The value of human life is invaluable but many people want us to hide our light under a bushel basket so that they can let theirs shine. When are you going to come out of the closet and stop others from making us do this. Just as it is life changing for a homosexual to come out of the closet so is it life changing for any individual to come out of the closet and expose who he or she really is.
Forcing a belief system on another through coercion is not the way to spread love and knowledge. We all have something to contribute and to have another’s belief system forced upon us out of the fear that our expressing our beliefs system which is different will restrict theirs.
I believe we all have something to contribute if we believe in our selves from the most developmentally disabled individual to the most brilliant and verbal individual. When we assemble in a group, why do we almost automatically begin to judge ourselves against each other. Leaving some people out and promoting other people to positions of leadership over the rest of us. How often does someone sit quietly in a classroom because they feel that they have little to contribute. So often people criticize others and complain about others so strongly that they cause others to shut up and make no contributions for fear of being criticized.
Great people like Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross have recognized the contributions of “little” people that most people don’t notice or ignore. How about the cleaning lady who when she goes into hospital rooms her mere presence quiets and comforts dying patients? Consider the behavior of the “Father” also known as Pope Francis who has not taken on the pompt and circumstance of being the Pope and thus has discouraged those in the Vatican and Cardinals and other clergy in positions of authority from elevating themselves above other religious or common folk.
How uncertain are we about expressing ourselves when we see what other people can do to us when we express ourselves. In psychology, this is called relational aggression versus direct aggression which involves actually hurting someone physically. Rejecting someone and encouraging others to reject them too can be deadly (sometimes resulting in self-murder or suicide or mass murders of innocent people) . Have you ever feel that your own opinion was as good or better as someone else’s or that your instinct to do something in a given situation would have resulted in a better outcome than someone else got? but we stay quiet. How much does that actually help the world if all the good people keep their mouths shut.
All of us are diamonds in the rough. It just takes cutting and polishing to bring out our brilliance. Some of us are fearful of going through this process. Some of us do not have enough self-confidence. What if people like Ghandi kept their mouth shut. What if mother Teresa had been content to just be an ordinary nun? Would she have been more comfortable? When Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross came out against quarantining and rejecting children who had aids (through no fault of their own), she was virtually kicked out of the community that wouldn’t let her take them in.
How often have you been in a group where you kept your mouth shut even though you might have said what many others were also thinking? This can be true about supporting homosexuals right to lead normal lives without rejection and persecution. Have you ever kept your mouth shut in a group where someone was trying to do this? or something similar? I am not wanting to take away anyone’s right to disapprove of homosexuality while taking the right to app0rove of it or at least not to reject it. On the one hand, everyone has rights and we have to be careful not to take away someone’s rights while asserting the right to have our own. On the other hand, have you ever supported someone else’s rights while keeping quiet about your right to your own beliefs?
Is anger the source of depression? Doesn’t it take a lot of anger as the motivating force in order to kill yourself. You can’t take it out on anybody else so you take it out on the only other possible victim, yourself!
Anger is the dark cloud that follows the depressed person around. It is always raining on the depressed person’s parade. When it is hard to feel happy (Some people say that this is genetically so for the depressed person) and sadness lingers longer for the depressed person than for the nondepressed person.
“Don’t rain on my parade” could be the motto for the depressed person. The average depressed person; however, doesn’t see any way out. Normal solutions for other people like creating a diversion like going for a walk, listening to some music, or watching a movie doesn’t serve as the distraction that it might serve for normal person who is upset and feels bad.
As tragic as it sounds, “taking” someone with you is not an unthinkable solution for the depressed person because he or she is so angry. Worse come to worse the most horrible solution is not taking just anyone with you, but taking your loved ones, your children with you. It is a way of taking them out of this cruel world so they don’t have to suffer like the depressed person has.
Not being able to vent anger or modeling what parents, authority figures, and possibly peers have done is to blame the only one left to blame, themselves. If you are not allowed to be angry and are in fact even more rejected if you try leaves no way out. The beauty of the world is “blacked” out. Not only is the depressed person chronically unhappy, but they have been made to feel that the only one they have to blame is him or her self.
This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that it is hopeless to try and do anything about being depressed. Often venting about being depressed and hopeless and how needy you are only has one possible outcome driving other people away because they become tried of hearing this. Also it usually also generates the creation of “Why don’t you, yes buts,” which is a game people play to insure that there is no solution for their plight which seems to be more important than finding one. Because it justifies them having not found one before now. (See the book, “The Games People Play.”)
Feeling responsible for having lived a lifetime of depression is hard to accept and/or give up. If I am not the happiest person in the world, than I must be the unhappiest one. This provides some justification for one’s helpless plight in life.
In conclusion, again could it be that some people have a harder time feeling happy than others and that it might be genetic. Perhaps endorphins are not as easily released in some people as it is in others. Another genetic possibility is that when unhappy some people have a harder time getting over it when their past experiences in trying to do so have been unsuccessful or prolonged so that the depressed person can’t predict an immediate or future good outcome when they are suffering in this way.
Last, but not least, depressed people may have had little success finding role models who are able to successfully handle depression by such things as distraction and avoiding ruminating about it. Also parents and other role models may have added to this sense of hopelessness by focusing on their own inability or the depressed child’s inability to do anything about it and by reinforcing a poor self-concept.
Almost any relationship can be a love-hate relationship. The more time you spend being judgmental, the less time you have to be accepting. It is a shame that people respond so negatively to judgmental comments by others. Other people want to get a reaction out of you. Do they do it by building you up or by tearing you down?
The more time you spend criticizing and trying to control others the less time you have to love and admire them. Children bask in the love of friends and family. When does this stop? Have you ever been asked why can’t you control your kids and then jumped on their case, that of your children, not of the person complaining. Who do you value most? Other people? or your children?
No I would not suggest that you let children run all over you; but the younger they are, the more pure are their motives. Do you often make them feel like they have just committed a crime especially when you are stressed, not necessarily by them? More negativity just adds to the problem if the person or child was happy until they were judged negatively, how do you think they would feel after?
Some people say that indifference is stronger than hate. If you just don’t care enough to say anything good or bad about a person anymore, where does that person rate in terms of your concern about them. How lonely and unwanted does a person feel when he or she is thinking about suicide?
Having discussed mind chatter before, now I want to know, Who’s your inner voice?” Parent, teacher, minister, God, the devil? Your friends and/or neighbors. Family members besides your parents? When you talk to yourself, do you become your inner voice or do you have to do it out loud? Interesting idea isn’t it?
Who’s your inner voice? If it is not you, then it is someone else like I said above. Why do you let somebody else tell you what to do when it is you who will suffer the consequences? Doing what you are told to do by that inner voice may save you some grief or it may not save you some grief. If you constantly repeat in your head what somebody else has told you, is this benefiting you or that person.
Who’s your inner voice? Have you thought about it and come up with an answer? Did you choose that inner voice? Does it benefit you? Please don’t just believe that because the voice comes from inside your head that it is really saying what you need to hear. Our parents, our peers, may have less than good intentions when they tell you something and it sticks in your head and tells you to do something for your own good? Think for yourself. What really do you need to do for your own good?
Who’s your inner voice? Is it positive or negative? Negative voices whether anger, fear, self-despairaging comments are things that get you in to trouble, lower your self-esteem, and may even make you think you wish you were dead are not in your best interest. Guilt, shame, etc. can work against you if you continue to voice them even after the incident has passed and you have made amends if any were necessary.
Who’s your inner voice. Does it egg you on, promote behavior that will harm you or others? Adolescents often have an imaginary audience who they perceive as judging their behavior. They also may believe things that are not true (personal myths) that support beliefs that will put them in harm’s way. For example, they think they are invincible.
Inner voices can be positive. You may have grown to trust them. When you are about to give up, they keep you going. More about who’s your inner voice next time.