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Do You Let Others Make You Feel Bad When You Have Done Nothing Wrong?

rp_291253057_150_150.jpgDo you let others make you feel bad when you have done nothing wrong.  Some people call this a “guilt trip” but this is more complicated. Some people thrive on the fact that they can make other people feel bad so they can get what they want from them.  Some people make “their living” by manipulating others into doing what they want them to do.  It is also known as the game of “Gotcha  Ya!”  Why feel responsible for your own behavior when you can make others feel guilty for doubting you.  Some of us have a “guilty conscience” which is easily manipulated even when we have done nothing wrong.  This lets other people who don’t really care about your feelings get away with “murder”.

This works especially well when you can get an innocent person to doubt that he or she  (who you know will get the blame) did the right thing?  Do you know that you have to have a conscience in order to to be manipulated in this way.  I don’t know if knowing this is happening will make you feel better when it happens to you; but it should.

Yes, it is a scam and the person perpetuating this scam will continue to do this to you or other ones that you love until they no longer can get away with it.  This usually never happens because they usually can get people to feel a shadow of a doubt that something is going on here.  Worse comes to worse these people will move on to other people if they can no longer get away with this with you , your friends, or family.

Stop Letting Others Manipulate You.

Stop Letting Others Manipulate You.

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

The People Of The Lie Are Excellant Manipulators Because they Have No Conscience

They often rely on the fact that you will not check the facts and that the other people involved in the scheme don’t know you and/or that you won’t contact them to check things out.  Lying is usually not a problem for these manipulators.  If you can be fooled this way then you deserve to be scammed.  At the very least, it will not cost you much to bail them out or make something right so that they or the person they are lying about won’t have to suffer.  They believe in spreading the “wealth” and they are just helping it along.  And the better they are at this game the less likely they will get caught.

They really don’t like people to get to know them well and may or may not move on when they think that somebody might get onto their game.  You may notice that they seem to know more about you than you do about them.  They are always moving around, trying to get a new job, and when they ask for help you may not have heard from them in a awhile and not have known what they have been doing.  They can find you easy enough but you have difficulty finding them as their addresses, jobs, and phones may have changed or be cut off.  You are never sure of the “facts” and you often known how or with whom you can check them.  You are often an “open book” and they can easily find you and check up on you.  One I knew had the gall to find their phone number and to call some friends of ours to check up on us “on a fact? finding mission.”.

rp_291253057_150_150.jpgThe biggest price besides maybe money is that you feel “bad” whenever this happens to you and they attempt to make you feel bad when there is no reason for you to feel bad and every reason to doubt them and not feel bad.  They also may get your family and friends to sympathize with them and believe you did something wrong too.

I would apologize to Robin Williams; but I can’t since he has passed away.  However, in this picture, he has that “look” like he is signaling to you that you have done something naughty and that you should be at least a little bit ashamed.

 

 

Rediscovering Yourself

meditation stonesI went to Sedona to rediscover myself.

Rediscovering your self is a process that you go through many times in your life.  You may think that you already know who you are and then you discover what you really are is really someone else.  Have you become society”s conception of what you ought to be.  Make your own plan, forge ahead blindly not knowing where you are going but knowing you have the freedom to do so.

Meet your soul, the person you were meant to be, not letting other people or other things determine who you are.  Do you not know what you want.  although you may know what you do not want.  Unfortunately the unconscious only understands positive statements and we waste a lot of time having negative thoughts and not converting these negative thoughts into positive ones.  We don’t want to be disappointed so we warn ourselves that we must protect ourselves against losing things that have come to mean a lot to us.

rp_300px-ThinkingMan_Rodin.jpgMost of us were warned against having a “big head” as a child or even as an adult and this prevents  us from promoting ourselves.  Fortunately or unfortunately men more than women are encouraged and reinforced for creating a name for themselves and for getting respect from others.  Think of the accomplishments a man can line up: school board president, kindly old physician, preacher, evangelist, solid businessman.  Someone whose opinions and comments count.

Some of us have been encouraged to step back and let others have the limelight.  “Pride goeth before a fall.” A male “expert” often gets more recognition than a female “expert”. We think for  “the chosen” to have powers, others must shirk or shrink from the limelight.

Our self-confidence is often  so fragile that we can become depressed and procrastinate and feel  doomed to fail.  We think that there is no room in the inn for us and we must settle for the stable.    We spin our wheels and get nowhere.

Everyone is important just as every child is precious.  Do you not think that your grandchild or son or daughter is or was precious.  Their eyes, their nose, their mouth were perfect.  Every saying they made or thing that they did or created was or is  precious.  Something to be cherished and remembered.  What happened to you?  When did you stop being a cute little kid?  God’s or nature’s perfect gift.

rp_303404356_6ff7a23b4b_m.jpgSelf confidence and courage do a lot to keep a person from having cold feet about what they want to accomplish.  Most of us suffer from the that we can’t debilitating have or do what we want so we stop wishing and visualizing the perfect future for us.

Sometimes we focus on one objective  that was chosen by ourselves as an acceptable one or by others for us to the exception of all else.  Remember when we free to explore all outlets of life back when your artwork or other creations were considered to be significant and not a waste of time.  Yet you began to work harder and harder to meet the one goal that you thought was achieveable whether you liked it or not.

The opportunities are endless if you believe in their existence.  Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others limit you.  Are you the friend everybody likes because compared to you they are successful in life?  “Oh, woe is me”, can be an endless litany and those who listen to it can become tried of it eventually.  When should you start discovering your real self?  THE TIME IS NOW!

 

 

You Don’t See It (All) Coming

Oh, Oh, I have been thinking again and have just got to get it out where you and I can see it and read it.  So here again is another rough draft.

You don’t see it all.  Don’t you think that you could trip over something if you didn’t see it and you might get badly hurt.  Most of us do this all the time psychologically.  If it hurts to think of something, it is easier sometimes to forget it.  If we have a fault, it feels better to focus on the faults of others rather than our own.  Where do you think gossip c0mes from?

Gossiping

Gossiping

If we have a significant failure in our life or think we lack ability in an important area, we might overcompensate by focusing all our time and energy in another area where we think we are might be able to do better or there is less competition.  This often happens in families where an older sibling is a star athlete or straight A scholar.  Have you ever heard about a young girl who is attractive and limber and says she won’t try out for cheerleader because her old sister or cousin was one and she couldn’t compete.    Are we just fooling ourselves  (“Pride goeth before a fall”) or are we making it to a bad situation.

For example, frequently extremely talented people when their performances turn into money making propositions, often neglect to get good help in managing their assets and live in a fantasy land where they don’t have to think about things like that.  They often give over control of their own organization to someone else while retaining the right to spend what they earn as they see fit.  Can’t you see the train wreck coming in this type of situation?rp_300px-The_game_you_play.jpgFreud called these tendencies to avoid psychological pain and difficulties defense mechanisms.  They are projection, overcompensation, denial, repression, and rationalization.  As good a job as they do of protecting us, they can get in our way of living a full and healthy life.

For example, if you lived in an area with poisonous snakes denying that they lived in your part of the country, might lead to a dangerous surprise someday especially if you go to an area where these snakes are known to live and come out of hiding to lay in the warm sun because they are cold blooded creatures and you both pick the same sunny spot?! to sun bath.  In this case ignorance is not bliss.rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgBlame rhymes with shame and that is what we feel when we do this.  Shaming is a powerful tool used by significant others and others in power over us to keep us from doing something or to get us to do something.  Shame seems to have no useful purpose but to thwart us in our desires.  Often this turns into a situation like in the story about the emperor’s new clothes.  The tailor had the emperor thinking that he had such a fine cloth to make him a new outfit that only very special people could see it and thus were able to wear it.  How the townspeople laughed when they saw him in the new outfit that the tailor had made for him and they could only see he had only underclothes.rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgWhat we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel with our senses and what we make of them are our perceptions.  After you go to bed and turn most of the lights off, you won’t be able to see anything until your eyes adjust and then what you see will be mainly black and white and not as clear as you normally would see it.  Now do you know why toddlers see monsters and are afraid of the dark at bedtime.

Last night my little grand daughter was spending the night and sleeping on the couch.  She keep asking about that black thing over there in the corner and was not satisfied until I went over there and found what she was looking at, a dark blue throw in a heap on the floor next to Grandpa’s recliner.  Since she trusted me and I reassured her with my actions by checking it, she went to sleep.rp_300px-Sweet-dreams-dreaming-of-snow-white-and-the-seven-dwarves.jpgChildren are less stupid than we give them credit for being.  They know less than we do and may have put together what they know in a guileless way, but it still makes sense if you can see it from their point of view.  Unhappily sometimes it is easier to put these children off or tell them a convenient lie than to spend the time it really takes to understand and deal with the situation.  For example, the old there are no monsters under the bed comment which can lead to tears on the child’s part and frustration on the adult’s part.

Do we hide stuff from ourselves by using such things as defense mechanisms?  Then do they come back to haunt us in the future?  Maybe it is better when you do see it all, no matter how uncomfortable that makes us.  How often does one partner not see it coming when the other partner asks for a divorce and/or has an affair?  Yes, we do have to focus in order to get anything done like texting while driving but then we might fatally fail to attend to something else that was going on at the same time.

 

 

Creativity Creates Creativity

 

INTUITION

INTUITION

Creativity creates creativity.  If you can conceive of something, you are on the way to creating something.  Before we thought some things had the probability of existing, they didn’t exist.  For example, the four minute mile, that the earth is round, being able to send invisible messages through the air.  Just think of the benefit that science fiction has been to developing the probability of things that we previously thought could not exist.  For example, a man on the moon; exploring Mars by robot and sending the results back to earth.

If you don’t ask a question, you won’t get an answer.  Most of the time the pathway to an answer is developed by asking questions, especially the right ones.  For example, how do we create a three dimensional replica of something that is like a photograph or projected image of a film strip which is a two dimensional replica of something that can be sent across space.  It is a hologram, the most notorous one recently has been of Michael Jackson dancing at an award presentation.rp_300px-Pieter_Bruegel_d._Ä._075b.jpg

Is creativity limited by our imagination or is our imagination limited by our creativity?  Would the things that have been created in this and the last century be considered magic and therefore evil by some people in the previous centuries?  Something a person doesn’t understand and therefore can’t conceive of is often considered to be evil.  Natives who saw sailing ships on the horizon from the shore in what are now called the Americas did not perceive them or recognize them as sailing ships as they had no previous experience with them.  They had no conception of such a thing.

We, too, must expand our horizons.  We must derive new possibilities from what we know and from them go on to derive even more fantastic possibilities.  What if aliens from outer space made contact with natives in south america and egypt and gave them knowledge and skills which helped them build architectual marvels?  How does that change what you think about what happened there and what future inventions might you hypothesize we might create from this?

The Wings Become Windows

The Wings Become Windows

Here we are constantly discovering marvelous possibilities that were limited by our previous ways of thinking until we made new discoveries about earth and the things on it and surrounding it.  Here at home, we have canines that can smell things that we as humans, don’t, and can detect the presence of things we, humans can’t by smell.  There are animals that can camouflage themselves by taking on the coloration and textures of their surroundings.  What does that make you think about the stories of the possibilities of the invisible man?

 

Time On My Hands. I paid The Price.

Time is a Tickin'

Time is a Tickin’ (Photo credit: im elsewhere)

This being under the weather sucks.  Everyone thinks you have time on your hands when what you actually do is get behind and have to pay the piper.  Nothing gets done without your presence and when you do return, they clamor for your attention.

I was recovering quite well when I decided to help my 2 1/2 yr. old grandson get in my lap after an absence of over two weeks due to my “bad” cold  (You don’t always tell the whole truth to two year olds.).   I strained some muscles in my neck and back.  Well, one step forward, one step back.  This left me not able to turn my head or bend my neck to look at things.  (Actually I could do this but the price in terms of pain was too high.)  Indirectly, this kept me from typing too.

Insomnia

Insomnia (Photo credit: schnappischnap)

The other price I paid for being sick was not being able to get any sleep.  In the first place, I couldn’t stop coughing long enough to fall asleep.  In the second place, if I tried to get comfortable in bed, I set off a muscle spasm.  It hurt to get into bed and it hurt even more to get out of bed.  When I got out of bed, I was extremely stiff and could hardly move a muscle.

P.S.: I am not kidding even though it is April Fools Day.

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Decision-Making Time

myopia

myopia (Photo credit: haglundc)

Adolescence is decision-making time for many.  These decisions might effect a person’s whole life.  Have you ever felt that you couldn’t take back something that you have said or done.

There is sometimes a cockiness to adolescence which gives them the power to make judgments, not only for themselves, but others as well, usually their parents or anyone whom they do not really understand.

What preparation do adolescents have for these often very enduring decisions?  “Do what I say; don’t do what I do,” some folks seem to imply when disciplining their adolescents.  Adolescents can be near-sighted and see things only from their own point of view.  They are quick to see the faults of others, but not their own.  Someone else’s problems, especially those of older adults, are easy to solve if they just did what the adolescent thinks that they need to do.

Knowing the repercussions that would accompany most decision choices are usually necessary precursors for making these judgments.  A lot of topics that adolescents need information about are not always covered in public situations but it is reserved for the family or church to do teach these things and ultimately if they don’t get this done, the electronic media or equally uninformed peers do it.

It is amazing who and what teaches our kids.  Their babysitters, preschool if it is a choice, and then there are the parents if they make to decision to keep the children at home and sheltered from outside sources of this information.  In the past, we tried to protect our kids from disturbing information only for them to get it elsewhere sometimes under less than desirable conditions.  Some parents take their responsibility very seriously and others do as little as possible and sometimes they can’t wait to kick the teenager out of the house and on their own at 18 with little or no preparation for independence.

Adolescents ultimately have to make it on their own.  They need to know who they are, what their values and talents or abilities are, how they view the responsibility of being sexually active, answering the question of, “Why am I here“,  and solving their own problems so they can live a happy life.  Also there are 0ften also the jobs of picking a life partner, parenting children, and finding a way to support oneself and dependent others.

What are some other decisions that adolescents usually have to make?  Are they prepared?  Also one part of the brain that has to mature in order for them to make good decisions and to be able to consider long-term over short-term effects of making decisions is not fully developed until sometime in young adulthood.

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Psychosis Is Like A Bad Trip

PsychosisVonnegutCoverPsychosis is like having a bad trip on drugs but it never ends.  You are no longer in control of your own mind and you may not even know that you are not in your right mind.  You might do some crazy things that hurt others.  It used to might have even sent you to “prison” at an insane asylum.  Lock them up and throw the key away.

The closest I ever got recently was when I was  coming out of back surgery and having an IV for a pain pump.  I know I pushed it too much and time crawled by.  I just wanted it to wear off; but I knew I was “not in my right mind”.  What if I didn’t know and was that way anyway and had no control over my trip.  I apologized to several different people for what I might have said or did at that time.

At a very young age I had visual hallucinations from taking codeine cough srup for my asthma.  I saw orange and green bugs everywhere and they didn’t go away when my mom turned my light on.  When the codeine wore off, the hallucinations went away.  Seeing is believing.

Also this happens when someone like my father has Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia (my dad’s was Parkinson’s)and we have been more aware what that is like with all the coverage the victims and caregivers have been given.  Victims are frequently not themselves and don’t know it.  The frightening thing is that many victims (with our new ability to diagnosis this early) know what is going to happen to them.  Because these people are so hard to care for nursing homes have developed special locked Alzheimer’s units so they can’t get away and get lost not knowing who they are, where they are going, and where they came from.

People with paranoia can get very dangerous ideas.  They often feel that somebody is out to get them.  Voices in their heads tell them to do bad things. They may think that they have a special mission in this world and that they have to fulfill it no matter what they have to do.

When do we take away a person’s personal freedoms?  Why don’t we have places for them to go that recognize that they have special needs and meet them.  Diabetes is more accepted than psychosis.  It can be the person’s own personal hell.  When people are incapacitated because of these changes in their brain where do we put them?  Do we care for them.? There are illnesses of all kinds, some are socially acceptable.  These people get treated and others who do not get socially acceptable diseases are not.  We often allege that people suffering from mental illness want to be that way and that they choose their own path.

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People Who Believe Their Own Lies

Truth lies

Truth lies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People who believe their own lies.  Once I didn’t think it was possible, but now I do.  I have met too many of those type of people.  The next biggest problem is not only that they believe their own lies, but also they have to tell them to you over and over and you can’t leave until they are finished.  How polite is too polite?

The lies that people who believe their own lies tell are almost always preposterous.  Usually you don’t have to be an expert in the area he or she is talking about to know that the story you just heard can’t possibly be true.  For example, just how many life threatening operations can a person have in their life and still be alive to talk about them?

If almost any listener can’t believe the lies that people who believe their own lies tell, how do the liars believe them?  The stories that they tell are usually fantastic and are designed to astound the listener and stupefy the audience.  These liars continue to tell these stories over and over because they think that these tales will have this desired effect on the audience. They especially love to have new listeners who haven’t heard their stories before; but they often don’t stop to check and usually don’t remember or care if the listener has heard these stories before.

What is strangest of all about the people who believe their own lies is that as long as they have the floor, they don’t care whether they have told the story before or not.  Would you like me to introduce you to one of these people?  I didn’t think so.  There are certain people’s places that people don’t like to stop by even if they have a perfectly good reason to do so.  You know why of course.  Then there are people who know they are lying and are not telling the truth, but they don’t care because it doesn’t suit their purposes to tell the truth.

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Read My Lips!

Read my lips, “Hello, out there.  I don’t exist just for other peoples’ convenience.”  I made a crack to some friends in the same situation the other day about how I started my indentured servitude in 1975 and it hadn’t ended yet.  Have  I paid yet for my passage into married life?

Read my lips, “Why do I get taken for granted?”  Back when I traveled and worked outside the home, I had a sign put up that said, “Your mother doesn’t work here please pick up after yourself.”  Of course, no one in the house obeyed the sign.

Read my lips, ” I am someone besides the housekeeper, your personal shopper,  your wife, your mother, and your kids’ grandmother.”   It was suggested that I write a proposal for what I would really like to do with my life.  That stymied me.Personal_Identity_Project_by_LaceX_Foxypowow

Read my lips, “I have always been a mystery to my family, not only my family of birth, but also my current family.  This started in childhood with my father.  He would take me places for activities and pick me up from them; but he never knew what I was doing.  I had the lead in my senior high school play and for all he knew, I had a bit part.  It was a mystery to him.  He supported me financially; and he usually knew where the money was going but not necessarily what for?

Read my lips, “Isn’t about time you and I started living our lives, not vicariously those of others, but our own.”  Have you lost sight of where you were going?  Did you ever know where you were going?  In my mother’s eyes, I was supposed to be a housewife and mother.  She understood that as she was one herself and she did a good job, not only at the basics, but also at the extras like being a room mother, a seamstress,  and a vegetable and landscape gardener.

identity-mind-map-19cc91tRead my lips, “Move over Kim Kardashian, it is my time to shine.”  It is time to stop doing without so others can have what they want.  It is time to be recognized for what I can do, do what I want to do, and go where I want to go.  I have a way with words, I have a good aesthetic sense, I have a singing voice, I am funny, I am well educated,  and it is time I stopped putting myself on the back burner.

Read my lips, “This is my personal space too.”  (I am talking about my house.)  I don’t mind others giving me suggestions, but the final decision should be mine.  I have to live in it, spend the most time in it, look at it, and be inspired by it everyday.  Yet, it constantly reminds me of what needs to be done and how it has been let go.   I feel as if I have little if any power to do anything about it.

Read my lips, “The fight for women’s liberation has not yet been won.”  ( I was there when it started and I won’t tell you how long ago that was.)  Yes, I could write a another whole post on being a wage slave and spending the majority of one’s life working for someone else’s goals.

 

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Reading Other People’s Minds

English: A simple pizza slicer.

English: A simple pizza slicer. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Reading minds is it an acquired skill?  Don’t get started reading other people’s minds for them; because then they always expect you to do it.  This got started when I tried to avoid other peoples’ drama.  I think my mother taught me how and then she reinforced it by getting upset when I missed the mark.

Here’s an example of having to read minds, someone in my house can’t find a pizza cutter so they use a dull knife.  That person gets upset with me and the utensil drawer and is going to throw half the stuff in there out (someday when they get around to it).  I didn’t find out until later that they had not looked in the silverware drawer where I found it.  (I indiscriminately often use both drawers for such stuff.)  Then he told me that he didn’t want the small cutter which I had found for him and that he wanted the big one.  Needless to say, I had put that one was in the dishwasher when I partially loaded it earlier and which he had just finished loading and had turned on.  Now what is the message?  That I should have finished loading the dishwasher and ran it before he came home? and  taken care of putting the pizza in the oven and then of course, it would have also been my job to cut it and bring it to him.

If I don’t read someone’s mind correctly, is it terrible if I make someone else upset?  Who is going to consider my feelings?  Whenever it is a lost and found situation, it is always my fault and, of course, I should apologize and immediately go find whatever is lost.  The lost thing is not usually not lost when I go to find it.  Help?

I usually lose at reading people’s minds.  How can such a simple problem become such a big thing? Ordinarily I try to go with the flow.  I usually do not make it 100% certain that things should go my way.  It is easier to not make a big fuss, especially if there is
more than one person involved and everyone is jostling for position.
What is this thing about having to be the winner and the winner takes
all.  The other person is not always right; but he or she finds it
difficult to admit it.

 

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