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Some Beliefs That Keep You Down

  1. control freak That you have to control others or they will control you.
  2. . That others can make you feel bad.
  3.   That many people in this society (including you) are of little value.
  4.    That only a dope gives to others not expecting to get anything in return.
  5.   That you have to be what you have been conditioned to be from birth.
  6.  That what  you see, hear, or perceive in any way must be the same as everybody else.
  7.  That the theories about life and the universe that others have are the only ways to view them.
  8. Sheep go where they are told to go, eat what is provided for them to eat, and ultimately give their lives so that somebody else doesn’t have to.
  9. That you are destined to be alone and you are lucky if you capture anybody’s attention, no matter how little and no matter how long.
  10. That those who think that they are supposed to control us, know more than we do.

Don’t Let Other People Get You Down

rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgAre you observant? sensitive? and/or vulnerable to other people’s problems?  Do the people around you often wind up raining on your parade?  Fear? frustration? anger? Almost all negative feelings can be catching.  Should you stay in such a situation because you feel that you have obligated yourself to stay?  That has often been my situation in the past….

I have walked out on one movie in my life.  I usually feel that I have to stay because I paid for it or because somebody else told me it was good.  I didn’t trust my own judgment!  However, there was one movie that mesmerized me and it was three hours long.  I didn’t move for three hours and suffered the consequences when I could hardly get up at the end!

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgI have learned to dodge people especially strangers when I see them coming towards me with a storm cloud surrounding them.  I know that I am not a part of their problem and I don’t want to become a part of their problem.  Sometimes I have seen people come for an evaluation and I just positively know that they want to and probably will make a complaint about me to the agency that referred them.

Sometimes it’s a parent or a relative of the person referred.  To them, I am a “professional” target.  They want to prove me wrong and possibly to get me in trouble.  I have played “turtle” with these people and kept my head in my shell to avoid conflict and did not confront them about their attitudes because that is what they seemed to want.

rp_333788350_150_150.jpgThere are also “poor me’s” who want to share and share their problems with you in order to ultimately prove they are unsolvable.  As both of you become more and more depressed in the process, no progress is made and perhaps the process has gone backward.

Don’t be a mirror and reflect other peoples’ problems.  Don’t soak up “bad” feelings and experience a downer.

On the other hand, be careful and don’t get sold on something another person is extremely positive about and make decisions you can’t back out of later.  Say let me take a minute, let me think about that, I’ll get back to you.  Even better say it is a decision you can’t make until you consult with another person you are involved with whether it is a financial planner,  spouse, or boss.

Genuine feelings can be shared and it can be a great experience whether it is happiness or grief.  I once cried with one of my daughters over a lost relationship.  I never regretted that.  Sharing feelings can be relationship building.  You also don’t want to be a cold fish that never seems to care about anything.  Sometimes food can’t be enjoyed because the person eating it can’t taste it.

Exhilaration can be catching.  Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath?  One of the most solemn persons I know grew up in an orphanage.  He or she did not do without the necessities of life or responsible caregivers, but there was something lacking in his childhood and it was the mutual sharing of feelings.

Lets Not Keep Throwing Kids Away Literally and Figuratively

4-disciplining-children-450a032108Frightened young girls get pregnant so they have somebody to love and young boys like to feel studly and see how many babies they can generate.  Neither is a good reason to have a child.  Nurturing a child is also a full-time process which involves being selfless much of the time.  It also requires good judgment which is not fully developed until young adulthood.

Our welfare state facilitates irresponsible parenthood and children often raised without discipline or love.  How many children are thrown out on the street and have to learn how to survive there on their own.Then we chastise them (not the parents or the state) for doing this and becoming angry at society and not fitting in there.

rp_2290679982_1eaafcaf2b_m.jpgNo wonder these children don’t trust anybody.  Yes, the ghetto (where many of these children end up) doesn’t always teach middle-class values.  In order to survive, these children do what they can to live on the streets or with parents and foster parents that don’t care or use them for their own purposes.  They often only want the check.  Worse yet these parents may have been raised the same way that they are raising their children.

rp_300px-Lansing-correction.jpgParents having the right to raise or not raise their biological children as they see fit does not take into account the rights of the children.  They also go so far as to often use abortion as the method of choice when it comes to practicing birth control.

I think it is a case of blame the victim (which is the child) for the sometimes irrefutable abuse they sustained whether caused by the system, natural parents,  and/or foster parents.

Last, but not least, parents who do a good job of raising their children by giving their kids love, discipline, and values do not get rewarded by the system.  There are no rewards for doing a good job, just for doing a bad job.

rp_9709182109_5fd0b7fbaa_n.jpgChild custody also gets handled often by people who do not know what they are doing, what the child needs, and what constitutes a good parent. If they do know these things they are hampered by laws and regulations that often don’t make any sense.

For example in one northern county of my state, only the worst judges, those who are not doing their job in other venues, get “demoted” to doing child custody cases and they receive no training on how to do this in a way that would benefit the child whose custody is being determined.

I have proposed that that county develop special training for these judges determining custody cases.  It would include forty hours of hands-on training by professionals in the field of custody determination. Doing it this way ensures that judges would actually participate and not just skim through some information on the subject.  It should also be a mixed group so no judge would be swayed in a particular direction.

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Things Usually Are the Most Productive When They Are Painful

Does Anger Bring Out The "Devil" In You Or Does Fear of Change Bring Out the "Devil" in You

Does Anger Bring Out The “Devil” In You Or Does Fear of Change Bring Out the “Devil” in You

Progress in my life has often been scary and painful and I often did not work on solving problems because I didn’t want to face the pain involved.  This is especially true in interpersonal situations.  Do you think that the most progress is made when something is easy to do?  Be honest with yourself….

Progress can not always be assured even when we face something painful and that is potentially painful too.  Could we learn something?  This is something that could realistically happen.  Learning can be painful too especially when you have to give up all or part of a long-held belief system.

When confronted with new conflicting information about a belief that a person has long held, people can either reject the new information in some way or change it so it fits their paradigm.  The other option is to change their belief system to fit the new information.  This is what learning is all about.

Some people are not really looking for conflicting information as it makes them uncomfortable so they back away from confrontations.  They think there always has to be a winner or a loser in a disagreement and they are programmed not to lose because it hurts too.  Compromise is sometimes a new thing to some people because of this.

When people come to new understandings about things, they can both be winners.  They understand each other better and can anticipate making better decisions without out so much potential “flack” from the other partner.

Shame, Shame, Shame On You, Not Me

Have you ever been publicly shamed by somebody when you were especially vulnerable and unable to defend yourself?  Do you know who ought to have been ashamed for doing this?  Probably that person, not you.

Have you ever goofed, made a mistake, or have been unable to control a situation,  not because you didn’t want to but because you couldn’t at that moment.  Some people are blind to their own mistakes but can see those of others in H-D or 3D for those of you who don’t have it yet on your TV.

These people can be merciless and drive people away from places where they have as much right to be as the other person.  This often happens in family restaurants and places of worship.  These critical comments are usually not accompanied by an ofter to do what they can to help in the situation.

These people often wear blinders to their own faults and to those of others close to them.  This is especially true when this is behavior that they might have had problems with once upon a time.  People can be especially intolerant of the behavior of children and infants when they are no longer dealing with them.  They tend to forget what it was like to have kids and how hard it is to be a parent.

People have a tendency to only comment on what they see is wrong and not be aware of what is really going on that might prompt them to  be more understanding.  You never might really know what is really going on in a situation that might prompt the behavior.  We were celebrating a birthday at a nice restaurant when my grandson threw temper fit after temper fit and nothing worked as far as disciplinary techniques were concerned.  Later, when he got home, he was violently ill.  No one could have predicted that.

Remember,  build people up.  Don’t knock them down.  What would you want others to do for you?  Truly gracious people don’t need to do this to embarrass others.

 

 

Theresa Caputo–The Truth And Nothing But The Truth

Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium

Theresa Caputo, The Long Island Medium

Theresa Caputo  (the Long Island Medium) is not a phony.  She is very real.  And why is she so real?  She tells the truth and nothing but the truth.  I went to her presentation at a local center (Ford Center in Evansville IN) with two friends,  We were also mesmerized by her presence and the type of audience her presentation attracted.

We got to see the real her: longer hair, a bright blue attractive dress, and sparkly heels.  (I wondered how she negotiated moving around on the floor in them?).  She told us exactly what she would do and not do and how she utilized her fan club.  She was very honest and straight forward and I hung on her every word which I could do because cameras (only used for the presentation and then erased) and microphones followed her around and we could see her facial expressions and the reactions of those that she read.

Spirit seemed to pick the most urgent cases.  Those which would have left the theater in a turmoil with no feelings re leaved from a sudden tragic death or deaths and guilt not resolved.  Although, I did not receive a reading,  I got some insight into deaths I have suffered and about my own metaphysical gifts.

She is what she is.  She is not fake and even excused herself from reading for people who had messages or pictures that could be seen on camera because if she had read these people she might have been be accused of  getting information from these things and not spirit.

It was a very intense situation and she had a very intentive and polite audience.  (Also please note that there were people there some from Ford Center and some from her own staff to help out and they did so without distracting or impeding what was going on. )

Theresa was gracious and even invited two randomly chosen audience members behind stage after the show.   There was no press of people to get her attention and autographs after the show nor were any books sold; but when she was in the auditorium, she moved freely among the members of the audience.

It was obvious to me that she was “on” the entire time and that there was nothing “canned” nor  was there material that was used as  “filler.”  You came to see Theresa and there was no “staff” between her and the audience.  I just had to say, “Thank God.”  She was very honest about her beliefs and the most surprising one was that she believes that there is no hell.

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Do You Hear Only What You Want To Hear?

Do You Hear Only What You Want to Hear Or See Only What You Want To See?  Do you sometimes tune things out and skip parts of the material that is given to you? or that is shown to you?rp_3126327492_30718d4524_m.jpgI go to a place to meet my spiritual needs and I go to hear what God wants me to know.  I try to go with no preconceived notions of what I will get from attending church that day.  I quiet myself and pay attention to what is prayed, said, or done.  It is a time to be in the moment, not about feeling bad for what has happened in the past or being anxious or worried about the future.

Something was said yesterday during the service that I caught and am presenting here.  This idea not only applies to worship services, but also to doctor visits, books, lectures or workshops.We often hear what we want to hear not actually was said or intended.  When we learn something new, we often make changes to other ideas we have held or if this makes us uncomfortable we decide to tweak the material that was presented so it fits our notions of how the world should be.

Gossiping

Gossiping

Ever play the game of gossip and noticed how distorted the original message became?

We may tune in and tune out adjusting what we do hear to make it more acceptable no matter what the content.  We can have attacks of boredom.  We can become irritated because we have to sit there and listen to the speaker drone on and on.  We can day dream or even fall asleep.  Pay attention there may be something useful there.

This also can apply to visual material like posters, power point presentations.   Did you read the quote presented at the top of this post.  Here it is again.rp_3126327492_30718d4524_m.jpg How did it make you feel: comfortable or uncomfortable.  Are you generally open and receptive? or do you not like someone else telling you what to do and/or commenting  on your appearance, possessions, and family.  You have your own ideas and are comfortable with them.

I realize when I jump to conclusions I don’t pay attention to what is being presented.  Stereotypes of people and cultures leave much to be desired and prevent us from encompassing diversity and learning what these people and cultures are really like.

Now you may understand why that Active Listening (Carl Rogers) is so important in communication.  Being able to repeat what the other person has said before giving your reply encourages people to hear everything that was said.

Do You Let Others Make You Feel Bad When You Have Done Nothing Wrong?

rp_291253057_150_150.jpgDo you let others make you feel bad when you have done nothing wrong.  Some people call this a “guilt trip” but this is more complicated. Some people thrive on the fact that they can make other people feel bad so they can get what they want from them.  Some people make “their living” by manipulating others into doing what they want them to do.  It is also known as the game of “Gotcha  Ya!”  Why feel responsible for your own behavior when you can make others feel guilty for doubting you.  Some of us have a “guilty conscience” which is easily manipulated even when we have done nothing wrong.  This lets other people who don’t really care about your feelings get away with “murder”.

This works especially well when you can get an innocent person to doubt that he or she  (who you know will get the blame) did the right thing?  Do you know that you have to have a conscience in order to to be manipulated in this way.  I don’t know if knowing this is happening will make you feel better when it happens to you; but it should.

Yes, it is a scam and the person perpetuating this scam will continue to do this to you or other ones that you love until they no longer can get away with it.  This usually never happens because they usually can get people to feel a shadow of a doubt that something is going on here.  Worse comes to worse these people will move on to other people if they can no longer get away with this with you , your friends, or family.

Stop Letting Others Manipulate You.

Stop Letting Others Manipulate You.

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

They often rely on the fact that you will not check the facts and that the other people involved in the scheme don’t know you and/or that you won’t contact them to check things out.  Lying is usually not a problem for these manipulators.  If you can be fooled this way then you deserve to be scammed.  At the very least, it will not cost you much to bail them out or make something right so that they or the person they are lying about won’t have to suffer.  They believe in spreading the “wealth” and they are just helping it along.  And the better they are at this game the less likely they will get caught.

They really don’t like people to get to know them well and may or may not move on when they think that somebody might get onto their game.  You may notice that they seem to know more about you than you do about them.  They are always moving around, trying to get a new job, and when they ask for help you may not have heard from them in a awhile and not have known what they have been doing.  They can find you easy enough but you have difficulty finding them as their addresses, jobs, and phones may have changed or be cut off.  You are never sure of the “facts” and you often known how or with whom you can check them.  You are often an “open book” and they can easily find you and check up on you.  One I knew had the gall to find their phone number and to call some friends of ours to check up on us “on a fact? finding mission.”.

rp_291253057_150_150.jpgThe biggest price besides maybe money is that you feel “bad” whenever this happens to you and they attempt to make you feel bad when there is no reason for you to feel bad and every reason to doubt them and not feel bad.  They also may get your family and friends to sympathize with them and believe you did something wrong too.

I would apologize to Robin Williams; but I can’t since he has passed away.  However, in this picture, he has that “look” like he is signaling to you that you have done something naughty and that you should be at least a little bit ashamed.

 

 

How Easily Intimidated Are You?

taking-advice-badgeDo you do what is right even if other people will think it is wrong?  Will you do what other people think is wrong when you know it is right?  How easily intimidated are you?

How well do you stand up for yourself or others when this happens?  Are you easily shamed or guilted into doing something that makes you personally uncomfortable  even at your own personal expense.  When the rolis called up yonder and you go before the ultimate judge (yourself) how will you fare?  How many things will you have missed out on?   How many chances will you have passed by to do what you knew was the right thing but didn’t have enough courage to do?

What will you have sacrificed to make others happy by letting them get away with abusing your time trying to convince you that they are right when you know they are wrong.  Giving up being joyful and happy so that others who will never learn anything the hard way can escape the consequences of their behavior.  Do you sometimes feel life is a drag especially when you go along with other peoples’ preferences instead of your own especially if those choices will make you uncomfortable and continue to suck the joy out of your life.11478115084_52613dd791_z

Worse yet you go against your own internal moral code in order to conform to societies expectations and generalizations about “correct” behavior that could be be and might be applied to your behavior.  Are you willing to be punished for doing something you know is really “right” even if it goes against the codes of  others?

How independent are your standards both for yourself and others.  Are you willing to spend time with someone who is boring but doesn’t know it because other people often let him or her get away with it.  Would you spend time with someone who has few friends but who would appreciate getting your time or do you follow the crowd and do the same old thing that you do every time you go out instead?  What does your intuition say you should do?

Happy, Happy, Happy!

My happy face anyway!.

My happy face anyway!.

Taking a Rocket Risk  ala  Mary Mcellehattan’s book,.  Going where my heart’s desire is.  Fuflilling my bucket list.  It may be my last hurrah; but I am going.  Learned a lesson.  Don’t wait for somebody else to do it for you.

Create your own happiness.  Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.  It’s your decision.  It’s your life.  You don’t need somebody else’s permission even if you would like to have it.  Don’t lose the moment.  I am not going to let anybody else’s opinion spoil your day or days spent where you only dreamed of being before.  Being yourself is not necessarily bad and is actually mostly or all good.  Most of us have been raised to seek somebody else’s approval (and sometime it’s even the world’s!) before doing something.

Don’t cloud a life time experience by being scared, afraid, or unhappy because somebody else doesn’t want you to do what you want to do.  Unhappy emotions are for the most part useless unless they are part of the grieving process.  Yes, I may be scared when I announce my intentions.  Just as people have different tastes in movies and music, they have different tastes when it comes to choosing a lifetime experience.  Do you have a certain food that you dislike and you can’t even stand to see it on somebody else’s plate.?  Liver (and onions) is something I enjoy, but I don’t have much company.   Are you always eating where someone else wants to eat as you don’t want to make waves and it’s not that big of a deal. anyway.  Move over Rover, there is a new dog in town.

Experiment!  Campaign for your choices when you are with someone or a group.  How often have you listened to yourself when deciding on something to eat.  Do you wait to see what others are

"Make my day!

“Make my day!

going to order first?   Have you ever thought, “My, wouldn’t that taste good.”  I even eat snails and of course all kinds of mushrooms including those we pick ourselves during mushroom season.  I have to agitate someone to get them on my pizza!

Planning a life experience like I am.  Go ahead fantasize the best trip ever including every thing you want even if you are not sure how you are going to get it.   It doesn’t hurt to be prepared if someone asks you what you want.  It’s your trip, it’s your budget.  What do you like best about visiting some other place?  I like to get to know the people and taste the food.  I like for my trips to be multipurpose and accomplish more than one of my goals.  I want to be met by a local and showed around by a local.  I want them or someone knowledgeable to set my itinerary.  I want to really experience the place while I am there.

Do you want to go through life saying , “I wish I could have done something.”  That negativity can last for a lifetime.  Who is being negative about this.  You oar someone else?  Is it,”If I feel bad about what you are going to do, you should feel bad too and have a miserable time planning your trip, taking your trip, and talking about it after.”  Secretly they may want to ruin your whole life by being this way about things you want to do.  Does someone in your family have this power over you?  To whose benefit is it?  There was a cartoon character  that always had a rain cloud over his head.  This could be you if you let this happen.

“If I am not happy, nobody else is going to be happy!”  Have you heard that before?  Does it have to be true?  How about having a good time anyway.  Happiness is a choice and it’s yours. Don’t listen to this sort of thing.  Don’t let this happen!   Some people are self-sacrificing and if they don’t let themselves do or have something, they don’t want you to either!