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It’s Just Me! Discovering Myself And Ridding Myself of Shame, Blame and Guilt

My happy face anyway!

I have discovered an energy type system which I have followed for a long time now but I had not really found the type of energy that I personify and did not see how the system could help me understand myself and how I could present myself as an example of a type of beauty that would give me a special glow that would attract compliments and increase my self-esteem.  Initially, I picked the wrong type and although I felt some benefits when I  accepted my scatter-brained side of myself and realized I was more of an idea type person than a planner; but then my real self came through and I saw that I am more a motivator who likes to see something come through so I can see the finished product.  The best example is how and when I pursued a professional degree so others could see how motivated I was and how far I would go in pursuing something.

This started when I finished grade school and decided to take college prep classes and to get the highest grades in high school I could get so I could go to a good college and get a scholarship.  I also pursued this goal to prove to my fellow students and teachers and myself that I had what it takes.  This continued in college because I wanted to get into a doctoral program to pursue a doctorate in clinical psychology.  Those goals I pursued continuously for ten years.  I also then completed two years of postdoctoral studies in child clinical psychology and after working for two years in my field, I also completed the studies for and passed my state licensing exam as a psychologist.

My next set of goals was to have at least three children which my husband and I accomplished within four years. This was done by the age of thirty-nine for me and forty for my husband.  You can see that I can set goals and reach them.  Just recently the number of our grandchildren reached ten another goal.

Writing this blog was a surprise for me later on in life and I also have started to occasionally sing hymns in church acapella.  I found that I was also comfortable teaching lecture classes in psychology.  This is the way I represent a Type Four, but I still have secondary traces of Type One as I often have too many irons in the fire and I often multitask keeping too many irons in the fire.  Today I deviated from working on bills to writing this post.  I also want to hang some posters and pictures on my walls especially on the walls in my office which I have as yet to unclutter, but I am working on it.

Stylewise I am edgy and look best in some darker jewellike colors and in dramatic and edgy styles.  Hairstyles require some movement and often streaks or patches of color or highlights.  Jewelry too needs to be edgy, often angular and somewhat bold.  The latest good thing about the whole energy thing is I have started to get some compliments from strangers so far all women.

I have found out that where I have had trouble in the past was where I was trying to go along with some other energy type which didn’t suit me and therefore I had difficulty doing it successfully.  I am not a totally well-organized type of person and as I have said before is that I would write the term paper first and then write the outline.  Also, the types of clothing worn successfully by other energy types do not suit me and make me look bad.  For example, hunting for a suit for job interviews I found very challenging and difficult to do and the suits that I found never really suited me so I was never confident that I looked well and that my outfit was appropriate.  This definitely was a “no-no” when it came to how I presented myself for a job interview.

Recently I have started wearing shorts again in place of capris or crop pants and I am feeling more comfortable doing this.  I do have to be sure that the shorts are Type Three, a little rough around the edges.  They can’t be flared, a little ruffly or a soft faded Type One or Type Two color. I have to also avoid black or whites which are Type Four.  I am also considering dresses or skirts again in my type.

Look up Carol Tuttle, Dressing Your Truth, on the internet.  She also has some books which will help you.  Also, she has written a book about children’s energy types, The Child Whisperer.  She has a solid background in counseling which is reassuring. You can get some color and pattern cards which will help you select clothes.  When I have a solid before and after pictures I will publish them here.  Remember part of finding your helpful energy type is when you find that it works and you can type in successes and failures related to your energy type and then it feels right.  This doesn’t always happen immediately but when it does you will know it.   For example,  I have always liked statement pieces when I go out to buy jewelry and I usually don’t feel dressed until I have a necklace or bracelet on.

 

Be Careful, Before You Make a Judgment, Or Form An Opinion

Looks like she loves making judgments!

 

 

 

Be careful before you form an opinion or make a judgment as you just might be wrong.  Do you have all the information?  Whose side are you on?  Does that distort your perspective?  Have you ever done this and found out later that you were wrong?  Remember the saying, “Don’t jump to conclusions?”

 

 

You Might Reveal Your Own Dirt!

The judgments that you make are pretty revealing not so much about the other person, but about you.  Do you really want to make that mistake and reveal that much about your own shortcomings and not the other person’s?  The common error that philanders often make is to accuse their spouse or significant other of running around on them.  The accusations that they make about the other person, reveal so much about them.  The details are often very descriptive about what is actually happening with them.  How else could they know so much about what happens in such relationships?

 

Prying Eyes

I once had a lady in church who accused me of not taking care of my kids and disrupting the service.  Her first thought was not to give me (my husband was not there) some help taking care of the kids, two toddlers, and a baby; but what a fine job she had done with her’s and how her children would never have disrupted a church service.  This is a kind of a mystery but it can be solved using the advice that I gave above.  What had she experienced bringing up her children that caused her to be so sensitive to the “misbehavior” of mine?

 

Needs Writer’s Block

Recent “fake” news often gives a one-sided story and jumps to conclusions before all the facts are in.  To top it off, they rarely publish a correction when more information becomes available.  Do you want to put yourself in that position?  Gossip 0r unsubstantiated conclusions can cause irreparable damage besides making you the teller look like a fool.  Or even revealing your own personal biases.  Rose-colored glasses often aren’t the ideal prescription for viewing life nor are dark colored lenses which are usable for sunny days only.

 

Where’s The Lottery Ticket?

A strong desire to be helpful can also get in the way of knowing the actual truth which can potentially turn out to be embarrassing.  Like famous people with publicity agents, families can often put out what they want the public to know about a family tragedy or life-changing event.  You could wind up with egg on your face if you initially take the initial “publicity release”  as the whole actual truth rather than what they want you to know for the time being.  A massive lottery win is often kept quiet so that the winners are not taken advantage of by opportunists.  Could you think of other examples?

 

This will make some juicy gossip for someone!

 

 

 

Don’t be so taken in by the desire to be in o the gossip that you make one of the above mistakes.  Better yet, wait until you know the truth.  Then you can decide whether to share it with anyone or do anything.  Of course, there are always emergencies where you must make split-second decisions without out all the information about what is going on.   This can be embarrassing if you make a mistake or horrific if you pass up this opportunity to help when time is of the essence.

 

Has the post made you think?  I hope so.  Can you think of any other occasions when these things might happen?

 

Time On My Hands. I paid The Price.

Time is a Tickin'

Time is a Tickin’ (Photo credit: im elsewhere)

This being under the weather sucks.  Everyone thinks you have time on your hands when what you actually do is get behind and have to pay the piper.  Nothing gets done without your presence and when you do return, they clamor for your attention.

I was recovering quite well when I decided to help my 2 1/2 yr. old grandson get in my lap after an absence of over two weeks due to my “bad” cold  (You don’t always tell the whole truth to two year olds.).   I strained some muscles in my neck and back.  Well, one step forward, one step back.  This left me not able to turn my head or bend my neck to look at things.  (Actually I could do this but the price in terms of pain was too high.)  Indirectly, this kept me from typing too.

Insomnia

Insomnia (Photo credit: schnappischnap)

The other price I paid for being sick was not being able to get any sleep.  In the first place, I couldn’t stop coughing long enough to fall asleep.  In the second place, if I tried to get comfortable in bed, I set off a muscle spasm.  It hurt to get into bed and it hurt even more to get out of bed.  When I got out of bed, I was extremely stiff and could hardly move a muscle.

P.S.: I am not kidding even though it is April Fools Day.

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Learning A New Program Has Never Been Easier

English: Image of a now obsolete hardware type...

English: Image of a now obsolete hardware type word processor. ‪Norsk (nynorsk)‬: Teksthandsamingsmaskin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What A Way To Go.  I have been trying to get my presence known on the internet.  I have been at it on and off (mostly on) for the past  five years.  Before that I mostly used the word processing,  email, and check account balancing software.  I even temporarily mastered how to do spread sheets at one time.  You are asking what this has to do with My Everyday Psychology.  While I tried many different “work-at-home” outside sources and invested hard earned money.  And yes, I had gotten taken by a few scams.  Mostly the tutoring that I got went over my head and was hard to implement.

Part of the reason, was that I was given a lot of material at once and then had to try it out on my own later.  I never could read my notes from those sessions and I found it hard to follow on the computer screen what was being showed to me.  When I got stuck and I almost always did, I had nowhere to go for help so not only could I not do what I was being taught to do but also I was so far removed from the attempt the next time I had a consultation, I had to start all over again  No wonder they probably thought I was clueless.Woman-on-phone-at-computer-copy

I needed one-on-one interaction right at my own computer on my own sites so I could solve real problems that had been dogging me right away.  I got some good stuff that I wanted to try out right away before I forgot it and my consultant Michelle (how about that a woman tech for a woman user) let me break in the middle of the session to see if what she told me worked when I did it myself.  It did.  Then I reached the saturation point and asked if I could do the rest of the session (I had two hours) after I had a few days to absorb what she had shown me.  There was no problem.

It was a step by step set of instructions where I could correct my errors as I made them and could see a finished correct result.  We worked on my particular problems and I got information on the things that I didn’t already know.  There was no wasted time getting or giving the basics that I didn’t need.  I thought the rate was reasonable and worth every penny and wished I had found them sooner.  They certainly literally were the answer to my prayers for assistance.  I had tried every kind of resource and no one was familiar with what I was trying to do.  I even had computer classes at the local junior college in the past.  They were so unhelpful that I dropped out of an online course because I didn’t know what to do.computerconsulting

If you are a computer dropout like me who has barely struggled to get along in this high tech world, there are several software programs including Word Press (which I am using), Excell, and Powerpoint (among others) with which you can get expert help. Learning how to use a new program has never been easier.  See this list of programs on the TutorGrams webpage
They even taught me how to put this hyperlink in by myself.  No wasting time learning how to use a program you will never use or don’t need to know right now.

I am genuinely not computer literate and I wasn’t born into the electronic age, but I live there.  You know what I said about the word, “I can’t” phrase, it stops you in your tracks and you are never going to get anywhere if you constantly use it.  Maybe you will even hire someone to do some of this work for you; but wouldn’t it be nice to understand what they will be doing and to be able to see if it wrong?

"Let me see here,"

“Let me see here,”

I am a book person and have always felt that  I can get farther  faster and learn something in more detail with a book versus a DVR or a webcast or a CD.  Still there is usually no one-on-one interaction in these and definitely no real time practice.  Even if you get to ask questions, with a group you probably will only get one or two questions answered and the rest will either be over your head or something you already know or something that you don’t need to know about at the time  But books often don’t go far enough and/or assume you already know something you don’t and they can’t keep up with the changes to WordPress as they happen so often.  I know you techies are out there but you do know you have your own slang and often skip steps (maybe things you do automatically or unconsciously).  It is like what happens with instruction manuals.  They are written by the persons who don’t need them for the people who do.  Isn’t there something wrong here?

If I am going from Redbud, IL to Oak Park,IL near Chicago, IL, don’t start me at a city near Redbud (like St.Louis, MO) and drop me off  somewhere in Chicago and assume that I will get me where I am going.  Start at my level and take me to your level if that is where I need to go.  Go ahead write an instruction book but give it to some person like me who is going to use it and doesn’t know what you know to try it out.  I still can’t find in the manual included with my car how to change the time on the clock when the time changes.

Check This Fellow Out!

Check This Fellow Out!

Try TutorGrams.  It works the way you want it to work.  Check out TutorGrams if you would like one on one tutoring for software programs

 

 

 

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Writing Your Life History

painting 'Newspapers, Letters and Writing Impl...

painting ‘Newspapers, Letters and Writing Implements on a Wooden Board’ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing your life history can make it clear what the influences in your life have been and how they have effected you.  I did that the other day and realized when I read through it, it was mostly negative.  I was passing judgment on myself and my life and I wasn’t being kind.  I was telling the truth but I left out the good things that happened in my life.

Writing your life history can remake your present life either better or worse.  Focusing on all the bad things that happened to me like being depressed just made me more depressed.  There are two things you can do.  Remake your life story by telling it in a new and different way by focusing on the good things, your accomplishments, your blessings (especially the things you take for granted), and all the little (not so big) things people have done for you.  If you are lucky, you may already have written your life story this way.

Writing your life history and writing about what you would liked to have happened can create a new you.  Armed with your positive life story, you can recreate and develop the new you.  Who you might have been if things turned out differently.  What is holding you back from being that person now?  We are always in the present and often waste time bemoaning our past difficulties and worrying about the future which is not here yet.  Yes, it does pay to be prepared and to learn from your mistakes; but why belabor the topics of what if’s, might have been’s, and what could happen.  When we do this we lose sight of the present, we ignore the beauty of the world, the kindnesses that other people show us, and what we can do now.

Join me in this process by writing your life history and gaining some perspective on it.

 

 

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