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Do Adults Bully Children In Their Own Families??

at least i'm not a bully

at least i’m not a bully (Photo credit: Miss Blackflag)

Do adults bully children in their own families?  Unfortunately, yes.  Making fun of someone, joking with them, is not humorous  if the person being teased gets upset.  Do we stop or this is this a signal to keep on going?  Building a child’s self-esteem is one of the most important functions of the family.

English: A Bully Free Zone sign - School in Be...

English: A Bully Free Zone sign – School in Berea, Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most children will get plenty of opportunities outside the family to be put down, bullied, and feel insignificant.  What downers!  But this doesn’t happen in my family!  Yes, it does and it is often ignored and not even noticed or the person gets away with it because the family member should be able to take a joke.  While this may be alright in adult company, it is not right in a family setting with vulnerable children with fragile egos.  Do you think making a three year old cry on purpose can be justified?

I have noticed that in this society we often do not notice what is going on around us and it is especially true in families.  We tend to do the same old thing over and over and nobody notices it.  They often say things like “I was just teasing (while repeating an unappreciated taunt).”  They follow this with comments like, “I don’t know why he or she cries so much?  He or she must be a crybaby?”

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version)

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love will keep us together.  Hugs and kisses, well earned complements, a smile in someone’s eyes or elsewhere on their face is priceless and does not cost anything to give.  They are free.  What are we thinking?  Is it that by bringing someone else down we are building ourselves up?  In this case are the means are justified by the end result.

What do you think if you see someone kill a baby rabbit out in the field just for the fun of it and then laughs?  Aren’t children just as vulnerable?  Especially when they don’t know as much as you do and don’t always understand what adults are talking about.

 

 

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Practice Makes Perfect Sense

Bullying

Bullying (Photo credits: www.mysecuritysign.com)

Practice makes perfect unfortunately sometimes.  People continue to think that obsessive preoccupation with playing violent video games is harmless because you don’t actually hurt someone and you get your aggression out.  As long as you fill your mind up with something and frequently rehearse doing it in your head, you will be more likely to do it in real life.  Bullying is like this.  Kids observe other kids doing this and it seems like fun and if you do it to someone else first than you will be less likely to be a victim.  Observation has shown you being a victim of bullying is no fun.  Sometimes it even generates laughter and favorable attention for the bully.  If you can’t beat them join them.  Young victims of sexual abuse may also go on to do it to other children.  Sometimes people go from being the victim to becoming the aggressor.

Practice makes perfect with manners.  Small children easily pick up manners when they have them modeled for them by adults and are encouraged to use them themselves.  “Please,” “Thank you,” and “You are welcome,” are encouraging to hear toddlers using in everyday life and help them to realize that people don’t demand things from others and when you give someone something,  you should do so graciously.  These same children that I have observed in real life are also being taught to share and to say, “I’m sorry,” when it is appropriate.  Initially these things have to be modeled for them and they have to be prompted to do them; but then later they occur spontaneously.  Children can learn to respect the feelings of others and in turn have their feelings respected by others.

practicemakesPractice makes perfect; but be careful what you practice doing.  This is how bad habits are made.  This is easily observable in people who use cuss words.  After so much repetitive use, these words come easily out of the person’s mouth.  Parents often realize this about themselves when they first have a young child who mimics everything they say.

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Thoughts For The Day

Bullying

Bullying (Photo credits: www.mysecuritysign.com)

Again, think for yourself.  Take what you can use and discard the rest.  I am only providing food for thought based on my learning and experience.  To each, his own conclusions.

Hypnosis can boost self-esteem so it is not fixed.  How do you fix it without hypnosis?  The most important person to love (and like as well) is you.  What does your inner voice (the thoughts that go through your mind) say?  Are there constant criticisms and “put downs.”  Some people judge themselves more harshly than they should.  How well do you treat yourself?  How you treat yourself can affect how others treat you.  How you treat others also reflects how you view yourself.

I was once asked to do research with mentally retarded adults; but I said, “No,” at that time.  Little did I know was that I would end up working with them anyway.   The biggest problem that I had was that I thought of them as having fewer skills and good qualities than a normal person.  I wondered if they were they were God’s mistakes?  I had a hard time accepting that God would make mistakes like that.   Later I came to the conclusion that we are all equal in God’s eyes (even if we couldn’t see how or why) and that any handicapped person is to be treated with the same respect and consideration as anyone else.

Lack of confidence in oneself can lead to bullying behavior as a constant reassurance that the person doing the bullying is better than the person being bullied.  Actually if a person has self-confidence and good self-esteem, they don’t need to prove it to others or themselves in this way.  At the very least, people with good self-esteem don’t look for people to be better than and they don’t have to point this out to others in the form of the judgments they make about other people.  Often these people are revealing by their criticisms of others what they fear others seeing as wrong with them.

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Forgive Yourself

If you forgive yourself, you can forgive others.  If you have a conscience and most of us do (even criminals), you are aware when you slip up.  Hopefully learning is a life long process and things that you might have done in the past, you wouldn’t do now.

You may have treated others badly in the past.  Perhaps you were just a child and you bullied or picked on another child just because everybody else was doing it and if you sided with the person being teased, you might get treated like them.  You realize now how badly you hurt this child.  You learned something and perhaps your behavior has changed because of this.  You might have realized that it was not the child’s fault  that he or she was bullied.  For example, no one chooses to be mentally retarded or poor.  When your behavior changes, it is time to forgive yourself and realize you were a child at the time.

Being a parent is a tough job for which we receive very little training and often undertake when we are very young and immature.  We often hopefully learn by experience.  We do things that when we look backward, we wish that we had neverEnglish: Bullying on IRFE in March 5, 2007, th...

done.  We deliberately had three children within a very short period of time because we did not have much time to do it as we were at the end of our thirties.  They were always fighting among themselves and when they weren’t doing this, they would gang up on the caregiver.  This was extremely frustrating and I would sometimes blow my top and  use my extensive vocabulary of swear words to express my feelings of frustration.  Fortunately they, as a group, would retreat to the farthest reaches of the house and wait for me to cool off.  I don’t cuss anymore and have often felt guilty for this until they told me that they didn’t take me too seriously when it happened and they had a way to escape my “wrath.” I didn’t used to like the picture that this gave of myself as a parent; but I have accepted it now and forgiven myself.

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