Every time I think that the Little PEOPLE are getting ahead, I realise they aren’t. I was very happy with the recent election because I felt that the new administration was supporting the middle class that was no longer the middle class under the current, soon past administration.
What I have recently realised is that I have joined the lower class (once working class or even middle class in many situations). We are squeaking by on social security and disability payments (which have been borrowed from to pay other government expenses) and have to seek help like free food from The Master’s Hand locally. Also in this area, if you have farm income (that counts against you as it is considered income before farming expenses are taken out) in terms of getting any extra government help.
Most of us would contribute something to the economy if there was a way we could. Most of us would like to have a voice in the new administration. For example, most of Illinois voted for the new administration except for the heavily populated urban areas. But where is our voice? No one campaigned in our areas and we feel that no one has listened to our concerns. What do you think? Are there other areas of our country in the same shape?
Also who is the voice of the forgotten little people? On the network that supported the election of the new administration, we are not represented. They are again relying on experts who have no real life experience or it is so far in the remote past that they don’t remember it or so far removed from it, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Also, there is pressure on these experts, especially women, to conform to certain standards not representative of the men and/or do not reflect what ordinary people look like. It is nice for some of us to remain “young” and look youthful but is not the way most people look and it is easier to see the standards for men are less stringent than for women.
For example, most woman experts on this network look like they are ready to go to a cocktail party instead of a business occasion. Yes, the men are nicely and appropriately dressed but they don’t have to struggle as much as women do to appear appropriately presentable, youthful and beautiful.
When are the Little PEOPLE going to be represented? The overall wearing, wearing second-hand clothing, or in “high style” Wal-Mart, but often foreign made, clothing? We have a lot to say and we don’t have a lot we can do about our situations but suffer. Welfare often misses us and as our social security or retirement checks do not raise, but inflation and the cost of living does and as things cost more and more, we have to get by on less and less with little or no representation in or help from society or the government!
The Little PEOPLE do have something to say! We have learned something through experience. We do have “philosophical” discussions. We can see things others more fortunate and potentially more powerful don’t.
Certainly how Little PEOPLE experience life has something to say about the type of life we are promoting for all! Often as people do better and better economically, they tend to put people down who haven’t and consider their opinions useless and their motivations feckless! Also other people who have done well often think the same way and might make fun of those who don’t. How many Little People do you see in certain churches or certain social groups like the Elks? Nuff said.
How do you define yourself? By what others tell you? By what you think you should be? By what you really are?
Most of us grow up learning to define ourselves by the first two ways given? Thus we may never learn who we really are! Often we reach middle age or our golden years, not knowing who we are! Then we feel we have lost valuable time actually we could have been being ourselves in our lifetimes.
Who are you? In our society, we are subject to many outside influences trying to control who we are. We are unique human beings (one of a kind) who are shaped by varying outside influences and by inborn internal constraints.
Even identical twins are not entirely identical. In their bodies in some ways, they are mirror, rather than identical, images of each other and, of course, inevitably they are not treated exactly alike by other people and have experiences that are not exactly alike.
Yes, we inherit certain abilities and disabilities from our ancestors; but not always in the way that our family is happy with. Because that is so, many parents and grandparents are unhappy with their children and grandchildren who are unable to follow in their footsteps.
Even if we find idols other than our parents or grandparents to follow after, we might still not be qualified to do so. My parents were not college graduates so when I went to college something that my parents had not had the opportunity to do), I chose to become a psychologist, something that no one in my family had ever done.
I ignored some of my creative artistic and musical inclinations to become a knowledgeable scientist who would successfully do research to prove certain principles in the science of psychology. I felt had to do this to become what I was interested in being a practicing therapist and intuitive diagnostician and this was a preliminary step!
Actually, I was really interested in helping ordinary people before their problems became serious which is something I am doing now by writing this blog. I have also discovered that instinctively I have a good singing and speaking voice and artistic sense. That led me to rethink my past interests in projective drawings and hypnosis and other forms of altered states as an aid in therapy. I had briefly become involved in these things and then rejected them because they did not represent mainline scientific psychology and because I thought I was not talented enough in these areas.
So who are YOU really?
Freudian psychotherapists have raised the subject of transference in the relationship between a therapist and a client. Transference can go both ways. Something about the client makes them see the therapist in a certain way. Sometimes something about the therapist makes them see the client in a certain way.
Education in a profession such as psychotherapy can lead the practitioner to believe they must present themselves as experts in the field and as not vulnerable to the types of things that bring ordinary clients into therapy. This can lead to rationalization and denial on the therapists part.
Rationalization means that the therapst can create a good explanation as to why he or she is not vulnerable to the types of problems his or her patients have. Denial can also result from the taking of this position and it can cause therapy to not move forward for the client.
Personal growth is one way possibly to help stop this from happening. Does the development of one’s self-concept and concept of life stop with attaining one’s maturity whether at 18, 21, or 35? No, it does not. Our perspective on life constantly changes with new experiences.
Honestly does a psychotherapist think that they can understand exactly how they learned to be who they think they are and stop growing. Wouldn’t personal growth experiences for psychotherapists help with this?
Is there only one answer? Hasn’t science found this out. What things did scientists believe were true when your parents were children and what have you or your children learned in the present that scientists’ did not know or believe then?
Remember the old saying, “Do as I say!” not “Do as I do!”
Also the more defensive barbed wire a therapist puts between him or herself and what he or she is asking their patient to do, the more “phony” and indefensible they become as therapists.
New learning and new growth leads to enthusiasm to carry this over into the psychotherapist’s work. Insights developed this way can help a therapist be more responsive in therapy. I now hear and see more things than I used to see or hear in everyday interpersonal interaction.
For example I can still learn from a four year old that grandma is not always smiling and looking happy when she thinks she is especially when I am feeling that I am working at something and forgeting to enjoy doing it.
As you can see I am taking a sabatical this fall. I have no classes to teach this fall which means it will be a squeeze financially but I will have more time to devote to writing for this website, more time to babysit grandchildren (which is a mixed blessing), more time to meditate in several different ways, and more time to pursue my own personal growth.
While I was teaching this summer (and taking an art class myself), I was feeling stressed out and at times it made me physically ill. Do you think that as a psychologist I should have known better than that? Maybe. But I just know from past experiences that it is a sign that I should take heed of and do something about.
It took time and money out of my pocket in order to teach even though I have been enjoying it and growing a lot doing it. Yes, I was paid but as a part-time instructor and only for what classes I taught each semester. This summer I made an hour round trip trip to town four days a week for two months spending the whole day there two days a week.
I will take two road trips this fall to see the evangelist Joyce Meyer and attend the homecoming celebration of my undergraduate college in honor of my class’s 50th anniversary. I will be doing this on a shoestring; but I am not going to miss these chances to do something I want to do which only comes along once in a blue moon.
I have already gotten one surprise phone call offering me some financial help for one of my upcoming seminars after it was decided that I was not going to teach this fall. I also have recently found some books that answer questions I have been asking, but did not get the answers for that I have been gobbling up.
Yesterday, I caught up on some of my sleep and decided to do nothing that I didn’t have to do. I missed one of my regular salesmen while I slept in the afternoon and I did not check on most of the things that I am checking on today and I did not turn my computer on.
I am growing. I intend to explore new and old things that I have not gotten around to doing recently.
Have you ever played pretend and created exactly what you wanted in every detail? You probably did so as a child when you were only limited by your imagination. I used to think that the president and his or her family had access to every thing a person could want and many things that ordinary people, even rich people, didn’t have yet. They had color TVs in my child’s mind before they were even invented.
For example, my best friend and I created beautiful ballgowns in our heads that we could really see. Daydreaming, you say just daydreaming…. Did the candy taste just as sweet if only in our imaginations and everything starts with an idea before it becomes a reality.
Your frame of mind can influence your outcome. How do you act if you know you will get something? How do you act if you are sure you won’t get something as things are unfair and no matter how good you are you don’t have a chance!
Do you realize we learn to like certain skin colors, hair types, body shapes, heights, and to discriminate between them. To me, my mommy was beautiful and my grandmas were a “sight for my sore eyes,” although they were older and heavier than my mother. My BFF, who I met in first grade, was not judged by me on the basis of her physical size but on how much fun we had when we were together. I had a cousin the same age as I was and I often got hand me downs from her as she (although my age) was “bigger” than me. We have to be taught to see these differences as significant. The standards of beauty and handsomeness can vary quite strikingly from culture to culture and have you looked at wedding pictures and seen that there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man.
I was having a discussion with my daughter-in-law and discovered that an actress that I considered to be no beauty was considered very attractive by my daughter-in-law. Also men and women focus on different parts of the anatomy when they try to decide if a woman is beautiful and/or and a man is a potential “chick magnet.” Haven’t you ever heard a discussion about what physically attracts a man to a woman: her boobs, her butt, her legs, her hair color, or whatever.
Remember the saying, “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses.” Doesn’t seem to matter now. It used to be what attracted a woman to a man was his profession or his ability to be able to support her in the style she was or would like to become accustomed to. At mid-life or latter some men look for a younger woman sometimes even young enough to be their daughter. Then there women who are “cougars” and seek younger men. Ever hear the terms, “sugar daddy”or “trophy wife”?
There is one particular cable news channel that is often on at my house and one of the recurring “experts” I became acquainted with was so ugly, I didn’t like to look at him; however he was very knowledgeable and had a very credible life history to support his road to being this “expert.” All of a sudden one day as I was listening to him, I realized he no longer was bad looking to me. His looks didn’t change but my attitude toward them had.
I came to realize that I had been selling other people short when I concentrated on their looks instead of their personality, knowledge, and abilities. I also I noticed I was selling myself short too when I dressed to impress and probably could not afford it instead of wearing something flattering and comfortable so I could be comfortable being me. I don’t mean that looks don’t count. You can go too far in this direction to the point of being offensive.
I had planned to post on the fact that the cable news channel had only impossibly beautiful women in at least distracting (if not very conservative) clothes, dangerously high heels, high maintenance hairstyles, and glamorous makeup that required that these women show up early for work in order to attain this look. Also of course, the men who had the same jobs were often not necessarily tall, athletic, and youthful and wore more comfortable, less revealing, clothes. I then realized I was judging these women on how they looked but in a negative way. They didn’t deserve that either. They invested a lot of time and money into looking the way they did and should not be judged for trying so hard.
Social interaction is crucial to children learning language. Watching a video or listening to an auditory version is not enough. Are children becoming autistic because people in our world are becoming less and less involved? What about a good old fashioned conversation or a satisfying read? Being unable to interact with others is a very real problem and I can see the day when children have virtual play dates? How removed from reality is this? Will we all sit home and rely on clouds and the internet to keep us in touch? Will the ethers be doing our talking? It will no longer be necessary to read or write as computers will communicate for us just by talking and ultimately will thoughts and images not words be used to share ideas?
This just started out as a blog about how children need human contact to learn and ultimately to thrive. Scarey isn’t it? For example, someday people will not sign their names, not just because they did not learn cursive writing; but because reading and writing are no longer considered necessary. We have done this since the dawn of the machine age and eliminating the human factor in creating things that we need and use. Is it possible we are also eliminating the good vibrations that many skilled, dedicated craftsmen and craftswomen put into their work.
Rediscovering your self is a process that you go through many times in your life. You may think that you already know who you are and then you discover what you really are is really someone else. Have you become society”s conception of what you ought to be. Make your own plan, forge ahead blindly not knowing where you are going but knowing you have the freedom to do so.
Meet your soul, the person you were meant to be, not letting other people or other things determine who you are. Do you not know what you want. although you may know what you do not want. Unfortunately the unconscious only understands positive statements and we waste a lot of time having negative thoughts and not converting these negative thoughts into positive ones. We don’t want to be disappointed so we warn ourselves that we must protect ourselves against losing things that have come to mean a lot to us.
Most of us were warned against having a “big head” as a child or even as an adult and this prevents us from promoting ourselves. Fortunately or unfortunately men more than women are encouraged and reinforced for creating a name for themselves and for getting respect from others. Think of the accomplishments a man can line up: school board president, kindly old physician, preacher, evangelist, solid businessman. Someone whose opinions and comments count.
Some of us have been encouraged to step back and let others have the limelight. “Pride goeth before a fall.” A male “expert” often gets more recognition than a female “expert”. We think for “the chosen” to have powers, others must shirk or shrink from the limelight.
Our self-confidence is often so fragile that we can become depressed and procrastinate and feel doomed to fail. We think that there is no room in the inn for us and we must settle for the stable. We spin our wheels and get nowhere.
Everyone is important just as every child is precious. Do you not think that your grandchild or son or daughter is or was precious. Their eyes, their nose, their mouth were perfect. Every saying they made or thing that they did or created was or is precious. Something to be cherished and remembered. What happened to you? When did you stop being a cute little kid? God’s or nature’s perfect gift.
Self confidence and courage do a lot to keep a person from having cold feet about what they want to accomplish. Most of us suffer from the that we can’t debilitating have or do what we want so we stop wishing and visualizing the perfect future for us.
Sometimes we focus on one objective that was chosen by ourselves as an acceptable one or by others for us to the exception of all else. Remember when we free to explore all outlets of life back when your artwork or other creations were considered to be significant and not a waste of time. Yet you began to work harder and harder to meet the one goal that you thought was achieveable whether you liked it or not.
The opportunities are endless if you believe in their existence. Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others limit you. Are you the friend everybody likes because compared to you they are successful in life? “Oh, woe is me”, can be an endless litany and those who listen to it can become tried of it eventually. When should you start discovering your real self? THE TIME IS NOW!
Do you keep a low profile. Do you wait for others to celebrate you life landmarks and they never do? Did you miss your graduation? because it was too much pomp and circumstance and you saved everybody the hassle of coming to it. I have my Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin; but I don’t know what my academic colors are because I didn’t go. I didn’t feel I should make everyone make the trip back as when I finished I was no longer on campus.
Only two people were invited to our wedding, the witnesses. I don’t believe I have ever celebrated my anniversary with a special date night on the town. Is it bad to blow your own horn? I bought my own birthday cake and my friends knew I was celebrating my 70th birthday last November but my family didn’t know it wasn’t an ordinary birthday (Don’t worry it has been almost a year and either I am getting used to it or getting over it (being 70)). Many achievements in college I didn’t get to celebrate with my family because they couldn’t make the trip but my mother did come for my graduation. But when my son and my son-in-law graduated from the training academy, we went.
If you don’t celebrate yourself, no one one else will. If you don’t think you are worth it, no one else will? Your attitude toward yourself communicates itself nonverbally to others and they treat you the same way you treat yourself. I can be very professional when I know I am right and have the responsibility to do what is right! But it doesn’t carry over sometimes to my family and friends. Even the grand kids have begun to question my authority. But I’m not going to back down for their sake.
I have a list of complements hidden on the back of my medicine cabinet door that I would like to get; but it is not posted where anyone could see it. Why are we encouraged to be so self-effacing? I am the opposite of a narcissist I guess. Stand up, stand up for what you believe in including yourself. I hesitate to share my opinions at home or at family occasions so nobody knows what I think there. I hesitate because I might embarrass myself or others like family or friends. Keep your mouth shut. Ever hear of that?
Self-help materials suggest that you associate with only supportive friends in order to keep your self-esteem high. Of course that can keep you in denial by only associating with people who agree with you. Is there a happy medium? Are you lying to yourself or do other people keep trying to put you down?