First shack ups, now hookups, distancing ourselves, avoiding any real connections. How can you lose someone when you never really had them? Avoiding feeling close to someone with whom you perform an intimate act seems to be worse than two people moving in together without any commitment.
Hookups seem like pornography. How can you mechanically have sex without caring about the other person or feeling close to him or her and have a real life emotional experience? Sex without responsibility still has consequences. Sexual diseases and pregnancies can be the unwanted consequences.
Society seems to want to have life without any responsibilities, any form of commitment. Respect, honor, responsibility all seem to be avoided in this way. Yet these are the things that make life real. With these things come pain, courage, glory, and honor. These real experiences help us learn how to cope with life especially when we experience a loss possibly through no fault of our own.
My best learning experiences often occurred when I thought I was going to fail and initially did not know what to do next. I had to do something out of the box in order to get out of the box. I had to give some of myself, something that I didn’t know I had, and risk failure and disappointment. For me, being intelligent could not always ensure I could win the competition.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained?
Criticism is the little voice in your head that holds you back and hinders your performance. Even though others say it is for your own good, sometimes it isn’t.
Reality is not always what you think it is or what you were told it is. You can miss seeing, hearing, feeling and experiencing some things because someone told you that you just were imagining things.
Sometimes as people get older they don’t get wiser, they just get more set in their ways. Sometimes a strongly held theory or opinion becomes a person’s life jacket when he or she is drowning in new information.
How hard is it for a person to change his or her mind? This may be why people are told not to bring up religion or politics at the dinner table. Maybe this is a good reason to think outside the box. Many inventions were created this way.
Remember people are natural born originals and can’t be easily shaped into something that they are not. Gemstones have to be cut into shapes that work with their natural structures. What about individuals who are being shaped into contributing citizens?
(Post in process…) How much time is wasted lusting after things we can’t have or lusting after things instead of focusing on the current issues in our lives? We often do not take enough time to appreciate what we have before we go on to the next thing we want or want and can not have. Most of us will leave all our possessions behind to be thrown away, broken up, or wasted. Even the most famous sites preserved, worshiped, and valued monetarily, religiously, or sentimentally can and have been destroyed in a minute.
Sharing is a virtue and it would be my goal to leave a garden, a place of worship, work of art, some words of wisdom, a scientific discovery to be enjoyed by all while I am still here if possible and after I am gone.
How much time do we waste seeing something we want and don’t have? This makes us feel bad of course. We can have these feelings every time we are reminded of what we want and don’t have. Possession and relationships and talents all usually require time and effort to get and to maintain.
You may think gifts, lotto winnings, inheritances, promotions are all things to be greedy about and can build uncomfortable feelings of resentment.We might think, “Why not me?” I felt that way about an inheritance I did not get from a childless uncle and my brothers got because I was not a boy.
These feelings, when perverted can lead to heinous crimes. For example, in the Bible, King David sent his mistress’s husband to the front lines in battle to die so he could have his wife.
There are some things a woman should look out for when establishing a new relationship with a man. Don’t believe that his last girlfriend or wife deserved to be labeled as the “bad” one in the relationship. Be careful if either you or he came from a family where violence was common or accepted if a woman or child did not do the right thing according to the man of the house. Be aware too that men or women can come from families where violence was common among the women of the family.
There is no real excuse for violence. When anger is considered “justified” because the person who is angry thinks that someone or something made him or her feel that way and that is enough to justify acting it out. This can lead to a very explosive situation. Add alcohol to this in some people and the situation becomes even worse.
Being the only man in the family, besides my elderly grandfather, my dad was called upon to “handle” his brother-in-law when he was in an alcoholic rage in order to protect my mom’s crippled sister and kids. My dad had been quite an athlete in his youth but this did not always help when my uncle was threatening them with a butcher knife. Also, my younger brother was still at home and had to witness this. I don’t think Police usually made domestic violence calls back then.
Women and children and even some men are not punching bags and it can leave a strong impression on some children even if they themselves don’t get hurt. “Don’t hit him; hit me” was a brave statement made by a sister when her brother got hit, not her. How helpless does a child feel when they watch their sibling or parent get hurt on purpose when the other parent has a “mad fit” and takes it out on him or her?
Is getting something better than giving something. When you receive something, do you appreciate it? When you give something, do you want to be recognized for doing it? Getting something often leads to wanting something else and so forth and so forth. Where does it stop?
Materialism is just the state of chronically wanting something new and never being satisfied. People who are materialistic often do not recognize this about themselves. They are too busy patting themselves on the back with each new acquisition and looking ahead to what they have to have next. Materialism builds the economy. I don’t know what else it does.
If we not so busy acquiring new things and finding a place to put them we might stop, rest, and catch our breath. This could be quite peaceful. Often people are so busy acquiring things, they are too busy to enjoy them and sometimes, the purchase is wasted because it is never used or even thrown out and rejected.
Often our materialism even bleeds over and effects our children. We become competitive with other parents and have to have the biggest, and most unusual birthday party for them. Sometimes, the children are even too young to appreciate them. One attraction is often enough and since the attention spans of children can be short; they may tire of the party and need a nap or need real food besides candy, cake, and pop.
Materialism often leads to buying things and doing things that are impractical and require more upkeep than they are worth. Gas logs can be better than wood fires in a fireplace and of what use are several different homes requiring upkeep that are used infrequently. It has always seemed to me that skillfully planned and meticulously cared for gardens are wasted unless there are people around to enjoy them.
How often have people been led astray when they develop covetousness? People see what other people have or they are taken in by advertisements that promote buying something new or different that everybody will want to have next. I am a helpless fan of HGT TV and think that I want to have a kitchen with granite countertops and should paint my walls in shades of gray instead of beige. Both you and I know these decorating trends will fall out of fashion and demolishers will take their sledgehammers to perfectly good counter tops and cabinets and trash them to make room for whatever new trend is being advertised.
It is even worse with women’s fashion and I am guilty of this too. I can tell when my wardrobe is looking out of date and throw away or give away things that are not in style anymore that I still could wear. I read a high-level fashion magazine where items of clothing and accessories sell for thousands of dollars. Some of them are very attractive and I would like to get one of them but don’t have the dough. I did buy a name brand fashionable purse once and was very proud of it and I carried it until I wore it out. Surprise, surprise.
I am not offended when people pay more money for well made, name brand shoes and purses that they will keep longer than a less well-made item. The same can be true of clothing, but sometimes I see skimpy fashion items without linings or support of underlying supportive material that ordinarily would add cost to the dress, blouse, or skirt. I am not surprised that men, however, seem to do this and their clothes, however,expensive, seem to last longer than women’s clothes. and their styles do not change that much.
Cars are also set up for planned obsoleteness. I, however, would like an attractive, well-made car with good mechanical reliability that I could not wear out quickly and/or not replace until it did or until I found a newer car with features not available when I bought my first car. A sign of the weakening of the economy is when older cars begin to have more value because people can not afford to buy newer cars.
It is interesting to note that people are now seeking out and buying vintage items of clothing, furniture, and accessories. Things are still not considered to be antiques until they are much older than things considered vintage. Wouldn’t it be nice if people developed their own tastes and focused upon buying things that were genuine and well made because they could not be easily replaced?
Do we focus on things rather than experiences? Do we rate experiences by how expensive the things that we use in these experiences are and not how it felt? Consider weddings, for example, people often value their wedding experiences based on how much they cost.
For example, there was a wedding on the farm on the lawn and a simple fried chicken meal catered by the local grocery store which was served buffet style in a newly built hay barn. There were individual cupcakes instead of an expensive wedding cake. Appetizers were served from an ice cream bar manned by some of the bride’s friends.
The bridesmaids all bought their matching sundresses on sale at their local J.C. Penny stores. The lovely music was provided by the local church’s bell choir. The wedding dress was a sample and was not specially ordered. The only participant in a fancy dress was the bride’s shepherd dog as the flower girl. The guys wore khakis and polo shirts in coordinating colors.
All the cars were parked in an open field. Folding chairs were set up on the front lawn for the service. The officiant was a family member. Just imagine what the whole thing would have cost if the bride had it catered, used a wedding planner, and had rented a special venue. Would the memories have been the same?
Materialism leads to clutter and the need for more and more space to store the stuff in. Often these things require special care and take up time that could be used to do other things. The Vanderbilt Mansion in North Carolina is something to see and contains many rare items which you might not see anywhere else, but it and its contents cost so much to maintain that it is almost too expensive to visit because of the entrance fees that need to be charged to maintain it.
Materialism can also lead to people seeking the fame associated with having such rare and expensive things. Things can also become obsolete and need to be replaced by newer, betterer and rarer things. Materialism is the love of things and can depend on the reinforcement provided by others.
Materialism would have trouble existing in a vacuum where no one cares about it. Imagine sometime in the future and some useless object that was part of a fad was found by someone from the future. For example, what would that person think if he or she found a stash of hula hoops?
Two years ago in November I went to Sedona, Arizona, to find myself; but I did not want to take any old trip or stay in any hotel or spa. I wanted it to be a form of a retreat. I went to find myself and for that reason, I wanted to go alone. I found the site for Sedona Soul Adventures which offered an individualized retreat with three days of personally designed spiritual retreat with appointments with local practitioners of meditation, massage, and other types of personalized spiritual experiences.
(If you call Soul Adventures and set up a retreat, mention that you found them on this website.)
I wound up staying in a Yoga house in Sedona and I had my own room and the offering of vegan meals for a set affordable price. I was also directed to a local agency to rent a practical older car in good shape. I set up two experiences on my own: a visit to a power vortex with my own guide and a one-day bus trip to the Grand Canyon
It was a wonderful experience and it was all part of my goal to establish who am I really? Do you know who you really are? Even before birth, various experiences shape you and determine who you are going to be. Are you thinking right now, “Wait a minute, I know who I am.” But do you know how you got to be that way?