Criticism is the little voice in your head that holds you back and hinders your performance. Even though others say it is for your own good, sometimes it isn’t.
Reality is not always what you think it is or what you were told it is. You can miss seeing, hearing, feeling and experiencing some things because someone told you that you just were imagining things.
Sometimes as people get older they don’t get wiser, they just get more set in their ways. Sometimes a strongly held theory or opinion becomes a person’s life jacket when he or she is drowning in new information.
How hard is it for a person to change his or her mind? This may be why people are told not to bring up religion or politics at the dinner table. Maybe this is a good reason to think outside the box. Many inventions were created this way.
Remember people are natural born originals and can’t be easily shaped into something that they are not. Gemstones have to be cut into shapes that work with their natural structures. What about individuals who are being shaped into contributing citizens?
Either I already know them or I don’t want to hear them.
Oh, you were just being nice or you wanted to set me straight?
You wanted to be sure I knew something so I wouldn’t embarrass myself or you!
You wanted to show off your superior knowledge and I was a willing victim.
Stop and think before you say something like that because you might reveal more about yourself than you may reveal about me.
Truly meaningful and loving comments build me and you up at the same time.
Next post will be, “When A Compliment Is Not A compliment.”
The witches (at least the bad ones) have gone and people don’t worry about curses being put upon them anymore or do they? When people put you down to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves above you, are they really putting a curse on you especially if you or those around you tend to believe them? The power in a curse is usually the strength that of the belief that the victim has in them.
Also, can putdowns be a form of domestic abuse? Yes, a person can be emotionally as well as physically abused leaving them browbeaten and powerless. Have you ever known a person who doesn’t ever seem to have something good to say about a family member and worse yet, other family members start to do it too.
Doing it to children is a heinous offense. They often do not have a way of knowing that it is not true and they believe it. Other family members, especially other children, will start to do it too. “Monkey see; monkey do” Also siblings seeing it done to a fellow sibling might think that they might be next so they keep the spotlight on their sibling’s faults and deficiencies.
It is not a good joke if the person who is the object of the joke doesn’t laugh at it too. When this happens to children, they are often reduced to tears. The perpetrators say they don’t know why the object of the joke doesn’t think it is funny and they label him or her a “bad sport.”
Have you ever been told to change your attitude about something? For example, whether it is about “stay at home moms”, “homeschooling” or any subject up for discussion?
Have you ever thought about it this way? Which comes first in this process, changing your attitude or changing your perspective? Have you ever changed your attitude after you have changed your perspective? or vice versa?
Debate teams prepare to be able to defend both sides of a disputed issue and this prepares them to see the points of view or perspectives of both sides. Lawyers often participate in debating in order to help them to be able to take both sides of a disputed issue such as “guilty” or “innocent” in court.
We often jump to conclusions and staunchly take one side in an upcoming vote in our government. Who do we prize? People who can change their minds when necessary and alter their perspective to do this or people who stick to “their guns” no matter what?
Gaining knowledge is a process of gathering information and evaluating the appropriateness of it as well as altering theories when necessary to fit new information.
Think of how science has changed when it comes to considering what matter and energy are made of. Initially, it was atoms, neutrons, and protons. Then it was found that matter and energy were interchangeable. Now we focus upon waves of energy as the foundation of matter.
Yes, being too flexible can be inappropriate at times. For example, you go to a car show where different car dealers are offering their latest models for sale and as you go from booth to booth or exhibit after exhibit, you find yourself constantly persuaded that the latest car offered is the best.
It may be that from one perspective, i.e. cost, one vehicle is the best; but from the perspective of safety, another car is the best. Or the vehicle that might attract the younger crowd appeals to the man or woman in a mid-life crisis.
Are you observant? sensitive? and/or vulnerable to other people’s problems? Do the people around you often wind up raining on your parade? Fear? frustration? anger? Almost all negative feelings can be catching. Should you stay in such a situation because you feel that you have obligated yourself to stay? That has often been my situation in the past….
I have walked out on one movie in my life. I usually feel that I have to stay because I paid for it or because somebody else told me it was good. I didn’t trust my own judgment! However, there was one movie that mesmerized me and it was three hours long. I didn’t move for three hours and suffered the consequences when I could hardly get up at the end!
I have learned to dodge people especially strangers when I see them coming towards me with a storm cloud surrounding them. I know that I am not a part of their problem and I don’t want to become a part of their problem. Sometimes I have seen people come for an evaluation and I just positively know that they want to and probably will make a complaint about me to the agency that referred them.
Sometimes it’s a parent or a relative of the person referred. To them, I am a “professional” target. They want to prove me wrong and possibly to get me in trouble. I have played “turtle” with these people and kept my head in my shell to avoid conflict and did not confront them about their attitudes because that is what they seemed to want.
There are also “poor me’s” who want to share and share their problems with you in order to ultimately prove they are unsolvable. As both of you become more and more depressed in the process, no progress is made and perhaps the process has gone backward.
Don’t be a mirror and reflect other peoples’ problems. Don’t soak up “bad” feelings and experience a downer.
On the other hand, be careful and don’t get sold on something another person is extremely positive about and make decisions you can’t back out of later. Say let me take a minute, let me think about that, I’ll get back to you. Even better say it is a decision you can’t make until you consult with another person you are involved with whether it is a financial planner, spouse, or boss.
Genuine feelings can be shared and it can be a great experience whether it is happiness or grief. I once cried with one of my daughters over a lost relationship. I never regretted that. Sharing feelings can be relationship building. You also don’t want to be a cold fish that never seems to care about anything. Sometimes food can’t be enjoyed because the person eating it can’t taste it.
Exhilaration can be catching. Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath? One of the most solemn persons I know grew up in an orphanage. He or she did not do without the necessities of life or responsible caregivers, but there was something lacking in his childhood and it was the mutual sharing of feelings.
Training for psychologists has always been politically correct and it always hampered the services we delivered. We are in a world where values are not to be taught and religion should not be practiced. If there are no longer any role models allowed, what will a Godless state be like?
I was trained to not offend clients by talking about values and religion unless they brought it up. Also I was not to critique their beliefs or offer other alternatives unless they did. If I said anything counter to this and offended someone, I was called on the carpet and once lost my job.
Values are to be challenged and religious beliefs ought to be discussed. We are so politically correct sometimes that we can not say something a person needs to hear! Who would you like to live next to? A person with no values and possibly no conscience or a person who has and practices good values?
People do acquire values anyway and if we prevent them from being discussed in school or counseling, what is left? “Bad Guys” don’t feel bad about promoting their values and acting them out. Young people find role models somewhere if they don’t have them at home, school, or church, or in a mentoring situation either individual or group.
With what is going on in Europe now with boundary problems, it is getting more and more clear that having little or no boundaries makes them vulnerable to people who will take advantage of that.
You think you are a good person and that others are good people too. Not setting appropriate boundaries leaves you wide open to people who don’t think like you do. It also leaves you wide open when you should be setting boundaries like with children and people who work under your supervision. Are you the kind of parent or boss who often winds up picking up after their children and/or doing someone else’s work along with your own?
How long can you do this type of thing without feeling angry? “Read my lips” no more “nice” guy or girl. You also lose people’s respect too. I have grandchildren and I can tell who does and who does not set boundaries with the grandchildren by the children’s behavior. You are courting chaos when you don’t do this.
Righteous anger? Is that possible? Is it polite? When we continue to let people take advantage of us (and we know it) aren’t we lying? Isn’t this a “sin?” of omission? So this person or child takes advantage of us figuring we don’t really say what we mean.
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