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sexual feelings

Sex? Before Affection. Worse Yet. Sex Before Honor and Respect

rp_272680378_bd063659bc_m.jpgSex was intended to be a beautiful expression of love.  Delicate and tender, unhurried without any worries.

A one night stand especially does not honor and respect what should be an act of love.  It should not be done with someone  you don’t know well enough to even know their name or remember it after one night out.

Clean sheets, privacy, or more than a chance meeting with soap, are necessities not just niceties.

Safety, trust, honor, and truthfulness should be expected not neglected.  Pregnancy is a precious gift not an unwanted result of thoughtlessness and impulsiveness.   Infertility can be the long-term result of taking a chance maybe just this once.

How do you know whom your shack up partner has been with and what calling cards were left from this encounter.  Some people don’t even know if this is so and can’t tell you the truth since they don’t even know it.

Everyone has a built in need for affection and touch itself is an important form of communication.  Why leave them out of the equation.  Most people are uncomfortable when touched by a stranger even in an unavoidable crowded situation like the subway.

“Why don’t you show me you love me” is a popular line when seeking a good time.  A person may not be ready yet to be that deeply involved with someone they really like and might be afraid to lose so they decide to chose to give the gift that they are not ready yet to give.  It is priceless and expensive and can lead to bliss when properly used and reciprocated.

Putting the cart before the horse is usually not sensible or pleasurable especially for women..  There are ways that you can show person that you love them by how you treat them: a home cooked meal, a graciously opened door, a brush of a kiss, the tentative grasp of a hand, an arm around the shoulder, or a truthful compliment.

How often do we expect to get something in this world without earning it?  Can a car motor go from first to fourth or fifth gear without taking any of the intervening steps like going through second or third gear?

Should You Judge A Book By Its Cover? What Do You Think Is More Important? Looks? Or Personality??

Drp_300px-Kohlberg_moral_stages_vop.gifo you realize we learn to like certain skin colors, hair types, body shapes, heights, and to discriminate between them.  To me, my mommy was beautiful and my grandmas were a “sight for my sore eyes,”  although they were older and heavier than my mother.  My BFF, who I met in first grade, was not judged by me on the basis of her physical size but on how much fun we had when we were together.  I had a cousin the same age as I was and I often got hand me downs from her as she (although my age) was “bigger” than me.  We have to be taught to see these differences as significant.  The standards of beauty and handsomeness can vary quite strikingly from culture to culture and have you looked at wedding pictures and seen that there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man.

I was having a discussion with my daughter-in-law and discovered that an actress that I considered to be no beauty was considered very attractive by my daughter-in-law.  Also men and women focus on different parts of the anatomy when they try to decide if a woman is beautiful and/or and a man is a potential  “chick magnet.”  Haven’t you ever heard a discussion about what physically attracts a man to a woman: her boobs, her butt, her legs, her hair color, or whatever.

Remember the saying, “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses.”  Doesn’t seem to face-partsmatter now.  It used to be what attracted a woman to a man was his profession or his ability to be able to support her in the style she was or would like to become accustomed to.   At mid-life or latter some men look for a younger woman sometimes even young enough to be their daughter.  Then there women who are “cougars” and seek younger men.  Ever hear the terms, “sugar daddy”or “trophy wife”?

There is one particular cable news channel that is often on at my house and one of the recurring “experts” I became acquainted with was so ugly, I didn’t like to look at him; however he was very knowledgeable and had a very credible life history to support his road to being this “expert.”  All of a sudden one day as I was listening to him, I realized he no longer was bad looking to me.  His looks didn’t change but my attitude toward them had.

rp_5798468679_59ea50286a_m.jpgI came to realize that I had been selling other people short when I concentrated on their looks instead of their personality, knowledge, and abilities.  I also I noticed I was selling myself short too when I dressed to impress and probably could not afford it instead of wearing something flattering and comfortable so I could be comfortable being me.  I don’t mean that looks don’t count.  You can go too far in this direction to the point of being offensive.

I had planned to post on the fact that the cable news channel had only impossibly beautiful women in at least distracting (if not very conservative) clothes, dangerously high heels, high maintenance hairstyles, and glamorous makeup that required that these women show up early for work in order to attain this look.  Also of course, the men who had the same jobs were often not necessarily tall, athletic, and youthful and wore more comfortable, less revealing, clothes.  I then realized I was judging these women on how they looked but in a negative way.  They didn’t deserve that either.  They invested a lot of time and money into looking the way they did and should not be judged for trying so hard.

Don’t Let Emotion Rule Your Life

pebbles_ripples_pondDon’t let emotion rule your life.  It can spread and infect everything that surrounds it.  It becomes a series of concentric circles like those made by a pebble being thrown into a pond.  Who knows?  Maybe your morning temper tantrum because the coffeepot timer was not turned on and you didn’t get to have your morning coffee may extend so far that a city bus driver kicks a mother with a sick kid off the bus for not having the correct change.  It may feel better but taking something out on somebody else that is not their fault is contagious and can ruin the day for every person it comes in contact with.  I’m sorry you are feeling bad; but don’t take it out on the wrong person.

Don’t let emotion rule your life.  Sexual feelings aren’t the responsibility of the person that attracted you  Sexual feelings are owned not by the person who elicits them but by the one who has them.  This may be a more common experience for women who have had unwanted and inappropriate passes made towards them.  I had a guy who tried to “cop a feel” on the greyhound bus.  I didn’t say anything; but I shoved stuff between us and changed my seat at the next rest stop.  This has happened to me with someone who was my supervisor and also with someone who was my doctor.  Both I think were married and I was single.  You know, I spent an entire retreat with a group of mostly lesbian women, and never got a pass made at me or an inappropriate touch no matter what we were doing or how we were dressed or undressed?  I am just an ordinary woman.  The movie, Fatal Attraction, portrayed a woman’s obcessive preoccupation with a man who first pursued her and then rejected her.

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