Every time I think that the Little PEOPLE are getting ahead, I realise they aren’t. I was very happy with the recent election because I felt that the new administration was supporting the middle class that was no longer the middle class under the current, soon past administration.
What I have recently realised is that I have joined the lower class (once working class or even middle class in many situations). We are squeaking by on social security and disability payments (which have been borrowed from to pay other government expenses) and have to seek help like free food from The Master’s Hand locally. Also in this area, if you have farm income (that counts against you as it is considered income before farming expenses are taken out) in terms of getting any extra government help.
Most of us would contribute something to the economy if there was a way we could. Most of us would like to have a voice in the new administration. For example, most of Illinois voted for the new administration except for the heavily populated urban areas. But where is our voice? No one campaigned in our areas and we feel that no one has listened to our concerns. What do you think? Are there other areas of our country in the same shape?
Also who is the voice of the forgotten little people? On the network that supported the election of the new administration, we are not represented. They are again relying on experts who have no real life experience or it is so far in the remote past that they don’t remember it or so far removed from it, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Also, there is pressure on these experts, especially women, to conform to certain standards not representative of the men and/or do not reflect what ordinary people look like. It is nice for some of us to remain “young” and look youthful but is not the way most people look and it is easier to see the standards for men are less stringent than for women.
For example, most woman experts on this network look like they are ready to go to a cocktail party instead of a business occasion. Yes, the men are nicely and appropriately dressed but they don’t have to struggle as much as women do to appear appropriately presentable, youthful and beautiful.
When are the Little PEOPLE going to be represented? The overall wearing, wearing second-hand clothing, or in “high style” Wal-Mart, but often foreign made, clothing? We have a lot to say and we don’t have a lot we can do about our situations but suffer. Welfare often misses us and as our social security or retirement checks do not raise, but inflation and the cost of living does and as things cost more and more, we have to get by on less and less with little or no representation in or help from society or the government!
The Little PEOPLE do have something to say! We have learned something through experience. We do have “philosophical” discussions. We can see things others more fortunate and potentially more powerful don’t.
Certainly how Little PEOPLE experience life has something to say about the type of life we are promoting for all! Often as people do better and better economically, they tend to put people down who haven’t and consider their opinions useless and their motivations feckless! Also other people who have done well often think the same way and might make fun of those who don’t. How many Little People do you see in certain churches or certain social groups like the Elks? Nuff said.
The witches (at least the bad ones) have gone and people don’t worry about curses being put upon them anymore or do they? When people put you down to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves above you, are they really putting a curse on you especially if you or those around you tend to believe them? The power in a curse is usually the strength that of the belief that the victim has in them.
Also, can putdowns be a form of domestic abuse? Yes, a person can be emotionally as well as physically abused leaving them browbeaten and powerless. Have you ever known a person who doesn’t ever seem to have something good to say about a family member and worse yet, other family members start to do it too.
Doing it to children is a heinous offense. They often do not have a way of knowing that it is not true and they believe it. Other family members, especially other children, will start to do it too. “Monkey see; monkey do” Also siblings seeing it done to a fellow sibling might think that they might be next so they keep the spotlight on their sibling’s faults and deficiencies.
It is not a good joke if the person who is the object of the joke doesn’t laugh at it too. When this happens to children, they are often reduced to tears. The perpetrators say they don’t know why the object of the joke doesn’t think it is funny and they label him or her a “bad sport.”
When someone is rude inappropriate or disrespectful to you, are you too embarrassed to speak up for yourself or are you afraid that the other person might get angry at you? Some people count on you doing this so they can keep on doing what upsets you either to you or others. Sometimes we feel “we got it wrong” and if we said something we might be made to look foolish.
From the female point of view, some men think that they can grope a woman or cop a feel and the women won’t act like anything is wrong. Somehow taking the blame on themselves, not putting it on the offender. The offender sometimes says, “You liked it. I can tell.” They believe women somehow are inviting them to do this and they are just doing what the women want them to do but are afraid to say.
Should I list the men who have done this to me? Also, some sexual talk, pictures, videos, and movies are off-putting to some women rather than arousing. But we don’t want to rain on a man’s parade and let him do it and even watch, I would say sometimes uneasily, ourselves.
Has woman’s lib gone too far? Are women thinking that under the new era, that women should be more sexually active and cooperative when they are not comfortable doing it? Is groping by your male seatmate in the back seat of a car while another couple makes out in the front seat satisfying or uncomfortable and maybe even embarrassing?
The woman’s idea of a sexual relationship is that it involves at least mutual affection, mutual sexual attraction, comfort, and privacy. Some women up the amp even more and want the penthouse suite so to speak, etc.
Women can be very cautious about expressing their wants and desires sexually and it may be something they have not had practice doing. Men like to express their dominance in a sexual relationship for bragging rights to other men (that’s a no-no) and the secure feeling that they are right about what their opinions are about what makes for great sex (for him) and they won’t take no for an answer.
Another true story, I had a professor like that and it was difficult for my office manager friend to keep him in secretaries he was so disgusting and predatory. Yet, the rest of the office (mainly men) thought he was a great guy. He was actually inconsiderate and self-engrossed.
Did he try something on me, yes, and I did not consider him attractive or available (he was married and had a family) even though I was divorced at the time. During that time there, I met a much younger man with whom I was comfortable with and who was attractive in a cozy comfortable way. I wasn’t a cold fish, the professor was not my cup of tea and he was nasty to women and I didn’t like him or like to be around him.
True story, I was in a small crowded attic room with this professor and other students. Several students and this professor were smoking. My eyes started to water. I am not a smoker. He told me to take my contact lens out if the smoke was bothering me and that day, I was wearing glasses. I said nothing.
How much is allowed to go on; because we don’t speak up. I once told my guiding pastor that it did not seem polite to start a ruckus in church but some people deserved ton be confronted. I was not denying them Jesus but doing what Jesus did with his disciples when they were not doing the right thing, They were ordinary men who sometimes got off in the wrong direction and Jesus knew what they were doing or were going to do and told them that.
What have I got to lose if I do this (speak up in public), maybe just self-respect. Don’t let others “buffalo” you into accepting something from that them that you feel is wrong and should be stopped because somebody is or will or could be hurt. We even though we are innocent bystanders sometimes have to confront the problem we see happening in front of our eyes even if it doesn’t involve us directly.
Once a man (I’ll call him a young man because he has a lot of growing up to do, was “high” in front and was very self-satisfied about how he was when he was high and even proud of himself. I do like and love the guy but he can be exasperating sometimes. I confronted him about being high (he thinks I am a nerd and don”t notice when he is high) and his “false” self-confidence and narcissistic attitude was really phony and annoying.
Are you observant? sensitive? and/or vulnerable to other people’s problems? Do the people around you often wind up raining on your parade? Fear? frustration? anger? Almost all negative feelings can be catching. Should you stay in such a situation because you feel that you have obligated yourself to stay? That has often been my situation in the past….
I have walked out on one movie in my life. I usually feel that I have to stay because I paid for it or because somebody else told me it was good. I didn’t trust my own judgment! However, there was one movie that mesmerized me and it was three hours long. I didn’t move for three hours and suffered the consequences when I could hardly get up at the end!
I have learned to dodge people especially strangers when I see them coming towards me with a storm cloud surrounding them. I know that I am not a part of their problem and I don’t want to become a part of their problem. Sometimes I have seen people come for an evaluation and I just positively know that they want to and probably will make a complaint about me to the agency that referred them.
Sometimes it’s a parent or a relative of the person referred. To them, I am a “professional” target. They want to prove me wrong and possibly to get me in trouble. I have played “turtle” with these people and kept my head in my shell to avoid conflict and did not confront them about their attitudes because that is what they seemed to want.
There are also “poor me’s” who want to share and share their problems with you in order to ultimately prove they are unsolvable. As both of you become more and more depressed in the process, no progress is made and perhaps the process has gone backward.
Don’t be a mirror and reflect other peoples’ problems. Don’t soak up “bad” feelings and experience a downer.
On the other hand, be careful and don’t get sold on something another person is extremely positive about and make decisions you can’t back out of later. Say let me take a minute, let me think about that, I’ll get back to you. Even better say it is a decision you can’t make until you consult with another person you are involved with whether it is a financial planner, spouse, or boss.
Genuine feelings can be shared and it can be a great experience whether it is happiness or grief. I once cried with one of my daughters over a lost relationship. I never regretted that. Sharing feelings can be relationship building. You also don’t want to be a cold fish that never seems to care about anything. Sometimes food can’t be enjoyed because the person eating it can’t taste it.
Exhilaration can be catching. Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath? One of the most solemn persons I know grew up in an orphanage. He or she did not do without the necessities of life or responsible caregivers, but there was something lacking in his childhood and it was the mutual sharing of feelings.
With what is going on in Europe now with boundary problems, it is getting more and more clear that having little or no boundaries makes them vulnerable to people who will take advantage of that.
You think you are a good person and that others are good people too. Not setting appropriate boundaries leaves you wide open to people who don’t think like you do. It also leaves you wide open when you should be setting boundaries like with children and people who work under your supervision. Are you the kind of parent or boss who often winds up picking up after their children and/or doing someone else’s work along with your own?
How long can you do this type of thing without feeling angry? “Read my lips” no more “nice” guy or girl. You also lose people’s respect too. I have grandchildren and I can tell who does and who does not set boundaries with the grandchildren by the children’s behavior. You are courting chaos when you don’t do this.
Righteous anger? Is that possible? Is it polite? When we continue to let people take advantage of us (and we know it) aren’t we lying? Isn’t this a “sin?” of omission? So this person or child takes advantage of us figuring we don’t really say what we mean.
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I didn’t think about it until some of my family was talking about her and something she said to a person at the occasion where I saw her who was recovering from a recent total rejection by someone he or she had been in a relationship with for a long time.
It was very hurtful to hear about because it was obvious that this person had come to the party to at least distract his or herself from thinking about their recent loss. The lady’s tone of voice was very sweet and it was obvious that she probably would say, if asked, that she was just expressing her concern.
Again I didn’t think about it; but the family members talking about the interaction felt that what the lady did was inappropriate and reminded the person she was talking to of his or her painful experience and the fact that he or she might be not be over it.
It wasn’t til later today thinking over what was said that I remembered that I never felt comfortable around that person because I often felt that she was insincere, possibily even phony, when she was trying to be nice.
The way the person said what she said and the circumstances under which she said it made it difficult for the person receiving her inquiry to tell her to leave him or her alone as he or she did not feel like talking about it; but the damage had already been done.
What do you think? You know what I think. Perhaps this is judgmental of me but perhaps this is a reminder to trust your gut feelings. If something feels wrong even if it sounds okay, it still might be wrong. Could she have been faking it? Could she have been passive-aggressive and by shoving the knife in a little farther reminding him or her of their sorrow?
Freudian psychotherapists have raised the subject of transference in the relationship between a therapist and a client. Transference can go both ways. Something about the client makes them see the therapist in a certain way. Sometimes something about the therapist makes them see the client in a certain way.
Education in a profession such as psychotherapy can lead the practitioner to believe they must present themselves as experts in the field and as not vulnerable to the types of things that bring ordinary clients into therapy. This can lead to rationalization and denial on the therapists part.
Rationalization means that the therapst can create a good explanation as to why he or she is not vulnerable to the types of problems his or her patients have. Denial can also result from the taking of this position and it can cause therapy to not move forward for the client.
Personal growth is one way possibly to help stop this from happening. Does the development of one’s self-concept and concept of life stop with attaining one’s maturity whether at 18, 21, or 35? No, it does not. Our perspective on life constantly changes with new experiences.
Honestly does a psychotherapist think that they can understand exactly how they learned to be who they think they are and stop growing. Wouldn’t personal growth experiences for psychotherapists help with this?
Is there only one answer? Hasn’t science found this out. What things did scientists believe were true when your parents were children and what have you or your children learned in the present that scientists’ did not know or believe then?
Remember the old saying, “Do as I say!” not “Do as I do!”
Also the more defensive barbed wire a therapist puts between him or herself and what he or she is asking their patient to do, the more “phony” and indefensible they become as therapists.
New learning and new growth leads to enthusiasm to carry this over into the psychotherapist’s work. Insights developed this way can help a therapist be more responsive in therapy. I now hear and see more things than I used to see or hear in everyday interpersonal interaction.
For example I can still learn from a four year old that grandma is not always smiling and looking happy when she thinks she is especially when I am feeling that I am working at something and forgeting to enjoy doing it.