over my life and determine what I do and say. Going even further, to not let fear paralyze me or anger turn into murderous rage.
To routinely meditate and practice having a quiet, peaceful mind.
Along with meditation, to keep an open mind and to never stop learning. You will never know what you might discover. Don’t limit yourself to studying under one teacher or mastering one spiritual discipline.
To love others as I love myself. To bless all who I come in contact with and all who inhabit this place with me.
To love myself first and foremost and if I love myself, I will follow these rules.
To respect myself. In order to do this, I need to act, think, and be that which I inwardly and spiritually need to be.
To practice self-discipline in everything I do since I am the only one responsible for my life and what I accomplish.
In other words, if I were God, what would I like for me to be? With God, all things are possible; alone, I am only an imperfect being.
I have not been extremely pithy in doing this; but I will continue to think about this and revise my list as necessary. I am not being God, I am just being what God wants me to be and it is the best thing for me. Stay with me on my journey to self-realization and see if I can help you with yours.
To love, respect, and honor children and (don’t forget) adolescents as well.
Above all, don’t deliberately lie whether by omission or commission especially to yourself, your significant other, and your children when older and your parents when younger.
To not categorize people, whether by age, sexuality, cultural background, financial status, political or religious beliefs or by the judgments of others. I made it a point in school to not absolutely accept the judgments of teachers by what other people said. I often found somebody’s difficult professor was a good one for me. Also when I do put people in categories, I often am drawn into a situation where I have intimate contact with someone I categorized negatively.
Be discriminating when necessary, but not judgmental.
To consider that we all are equally loved and accepted in the eyes of God and we all have equal potential to be able to live up to what God expects of us.
Disgusting things like insects used to freak me out. What’s disgusting? From an objective point of view nothing is disgusting Take a look around. What were you taught that was uky? Taking this idea even further, what is beautiful? If you love something, isn’t it beautiful? Everything is made of atoms and you can break that down even farther into vibrations. What is good or bad about vibrations? I guess nothing unless they can hurt living things, you, me, the trees, the animals etc.
Where did this idea about writing about disgusting things come from? I had a dream about bugs last night. Different kinds of bugs had gotten into something I was using and, in my dream, I and other people were picking them out. Do you realize that there are all different kinds of bugs and they are marvels of engineering. Can you see beauty in bugs? Well, what if you were taught how to see it when you were a child. My initial reaction to insects has been ick, except for butterflies, moths, lady bugs, and dragon flies. They are marvelous miniature creations of nature and they can do somethings we can’t do. Have you ever spun a web?
More disgusting things. Getting a little more gruesome, some animal (probably a cat) had left a grayish glob of what looked like guts and worms on my porch. Since, I have small grandchildren that play out there, I wanted to get it and throw it away so they couldn’t get in to it. Well, I cheated , my son happened to have a rubber glove in his pocket so he picked it up and threw it over the railing. I, however, didn’t have an
apoplectic fit like I might have had in the past.
The more well-rounded we become, the better we are able to judge what actually goes on on earth. I used to reject things that I didn’t like: English literature, hunting, opera, blue grass, abstract art by some famous painters, etc. Now I realize that people have different abilities and tastes. Some people can see better than others and this would help them if (for example) they played major league baseball. Everyone likes different styles of music. Often people classify music that they don’t like as noise. For example, what surprised me was that the hostess of a polka (if you don’t know what this is, look it up.) program could sing, dance, and play several instruments and obviously the people dancing the polka were having fun.
There is sometimes a difference in the sense perceptions of people that makes one activity more enjoyable than another. Also people come from different backgrounds and may have learned to appreciate certain things that not all people appreciate without the same backgrounds. We are easily influenced by the biases for or against something of people with whom we associate. Why do we have to denigrate things that we don’t appreciate. In our society, nobody is forcing you to love sports or various kinds of music, literature, and art. Does this suggest a lack of self confidence on the part of the person making uninformed judgments about things. Do some people only feel confident when their way is the only acceptable way? It is difficult to be a loner in a group of people with whom you have nothing in common and who are excited about something you don’t share. Picture attending a tailgate party at a football game at a college you never attended and missing the symphony orchestra play when you have excellent seats reserved for each performance.
Explore different areas of interest and keep an open mind. I am among those who love hunting (not me) and it takes skill and many different abilities to succeed in shooting game. This is often a male-female difference. Men probably wonder why women make such a big fuss over a party like a wedding and women probably wonder why men spend so much time and money on team sports and hunting. Around here it is coon hunting and the hunters, usually men, can be out all night when involved in this activity. One takes organizational skills and artistic sensibilities and the other involves the knowing the typical behavior of the animals being hunted, knowing the terrain, having a good dog if you need one, and the ability to stay up all night.
Almost any enthusiastic participant in any activity has knowledge and abilities you probably have not thought about. I know for a fact that I don’t hear high frequency sounds which other more sensitive people can hear and it usually annoys them; but not me. I am not as sensitive to smell as others are and, therefore, I avoided the whole problem many women have while being pregnant that of merely smelling food and wanting to throw up.