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The Word Ambiguity Is Ambiguous-Curious? Read This Post

Many people have difficulty tolerating ambiguity.  This may be just why our nation is so polarized right now between the left and the right, Trump haters and Trump supporters.

Actually, ambiguity is often the state of knowledge.  We just can’t get a clear picture of how things are and just when we do, we find out something new.  Young twenty-somes often do not feel comfortable with ambiguity and this is the reason why many of them are seduced into cults which claim that they have all the answers like Scientology.

Boundaries can be ambiguous

I am satisfied that I don’t know all the answers and that some answers will never be extremely clear although they may become clearer over time.  I believe that I don’t know all the answers and that I won’t know all the answers in this lifetime.  People who do not believe this way makes me very nervous as I don’t totally agree with everybody and everybody doesn’t agree totally with me.

College was the place where my fellow students were encouraged to disagree and to debate many points of view unlike most of the students of today who are reinforced for accepting the beliefs of certain professors who are deemed politically correct.

Gaining in knowledge should encourage surprises and new

Self-Styled Expert?

ideas not consistently reinforce all beliefs presented or taught.  Science should constantly explore and evaluate conclusions made from current experiments and past knowledge.  Many scientists often currently skip the phase where they develop a naturalistic understanding of the area of knowledge that they choose to evaluate.  This often involves acquiring personal experience which has been typical of anthropologists in the past who went out to live among a people that they proposed to study.  First-hand experience can sometimes be better than book-learning.

The Best Child-Expert

How many child psychologists have ever had first-hand experience bringing up children? or have spent time playing with them after they themselves have entered high school or college?  Getting down on the floor and participating in a child’s imaginary world is often different from observing and taking measurements from an experimental psychologist’s perspective.  I especially like to have the child have me draw a picture of an experience he or she has had.  Also, suits and ties and tight skirts and high heels get in the way of making these observations.

I once was a participant in setting up an experiment about snake phobia.  I was not

She appears SCARED!

particularly worried as I didn’t think actual snakes would be used even though I was snake phobic and didn’t tell people because they then would surprise me with one of the real snakes used in their experiments.  I knew that when I saw someone carrying a shoe box in the rooms where my fellow students had study carrels there usually was a snake in it and I would leave the room without saying anything.

After I was strapped into a recliner with leads for physiological responses in a room with no windows and the only door behind me, and shown slide pictures of snakes, I was told this was when the actual snake would be brought in a glass aquarium from behind me.  If this had happened, I (or any real snake phobic) would have gone “ape-shit” and that would have been the end of the experiment and the start of a lawsuit if I and/or they had survived.

No one knows everything and we never will.  We just have to live with ambiguity in our lives.  Concrete knowledge is desired and claimed by some, but can not usually be true in actual reality.

Is this Green?

Another supposedly concrete example of ambiguity is the spectrum of colors.  The is no such thing usually as a pure color and the changing fashions in fashion design and interior decorating illustrate this.  For example, a color of green that is fashionable in yarn for crocheting and knitting goes out of style and it goes on sale.  Someone making items from this yarn for sale at craft fairs might not get many buyers.  This color of green no longer is fashionable.  Or pick up an old or vintage handmade throw at a flea market and it might not go with the things you currently have where you plan to use it.  Did you know that the color green or other primary colors can be ambiguous?

Be Careful, Before You Make a Judgment, Or Form An Opinion

Looks like she loves making judgments!

 

 

 

Be careful before you form an opinion or make a judgment as you just might be wrong.  Do you have all the information?  Whose side are you on?  Does that distort your perspective?  Have you ever done this and found out later that you were wrong?  Remember the saying, “Don’t jump to conclusions?”

 

 

You Might Reveal Your Own Dirt!

The judgments that you make are pretty revealing not so much about the other person, but about you.  Do you really want to make that mistake and reveal that much about your own shortcomings and not the other person’s?  The common error that philanders often make is to accuse their spouse or significant other of running around on them.  The accusations that they make about the other person, reveal so much about them.  The details are often very descriptive about what is actually happening with them.  How else could they know so much about what happens in such relationships?

 

Prying Eyes

I once had a lady in church who accused me of not taking care of my kids and disrupting the service.  Her first thought was not to give me (my husband was not there) some help taking care of the kids, two toddlers, and a baby; but what a fine job she had done with her’s and how her children would never have disrupted a church service.  This is a kind of a mystery but it can be solved using the advice that I gave above.  What had she experienced bringing up her children that caused her to be so sensitive to the “misbehavior” of mine?

 

Needs Writer’s Block

Recent “fake” news often gives a one-sided story and jumps to conclusions before all the facts are in.  To top it off, they rarely publish a correction when more information becomes available.  Do you want to put yourself in that position?  Gossip 0r unsubstantiated conclusions can cause irreparable damage besides making you the teller look like a fool.  Or even revealing your own personal biases.  Rose-colored glasses often aren’t the ideal prescription for viewing life nor are dark colored lenses which are usable for sunny days only.

 

Where’s The Lottery Ticket?

A strong desire to be helpful can also get in the way of knowing the actual truth which can potentially turn out to be embarrassing.  Like famous people with publicity agents, families can often put out what they want the public to know about a family tragedy or life-changing event.  You could wind up with egg on your face if you initially take the initial “publicity release”  as the whole actual truth rather than what they want you to know for the time being.  A massive lottery win is often kept quiet so that the winners are not taken advantage of by opportunists.  Could you think of other examples?

 

This will make some juicy gossip for someone!

 

 

 

Don’t be so taken in by the desire to be in o the gossip that you make one of the above mistakes.  Better yet, wait until you know the truth.  Then you can decide whether to share it with anyone or do anything.  Of course, there are always emergencies where you must make split-second decisions without out all the information about what is going on.   This can be embarrassing if you make a mistake or horrific if you pass up this opportunity to help when time is of the essence.

 

Has the post made you think?  I hope so.  Can you think of any other occasions when these things might happen?

 

Quit Negating Yourself!

Ever say something to yourself about something you are wanting to have or do and immediately saying that it will never happen? and finish the job by saying Why it will never come to be?  I do.  Move over if you think you have ever done this, as I have done this too consistently.

Why you talk yourself right out of it and it doesn’t have a chance.  Do you read about positive thinking and affirmations but figure they wouldn’t work for you anyway.   And when they don’t work do you tell people that you tried but they don’t work for you and you have given up visualizations and vision boards.  It only works for Oprah!

Have you ever dreamed up a special dress for a special occasion and worked on the idea changing things here and there in order to make it perfect?  I planned and planned additions to my old house and yes we did use one of them.  Later I started looking at double wides and multitudes of floor plans even visited many different sites so I could see the actual thing.  Yes, I wound up with one when we had to move.

Now I feel frustrated because there are things about our doublewide now that I would like to fix. And my husband would like to add a garage-above ground storm shelter.  Now I know what worked for me so I am going to do research and make plans for the needed addition and changes to the house.  It still needs some windows replaced which on one occasion, I would like to change the old picture window for a bay window.

We often spend more time proving why something we want to do don’t work than we spend on why something could work.

Bullying The New Sport

(Rough Draft) As a victim of bullying, I have felt like the bull in the ring at a bullfight. Poked and prodded until he is exhausted, extremely angry, and unable to do anything about it but die.  There have been attempts to outlaw bullfights for humanitarian reasons, but they never get it done.

This seems to be the same way with bullying as the victim continues to suffer and is expected to fight back in his or her own defense against a more powerful foe or gang of bullies.  This seems to be shameful.  Where does it seem fair to gang up on someone like that who has no defenders and is seen as weak by his or her foes?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgBullying hurts.  It is not funny.  Doing this to a person who is already down.  If a group demands that you join them in bullying.  Remember it is a hate crime.  It can result in vicious mob behavior.  Sometimes persons who should be supervising this group, egg it on and join the “fun” instead.

Sometimes people create a separation between what they call just teasing and bullying.  They say it is all in fun and that the victim is thin skinned and needs to toughen up and to learn to take it without being a wimp.  These people do not see or care that the person’s self-image is being reinforced as negative when teased or name-calling.  Is it just in fun when the victim is being degraded and starts to carry around a nickname that is not flattering and really not funny to the victim?

rp_Send_It_On.pngHas overreaction to bullying and teasing that is not funny led to creating safe places and even offering play therapy where persons can go and take part if the behavior of others upsets them even though it is the right of others to have differing opinions and to share them in public.  Now have we created wimps like these?

Taking responsibility in dangerous or difficult situations can create a type of toughness and self-pride that does the person well in future situations where they must take charge of things or do something difficult.rp_1753458_5bbf0fa664_m.jpg

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I Am Free Of Judging Myself By Others

rp_374315433_150_150.jpgI just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think.  I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field.  I am free to be me finally.  Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions.  I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments  of me made by others.  I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.

Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself.  Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards.  Who am I?  Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences?  Make way for ME!  I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable.  Now can I trust my own judgment?

rp_362536218_150_150.jpgWould you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man.  I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts.  I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions almost offend me.  Am I right or wrong?  Or have I discovered music for myself?

Failures do not always define you.  Whose judgment are you relying on?  Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that.  This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you.  We all do not have the same tastes!

rp_363561405_150_150.jpgYou probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions.  For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat.  Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?

I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want.  Who am I actually?  Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?

Some Beliefs That Keep You Down

  1. control freak That you have to control others or they will control you.
  2. . That others can make you feel bad.
  3.   That many people in this society (including you) are of little value.
  4.    That only a dope gives to others not expecting to get anything in return.
  5.   That you have to be what you have been conditioned to be from birth.
  6.  That what  you see, hear, or perceive in any way must be the same as everybody else.
  7.  That the theories about life and the universe that others have are the only ways to view them.
  8. Sheep go where they are told to go, eat what is provided for them to eat, and ultimately give their lives so that somebody else doesn’t have to.
  9. That you are destined to be alone and you are lucky if you capture anybody’s attention, no matter how little and no matter how long.
  10. That those who think that they are supposed to control us, know more than we do.

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Attitude; Change Your Attitude, Change Your Perspective

Have you ever been told to change your attitude about something? For example, whether it is about “stay at home moms”, “homeschooling” or any subject up for discussion?

Have you ever thought about it this way?  Which comes first in this process, changing your attitude or changing your perspective?  Have you ever changed your attitude after you have changed your perspective? or vice versa?

rp_5617089955_d20fe0f1ab.jpgBecoming unsatisfied with the available public schools, might lead to you changing your mind about the appropriateness of homeschooling for your family.

Debate teams prepare to be able to defend both sides of a disputed issue and this prepares them to see the points of view or perspectives of both sides.  Lawyers often participate in debating in order to help them to be able to take both sides of a disputed issue such as “guilty” or “innocent” in court.

rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpgWe often jump to conclusions and staunchly take one side in an upcoming vote in our government.  Who do we prize? People who can change their minds when necessary and alter their perspective to do this or people who stick to “their guns” no matter what?

Gaining knowledge is a process of gathering information and evaluating the appropriateness of it as well as altering theories when necessary to fit new information.

Versus Bad Vibrations

Versus Bad Vibrations

Think of how science has changed when it comes to considering what matter and energy are made of.   Initially, it was atoms, neutrons, and protons.  Then it was found that matter and energy were interchangeable.  Now we focus upon waves of energy as the foundation of matter.

Yes, being too flexible can be inappropriate at times.  For example, you go to a car show where different car dealers are offering their latest models for sale and as you go from booth to booth or exhibit after exhibit, you find yourself constantly persuaded that the latest car offered is the best.

rp_6544823393_9183bdeff5_m.jpgIt may be that from one perspective, i.e. cost, one vehicle is the best; but from the perspective of safety, another car is the best.  Or the vehicle that might attract the younger crowd appeals to the man or woman in a mid-life crisis.

 

Do You Naturally Show Affection?

Do you show affection or is it awkward and uncomfortable if you do or someone else does it to you.  It has a lot to do with your upbringing.  My family background is German and there were few displays of affection while I was growing up and it remains awkward for me to do this even today.

rp_20070403_personal_space_comfort_zones.pngI have said, “Love you,” to some of my family members whom I truly love and they were shocked and didn’t know what to say.  I once tried to give my ailing father a hug and he froze.  Anger was easier to express in my family than affection.

Physical contact is an important part of showing affection.  We all need to be touched whether it is a back rub or physical contact like curling up on the couch to watch a movie with someone.

Warm Fuzzies-Cold PrickliesThere is a story about “warm fuzzies and cold pricklies” that illustrates that people need love and affection and can die without out it.  Due to an old witch, people got the idea that the amount of warm fuzzies that a person can give is limited and they were encouraged to use cold pricklies provided by the witch.

rp_344686278_150_150.jpgIn my family anger and criticisms were the cold pricklies that kept me alive.  Disappointment was sometimes used too.  The warm fuzzies were few and far between and they didn’t feel very warm.  They mostly were given at a distance as when I would show my Dad my new dress.

rp_342852690_150_150.jpgMassages of hands and feet can heal certain parts of the body according to Reflexology,  Hands are convenient to use as it doesn’t require removing any clothing.  Holding each others hands in a group as we pray or meditate or visualize something and the arms can be stretched out to put some space between people as they do this.

Could this affect someone’s sex life.  Very definitely so. With all the bands on physical touching in most places, people don’t get much chance to bond this way or offer support and reassurance this way.  Sexual relations can be life getting to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank

rp_272680378_bd063659bc_m.jpgSexual relations can be life-giving to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank You Mam.”  Is it manly to do a little making out to get ready for sex?

Pets often get more love and affection than the human family members and they know how to get it.  If love and affection are not encouraged when one is a child how can he or she display these things as an adult?

141167840521223colorfulgrandcanyonWhen I went to Sedona, I had the most beautiful massagre and I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable although I was undressed under a sheet.  I was not embarrassed when she touched me intimately in parts that I never had been caressed before.

Do you know that boys especially when they start to mature are considered too old for sissy things like displaying or receiving love and affection.  It is amazing that because of things like this, that we don’t wither on the vine.

Who? Me?

Have you ever tried to figure out who you really are?  I have and have usually wound up confused and/or have found myself wanting!

We need to accept ourselves and others as who we really are.  Studying to be a psychologist, I have studied many different theories of personalities which delineate many different types of personalities, describe them, tell how they originated, and how they affect what a person does.

For example, a person can be introverted or extroverted. Yet, I have found that I have been both at different times in my life.  I used to hide behind my mother’s skirts as a small child and now I more openly express myself and care less what other people think.  Now,  I am me and less likely to change that depending on what other people think.  I accept myself as I am unless I see a good reason to change it.

I also view myself as having found a way to judge myself as a person and have found ways that helped me to become that way.  I am, unfortunately, somewhat judgmental because of this which is something I don’t approve of generally and have trouble understanding why other people are different from me and why we don’t always agree or get along.

I also don’t understand why I am vulnerable to certain things and sometimes make the same mistakes over and over.  Now I think I do.  Many times in the past I have explored the metaphysical science of astrology and I have not been able to master it.  Yet, other people seem to do quite well with it and they can often answer with it the questions that I can’t seem to answer.

I have decided that I am going to explore something called “Human Design” by Karen Parker which is based on astrology, but seems to present it in a different way than I have been used to and possibly seems fertile.

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Knowledge, Experience, and Reasoning = Wisdom

rp_2269499855_31a018a8f6_m.jpgKnowledge and experience, combined with reasoning equal wisdom.

As much as we would sometimes like to, rotely learning material does not automatically generate people who can use the material.  Rote learning is good for learning things  that we must be able to recall quickly and what is learned rotely is different from person to person depending on what they do and what kind of information they need to have on hand.  A simple example is memorizing words and their meanings to give a person a good vocabulary that they will use every day.  This is true of what we call knowledge.

A person does a lot of learning when they are still little.  They generate theories with resulting hypotheses that they test out probably before they can talk.  Most adults reason with words, but children start learning how things work before they can talk.  I am sure science will find out just how this is done with or without words someday or may be studying it even now.

They also learn usually through rewards and punishments what ideas that they have about things work or don’t work.  Even animals learn this way although we used to think that animals had inborn instincts that determined what they would do or not do.  Instincts are definitely inborn probably because most animals have to be able to do some things for themselves at birth.rp_360159124_150_150.jpg

Everyone is an individual even before birth.  Their inborn DNA determines many of the strengths and weaknesses they might have.  Thus no child is exactly like one of their parents.  The problem is that sometimes one of the parents wants a child to do what they like to do; but the child was not born with the same abilities, the same brain, and/or bodies.  Thus such a desire can be doomed to failure and the child may receive the blame for not being able or wanting to do what the parent would like the child to do.  The child then often grows up to feel worthless in their parent’s eyes and to fail to develop as his or her individual self.

For example, my mother was the youngest of two girls (no boys) and while her older sister got to help with chores in the house, her father expected her to help him outside at the farm.  He wasn’t unreasonable but she was afraid of horses and while she was young everything was still done with horses.

Children are thinking and reasoning and planning for themselves long before their parents even know it.  Children can recognize different tones of voice, and facial expressions and body postures and how people react to determine if it is safe to do or not do something.  Sometimes the parents may say one thing and mean another.  How about telling a child to go give someone a kiss when the child can tell that either that person does not like them or their parent does not like the person.  Double bind?  Say one thing and do another?rp_3476636111_c551295ca4_m.jpg

We can learn not only from our own experiences we can also learn from other people’s experiences.  But sometimes other peoples conclusions or theories from these experiences may not fit into our understanding of things.  Eventually most parents want children to think for themselves and to be able to make good decisions so they can be independent  (parents usually die before children) and require less and less supervision.

Ultimately children should be able to think for themselves and to be able to evaluate what they have learned and experienced and change their bodies of knowledge some learned through the experiences of others and their theories about how the world works to fit new information.  Sometimes the information instead is changed or rejected because it doesn’t fit their theory.

Wisdom comes with time and having learned to be able to think for oneself as you have accumulated knowledge and experience.   Strange or new information can be frightening and it might be easier to reject it, but the cost, in the long run, is greater than if the person had worked it through even if it was scary or painful to do so.  Many people do this with physical problems and sometimes if they do do something, it can be too late.  Yes, we all have the right to make mistakes and sometimes we can learn from them; but fear of change or possible consequences can keep us from even trying to do  it.

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Have you been brainwashed as a child?

Colleges and universities used to be places where you could learn new things and try new ideas out.  It was supposed to be a safe place where things could be discussed freely and new ideas often tried out safely.  Professors could have different ideas about the way things should be; but there was open debate encouraged in classes.  Yes, you may have been expected to learn certain things especially in certain areas of work or professions because you were expected to know these tings to graduate and go on in your field or the college was not doing the job they were getting paid for.

Wisdom is usually obtained over time and there are things that are not learned through study or only by experiences in universities or medical or law schools.  Wisdom is also flavored by individuality and people’s individual tastes.  It never hurts to try something even though you think you might not like it.  I have had experiences that I might not been completely ready for that gave me strengths that I might not have been able to develop any other way.rp_300px-Little_girl_drawing_with_blue_pencil.jpg

You are never ready to do anything, but at some point you have to go ahead and do it because the time when you are completely ready might never come.  Wisdom truly comes from these experiences. I didn’t truly understand grief until my best friend, her unborn child, and her young daughter were killed in a traffic accident.

I may be older than you; but I might be wiser than you in many ways that is one of the reasons I write this blog.  Do I expect you to believe or learn from everything I write, no.  But it might it expose you to some information that would spur you to do or think differently in a way that would benefit you.

I also am a teacher and I have learned that students are all different especially in terms of the knowledge and experiences they come into class with.  They are also different in terms of their mindsets about learning.  This is especially true when it comes grade time.

Think for yourself.  Evaluate what you have learned just don’t accept something without thinking about it or testing it  if possible in real life.  There is a reason that all science classes includes laboratory sessions so the students can have experiences that they can relate to the material being presented in lectures.  This called critical thinking and it is something dictators don’t want people to do.