Children are like African violets. (A type of small very ticklish house plant which housewives of my mother’s generation raised.) They are very sensitive in terms of their response to the environment in which they are planted. Children were known to die in orphanages when they were physically taken care of but not emotionally taken care of. Yet some people give more attention to the African violets in their life than to their children.
As each African violet is individual in its needs for light and air and moisture so is each child individual in his or her needs for attention, love, and support. When this is neglected, the plant or child withers and dies inside if not outside like the plant. The payoff of proper care can be great in either case.
Perhaps one can afford to lose many African violets in this process but not even one child. Children can be resilient but still, can be greatly damaged and become of little use to themselves and furthermore to the society that child dwells in.
Moisture, light, and soil and the addition of fertiliser is needed for a violet to grow; but what is needed for a child to grow in the right direction? Love, support, attention, and unconditional love appear to be necessary for this to happen.
Caregivers can not neglect one child while caring for another, This has been shown to happen when a child has a seriously ill sibling. This child needs attention and care too especially if this child gets neglected while the ill child gets urgently needed care.
The sibling does not need to be seriously physically ill to take attention and care away from another sibling. Some children are more attractive to one or both of the parents than other children. How important is it for a parent to have an athlete or gymnast or beauty queen or a scholar over a wallflower, a geek, or any child who is not particularly gifted or attractive
Worse yet are parents who really shouldn’t have any children (P.S. I am not opting for abortion, but I am a champion of adoption in these cases). Sadly what welfare does sometimes does not necessarily encourage parents to be actively involved in bringing children up right.
Wealth is not necessarily the main factor in bringing children up right. The things that are needed to do this often can’t be bought. They often cost more time than money. First is unconditional love which occurs when a person often gives another person love no matter what he or she does or says.
Children need support, not just physical support, but emotional support. A child can do well at something, but this accomplishment might be ignored and/ or at least not supported emotionally by the family or guardian. The child can say to themselves, “Oh, what’s the use?” if the effort that he or she puts into something is unnoticed and they receive little or no help with it on top of that!
Prize winning entries at the county fair can go unnoticed and wining or losing a coveted position on a team or in a play can also be ignored. “You did what?, when said, demonstrates that at least part of a child’s life has gone unnoticed. Worse yet, a child can be hurt or sick and this goes unnoticed until the child is in serious jeopardy.
Psychological needs that go unmet can cause great harm to some children. Children that survive such circumstances can be very resilient but those who don’t are a drain on society and can be lost. Too often the people who make these decisions are incompetent as well. The judge in my family says that custody decisions in his court are given to the least competent to decide.
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First shack ups, now hookups, distancing ourselves, avoiding any real connections. How can you lose someone when you never really had them? Avoiding feeling close to someone with whom you perform an intimate act seems to be worse than two people moving in together without any commitment.
Hookups seem like pornography. How can you mechanically have sex without caring about the other person or feeling close to him or her and have a real life emotional experience? Sex without responsibility still has consequences. Sexual diseases and pregnancies can be the unwanted consequences.
Society seems to want to have life without any responsibilities, any form of commitment. Respect, honor, responsibility all seem to be avoided in this way. Yet these are the things that make life real. With these things come pain, courage, glory, and honor. These real experiences help us learn how to cope with life especially when we experience a loss possibly through no fault of our own.
My best learning experiences often occurred when I thought I was going to fail and initially did not know what to do next. I had to do something out of the box in order to get out of the box. I had to give some of myself, something that I didn’t know I had, and risk failure and disappointment. For me, being intelligent could not always ensure I could win the competition.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained?
People often do not display common courtesy to the disabled. They are often discourteous, inconsiderate, and just plain ignorant. God, that does sound pretty inconsiderate, discourteous, and just plain stupid of me.
I have disabilities. caused by arthritis, a possible spinal cord injury, and inheritance. I work hard at overcoming my disabilities especially when I or other people expect me to do things that are often awkward and unsafe for me to do. For example, changing two litterboxes. I have trouble maintaining my balance and walking especially in unfamiliar or crowded places. Also, I can’t see behind me without turning my body around and I have trouble with dropping things.
Can you imagine what other people might think of me when they don’t know and/or acknowledge this? I often take a back seat when other people are up moving around so as not to be knocked down. I can’t carry a tray. Can you imagine how this might effect me when there is a buffet? That doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who spontaneously help me and that is a blessing.
I can do a lot of things on my own when there is no one to knock me down, butt in line, or otherwise take advantage of my disabilities? Do they even know that they are taking advantage of my disabilities? (Oh, in case you don’t know, I have had physical and occupational therapy; but some of the best therapy I have had is when I learned how to do something myself (and I could do a whole post on that).)
I usually get myself to events and can go places while there if they are not too far away and there are no steps involved, but it does take me time. This why I sometimes find it difficult to get to the bathroom and back during breaks and (get this) when I get to the bathroom someone is probably using the handicapped toilet stall that doesn’t need it i.e. to change clothes or to have a time-taking bowel movement or just because it is more convenient.
I guess some people are more considerate of others even when it is inconvenient than other people. I have an aunt that had polio not only did she recover from that but later she went back to teaching with some accommodations. (I was going to say several accommodations; but that that might make her mad if she knew I said that.) I am much more understanding of her situation now than I was then.
It appears that some people don’t notice that some people have disabilities. They often sometimes unconsciously or consciously take advantage of these people. As a disabled person, I do often feel possibly unfairly limited by this. I have a kitchen with an island in the middle which is convenient now for me, but I often have to wait for other people to go ahead of me when I or they think I would take too much time and bother.
If you see a disabled person sitting back and waiting for others to get finished doing something, it may not be because they want to, it may be because they feel that they have to. Do you agree that people often do something around disabled people because they can, not because they ought to?
The witches (at least the bad ones) have gone and people don’t worry about curses being put upon them anymore or do they? When people put you down to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves above you, are they really putting a curse on you especially if you or those around you tend to believe them? The power in a curse is usually the strength that of the belief that the victim has in them.
Also, can putdowns be a form of domestic abuse? Yes, a person can be emotionally as well as physically abused leaving them browbeaten and powerless. Have you ever known a person who doesn’t ever seem to have something good to say about a family member and worse yet, other family members start to do it too.
Doing it to children is a heinous offense. They often do not have a way of knowing that it is not true and they believe it. Other family members, especially other children, will start to do it too. “Monkey see; monkey do” Also siblings seeing it done to a fellow sibling might think that they might be next so they keep the spotlight on their sibling’s faults and deficiencies.
It is not a good joke if the person who is the object of the joke doesn’t laugh at it too. When this happens to children, they are often reduced to tears. The perpetrators say they don’t know why the object of the joke doesn’t think it is funny and they label him or her a “bad sport.”
Remember when you were not supposed to share your private parts with anyone, but a parent, or with someone else usually a medical person when your parents were present. Later you were told you could choose to share them when you were an adult; but not with someone you didn’t want to share them with.
Now we can view others’ private parts anywhere on the street, in magazines, on the internet, and in advertisements. It is hard to say, “No, I don’t want to look at that, I don’t want to see you that way, and if you are going to do that either you must leave or I will leave myself.”
It is still alright to feel icky and to refuse to view things that you don’t like. As a long-time psychologist, I thought I had seen everything and nothing surprised me or offended me. If viewing something does not have to be done in the line of duty, I still can say it is inappropriate and switch channels or walk away or if it is my space, tell someone to leave and possibly not to return.
Private parts are your personal possessions and they are there for your satisfaction and enjoyment. This can be spoiled when someone tries to use another person’s private parts for their satisfaction and enjoyment only and will say anything or do anything to make it happen.
Feelings can become detached from the event and the victim may not remember what happened. This is a form of self-defense and possibly a form of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). This makes it difficult for the victim to bring up from inside him or herself what happened in order to digest it properly. This also can interfere with a person’s appropriate sexual development.
The victim has a large price to pay. What about the offender? Usually as long as he or she can do it, he or she will do it to more and more victims and in worse and worse ways. It could be called an addiction. It usually has to do with what an offender needs to do to get sexually excited and to reach orgasm. Like alcoholics need more and more alcohol, the offender takes more and more risks and does more and more damaging things to his or her victims. The frequency and intensity of the abuse also can increase.
I am proud to be a moral person, not an amoral person; but this can lead to self-judgment and the feeling at the end of the day that you did something that might have offended others that you weren’t particularly proud of when you thought about it later..
You can become preoccupied with such possible mistakes to the point that it may spoil your day. You may go to sleep ruminating about what you think you did wrong and it may ruin an otherwise acceptable day.
Chock that one up to experience and vow to think before you do it again, but let it go. If you are that concerned, then you have already learned your lesson and surprise, surprise, the other person or persons may not have been upset at all or didn’t even notice it.
We all have an early-warning system like this once we decide to treat others like we would like to be treated.