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The Only Person You Can Not Besmirch Is One Who Is Already Dirty

The only person whom you can not besmirch is one who is already dirty.  Such things only stick to those who are already not covered in filth.  Currently, people are trying to do this to President Trump’s son-in-law and the only reason that they are succeeding is that he is lily white.  The Democratic 2016 presidential candidate has so many crimes to answer for that it is hard to think of a possible new one that would surprise anybody.

Also, this upsets the person who is lily white as they have nothing to be accountable for.  Their raiment is bright and clean and can easily show stains while accusations made toward someone like Hillary hardly show up as there are so many spots and stains on his or her gown.  Influence peddling, letting embassy staff die because she did not send reinforcements, people suspiciously dying that she knows.  For example, a person known by her for getting in her way is killed on the street and no robbery took place.  Finally, there is the private server fiasco.

This is all just my opinion and supposition.  Could the president’s son-in-law be an any better target for Russian influence peddling?  Also, it takes one to know one.  What about the accusers themselves?  What are they hiding?  Is the Trump administration too busy defending itself that it can’t point fingers at the Democrats or investigate the past Obama administration?

 

 

Trash Collecting.

(Preview)  Only you can determine what gets in your brain.  What you focus on and what you concentrate on gets wired in your brain and makes it difficult to think differently.  Let it go.  You are your own worse enemy.  Talk to yourself.  Do you want that kind of junk wired in your brain?  What are you concentrating on?  Be self-observant.  You can control what goes in and out of your head.  You may need new software and new data.  We make ourselves unhappy.

I have made two new resolutions right now in the middle of the year.  The first is to stop saying that I am sorry.  The people that most often say that they are sorry are the ones that don’t need to do it.  Saying you are sorry can become a compulsive thing, an automatic reaction to a criticism or a complaint from someone else.  It can even be a symptom of emotional abuse.

I thought I had broken that habit when I developed asthma again and I realised that coughing or whatever I do because I am sick does not need to be apologized for.  I didn’t do it to draw attention to myself or to interrupt anything that is going on around me.  But it was a habit leftover from when I had asthma as a child.

The second is to stop focusing on what needs to be fixed or replaced or on what others have that I don’t have that I would like or even need to have.  Wastes a lot of time and doesn’t change anything.  Being a Christian, I have offered these concerns up to God and have gone on with my life.Ruminating on these sort of things doesn’t make them happen or make them reverse themselves.  It just wastes my time when I could be focusing on something else or just opening my mind up to other thoughts even inspirations.

A Visitor From The Past

I have been out sick for a week as I was visited by an old visitor from the past that I had thought I had outgrown. ASTHMA. Gasping for breath is scary; but even more frightening is hearing mysterious sounds as you lay in bed that nobody else can hear. As a psychologist, I know about hearing voices and these would even wake me up in the middle of the night.  Once, I got admitted, I think the hospital staff must have thought I was crazy.  This was a strange illness because I got very sick before I sought treatment.  I did not run a temperature.  I just got out of breath.  Even my oxygen percentages were good.  My heart rate was normal.  I had just run out of steam.  However, I was very relieved when they hooked me up with oxygen; pumped me up with steroids, and admitted me from the Emergency Room.   Missed church that morning and didn’t get to celebrate Mother’s Day or should I say Grandmother’s Day.

Once, I got admitted, I think the hospital staff must have thought I was crazy.  This was a strange illness because I got very sick before I sought treatment.  I did not run a temperature.  I just got out of breath.  Even my oxygen percentages were good.  My heart rate was normal.  I had just run out of steam.  However, I was very relieved when they hooked me up with oxygen; pumped me up with steroids, and admitted me from the Emergency Room.   Missed church that morning and didn’t get to celebrate Mother’s Day or should I say Grandmother’s Day.

I am now on all sorts of asthma drugs.  I am feeling better.  I am home and laying around.  Just going to the doctor wore me out and I can’t talk too much without getting breathless.  However, I have been having some feelings of Deja Vue as I remember feeling this way as a child desperate for air and also coughing my guts up.  Must have really scared my parents.  This was a common thing for me in the winter as I grew up.

I was told I would grow out of it and I thought I did but on a rare occasion I would have that familiar gasping for breath and would have to leave where I was and do something to catch my breath.  I usually was apologetic and would leave wherever I was so as to not cause others any concern about me in order to calm down and get over the spell of being out of breath.

Scarier even yet is recently I have begun to have strong allergy reactions to air bound particles.  Fortunately, I recognised what was going on and got myself out of the situation either under my own power or with the help of friends.  I, fortunately, had begun carrying a rescue inhaler.

Also, asthma causes damage that doesn’t go away and can come back to haunt you later.   I know that wood smoke (yes, fireplaces) is difficult for me to breath; but until we started to worry about second-hand smoke, people just thought I was a party pooper if I reacted to things like cigarette smoke and wood smoke.  I could also detect strong chemicals in the air just by the way they made me feel.

I had years of bronchitis but I didn’t think of it as asthma related.  I would continue to go to go to work and would hope that I could control my cough when I had to talk to patients.  I knew that it was probably not catching and would eventually go away on its own although that might take a long time.  Once the air got cold, I had to throw a scarf around my mouth or have a coughing fit.  It didn’t help that I was a mouth breather either.

I didn’t know that I had a bunch of unhappy bronchioles swollen that wouldn’t let my air get out so I could breathe back in.  It was these guys that were making the wheezing noises I could hear.  Chest x rays didn’t show anything so that wasn’t a path to treatment either.

If you feel sick, you are sick.  Keeping going until you find effective treatment.  Don’t apologize for something you can’t help doing.  Yes, it is going to make some trouble for other people and you might be the center of attention for awhile  It is your turn to seek and receive help.  Don’t die trying to cover it up and not inconveniencing people.

P.S., I now have a preliminary diagnosis, pulmonary hypertension which was given after I had an echocardiogram of my heart.  For your information, previous to that I passed certain breathing tests with flying colors.  My oxygen percentiles were high.  They were consistently in the 90’s.  I passed a breathing test.  This was the second time I had done so.  My lung x-rays were clear ( I had two recent ones).  Therefore, I was not put on oxygen when I went home although it was very helpful while I was in the hospital.

Fortunately, my nurse practitioner had another idea about what was wrong.  She said I might be overworking my heart to keep my oxygen percentiles high.  This is what appears to be happening and it didn’t show up until I had the echocardiogram of my heart.  Curious enough I have had previous echocardiograms where it didn’t show up.  I am waiting on my heart doctor to review the findings and to confirm the diagnosis although that may take further tests.

So what is my conclusion?  It is that sometimes when you think you are sick, you are really sick and don’t stop seeking help!  Look at my case.

Does It Make Sense To Say Life Makes No Sense? How Do You Make Sense Of Life? Are You Influenced By How Others Make Sense Of Life? We Are All In This Together But We Often Try To Go It Alone.

Does it make sense to say life has no sense?  Science has theories about life which it proves or disproves. Things we thought were inanimate and dumb actually are not that way.  Animals are miraculous animate beings with strengths and skills we have never thought of.  Not only are they necessarily not like you, they have their own ways of thinking, communicating and viewing the world.  Even plants react to certain stimuli.  What about us?

Are we blocking abilities because we think we don’t have them?  Who are you really inside?  We are fearfully and wonderfully made it says in the Bible.  Why do we often reject that?  Does everything happen for a reason but we think that we are unable to figure this out.

We are unique individuals.  We all have strengths and talents as well as weaknesses.  Why do we compete with each other when we can do so much more together?  Why do we constantly pattern ourselves against some other person’s standards and achievements?

When I was trying to decide on my career (the most important path in my life at that time).  I did not discern and value my own unique qualities.  I was always encouraged to consider what other people would think.  Individuality was lost in the shuffle.  I accomplished many things but society did not pat me on my back and my family had no idea about what I was doing.

Now the meaning of life is to determine your path in life and to allow yourself to meander a little.  Also be a little bit forgiving of yourself especially in this critical, hypocritical world.  We must combat these forces that hold us back and act as brakes on our vehicle of life.  Criticism, fault-finding, and belittling other people as a way of building themselves up by other people holds us all back.

The world is full of manipulations and plots to keep us from reaching our destiny.  The average fault-finders only want to build themselves up, not you.  This sabotages cooperation and promotes the power and wealth of a few.  Their motto is there is not enough to go around and I am going to get mine before you can take it from me.  What a grand scheme for these peoples’ lives which leads to substance abuse, relationships that may sabotage them and be unfulfilling, and a focus on things, not relationships.  They are not to be trusted and because of this, they think that everybody else can not be trusted.  What a flimsy throne that kind of ideology can make.  They focus on things that can not make them happy in the long run and backfire.  Remember how Scrooge ended up in The Christmas Carol.

Thoughts On How To “Getter Done”

Thoughts on how to “Getter Done”.  (Do as I say; don’t do as I do!)

Don’t think it; do it!  How many times do you think of something without following it through?  Have you been cluttering up your mind by thinking of what needs to be done? Remember don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today!

If you see it; do it.  Do you think you are starting to become a hoarder?  Don’t question your judgment.  This happens for me with the clothes of both myself and my husband.  I am afraid, I will regret my decision later.  I either need to throw them out, give them away, or put them away.  Don’t leave it til another day.

Are you surrounded from the past and the present by people who question your decisions.  In the long run, this just makes you look like a person who can’t make up his or her mind and leaves more reason for criticism.  Remember these people, operate on the principle, “Don’t look at me, look at him or her”.

Don’t put it off.  If you can put it off, pick a day to do it before it will be overdue.  I do this with taxes.  I set a tax date with our accountant and focus on taxes the two weeks before.  If you do put it off and have to pay for it, just chuck it up to experience and do better next time.

If you go ahead and do it, do a little more each time than just what is necessary.

When you do something, throw yourself into it.  If it worth doing something, it is worth doing right.  Remember, being a critic is an easy job.  You don’t have to help somebody or even think about it.

You can practice making decisions or do something a different way or even teach yourself how to do something so you don’t have to ask someone else.  This happens to me with new appliances.  I don’t read the instruction book.  If you have lost it, you can find it online.  Then if it is broken or missing a piece or has poor instructions (The people who right the instruction books are not the people who have to use them.  Has the person who has written the instructions put themselves in your shoes or asked a person who has never used it before to try and use these instructions?

Before throwing old gadgets away that have never been used  Take some time to try to make them work but throw them away if they don’t work.

Remember to reward yourself for what you get done, not what you leave undone.  The person that is most likely to notice that you have done something is yourself.

How many projects don’t look like something until they are completely done?  Have you every watched someone put something together and it is not until is finished that a person can determine if it works or if it looks like anything?  If you are the person trying to do this, reward yourself either way because you can dispose of something if it is useless and can’t be made to work anymore.  Give it the old heave-ho.

Don’t overthink it.  Is the task worth the extra time you spend on trying to get it right?  Remember practice makes perfect.  Children don’t do this.  When they have an idea when they are playing, they just do it.

I have spoken about mind clutter.  Now you know you can do something about it and you can use that time to fly-fish or meditate bother productive tasks!  You can even make your downtime productive and do things you didn’t have a chance to do.

My mother had one good rule.  As a young daughter, I had many “projects” and instead 0f having me put everything away at the end of the day, she had me group my tools and materials together and put them up somewhere (this also kept people from tripping over them) where I could go get them and work on  it another day.  This also kept me from losing them and having to find everything again I needed the next day.

Stop doing things that you don’t think are necessary like making your bed in the morning instead of straightening the covers before you go to sleep.  My mother (God Bless Her Soul) used to iron the sheets.  Who does that anymore?  Remember bedrooms in advertising have been staged to make them look neat clean and very desirable.  Bedrooms don’t look like that only if you have rented one in a hotel and you are just coming in the door.

Best suggestion I have ever heard.  If you are having surprise company, before you go to the door stick your vacuum in the middle of the floor like you have just started to clean the room or turn your Roomba on.  I don’t know about you, but my vacuum is already in the living room by the front door as we don’t have a coat closet.  See; I am ready for anything.

If you are doing something, just do it.  Don’t think about what you did not do yesterday or what you have to do tomorrow.  It is a good idea to have a notepad handy (either electronic or paper) on which to write things down that you want to remember but can’t do anything about now.  YHow about trying to learn Lincoln’s Gettysburg address and loading the dishwasher.  Now I can sing or listen to hymns while I work because I might want to sing them in church someday as a “special”.

Is It True That Only Those Who Do Good Can Feel Guilty?

Is it true that only those who do good can feel guilty?  Does it follow that those who do bad do not feel guilty?  On top of this, this propensity for those who do good to feel bad is often used against them.  People who do good (or the Goodies) when told that they did something wrong or that they made a mistake, it petrifies them and hinders their ability to do good in the future?  Are there a lot of people out there that don’t want people doing good and this is the best way to stop them because they have a conscience and are therefore fearful that they might hurt somebody? The Badies are out there making sure that they get what they want regardless of whether or not they hurt somebody.

The Goodies are fearful of being caught in a lie even if they didn’t know it was untrue until the Badies chastised them with it.  Badies lie all the time and to protect themselves from being called liars call other people liars to put the spotlight on someone else.  The best defence for them is a good offence.  The Goodies can become so busy defending themselves that they forget to point out the Bad Guy’s  mistakes.

How can this be helped?  The Goodies must become aware of what is happening so they can turn the tables on the Badies.  For example, “You call me a liar, when you lie all the time.”  When attacked this way by the Badies, a Goody can say this is none of your business.  A Bady attacked me once about my hair cut.  She loudly stated in a room full of family, “Who cut your hair?”  I replied by saying, “Who asked you?”  I had decided to not fall for her bait and to put the spotlight on her.  It did shut her up and the family members went on with their catching up.  Goodies can be too polite and these manipulators can count on this.

Badies not only lie, but they are good rationalizers. and can invent or find reasons why they are not guilty and should not be picked on.  It is important to recognise that if a Badie asks noisy questions and is not being polite that a Goody does not have to be polite either!

We all have boundaries and Badies especially like to cross them.  For example, within the nuclear family, certain issues are usually kept quiet and not shared with others especially when the Badies are just being noisy and want to lay these problems out in public so they can often give you bad advice and perhaps cause a spectacle.  People are not entitled to know your secrets.  These people can be very noisy.  I had one who looked up our friend’s phone number and called them inquiring about us.  Our friends had never met and were shocked and surprised when she called them up out of the blue.

The only boundaries Badies respect are their own and they are inclined to keep secrets.  They can be very outgoing and social when things are going good and disappear when things are going badly for them.  They can be very secretive that way and you can never get to know the whole person even when you find something that tells on them.  It may be a good idea at the time to use a Goodies address, but then something like information about bad checks pops up in the mail or on the phone.

Badies make a bushel barrow of mistakes themselves and they can go far in and  trying to cover up past mistakes which are often not found out about until that person leaves the scene.  They make up their own rules to benefit themselves like when a person (friend, neighbour, relative) dies that they will naturally inherit from him or her and even ask for that inheritance early.  See the story of the Prodigal Son” in the Bible.  They can walk all over a Goody when they are alive and when they are in the grave, they don’t stop.  An inheritance can be a windfall for someone but the will usually makes sure that all the bills are paid if there is money there to do it.  Doesn’t it make sense that the person, often a Goody, who helps the most, inherits the most, even if he or she doesn’t think he or she deserves it.

Guilt is the primary tool of the Badies and they often think to themselves that if I get people to look at another person who is doing “wrong” they won’t see what I am doing wrong.  Don’t look at me; look at him.  If these defensive maneuvers work, then they can get off Scott free.  When they judge others, they are usually revealing what others could condemn them for.  “Judge not that ye may not be judged; condemn not that ye not be condemned.”  It is written in the Bible.  For example, it is likely that the marital partner that desires to commit adultery condemns his or her partner for adultery either while desiring to do it himself or herself or while secretly actually indulging in adultery himself or herself.

 

Mind Clutter: What Is It And How To Get Rid Of It! Rewiring your brain

Are you a mental hoarder and don’t know it.  There are useless thoughts and painful memories that need to be sorted out into three categories:  save, maybe, and useless.  Sometimes we spend more time ruminating about the past and things we can’t change than we do enjoying the present and planning for the future.

What do you think?  Are you a hoarder and therefore, there is not much room for current experiences and anticipation of future possibilities.  Hoarders in real life don’t get much done and sometimes hoarding can be life threatening.

Their living space becomes dirty and can’t be cleaned.  It is difficult to cook, use the bathroom, and find decent clothes to wear.  Hoarders don’t often have much company and it is possible for a hoarder to have an accident or mental emergency, and not be able to get any help and die.

The more you keep your mind filled with negative and painful memories, the less room you have for new or current friends and family, the less able you are to develop new strategies to live life successfully, and learn to enjoy what you do have or could have if you weren’t blind sighted by the past.

Just think that you are married and that you have a mother-in-law or father-in-law who doesn’t like you and who can manipulate things so you don’t come out looking so good to the rest of the family and people in the neighbourhood who are neighbours and people you might know from church or other organisations.

This person or persons gets more bank for the buck every time you think about what they did to you and how it affects your relationship with others. Have you ever had a scab or a sore that you couldn’t stop picking at?  What did doing that do to the spot?  It may have kept it from healing, and if it did eventually heal, it would form a scar.  They are so busy attacking you that you do not have a chance to point out their weaknesses. In this case, their defence mechanism from keeping themselves from getting attacked their self is a good offence.

Thinking about these things is what makes them stick.  These defences seem initially useful such spouting off about what that person instead of giving a proper burial and going on with you.  We have all had past hurts but this is now not then.  Forgiveness is a good mind clutter tool, followed by forgetting the incident or incidents, and focusing on making room for new and better memories.  If you can’t completely do this, then make some time in your day to think about it and only think about it then.  Connections in the brain are strengthened by repetition.  Another way to handle something that occupies your brain is to put off worrying about or thinking about something to later when it might be more important to resolve an issue.

Yes, sometimes we occupy our mind with worries so much so that we can’t get on with current projects.

 

 

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence often lets the perpetrator get away with doing it and people may think that the victim probably deserved it and/or it was just a family quarrel.  Why then do police officers get killed answering domestic violence calls.  How many women, even men, suffer permanent injuries which ought to require hospitalisation and reconstructive surgery and they don’t get it.  What about the children that witness this violence even though they don’t get physically hurt themselves.  Who learns that it is okay to vent your anger upon another helpless individual when they can’t defend themselves.  When you are mad, the only way to handle it is to take it out on someone or something else especially when the source of that anger is not available to take it out on.  Imagine someone coming home from work and they are mad about something that happened that day and they pounce on any excuse to take out their anger on.

Domestic violence is not a silly husband and wife quarrel.  People like to dismiss this type of violence as it only was no real fight to be worried about because the victims often deny that they were hurt and/or that the perpetrator was or could be violent.  Since these people, usually wives and children or sometimes husbands and elderly relatives, have to live in the situation they might not complain as it would only make it worse.  They may have no place to go and/or no resources.  Police officers, who know how violent these situations can become, may try to pacify the perpetrators and overlook the potentially dangerous behaviour that could exist.  People often poo poo domestic violence calls saying why can’t these people solve their own problems or that the victims probably asked for it.  In truth, if police officers could show up in riot gear and have a backup, they would probably be a lot safer.  Also, you don’t know who is on who’s side.  This can be dangerous.  Do you think that social workers would or should answer these calls instead of the police?  Like in the Stockholm Syndrome. the victims can change sides and defend the preparatory.  The relationships

People often poo poo domestic violence calls saying why can’t these people solve their own problems or that the victims probably asked for it.  In truth, if police officers could show up in riot gear and have a backup, they would probably be a lot safer.  Also, you don’t know who is on who’s side.  This can be dangerous.  Do you think that social workers would or should answer these calls instead of the police?  Like in the Stockholm Syndrome. the victims can change sides and defend the perpetrator.

The home can be a place where violence is born, learned, reinforced, and perpetuated.  Yet we often ignore it or mistreat it until it ends in violence and it can be to some person outside the fight that comes to stop it.  Actually, we could learn much from the policemen or women who take these calls and the twists and turns that these situations develop when they are in them.

You never know what will happen to you when you enter and try to handle one of these situations.  I was a substitute psychiatric aide in a large insane asylum one summer when I was in college.  I was in charge of the cafeteria by myself while three wards ate.   We were locked in because one of the wards was a locked ward.There was cafeteria help but they would not help me deal with patients.  One of the wards I knew, but not the other two.  A patient acted up and started slinging mustard and ketchup around and I walked over to her calmly trying to calm her down.  I suggested that she ought to go to the bathroom and clean herself up. She suddenly slapped me in the face so hard that I wasn’t sure she hadn’t broken some of my teeth.  I was checking myself over when a nurse came into the cafeteria who knew the patient and they walked out together ignoring me.  ?

Where does violence begin, where is it reinforced, and often ignored?  Yet the histories of violent offenders who kill hapless citizens often start with domestic violence.  My cousin, a judge in Northern Illinois, started a special domestic violence diversion court for this.  This is going in the right direction.  Start with the cause, not the results!

People Who Talk And Don’t Listen Or Watch What They Say Or Do

I was recently involved in a conversation where I appeared to be the only woman responding and I sometimes thought that I was invisible and I not only wasn’t seen, I wasn’t heard either.  Is this a common experience for other women?  I thought the women’s liberation had changed all that or had it?

As a woman in these groups I am often in the minority and not being paid attention to is often unfortunate; but also just plain rude.  What happened to lady’s first?  Often when a woman gets to make a contribution, the men are often in the process of getting up out of their chairs and leaving the group as much to say that the woman’s comments are not worth staying for and listening to.

For example, if I raise my hand indicating that  I wanted to speak next and had something to add to the conversation, another man in the group starts to talk without raising his hand and that I had held my hand up before he started talking is ignored.  If I do get to speak. For Heaven’s sake if I can get the floor, I am greeted by impatience from some of the males in the group and may not be able to get my point across before I am interrupted and another person (usually a man) takes over the conversation to refute me.

Recently I saw a contribution on FaceBook that discussed something that was called manspeak and realized I was not alone in the world when it came to being bulldozed this way.  What happens also is that men are usually oblivious to what is going on as far as the women in the group are concerned.  At the end of church Sunday, I volunteered to give the closing prayer and our minister told me that he thought that a woman had never done that before.  Huh?  My first experience with a woman’s rights group on my campus was in the late 60’s and we are now in the second decade of the 21st century!

 

An afterthought, consider the dress codes for women as compared to men in the broadcasting business.  Men are covered from wrist to neck and down to the feet.  It can be a very forgiving outfit and I notice that this can cover up excess weight fairly well.  Men also seem to age gracefully on television.  One standard that is also usually kept by men is “neat and clean”.  I also have noticed that men usually take a very relaxed position with their legs open.

Now take women they often, but not always, have very high maintenance hairstyles and dresses that are often not usually very modest and therefore, women have to struggle to avoid exposing themselves especially since they usually sit with their legs crossed.  Also there seem to be standards for women especially that encourage them to keep their weight down and sometimes has them even resorting to surgery in order to look more youthful.

 

Now this is easy to observe, but no one usually says anything about this usually on air and pant suits similar to men’s suits are discouraged and sometimes made fun of although I have observed that female elected government officials do frequently wear pants; and not usually, except in Hillary Clinton’s case, made fun of for doing this; but I do notice that sometimes comments about the women’s hairstyles as being unfaltering and unattractive are made in a way that reflects on their ability to do their jobs.

Women?  Are we being kept in our place this way by men?

What The World Needs Now Is More Love And Less Anger

What seems to be the easiest to do?  Get Mad at someone or something or tell someone that you care about them or tell someone that you care about something?  We are like growing plants that need the nutrients in the soil, and sunshine and water.  What is tragic is that if all we get is anger and criticism, it soon substitutes for love and affection and compliments.  What happens to a child is that the parent finds that all the child does is get in trouble to get “negative” attention which is better than no attention at all.

Negative behaviour seems to be a remedy for the “Forgotten Child Syndrome”.  If there is a little “Miss Princess” or a Dashing Prince in the house or a “Star Athlete” (male or female)”  or “Precious Scholar” (also either male or female) in the house, it can lead to the family focusing all their attention and often all their time and energy on that child.  The other child in the household may become the Brat in order to get recognition and time and attention because he or she is a problem and to get a chance to take his or her anger out on the overeager parents who focus their attention mainly on the Good Child.

Another possibility is that praise does not usually lead to behavior change and the topic of the person’s misbehavior does not lead to emotional upheaval and/or becomes a fruitful topic for discussion and/or gossip.  Also it directs other people attention away from the person who is being critical onto the person who is being criticized.  Surprise, surprise, the source of the criticisim is often revealing more about him or her self than they are about the person they are criticising.  In this case, offense is a good defense. In other words don’t look at me look at them.  This can lead to the person witnessing these behaviors to becoming very confused as it is not very clear what is going on.

Surprise, surprise, the source of the criticism is often revealing more about him or her self than they are about the person they are criticising.  In this case, offense is a good defense. In other words don’t look at me look at them.  This can lead to the person witnessing these behaviors to becoming very confused as it is not very clear what is going on.

Another even more confusing example occurs when a child whose parents are divorced seems to treat the “good” parent worse than the “not-so-good” parent. Once a child is secure in the love of a parent he or she might find it easier and safer to “let it all hang out ” with the parent whose love they are assured of than with the parent with whom they don’t feel securely attached.  Ah, the not so sweet mysteries of life!