Are you a mental hoarder and don’t know it. There are useless thoughts and painful memories that need to be sorted out into three categories: save, maybe, and useless. Sometimes we spend more time ruminating about the past and things we can’t change than we do enjoying the present and planning for the future.
What do you think? Are you a hoarder and therefore, there is not much room for current experiences and anticipation of future possibilities. Hoarders in real life don’t get much done and sometimes hoarding can be life threatening.
Their living space becomes dirty and can’t be cleaned. It is difficult to cook, use the bathroom, and find decent clothes to wear. Hoarders don’t often have much company and it is possible for a hoarder to have an accident or mental emergency, and not be able to get any help and die.
The more you keep your mind filled with negative and painful memories, the less room you have for new or current friends and family, the less able you are to develop new strategies to live life successfully, and learn to enjoy what you do have or could have if you weren’t blind sighted by the past.
Just think that you are married and that you have a mother-in-law or father-in-law who doesn’t like you and who can manipulate things so you don’t come out looking so good to the rest of the family and people in the neighbourhood who are neighbours and people you might know from church or other organisations.
This person or persons gets more bank for the buck every time you think about what they did to you and how it affects your relationship with others. Have you ever had a scab or a sore that you couldn’t stop picking at? What did doing that do to the spot? It may have kept it from healing, and if it did eventually heal, it would form a scar. They are so busy attacking you that you do not have a chance to point out their weaknesses. In this case, their defence mechanism from keeping themselves from getting attacked their self is a good offence.
Thinking about these things is what makes them stick. These defences seem initially useful such spouting off about what that person instead of giving a proper burial and going on with you. We have all had past hurts but this is now not then. Forgiveness is a good mind clutter tool, followed by forgetting the incident or incidents, and focusing on making room for new and better memories. If you can’t completely do this, then make some time in your day to think about it and only think about it then. Connections in the brain are strengthened by repetition. Another way to handle something that occupies your brain is to put off worrying about or thinking about something to later when it might be more important to resolve an issue.
Yes, sometimes we occupy our mind with worries so much so that we can’t get on with current projects.
Domestic violence often lets the perpetrator get away with doing it and people may think that the victim probably deserved it and/or it was just a family quarrel. Why then do police officers get killed answering domestic violence calls. How many women, even men, suffer permanent injuries which ought to require hospitalisation and reconstructive surgery and they don’t get it. What about the children that witness this violence even though they don’t get physically hurt themselves. Who learns that it is okay to vent your anger upon another helpless individual when they can’t defend themselves. When you are mad, the only way to handle it is to take it out on someone or something else especially when the source of that anger is not available to take it out on. Imagine someone coming home from work and they are mad about something that happened that day and they pounce on any excuse to take out their anger on.
Domestic violence is not a silly husband and wife quarrel. People like to dismiss this type of violence as it only was no real fight to be worried about because the victims often deny that they were hurt and/or that the perpetrator was or could be violent. Since these people, usually wives and children or sometimes husbands and elderly relatives, have to live in the situation they might not complain as it would only make it worse. They may have no place to go and/or no resources. Police officers, who know how violent these situations can become, may try to pacify the perpetrators and overlook the potentially dangerous behaviour that could exist. People often poo poo domestic violence calls saying why can’t these people solve their own problems or that the victims probably asked for it. In truth, if police officers could show up in riot gear and have a backup, they would probably be a lot safer. Also, you don’t know who is on who’s side. This can be dangerous. Do you think that social workers would or should answer these calls instead of the police? Like in the Stockholm Syndrome. the victims can change sides and defend the preparatory. The relationships
People often poo poo domestic violence calls saying why can’t these people solve their own problems or that the victims probably asked for it. In truth, if police officers could show up in riot gear and have a backup, they would probably be a lot safer. Also, you don’t know who is on who’s side. This can be dangerous. Do you think that social workers would or should answer these calls instead of the police? Like in the Stockholm Syndrome. the victims can change sides and defend the perpetrator.
The home can be a place where violence is born, learned, reinforced, and perpetuated. Yet we often ignore it or mistreat it until it ends in violence and it can be to some person outside the fight that comes to stop it. Actually, we could learn much from the policemen or women who take these calls and the twists and turns that these situations develop when they are in them.
You never know what will happen to you when you enter and try to handle one of these situations. I was a substitute psychiatric aide in a large insane asylum one summer when I was in college. I was in charge of the cafeteria by myself while three wards ate. We were locked in because one of the wards was a locked ward.There was cafeteria help but they would not help me deal with patients. One of the wards I knew, but not the other two. A patient acted up and started slinging mustard and ketchup around and I walked over to her calmly trying to calm her down. I suggested that she ought to go to the bathroom and clean herself up. She suddenly slapped me in the face so hard that I wasn’t sure she hadn’t broken some of my teeth. I was checking myself over when a nurse came into the cafeteria who knew the patient and they walked out together ignoring me. ?
Where does violence begin, where is it reinforced, and often ignored? Yet the histories of violent offenders who kill hapless citizens often start with domestic violence. My cousin, a judge in Northern Illinois, started a special domestic violence diversion court for this. This is going in the right direction. Start with the cause, not the results!
I was recently involved in a conversation where I appeared to be the only woman responding and I sometimes thought that I was invisible and I not only wasn’t seen, I wasn’t heard either. Is this a common experience for other women? I thought the women’s liberation had changed all that or had it?
As a woman in these groups I am often in the minority and not being paid attention to is often unfortunate; but also just plain rude. What happened to lady’s first? Often when a woman gets to make a contribution, the men are often in the process of getting up out of their chairs and leaving the group as much to say that the woman’s comments are not worth staying for and listening to.
For example, if I raise my hand indicating that I wanted to speak next and had something to add to the conversation, another man in the group starts to talk without raising his hand and that I had held my hand up before he started talking is ignored. If I do get to speak. For Heaven’s sake if I can get the floor, I am greeted by impatience from some of the males in the group and may not be able to get my point across before I am interrupted and another person (usually a man) takes over the conversation to refute me.
Recently I saw a contribution on FaceBook that discussed something that was called manspeak and realized I was not alone in the world when it came to being bulldozed this way. What happens also is that men are usually oblivious to what is going on as far as the women in the group are concerned. At the end of church Sunday, I volunteered to give the closing prayer and our minister told me that he thought that a woman had never done that before. Huh? My first experience with a woman’s rights group on my campus was in the late 60’s and we are now in the second decade of the 21st century!
An afterthought, consider the dress codes for women as compared to men in the broadcasting business. Men are covered from wrist to neck and down to the feet. It can be a very forgiving outfit and I notice that this can cover up excess weight fairly well. Men also seem to age gracefully on television. One standard that is also usually kept by men is “neat and clean”. I also have noticed that men usually take a very relaxed position with their legs open.
Now this is easy to observe, but no one usually says anything about this usually on air and pant suits similar to men’s suits are discouraged and sometimes made fun of although I have observed that female elected government officials do frequently wear pants; and not usually, except in Hillary Clinton’s case, made fun of for doing this; but I do notice that sometimes comments about the women’s hairstyles as being unfaltering and unattractive are made in a way that reflects on their ability to do their jobs.
Women? Are we being kept in our place this way by men?
What seems to be the easiest to do? Get Mad at someone or something or tell someone that you care about them or tell someone that you care about something? We are like growing plants that need the nutrients in the soil, and sunshine and water. What is tragic is that if all we get is anger and criticism, it soon substitutes for love and affection and compliments. What happens to a child is that the parent finds that all the child does is get in trouble to get “negative” attention which is better than no attention at all.
Negative behaviour seems to be a remedy for the “Forgotten Child Syndrome”. If there is a little “Miss Princess” or a Dashing Prince in the house or a “Star Athlete” (male or female)” or “Precious Scholar” (also either male or female) in the house, it can lead to the family focusing all their attention and often all their time and energy on that child. The other child in the household may become the Brat in order to get recognition and time and attention because he or she is a problem and to get a chance to take his or her anger out on the overeager parents who focus their attention mainly on the Good Child.
Another possibility is that praise does not usually lead to behavior change and the topic of the person’s misbehavior does not lead to emotional upheaval and/or becomes a fruitful topic for discussion and/or gossip. Also it directs other people attention away from the person who is being critical onto the person who is being criticized. Surprise, surprise, the source of the criticisim is often revealing more about him or her self than they are about the person they are criticising. In this case, offense is a good defense. In other words don’t look at me look at them. This can lead to the person witnessing these behaviors to becoming very confused as it is not very clear what is going on.
Surprise, surprise, the source of the criticism is often revealing more about him or her self than they are about the person they are criticising. In this case, offense is a good defense. In other words don’t look at me look at them. This can lead to the person witnessing these behaviors to becoming very confused as it is not very clear what is going on.
Another even more confusing example occurs when a child whose parents are divorced seems to treat the “good” parent worse than the “not-so-good” parent. Once a child is secure in the love of a parent he or she might find it easier and safer to “let it all hang out ” with the parent whose love they are assured of than with the parent with whom they don’t feel securely attached. Ah, the not so sweet mysteries of life!
Children are like African violets. (A type of small very ticklish house plant which housewives of my mother’s generation raised.) They are very sensitive in terms of their response to the environment in which they are planted. Children were known to die in orphanages when they were physically taken care of but not emotionally taken care of. Yet some people give more attention to the African violets in their life than to their children.
As each African violet is individual in its needs for light and air and moisture so is each child individual in his or her needs for attention, love, and support. When this is neglected, the plant or child withers and dies inside if not outside like the plant. The payoff of proper care can be great in either case.
Perhaps one can afford to lose many African violets in this process but not even one child. Children can be resilient but still, can be greatly damaged and become of little use to themselves and furthermore to the society that child dwells in.
Moisture, light, and soil and the addition of fertiliser is needed for a violet to grow; but what is needed for a child to grow in the right direction? Love, support, attention, and unconditional love appear to be necessary for this to happen.
Caregivers can not neglect one child while caring for another, This has been shown to happen when a child has a seriously ill sibling. This child needs attention and care too especially if this child gets neglected while the ill child gets urgently needed care.
The sibling does not need to be seriously physically ill to take attention and care away from another sibling. Some children are more attractive to one or both of the parents than other children. How important is it for a parent to have an athlete or gymnast or beauty queen or a scholar over a wallflower, a geek, or any child who is not particularly gifted or attractive
Worse yet are parents who really shouldn’t have any children (P.S. I am not opting for abortion, but I am a champion of adoption in these cases). Sadly what welfare does sometimes does not necessarily encourage parents to be actively involved in bringing children up right.
Wealth is not necessarily the main factor in bringing children up right. The things that are needed to do this often can’t be bought. They often cost more time than money. First is unconditional love which occurs when a person often gives another person love no matter what he or she does or says.
Children need support, not just physical support, but emotional support. A child can do well at something, but this accomplishment might be ignored and/ or at least not supported emotionally by the family or guardian. The child can say to themselves, “Oh, what’s the use?” if the effort that he or she puts into something is unnoticed and they receive little or no help with it on top of that!
Prize winning entries at the county fair can go unnoticed and wining or losing a coveted position on a team or in a play can also be ignored. “You did what?, when said, demonstrates that at least part of a child’s life has gone unnoticed. Worse yet, a child can be hurt or sick and this goes unnoticed until the child is in serious jeopardy.
Psychological needs that go unmet can cause great harm to some children. Children that survive such circumstances can be very resilient but those who don’t are a drain on society and can be lost. Too often the people who make these decisions are incompetent as well. The judge in my family says that custody decisions in his court are given to the least competent to decide.
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For example, when I want to ask a man a quick question while he is watching TV or on the phone, I am told to wait a minute which never comes. If I am doing something, a man expects that I should interrupt what I am doing tell him the information that he wants to know which usually also involves that I stop what I am doing and do it for him. However, I am expected to multitask and to not forget what I was doing or going to do to take care of something for him.
Another example, men have goals and aspirations that can take a good part of their time and of their disposable? income. Or else they think to themselves, what else am I working for? Women work to contribute to the family income and also to pay the childcare costs so they can work to do this. Certain hobbies and their accompanying expenses are considered necessary “man” things to do. Women like to look nice and to have a nice place to live which is not as important to men.
Women risk their lives and their health in order to reproduce while men usually think it is no big deal. Even if a woman chooses not to reproduce, it is still her responsibility. Also often there are men who like to have unprotected sex and who often do not see reproduction as their responsibility. Birth control and a woman’s menstrual cycle usually are two things women have to take care of and suffer from. Men often think that these are things a man does not have to be concerned about.
Also having children can create a great big stress on a woman’s body and under certain circumstances can kill a woman. Any woman who has been pregnant more than once including stillbirths and miscarriages, as well as live births, can tell you that they can all be different. Even I who had three children late in life seemingly uneventfully can tell that you that I could have lost my third child during birth and I didn’t know this til after she was born.
Some women don’t want to bother with being pregnant but still have to deal with mixed feelings about having an abortion and the often dangerous lack of skilled care at abortion clinics. On the man’s side is the possibility that when an abortion is involved, he may still want the child if the woman doesn’t!
Sometimes I think that some men can become so attached to their ideas and accomplishments that they can’t accept the idea that their ideas may no longer work with new discoveries being found and can stand in the way of necessary progress. Academia reinforces this with its publish or perish mandates necessary to obtain tenure. Women are more flexible and more able to see different points of view. Relationships for women are more important for women and often make up for the fact that they are less attached to a job or position or a theory.
Every time I think that the Little PEOPLE are getting ahead, I realise they aren’t. I was very happy with the recent election because I felt that the new administration was supporting the middle class that was no longer the middle class under the current, soon past administration.
What I have recently realised is that I have joined the lower class (once working class or even middle class in many situations). We are squeaking by on social security and disability payments (which have been borrowed from to pay other government expenses) and have to seek help like free food from The Master’s Hand locally. Also in this area, if you have farm income (that counts against you as it is considered income before farming expenses are taken out) in terms of getting any extra government help.
Most of us would contribute something to the economy if there was a way we could. Most of us would like to have a voice in the new administration. For example, most of Illinois voted for the new administration except for the heavily populated urban areas. But where is our voice? No one campaigned in our areas and we feel that no one has listened to our concerns. What do you think? Are there other areas of our country in the same shape?
Also who is the voice of the forgotten little people? On the network that supported the election of the new administration, we are not represented. They are again relying on experts who have no real life experience or it is so far in the remote past that they don’t remember it or so far removed from it, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Also, there is pressure on these experts, especially women, to conform to certain standards not representative of the men and/or do not reflect what ordinary people look like. It is nice for some of us to remain “young” and look youthful but is not the way most people look and it is easier to see the standards for men are less stringent than for women.
For example, most woman experts on this network look like they are ready to go to a cocktail party instead of a business occasion. Yes, the men are nicely and appropriately dressed but they don’t have to struggle as much as women do to appear appropriately presentable, youthful and beautiful.
When are the Little PEOPLE going to be represented? The overall wearing, wearing second-hand clothing, or in “high style” Wal-Mart, but often foreign made, clothing? We have a lot to say and we don’t have a lot we can do about our situations but suffer. Welfare often misses us and as our social security or retirement checks do not raise, but inflation and the cost of living does and as things cost more and more, we have to get by on less and less with little or no representation in or help from society or the government!
The Little PEOPLE do have something to say! We have learned something through experience. We do have “philosophical” discussions. We can see things others more fortunate and potentially more powerful don’t.
Certainly how Little PEOPLE experience life has something to say about the type of life we are promoting for all! Often as people do better and better economically, they tend to put people down who haven’t and consider their opinions useless and their motivations feckless! Also other people who have done well often think the same way and might make fun of those who don’t. How many Little People do you see in certain churches or certain social groups like the Elks? Nuff said.