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Quit Negating Yourself!

Ever say something to yourself about something you are wanting to have or do and immediately saying that it will never happen? and finish the job by saying Why it will never come to be?  I do.  Move over if you think you have ever done this, as I have done this too consistently.

Why you talk yourself right out of it and it doesn’t have a chance.  Do you read about positive thinking and affirmations but figure they wouldn’t work for you anyway.   And when they don’t work do you tell people that you tried but they don’t work for you and you have given up visualizations and vision boards.  It only works for Oprah!

Have you ever dreamed up a special dress for a special occasion and worked on the idea changing things here and there in order to make it perfect?  I planned and planned additions to my old house and yes we did use one of them.  Later I started looking at double wides and multitudes of floor plans even visited many different sites so I could see the actual thing.  Yes, I wound up with one when we had to move.

Now I feel frustrated because there are things about our doublewide now that I would like to fix. And my husband would like to add a garage-above ground storm shelter.  Now I know what worked for me so I am going to do research and make plans for the needed addition and changes to the house.  It still needs some windows replaced which on one occasion, I would like to change the old picture window for a bay window.

We often spend more time proving why something we want to do don’t work than we spend on why something could work.

I Am Free Of Judging Myself By Others

rp_374315433_150_150.jpgI just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think.  I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field.  I am free to be me finally.  Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions.  I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments  of me made by others.  I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.

Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself.  Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards.  Who am I?  Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences?  Make way for ME!  I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable.  Now can I trust my own judgment?

rp_362536218_150_150.jpgWould you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man.  I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts.  I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions almost offend me.  Am I right or wrong?  Or have I discovered music for myself?

Failures do not always define you.  Whose judgment are you relying on?  Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that.  This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you.  We all do not have the same tastes!

rp_363561405_150_150.jpgYou probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions.  For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat.  Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?

I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want.  Who am I actually?  Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

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Or Is It The Beginning?

Who are you?  Everyone is different from birth.  Lots of things that happen to us can change our perception of ourself.  People around us expect us to be like them and as a child, we often don’t know any better.  We all have different kinds of potential and that potential helps define our purpose in life.  We often are so busy responding to the demands put on us by the outside, we have little time or opportunity to discover who we really are inside.  Often we are caught up in doing what we think we should be doing but not really what reflects our purpose in life and uses our unique talents and abilities.  Sometimes this is reflected an adolescent rebellion or in a midlife crisis and others don’t discover this until they are facing retirement.

Stay Involved, Don’t Opt Out

rp_Feelings.jpgSocial interaction is crucial to children learning language.  Watching a video or listening to an auditory version is not enough.  Are children becoming autistic because people in our world are becoming less and less involved?  What about a good old fashioned conversation or a satisfying read?  Being unable to interact with others is a very real problem and I can see the day when children have virtual play dates?  How removed from reality is this?  Will we all sit home and rely on clouds and the internet to keep us in touch?  Will the ethers be doing our talking?  It will no longer be necessary to read or write as computers will communicate for us just by talking and ultimately will thoughts and images not words be used to share ideas?

 rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpg This just started out as a blog about how children need human contact to learn and ultimately to thrive.  Scarey isn’t it?  For example, someday people will not sign their names, not just because they did not learn cursive writing; but because reading and writing are no longer considered necessary.  We have done this since the dawn of the machine age and eliminating the human factor in creating things that we need and use.  Is it possible we are also eliminating the good vibrations that many skilled, dedicated craftsmen and craftswomen put into their work.

Never Stop Learning New Things. Don’t give up!

rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpgOnce you’ve met your peak.  Once you have met your goals.  Don’t give up.   Learning is a life long process and it doesn’t end until you are at “Heaven’s” door.  Once you have the motivation, you will never give up.  Life continues to unfold as you know more and more.  This way you’ll never be a bore.  I have not stopped and I never will.

Many people once they reach the “mountain top” begin to slide down the slippery slope toward life’s ending.  Whatever goal they achieve, they may say to themselves, “Is that all that there is?”  and if they get back the answer, “Yes,” they give up and tread water for the rest of their lives until they get tired of doing it and sink into the throws of life’s end.

rp_Machine-Doest-Have-Brain-Sign-S-8429.gifFor me death is not an ending, it is a transition.  I prefer to call it that because I believe that life goes on in another way when you reach it.   I realize that transitioning can happen at anytime and for many it comes too early and for others, too late.  I don’t like to keep my brain busy with thinking about  it.

Sometimes it is better to focus on the present moment and enjoy what happens.  For example, a person with early memory problems may enjoy a phone call or reading a card; but then not remember everything that was talked about.    Should family and friends stop communicating with this person because they will not remember all of what is said?  My answer is, “No.”  There is still pleasure in the moment.  Why deny them that?

rp_5238574678_75a3ca1b14_m.jpgFor the person above the pleasure of learning “new” things happens over and over.  Why deny them that pleasure.  Why deny yourself the pleasure of learning new things or of seeing things in a new way?  Holding too strongly onto the “old” can deny yourself the pleasure of the “new”.  Who knows what is left to learn?  Learning new things is known to keep your brain young.  Sharing the joy of learning can bond people of any age.  Why be a “bore” or a “stick in the mud”. Especially to yourself!

Rediscovering Yourself

meditation stonesI went to Sedona to rediscover myself.

Rediscovering your self is a process that you go through many times in your life.  You may think that you already know who you are and then you discover what you really are is really someone else.  Have you become society”s conception of what you ought to be.  Make your own plan, forge ahead blindly not knowing where you are going but knowing you have the freedom to do so.

Meet your soul, the person you were meant to be, not letting other people or other things determine who you are.  Do you not know what you want.  although you may know what you do not want.  Unfortunately the unconscious only understands positive statements and we waste a lot of time having negative thoughts and not converting these negative thoughts into positive ones.  We don’t want to be disappointed so we warn ourselves that we must protect ourselves against losing things that have come to mean a lot to us.

rp_300px-ThinkingMan_Rodin.jpgMost of us were warned against having a “big head” as a child or even as an adult and this prevents  us from promoting ourselves.  Fortunately or unfortunately men more than women are encouraged and reinforced for creating a name for themselves and for getting respect from others.  Think of the accomplishments a man can line up: school board president, kindly old physician, preacher, evangelist, solid businessman.  Someone whose opinions and comments count.

Some of us have been encouraged to step back and let others have the limelight.  “Pride goeth before a fall.” A male “expert” often gets more recognition than a female “expert”. We think for  “the chosen” to have powers, others must shirk or shrink from the limelight.

Our self-confidence is often  so fragile that we can become depressed and procrastinate and feel  doomed to fail.  We think that there is no room in the inn for us and we must settle for the stable.    We spin our wheels and get nowhere.

Everyone is important just as every child is precious.  Do you not think that your grandchild or son or daughter is or was precious.  Their eyes, their nose, their mouth were perfect.  Every saying they made or thing that they did or created was or is  precious.  Something to be cherished and remembered.  What happened to you?  When did you stop being a cute little kid?  God’s or nature’s perfect gift.

rp_303404356_6ff7a23b4b_m.jpgSelf confidence and courage do a lot to keep a person from having cold feet about what they want to accomplish.  Most of us suffer from the that we can’t debilitating have or do what we want so we stop wishing and visualizing the perfect future for us.

Sometimes we focus on one objective  that was chosen by ourselves as an acceptable one or by others for us to the exception of all else.  Remember when we free to explore all outlets of life back when your artwork or other creations were considered to be significant and not a waste of time.  Yet you began to work harder and harder to meet the one goal that you thought was achieveable whether you liked it or not.

The opportunities are endless if you believe in their existence.  Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others limit you.  Are you the friend everybody likes because compared to you they are successful in life?  “Oh, woe is me”, can be an endless litany and those who listen to it can become tried of it eventually.  When should you start discovering your real self?  THE TIME IS NOW!

 

 

Celebrate Yourself?

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Do you keep a low profile.  Do you wait for others to celebrate you life landmarks and they never do?  Did you miss your graduation? because it was too much pomp and circumstance and you saved everybody the hassle of coming to it.  I have my Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin; but I don’t know what my academic colors are because I didn’t go.  I didn’t feel I should make everyone make the trip back  as when I finished I was no longer on campus.

Only two people were invited to our wedding, the witnesses.  I don’t believe I have ever celebrated my anniversary with a special date night on the town.  Is it bad to blow your own horn?  I bought my own birthday cake and my friends knew I was celebrating my 70th birthday last November but my family didn’t know it wasn’t an ordinary birthday (Don’t worry it has been almost a year and either I am getting used to it or getting over it (being 70)).  Many achievements in college I didn’t get to celebrate with my family because they couldn’t make the trip but my mother did come for my graduation.  But when my son and my son-in-law graduated from the training academy, we went.

If you don’t celebrate yourself, no one one else will.  If you don’t think you are worth it, no one else will?  Your attitude toward yourself communicates itself nonverbally to others and they treat you the same way you treat yourself.  I can be very professional when I know I am right and have the responsibility to do what is right!  But it doesn’t carry over sometimes to my family and friends.  Even the grand kids have begun to question my authority.  But I’m not going to back down for their sake.

I have a list of complements hidden on the back of my medicine cabinet door that I would like to get; but it is not posted where anyone could see it.  Why are we encouraged to be so self-effacing?  I am the opposite of a narcissist I guess.  Stand up, stand up for what you believe in including yourself.  I hesitate to share my opinions at home or at family occasions so nobody knows what I think there.  I hesitate because I might embarrass myself or others like family or friends.  Keep your mouth shut.   Ever hear of that?

Self-help materials suggest that you associate with only supportive friends in order to keep your self-esteem high.  Of course that can keep you in denial by only associating with people who agree with you.  Is there a happy medium?  Are you lying to yourself or do other people keep trying to put you down?

Robin William’s Suicide, Completely Misunderstood!

(No media have been added because to do so might  make light of this tragedy by focusing on the “clown” not the person.)

Laugh clown, laugh.  Could it be that comedians and persons with depression who commit suicide are some of the most misunderstood people in the world.

We all enjoy laughter.  It has even been proven scientifically to help people fight cancer.  Why do we laugh when others put themselves down?  Why do we laugh when we put ourselves down or worse yet why do others put us down and expect us to laugh about it?

What people don’t realize is that if people feel threatened enough to put us down that we may be more powerful and talented than we think.  Otherwise why we would be seen as such a threat?

Things people say about us create mind chatter.  It may even have a little truth in it.   Also most of us  believe it is better to laugh than to cry.  But why would someone who loves us do this to us anyway?

Have you ever been told that you don’t have a sense of humor when other people make jokes about you at your expense.  Maybe it is a way for comedians to control being put down this when they make fun of themselves.  Other comedians ridicule others to get the same thing.

Deep underneath what does it do to one’s self-esteem?  As the thoughtless mind chatter is repeated over and over, it can become the truth at least from our point of view and maybe others too.  Ridicule is not funny and eats at your insides.  It is worse enough when others do it to you but what about when you do it to yourslelf.  Traitor!

When you get real good at it, how can you stop yourself when other people begin to expect that you will put your show on any time, any place.  Can you imagine a comedian at his or her spouse’s funeral making a joke of it.  I can. What a Sad Sack.

If you get recognition and also re-numeration for it; it must be be worthwhile  and it often becomes who you are.  Then why are you so unhappy?  Why would you commit suicide to get out of the situation?  You can’t or shouldn’t always take work home with you; but comedians do.  On top of that no one wants to cry with you when all they expected from was a few good laughs.

Imagine a prostitute who doesn’t enjoy her work.  Doesn’t a comedian somewhat prostitute him or her self to make it in the world.  You can’t just pretend to be or act happy to be happy.  Only the real thing works.

On top of this, put depression, the dark night of the soul when a person feels hopeless, like the worst person in the world ,and possibly even deserving of hell if they commit suicide,  even if it doesn’t seem reasonable to others.  It is a job  hazard associated with being a comedian especially if the depression feeds a dark sense of comedy which makes other people laugh at and accept him or her.  This could be considered as reinforcement for being depressed.  Drugs are also a way to self-medicate and they work for awhile but eventually can  lead to self destruction and death and/or an “accidental” way of committing suicide.

Add to this the possibility that a person is not only severely depressed at times but also has manic states, possibly extreme manic states, which fuel their comedy and creativity and impair their judgment.  Often to medicate this state results in killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

Please do not condemn Robin Williams for ending his life as he saw it and not as we think we understand it.  Aren’t suicidal people often in hell on this side before they ever go to the other side?  Who are we to condemn them?

 

Creativity Creates Creativity

 

INTUITION

INTUITION

Creativity creates creativity.  If you can conceive of something, you are on the way to creating something.  Before we thought some things had the probability of existing, they didn’t exist.  For example, the four minute mile, that the earth is round, being able to send invisible messages through the air.  Just think of the benefit that science fiction has been to developing the probability of things that we previously thought could not exist.  For example, a man on the moon; exploring Mars by robot and sending the results back to earth.

If you don’t ask a question, you won’t get an answer.  Most of the time the pathway to an answer is developed by asking questions, especially the right ones.  For example, how do we create a three dimensional replica of something that is like a photograph or projected image of a film strip which is a two dimensional replica of something that can be sent across space.  It is a hologram, the most notorous one recently has been of Michael Jackson dancing at an award presentation.rp_300px-Pieter_Bruegel_d._Ä._075b.jpg

Is creativity limited by our imagination or is our imagination limited by our creativity?  Would the things that have been created in this and the last century be considered magic and therefore evil by some people in the previous centuries?  Something a person doesn’t understand and therefore can’t conceive of is often considered to be evil.  Natives who saw sailing ships on the horizon from the shore in what are now called the Americas did not perceive them or recognize them as sailing ships as they had no previous experience with them.  They had no conception of such a thing.

We, too, must expand our horizons.  We must derive new possibilities from what we know and from them go on to derive even more fantastic possibilities.  What if aliens from outer space made contact with natives in south america and egypt and gave them knowledge and skills which helped them build architectual marvels?  How does that change what you think about what happened there and what future inventions might you hypothesize we might create from this?

The Wings Become Windows

The Wings Become Windows

Here we are constantly discovering marvelous possibilities that were limited by our previous ways of thinking until we made new discoveries about earth and the things on it and surrounding it.  Here at home, we have canines that can smell things that we as humans, don’t, and can detect the presence of things we, humans can’t by smell.  There are animals that can camouflage themselves by taking on the coloration and textures of their surroundings.  What does that make you think about the stories of the possibilities of the invisible man?

 

The Importance Of Problem Solving!

To learn and not to do is really not to learn....

To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know. (Photo credit: planeta)

This post is finished.  I am done with the revising and editing; but I wanted to put it up early so a class I am teaching could use it to learn something about critical thinking.

Cognitive development continues in adult life and some of the crucial elements are the individual’s creative and learned abilities to solve problems.  Do it “My way; but nicely” as a musical comedy (The King and I) song says is the way many parents and supervisors lead.  Could it be that the problem-solving skills of these individuals are also underdeveloped not just those of their children or their supervisees?  A good work relationship requires an able boss and a good employee, an able parent and a child with undeveloped potential, an able teacher and a willing student.  In all of these equations, both the leaders and those being led have to participate and make contributions.

How do we help this along?  It is by not letting an “I can’t do this” attitude from hindering a person’s development.  Learning does not stop at 16, 21, or 35.  It goes on for a lifetime.  I realize that I have, when confronted with a barrier or an obstacle, have not taken the time necessary.   I just want to get on with it so I continue on with that detail not attended to and also on depending on someone else to do what I have not learned to do for myself and not bothering to problem solve and master what may be a new skill for me.

Obstacles and barracades are opportunities to grow and learn and to acquire new skills.  How often have you said I can’t when you probably could.  Being constantly dependent on others to do things for us which we can’t or have not learned to do for ourselves can lead to anger both at ourselves and for our helplessness and at others whose whims we see ourselves are susceptible to.

Learning by Doing

Learning by Doing (Photo credit: BrianCSmith)

Take on a new project.  Find one thing that you have not learned how to do for yourself and master it.  My spouse recently showed me for the nth time how to call up a missed number on the phone.  I had always depended on him to do it for me and if he wasn’t there I could get mad at myself for not knowing how to do it and at him for being in control of my life that way by not being able to return a simple phone call without him.

Now I have a growing list of things I should be able to do for myself which demands I usually met in the past with a feeble, “I can’t…”  Sometimes it is not easy; but, when mastered, these things give you more freedom to do it your way, not theirs.  Learning involves communication between pupil and teacher.  The student needs to build on what they already know in order to bridge the gap between themselves and teachers.  It is this communality that fosters learning.  The attitude, “This is so stupid.  Why can’t he learn this”, is often an example of the teacher’s tendency to give up and externalize the blame onto the student.

Finally, once you’ve solved the problem, remember to use what you have learned the next time you have that problem.  Remember practice makes perfect.  What you learn for yourself is often the best learning method.  You don’t leave any steps out or forget to define terms.  Focusing on the neuroplacity of the brain means that we can go on learning the rest of our lives.  It increases self-esteem,  it develops abilities you may be able to teach others as a legacy, it enlarges your sphere of life (now no more saying to yourself limiting yourself by saying, ” I won’t go there because I can’t do that and I am not willing to learn”.

Remember you sometimes can chose what you want to learn to do but you can’t always control others so that they will do things for you when you don’t know how.

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