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Don’t Frighten Children

(In progress)  By telling them there are monsters in the dark!  Things look very different in  By telling them there are monsters in the dark!  Things look very different in very low light.  Go to bed and be sure you have a small night light on.  When you wake up later in the night, your eyes will have adjusted to the low light and you will be able to see some things but only in black and white (like old movies and TV programs) and they will be fuzzy around the edges.  You will notice that things don’t look the same and easily recognizable objects in daylight or when the lights are turned on are not so recognizable.  Is it impossible to see something that looks like a monster in these conditions until you turn the lights on and then you are able to see that something that looked like a monster is probably something that is easily recognizable in full light.  Yes, nightlights help us get around when we get up at night but they don’t give off the same amount of light as regular lights do or as the sun does when it is shining into the room.

Now here is a more scientific explanation.  You have two types of receptors in your retinas at the back of your eye, rods, and cones, and one type is more active in bright light while the other is more active in dim light.  There are fewer cones than rods.  Cones help our vision perceive details and colors.  They are very precise.  Rods are more prevalent but don’t help you see as clearly as many rods go to one nerve while each cone goes to a specific nerve.

No wonder it is spooky in the dark.  If you can be curious about what you can see in the near dark then you won’t be so easily scared of the dark.  However leaving lights can make it difficult to sleep.  Melatonin  which is needed for sleep production  is not produced when it is light rather than dark.  Many kinds of things that we keep on in the room where we sleep can interfere with our sleep. They only have to give off a little glow to do this.  There are quides on the internet as to what you can keep on in terms of light production that interferes the least with melatonin production.

Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Book

(Rough, rough Draft)  Life doesn’t come with an instruction book even though you deserve one.  You have to write your own.  Many people spend most of their lives looking for ones that are already written.  But they are no perfect matches.  Each person is unique.  You might try on several different lifestyles that are recommended to you or that you admire, but you usually never find one that fits perfectly.

Clothes used to be tailored or created with the help of a dressmaker.  I remember patterns that came with places where you might make the pattern smaller or larger.  Some people even had a dress form that could be adjusted and a dress could be fitted over it to create a perfect fit.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the style of life that you pick could be adjusted that way?  I found it difficult to find my place as a psychologist when I was around other psychologists in my training that were quite different from me.  Not only was it hard for me to model myself after them as a psychologist but also these model psychologists ended up being quite critical of me and I had difficulty making myself like them.

If I did find a psychologist or psychiatrist or other mental health practitioner that I did want to model myself after, I often was too hard on myself.  I could not understand that my talents were only emerging and I was judging myself by professionals that were much further along in their professional careers. I tried really hard and basically succeeded but I didn’t really learn who I was and I continued to do this on into my professional life.  I really didn’t know who I was and because of

I tried really hard and basically succeeded, but I didn’t really learn who I was and I continued to do this on into my professional life. Because of this, I had trouble succeeding and meeting other people’s expectations.  I continued to work really hard and felt that I was just not ever going to be a success.

Eventually, I got into the areas of self-help and spirituality and read whatever I could find about out them and attended workshops in these areas when I could find them.  Again I felt that I wasn’t making progress in these areas either even though they fascinated me.  I didn’t know it at the time that these things were a personal experience and different for each person involved.

It wasn’t until I approached the areas of different types of learning that I found out that I was a different type of thinker.  I am a creative type of person who has to do something first.  I can’t tell you what I am going to do before I do it.  I often don’t know what I am going to do before I have done it.  I can explain what I have done and organize what I did after the fact instead of before the fact.

I am left-handed and am right-brained instead of left brained.  I find it easier to do whatever it is that I am going to do and then answer questions about what I did and how and why I did it.  For example, I am very good at interviewing people and getting information out of them; but the best way to show other people what I do when I am interviewing is to do it behind a one-way mirror and answer the audience’s questions afterward.

Gee, I wish I had known this about myself much earlier in life and had not passed up opportunities to develop myself in areas where I could have been quite creative if I had continued to develop my talents.  A couple of areas are hypnosis,  interpretation of drawings and the use of drawing in children’s therapy.  I also found out that I can sing quite well if I don’t feel self-conscious and I sing songs interpretively that just seem to have stuck in my head without an accompanist.  (I guess I can’t pick a key and I haven’t found an accompanist that can shadow me.)  I was never able to take voice lessons although I had sung in

I have now found out that I can sing quite well if I don’t feel self-conscious and I sing songs interpretively that just seem to have stuck in my memory without an accompanist.  (I guess I can’t pick a key and I haven’t found an accompanist that can shadow me.)

I was never able to take voice lessons although I had sung in choirs at school and in church.  I now think that might have made me worse instead of better.  I found that when I was in college that the voice majors were all quite technically accomplished and that I couldn’t compete with them and do what they did.  Now I do my own thing and I can do it quite well if I am not afraid to be me.


Bullying The New Sport

(Rough Draft) As a victim of bullying, I have felt like the bull in the ring at a bullfight. Poked and prodded until he is exhausted, extremely angry, and unable to do anything about it but die.  There have been attempts to outlaw bullfights for humanitarian reasons, but they never get it done.

This seems to be the same way with bullying as the victim continues to suffer and is expected to fight back in his or her own defense against a more powerful foe or gang of bullies.  This seems to be shameful.  Where does it seem fair to gang up on someone like that who has no defenders and is seen as weak by his or her foes?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgBullying hurts.  It is not funny.  Doing this to a person who is already down.  If a group demands that you join them in bullying.  Remember it is a hate crime.  It can result in vicious mob behavior.  Sometimes persons who should be supervising this group, egg it on and join the “fun” instead.

Sometimes people create a separation between what they call just teasing and bullying.  They say it is all in fun and that the victim is thin skinned and needs to toughen up and to learn to take it without being a wimp.  These people do not see or care that the person’s self-image is being reinforced as negative when teased or name-calling.  Is it just in fun when the victim is being degraded and starts to carry around a nickname that is not flattering and really not funny to the victim?

rp_Send_It_On.pngHas overreaction to bullying and teasing that is not funny led to creating safe places and even offering play therapy where persons can go and take part if the behavior of others upsets them even though it is the right of others to have differing opinions and to share them in public.  Now have we created wimps like these?

Taking responsibility in dangerous or difficult situations can create a type of toughness and self-pride that does the person well in future situations where they must take charge of things or do something difficult.rp_1753458_5bbf0fa664_m.jpg

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Children Are Our Most Precious Resource, Don’t Waste Them

rp_3692285331_9043cf7c46_m.jpg Children are our most precious resource.  Don’t waste them.  This subject is worth repeating.  They need love and affection to thrive.  Good self-esteem is a must for all children to have.  Nor should they lack support.  Enough food and drink so they can grow and be healthy and not be hungry.  These needs are often not met during weekends or in the summer.  For some kids, all the food they get is in school.  How can one study and learn when they are hungry?  Security and safety are another need.  Children should not be afraid or the innocent victims of crime.  Adequate housing helps meeting these needs. Don’t forget adequate schools that can meet these needs too. 

Finally and still important is an education on the rights of people,  the rules we need to respect so that we can all get along, and the development of an inner sense of right and wrong.  History is a necessary  part of education so we don’t make past mistakes and so that we can also learn from past successes.  Children also need protection so that they are not used only to satisfy other people’s needs when it is not in their best interest.rp_6250513028_b874eef6f1_m.jpg

Parents or parent substitutes can be valuable assets to our culture.  Those who take on the responsibility of providing for  their or other children’s needs.  Support is often provided for those parents who fail but not for those who want to succeed at doing this.  Laws should be created and adjudicated with the child’s rights in mind.  Children are not property and are individuals with innate rights.  Custody determinations often forget this.  I know of one county court system that penalizes the worst of their judges by having them do custody cases.  Yuck!!!  Children are not property!

When Is Reassurance Necessary?

Once a child forms an attachment to an appropriate parental figure, it should not be broken unless abuse occurs.  Natural parents should not be allowed to slip in and out of a child’s life threatening his or her security and sense of trust.  Often such unattached children will attach themselves to anybody almost instantly as he or she is so needy.


First Shack Ups, Now Hook Ups

rp_376058047_150_150.jpgHookups (having sex with someone you don’t know and might never see again just to have a sexual climax or orgasm.)

First shack ups, now hookups, distancing ourselves, avoiding any real connections.  How can you lose someone when you never really had them?  Avoiding feeling close to someone with whom you perform an intimate act seems to be worse than two people moving in together without any commitment.

Hookups seem like pornography.  How can you mechanically have sex without caring about the other person or feeling close to him or her and have a real life emotional experience?  Sex without responsibility still has consequences.  Sexual diseases and pregnancies can be the unwanted consequences.

Society seems to want to have life without any responsibilities, any form of commitment.  Respect, honor, responsibility all seem to be avoided in this way.  Yet these are the things that make life real.  With these things come pain, courage, glory, and honor.  These real experiences help us learn how to cope with life especially when we experience a loss possibly through no fault of our own.

My best learning experiences often occurred when I thought I was going to fail and initially did not know what to do next.  I had to do something out of the box in order to get out of the box.  I had to give some of myself, something that I didn’t know I had, and risk failure and disappointment.  For me, being intelligent could not always ensure I could win the competition.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained?

I Am Free Of Judging Myself By Others

rp_374315433_150_150.jpgI just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think.  I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field.  I am free to be me finally.  Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions.  I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments  of me made by others.  I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.

Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself.  Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards.  Who am I?  Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences?  Make way for ME!  I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable.  Now can I trust my own judgment?

rp_362536218_150_150.jpgWould you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man.  I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts.  I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions almost offend me.  Am I right or wrong?  Or have I discovered music for myself?

Failures do not always define you.  Whose judgment are you relying on?  Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that.  This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you.  We all do not have the same tastes!

rp_363561405_150_150.jpgYou probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions.  For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat.  Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?

I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want.  Who am I actually?  Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?

Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Manual!

rp_375649339_150_150.jpgLife doesn’t come with an instruction manual even though you deserve one.  You have to write your own!

Criticism is the little voice in your head that holds you back and hinders your performance.  Even though others say it is for your own good,  sometimes it isn’t.

rp_363849983_150_150.jpgReality is not always what you think it is or what you were told it is. You can miss seeing, hearing, feeling and experiencing some things because someone told you that you just were imagining things.

Sometimes as people get older they don’t get wiser, they just get more set in their ways.  Sometimes a strongly held theory or opinion becomes a person’s life jacket when he or she is drowning in new information.

rp_228552603_150_150.jpgHow hard is it for a person to change his or her mind?  This may be why people are told not to bring up religion or politics at the dinner table.  Maybe this is a good reason to think outside the box.  Many inventions were created this way.

Remember people are natural born originals and can’t be easily shaped into something that they are not.  Gemstones have to be cut into shapes that work with their natural structures.  What about individuals who are being shaped into contributing citizens?rp_6250513028_b874eef6f1_m.jpg



Envy, Jealousy, Covetusness, Greed, Hurt The One Who Suffers From Them

(Post in process…)  How much time is wasted lusting after things we can’t have or lusting after things instead of focusing on the current issues in our lives?  We often do not take enough time to appreciate what we have before we go on to the next thing we want or want and can not have.  Most of us will leave all our possessions behind to be thrown away, broken up, or wasted.  Even the most famous sites preserved, worshiped, and valued monetarily, religiously, or sentimentally can and have been destroyed in a minute.

Sharing is a virtue and it would be my goal to leave a garden, a place of worship, work of art, some words of wisdom, a scientific discovery to be enjoyed by all while I am still here if possible and after I am gone.

How much time do we waste seeing something we want and don’t have?  This makes us feel bad of course.  We can have these feelings every time we are reminded of what we want and don’t have.  Possession and relationships and talents all usually require time and effort to get and to maintain.

You may think gifts, lotto winnings, inheritances, promotions are all things to be greedy about and can build uncomfortable feelings of resentment.We might think, “Why not me?”  I felt that way about an inheritance I did not get from a childless uncle and my brothers got because I was not a boy.

These feelings, when perverted can  lead to heinous crimes.  For example, in the Bible, King David sent his mistress’s husband to the front lines in battle to die so he could have his wife.

Precursurers to Domestic Violence

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgThere are some things a woman should look out for when establishing a new relationship with a man.  Don’t believe that his last girlfriend or wife deserved to be labeled as the “bad” one in the relationship.  Be careful if either you or he came from a family where violence was common or accepted if a woman or child did not do the right thing according to the man of the house.  Be aware too that men or women can come from families where violence was common among the women of the family.

There is no real excuse for violence.  When anger is considered “justified” because the person who is angry thinks that someone or something made him or her feel that way and that is enough to justify acting it out.  This can lead to a very explosive situation.  Add alcohol to this in some people and the situation becomes even worse.

Anger Controls People

Anger Controls People

Being the only man in the family, besides my elderly grandfather, my dad was called upon to “handle” his brother-in-law when he was in an alcoholic rage in order to protect my mom’s crippled sister and kids.  My dad had been quite an athlete in his youth but this did not always help when my uncle was threatening them with a butcher knife.  Also, my younger brother was still at home and had to witness this.  I don’t think Police usually made domestic violence calls back then.

Women and children and even some men are not punching bags and it can leave a strong impression on some children even if they themselves don’t get hurt.  “Don’t hit him; hit me” was a brave statement made by a sister when her brother got hit, not her.  How helpless does a child feel when they watch their sibling or parent get hurt on purpose when the other parent has a “mad fit” and takes it out on him or her?rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpg


Is Getting Something Better Than Giving Something?

Is getting  something better than giving something.  When you receive something, do you appreciate it?  When you give something, do you want to be recognized for doing it?  Getting something often leads to wanting something else and so forth and so forth.  Where does it stop?

Materialism is just the state of chronically wanting something new and never being satisfied.  People who are materialistic often do not recognize this about themselves.  They are too busy patting themselves on the back with each new acquisition and looking ahead to what they have to have next.  Materialism builds the economy.  I don’t know what else it does.

If we not so busy acquiring new things and finding a place to put them we might stop, rest, and catch our breath.  This could be quite peaceful.  Often people are so busy acquiring things, they are too busy to enjoy them and sometimes, the purchase is wasted because it is never used or even thrown out and rejected.

Often our materialism even bleeds over and effects our children.  We become competitive with other parents and have to have the biggest, and most unusual birthday party for them.  Sometimes, the children are even too young to appreciate them.  One attraction is often enough and since the attention spans of children can be short; they may tire of the party and need a nap or need real food besides candy, cake, and pop.

Materialism often leads to buying things and doing things that are impractical and require more upkeep than they are worth.  Gas logs can be better than wood fires in a fireplace and of what use are several different homes requiring upkeep that are used infrequently.  It has always seemed to me that skillfully planned and meticulously cared for gardens are wasted unless there are people around to enjoy them.