There are some things a woman should look out for when establishing a new relationship with a man. Don’t believe that his last girlfriend or wife deserved to be labeled as the “bad” one in the relationship. Be careful if either you or he came from a family where violence was common or accepted if a woman or child did not do the right thing according to the man of the house. Be aware too that men or women can come from families where violence was common among the women of the family.
There is no real excuse for violence. When anger is considered “justified” because the person who is angry thinks that someone or something made him or her feel that way and that is enough to justify acting it out. This can lead to a very explosive situation. Add alcohol to this in some people and the situation becomes even worse.
Being the only man in the family, besides my elderly grandfather, my dad was called upon to “handle” his brother-in-law when he was in an alcoholic rage in order to protect my mom’s crippled sister and kids. My dad had been quite an athlete in his youth but this did not always help when my uncle was threatening them with a butcher knife. Also, my younger brother was still at home and had to witness this. I don’t think Police usually made domestic violence calls back then.
Women and children and even some men are not punching bags and it can leave a strong impression on some children even if they themselves don’t get hurt. “Don’t hit him; hit me” was a brave statement made by a sister when her brother got hit, not her. How helpless does a child feel when they watch their sibling or parent get hurt on purpose when the other parent has a “mad fit” and takes it out on him or her?
The witches (at least the bad ones) have gone and people don’t worry about curses being put upon them anymore or do they? When people put you down to make themselves feel better or to raise themselves above you, are they really putting a curse on you especially if you or those around you tend to believe them? The power in a curse is usually the strength that of the belief that the victim has in them.
Also, can putdowns be a form of domestic abuse? Yes, a person can be emotionally as well as physically abused leaving them browbeaten and powerless. Have you ever known a person who doesn’t ever seem to have something good to say about a family member and worse yet, other family members start to do it too.
Doing it to children is a heinous offense. They often do not have a way of knowing that it is not true and they believe it. Other family members, especially other children, will start to do it too. “Monkey see; monkey do” Also siblings seeing it done to a fellow sibling might think that they might be next so they keep the spotlight on their sibling’s faults and deficiencies.
It is not a good joke if the person who is the object of the joke doesn’t laugh at it too. When this happens to children, they are often reduced to tears. The perpetrators say they don’t know why the object of the joke doesn’t think it is funny and they label him or her a “bad sport.”
It is unfortunate that some people when bad things happen in order to explain unexplainable things they make connections that make themselves feel really guilty when they actually might not be so. Unfortunately, bad things happen over which we seemingly have no control. This especially happens when someone dies unexpectedly.
From an early age people often makes inaccurate connections between when something bad like this happens and something that they have done unfortunately when they did not know that the unexpected would happen.
This especially happens when someone is grieving and did not know before the person passed away that the person would die unexpectedly. Perhaps there was a family celebration that was not so happy because someone’s feelings got hurt. Being that we often have great expectations for such occasions, this often happens when things don’t meet our expectations and our feelings get hurt or we get mad about something.
Most people know that this will often blow over and be forgotten before the next big family celebration. Then something bad happens and the person blames his or herself for it happening or for not having treated the person who dies unexpectedly right!
A person’s sudden passing is upsetting enough without adding the factor in that one of the persons doing the grieving feels that he or she had a part in it which they now regret. The origin of this problem is often that the person who feels bad would rather they had something to do it rather than it happened for no reason or if by chance a person is not on good terms with the person who passes unexpected and now wishes that he or she had not been that way considering what happened later even though he or she didn’t know that would happen at that time.
It is important to forgive yourself like you should or would do for other people.It is, even more, important to do so if you realize that you had no intention to hurt the person that passed away as you thought this person would be around to make it up if necessary. Don’t blame yourself for something over which you have no control!
With what is going on in Europe now with boundary problems, it is getting more and more clear that having little or no boundaries makes them vulnerable to people who will take advantage of that.
You think you are a good person and that others are good people too. Not setting appropriate boundaries leaves you wide open to people who don’t think like you do. It also leaves you wide open when you should be setting boundaries like with children and people who work under your supervision. Are you the kind of parent or boss who often winds up picking up after their children and/or doing someone else’s work along with your own?
How long can you do this type of thing without feeling angry? “Read my lips” no more “nice” guy or girl. You also lose people’s respect too. I have grandchildren and I can tell who does and who does not set boundaries with the grandchildren by the children’s behavior. You are courting chaos when you don’t do this.
Righteous anger? Is that possible? Is it polite? When we continue to let people take advantage of us (and we know it) aren’t we lying? Isn’t this a “sin?” of omission? So this person or child takes advantage of us figuring we don’t really say what we mean.
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I just talked about fear and the biggest fear is of fear itself. If we don’t talk about things until one of us, either partner gets mad, then it is hard to overlook how bad it makes us feel and deal with the issues themselves.
I don’t know about you but my very sense of security can be threatened. It got this way in my first marriage and maybe if we had the fights that we did when we were divorcing all along, the marriage could have been better.
Not trusting your partner is very destructive in a relationship; especially not trusting them to make a fair compromise and to not penalize you for bringing something up that needs to be dealt with.
(CAUTION DEPRESSING CONTENT)
From my point of view:
It takes many things to create true depression. Genetics. My Mom and grandma had it. Also negative input creating insecurities and low self-esteem.
As a believer, could you hate yourself so much that you would want to commit suicide so that someone else would be saved.
This is beyond worthless. Somewhere, some how you got the idea that you couldn’t get anybody else’s approval including your own and every time something happened that you thought confirmed that you didn’t grieve the loss and go on. No, you were suicidal.
Depression and the sometimes resulting suicide are a dead end street. A depressed person feels rightly so that they go down that street alone and no one would or should miss them.
Depressing isn’t it.
Some say depression is anger turned inward. And when it boomerangs, the suicidal person can take someone or many someones with them. Depressing isn’t it.
The person committing suicide this way may feel that they will not die in vain that way and that other people will feel the pain they feel. I am not advocating this; but it can happen and people wonder why.
Lack of support, feeling isolated, unimportant combined with a chemical depression can be deadly especially if the person feels that they have no one and no where to express this any other way.
It can pass but like post-traumatic flashbacks can reoccur anytime without warning especially when a person is alone and vulnerable.
Handling depression takes a whole lot of support and these people feel that they do not get that. Some people hide this vulnerability just because they are vulnerable. It’s a “Catch 22.”
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