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judging others

Could Putdowns Be A Form Of Putting A Curse On Someone?

The witches (at least the bad ones) have gone and people don’t worry about curses being put upon them anymore or do they?  When people put you down to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves above you, are they really putting a curse on you especially if you or those around you tend to believe them?  The power in a curse is usually the strength that of the belief that the victim has in them.

rp_300px-Bullying_Irfe.jpgAlso, can putdowns be a form of domestic abuse?  Yes, a person can be emotionally as well as physically abused leaving them browbeaten and powerless.  Have you ever known a person who doesn’t ever seem to have something good to say about a family member and worse yet, other family members start to do it too.

A Perplexed Child

A Perplexed Child

Doing it to children is a heinous offense.  They often do not have a way of knowing that it is not true and they believe it.  Other family members, especially other children, will start to do it too.  “Monkey see; monkey do”  Also siblings seeing it done to a fellow sibling might think that they might be next so they keep the spotlight on their sibling’s faults and deficiencies.

rp_363561405_150_150.jpgIt is not a good joke if the person who is the object of the joke doesn’t laugh at it too.  When this happens to children, they are often reduced to tears.  The perpetrators say they don’t know why the object of the joke doesn’t think it is funny and they label him or her a “bad sport.”

Do You Respect Yourself As Much As You Respect Other people?

rp_300px-Grad_Students.jpgWhen  someone is rude inappropriate or disrespectful to you, are you too embarrassed to speak up for yourself or are you afraid that the other person might get angry at you?  Some people count on you doing this so they can keep on doing what upsets you either to you or others.  Sometimes we feel “we got it wrong” and if we said something we might be made to look foolish.

From the female point of view, some men think that they can grope a woman or cop a feel and the women won’t act like anything is wrong.  Somehow taking the blame on themselves, not putting it on the offender.  The offender sometimes says, “You liked it.  I can tell.”  They believe women somehow are inviting them to do this and they are just doing what the women want them to do but are afraid to say.

rp_8779146668_6e5def7ac9_n.jpgShould I list the men who have done this to me?  Also, some sexual talk, pictures, videos, and movies are off-putting to some women rather than arousing.  But we don’t want to rain on a man’s parade and let him do it and even watch, I would say sometimes uneasily,  ourselves.

Has woman’s lib gone too far?  Are women thinking that under the new era, that women should be more sexually active and cooperative when they are not comfortable doing it?  Is groping by your male seatmate in the back seat of a car while another couple makes out in the front seat satisfying or uncomfortable and maybe even embarrassing?

rp_5307249644_41b9ef6f0f_m.jpgThe woman’s idea of a sexual relationship is that it involves at least mutual affection, mutual sexual attraction, comfort, and privacy.  Some women up the amp even more and want the penthouse suite so to speak, etc.

Women can be very cautious about expressing their wants and desires sexually and it may be something they have not had practice doing.  Men like to express their dominance in a sexual relationship for bragging rights to other men (that’s a no-no) and the secure feeling that they are right about what their opinions are about what makes for great sex (for him) and they won’t take no for an answer.

Another true story, I had a professor like that and it was difficult for my office manager friend to keep him in secretaries he was so disgusting and predatory.  Yet, the rest of the office (mainly men) thought he was a great guy.  He was actually inconsiderate and self-engrossed.

emotional-abuse-disney-princess-16471851-496-479Did he try something on me, yes, and I did not consider him attractive or available (he was married and had a family) even though I was divorced at the time.  During that time there, I met a much younger man with whom I was comfortable with and who was attractive in a cozy comfortable way.  I wasn’t a cold fish, the professor was not my cup of tea and he was nasty to women and I didn’t like him or like to be around him.

True story, I was in a small crowded attic room with this professor and other students.  Several students and this professor were smoking.  My eyes started to water.  I am not a smoker.  He told me to take my contact lens out if the smoke was bothering me and that day, I was wearing glasses.  I said nothing.

11478115084_52613dd791_zHow much is allowed to go on; because we don’t speak up.  I once told my guiding pastor that it did not seem polite to start a ruckus in church but some people deserved ton be confronted.  I was not denying them Jesus but doing what Jesus did with his disciples when they were not doing the right thing,  They were ordinary men who sometimes got off in the wrong direction and Jesus knew what they were doing or were going to do and told them that.

What have I got to lose if I do this (speak up in public), maybe just self-respect.  Don’t let others “buffalo” you into accepting something from that them that you feel is wrong and should be stopped because somebody is or will or could be hurt.  We even though we are innocent bystanders sometimes have to confront the problem we see happening in front of our eyes even if it doesn’t involve us directly.

Once a man (I’ll call him a young man because he has a lot of growing up to do, was “high” in front and was very self-satisfied about how he was when he was high and even proud of himself.  I do like and love the guy but he can be exasperating sometimes.  I confronted him about being high (he thinks I am a nerd and don”t notice when he is high) and his “false” self-confidence and narcissistic attitude was really phony and annoying.

 

Some Beliefs That Keep You Down

  1. control freak That you have to control others or they will control you.
  2. . That others can make you feel bad.
  3.   That many people in this society (including you) are of little value.
  4.    That only a dope gives to others not expecting to get anything in return.
  5.   That you have to be what you have been conditioned to be from birth.
  6.  That what  you see, hear, or perceive in any way must be the same as everybody else.
  7.  That the theories about life and the universe that others have are the only ways to view them.
  8. Sheep go where they are told to go, eat what is provided for them to eat, and ultimately give their lives so that somebody else doesn’t have to.
  9. That you are destined to be alone and you are lucky if you capture anybody’s attention, no matter how little and no matter how long.
  10. That those who think that they are supposed to control us, know more than we do.

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

rp_363849983_150_150.jpg

Or Is It The Beginning?

Who are you?  Everyone is different from birth.  Lots of things that happen to us can change our perception of ourself.  People around us expect us to be like them and as a child, we often don’t know any better.  We all have different kinds of potential and that potential helps define our purpose in life.  We often are so busy responding to the demands put on us by the outside, we have little time or opportunity to discover who we really are inside.  Often we are caught up in doing what we think we should be doing but not really what reflects our purpose in life and uses our unique talents and abilities.  Sometimes this is reflected an adolescent rebellion or in a midlife crisis and others don’t discover this until they are facing retirement.

Judge Not That Ye May Not Be Judged, Condemn Not That Ye Not Be Condemned (From The Bible)

rp_366761818_150_150.jpgThe Bible warns against condemning others, but it also tells you not to condemn yourself.  We create so many problems when we start having so many expectations for ourselves, things that we have to live up too.  Do we bully ourselves?  Do we criticize ourselves before somebody else, including God, does it to us?  Then when we err we don’t give ourselves any slack. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  We judge ourselves before somebody else can judge us.  Of what use is self-condemnation and judgments from others?

rp_300px-Emotions.GIFSometimes our conscience is too well-developed.  We do this to avoid judgments from others.  Maybe we stop and look in the mirror before we go out so that no one can surprise us with an unfavorable remark.  Compliments are often few and far between even those they may be deserved.  Sometimes when someone says nothing it is as close to a compliment as we can get.

Warm Fuzzies-Cold PrickliesWe need warm fuzzies, not cold pricklies.  I guess the latter at least reassure us we have been noticed.  Have you ever felt that you might be invisible when everybody in the room at a party are busy talking to each other and they don’t seem to notice that you are there?

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Attitude; Change Your Attitude, Change Your Perspective

Have you ever been told to change your attitude about something? For example, whether it is about “stay at home moms”, “homeschooling” or any subject up for discussion?

Have you ever thought about it this way?  Which comes first in this process, changing your attitude or changing your perspective?  Have you ever changed your attitude after you have changed your perspective? or vice versa?

rp_5617089955_d20fe0f1ab.jpgBecoming unsatisfied with the available public schools, might lead to you changing your mind about the appropriateness of homeschooling for your family.

Debate teams prepare to be able to defend both sides of a disputed issue and this prepares them to see the points of view or perspectives of both sides.  Lawyers often participate in debating in order to help them to be able to take both sides of a disputed issue such as “guilty” or “innocent” in court.

rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpgWe often jump to conclusions and staunchly take one side in an upcoming vote in our government.  Who do we prize? People who can change their minds when necessary and alter their perspective to do this or people who stick to “their guns” no matter what?

Gaining knowledge is a process of gathering information and evaluating the appropriateness of it as well as altering theories when necessary to fit new information.

Versus Bad Vibrations

Versus Bad Vibrations

Think of how science has changed when it comes to considering what matter and energy are made of.   Initially, it was atoms, neutrons, and protons.  Then it was found that matter and energy were interchangeable.  Now we focus upon waves of energy as the foundation of matter.

Yes, being too flexible can be inappropriate at times.  For example, you go to a car show where different car dealers are offering their latest models for sale and as you go from booth to booth or exhibit after exhibit, you find yourself constantly persuaded that the latest car offered is the best.

rp_6544823393_9183bdeff5_m.jpgIt may be that from one perspective, i.e. cost, one vehicle is the best; but from the perspective of safety, another car is the best.  Or the vehicle that might attract the younger crowd appeals to the man or woman in a mid-life crisis.

 

Don’t Let Other People Get You Down

rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgAre you observant? sensitive? and/or vulnerable to other people’s problems?  Do the people around you often wind up raining on your parade?  Fear? frustration? anger? Almost all negative feelings can be catching.  Should you stay in such a situation because you feel that you have obligated yourself to stay?  That has often been my situation in the past….

I have walked out on one movie in my life.  I usually feel that I have to stay because I paid for it or because somebody else told me it was good.  I didn’t trust my own judgment!  However, there was one movie that mesmerized me and it was three hours long.  I didn’t move for three hours and suffered the consequences when I could hardly get up at the end!

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgI have learned to dodge people especially strangers when I see them coming towards me with a storm cloud surrounding them.  I know that I am not a part of their problem and I don’t want to become a part of their problem.  Sometimes I have seen people come for an evaluation and I just positively know that they want to and probably will make a complaint about me to the agency that referred them.

Sometimes it’s a parent or a relative of the person referred.  To them, I am a “professional” target.  They want to prove me wrong and possibly to get me in trouble.  I have played “turtle” with these people and kept my head in my shell to avoid conflict and did not confront them about their attitudes because that is what they seemed to want.

rp_333788350_150_150.jpgThere are also “poor me’s” who want to share and share their problems with you in order to ultimately prove they are unsolvable.  As both of you become more and more depressed in the process, no progress is made and perhaps the process has gone backward.

Don’t be a mirror and reflect other peoples’ problems.  Don’t soak up “bad” feelings and experience a downer.

On the other hand, be careful and don’t get sold on something another person is extremely positive about and make decisions you can’t back out of later.  Say let me take a minute, let me think about that, I’ll get back to you.  Even better say it is a decision you can’t make until you consult with another person you are involved with whether it is a financial planner,  spouse, or boss.

Genuine feelings can be shared and it can be a great experience whether it is happiness or grief.  I once cried with one of my daughters over a lost relationship.  I never regretted that.  Sharing feelings can be relationship building.  You also don’t want to be a cold fish that never seems to care about anything.  Sometimes food can’t be enjoyed because the person eating it can’t taste it.

Exhilaration can be catching.  Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath?  One of the most solemn persons I know grew up in an orphanage.  He or she did not do without the necessities of life or responsible caregivers, but there was something lacking in his childhood and it was the mutual sharing of feelings.

Do You Naturally Show Affection?

Do you show affection or is it awkward and uncomfortable if you do or someone else does it to you.  It has a lot to do with your upbringing.  My family background is German and there were few displays of affection while I was growing up and it remains awkward for me to do this even today.

rp_20070403_personal_space_comfort_zones.pngI have said, “Love you,” to some of my family members whom I truly love and they were shocked and didn’t know what to say.  I once tried to give my ailing father a hug and he froze.  Anger was easier to express in my family than affection.

Physical contact is an important part of showing affection.  We all need to be touched whether it is a back rub or physical contact like curling up on the couch to watch a movie with someone.

Warm Fuzzies-Cold PrickliesThere is a story about “warm fuzzies and cold pricklies” that illustrates that people need love and affection and can die without out it.  Due to an old witch, people got the idea that the amount of warm fuzzies that a person can give is limited and they were encouraged to use cold pricklies provided by the witch.

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgIn my family anger and criticisms were the cold pricklies that kept me alive.  Disappointment was sometimes used too.  The warm fuzzies were few and far between and they didn’t feel very warm.  They mostly were given at a distance as when I would show my Dad my new dress.

rp_342852690_150_150.jpgMassages of hands and feet can heal certain parts of the body according to Reflexology,  Hands are convenient to use as it doesn’t require removing any clothing.  Holding each others hands in a group as we pray or meditate or visualize something and the arms can be stretched out to put some space between people as they do this.

Could this affect someone’s sex life.  Very definitely so. With all the bands on physical touching in most places, people don’t get much chance to bond this way or offer support and reassurance this way.  Sexual relations can be life getting to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank

rp_272680378_bd063659bc_m.jpgSexual relations can be life-giving to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank You Mam.”  Is it manly to do a little making out to get ready for sex?

Pets often get more love and affection than the human family members and they know how to get it.  If love and affection are not encouraged when one is a child how can he or she display these things as an adult?

141167840521223colorfulgrandcanyonWhen I went to Sedona, I had the most beautiful massagre and I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable although I was undressed under a sheet.  I was not embarrassed when she touched me intimately in parts that I never had been caressed before.

Do you know that boys especially when they start to mature are considered too old for sissy things like displaying or receiving love and affection.  It is amazing that because of things like this, that we don’t wither on the vine.

The Right To Celebrate The Holiday Of Your Choice

rp_5187344980_c232d0aae8_m.jpgI have just as much right to put the “Merry” in Christmas and keep the Christ in Christmas as you have to take it out.  You can say, “Happy Holidays”, instead or call it the Xmas season.

Freedom of speech is a two-way street.  It does not protect just one kind of belief.  It was ordained to protect the rights for all Americans, not just the Politically Correct (PC) ones.  Have we forgotten that?

rp_3380860520_1b0dca5ab0_m.jpgThe American  Civil Liberties Union has a strong bias in terms of what freedoms they will protect and they often protect one group’s freedoms and take away the freedoms of another group with an opposite or opposing point of view.

It seems like the American Civil Liberties Union is operating like the PC police and many people who are afraid of being taken to court by them will not say anything although it needs to be said.

beingjudgmentalWhen it becomes a war on Christmas, it takes all the merriment, fun, and joy out of celebrating it.  I am noticing that stores are not decorating for Christmas as usual.  I miss it.  Yet, the stores still want people to buy Christmas gifts and decorations, religious or not.

There is a lot of paranoia about celebrating Christmas the old-fashioned way.  It is a tradition in the United States of America.  Now it seems like people are bending over backwards to facilitate celebrating the religious holidays of other religions.

rp_1360757052_a551272cf9_m.jpgThere are a lot of Muslim converts in prisons forcing prisons to make changes (for example) in the diets of prisoners who are not Muslim.  I don’t know if they purchase Kosher food and have special kitchens in which to prepare it for Orthodox Jews.  Seventh Day Adventists also have diet restrictions which are part of their belief systems.

Now in our society, I can’t tell certain jokes either.  We are not supposed to make fun of people who are different from us even though they might laugh too if they heard what we said.  I make fun of myself and have a good sense of humor.  I tell jokes about being disabled, being a “Red Neck,” and being just plain stupid sometimes.

What about all the silly Christmas songs?  Will the American Civil Liberties Union come after them too.

Before There Was Political Correctness For All Of America. There Was Political Correctness For Psychologists

debate_defined_shirts-rd63506e86f7c40c8a576c9480034df60_va6lr_512                                          Not Allowed Here!

Training for psychologists has always been politically correct and it always hampered the services we delivered.  We are in a world where values are not to be taught and religion should not be practiced.  If there are no longer any role models allowed, what will a Godless state be like?

I was trained to not offend clients by talking about values and religion unless they brought it up.  Also I was not to critique their beliefs or offer other alternatives unless they did.  If I said anything counter to this and offended someone, I was called on the carpet and once lost my job.

rp_319628280_150_150.jpg                                        Giving A Helping Hand

Values are to be challenged and religious beliefs ought to be discussed.  We are so politically correct sometimes that we can not say something a person needs to hear!  Who would you like to live next to?  A person with no values and possibly no conscience or a person who has and practices good values?

People do acquire values anyway and if we prevent them from being discussed in school or counseling, what is left?  “Bad Guys” don’t feel bad about promoting their values and acting them out.  Young people find role models somewhere if they don’t have them at home, school, or church, or in a mentoring situation either individual or group.