Have you ever been told to change your attitude about something? For example, whether it is about “stay at home moms”, “homeschooling” or any subject up for discussion?
Have you ever thought about it this way? Which comes first in this process, changing your attitude or changing your perspective? Have you ever changed your attitude after you have changed your perspective? or vice versa?
Debate teams prepare to be able to defend both sides of a disputed issue and this prepares them to see the points of view or perspectives of both sides. Lawyers often participate in debating in order to help them to be able to take both sides of a disputed issue such as “guilty” or “innocent” in court.
We often jump to conclusions and staunchly take one side in an upcoming vote in our government. Who do we prize? People who can change their minds when necessary and alter their perspective to do this or people who stick to “their guns” no matter what?
Gaining knowledge is a process of gathering information and evaluating the appropriateness of it as well as altering theories when necessary to fit new information.
Think of how science has changed when it comes to considering what matter and energy are made of. Initially, it was atoms, neutrons, and protons. Then it was found that matter and energy were interchangeable. Now we focus upon waves of energy as the foundation of matter.
Yes, being too flexible can be inappropriate at times. For example, you go to a car show where different car dealers are offering their latest models for sale and as you go from booth to booth or exhibit after exhibit, you find yourself constantly persuaded that the latest car offered is the best.
It may be that from one perspective, i.e. cost, one vehicle is the best; but from the perspective of safety, another car is the best. Or the vehicle that might attract the younger crowd appeals to the man or woman in a mid-life crisis.
Do you show affection or is it awkward and uncomfortable if you do or someone else does it to you. It has a lot to do with your upbringing. My family background is German and there were few displays of affection while I was growing up and it remains awkward for me to do this even today.
I have said, “Love you,” to some of my family members whom I truly love and they were shocked and didn’t know what to say. I once tried to give my ailing father a hug and he froze. Anger was easier to express in my family than affection.
Physical contact is an important part of showing affection. We all need to be touched whether it is a back rub or physical contact like curling up on the couch to watch a movie with someone.
There is a story about “warm fuzzies and cold pricklies” that illustrates that people need love and affection and can die without out it. Due to an old witch, people got the idea that the amount of warm fuzzies that a person can give is limited and they were encouraged to use cold pricklies provided by the witch.
In my family anger and criticisms were the cold pricklies that kept me alive. Disappointment was sometimes used too. The warm fuzzies were few and far between and they didn’t feel very warm. They mostly were given at a distance as when I would show my Dad my new dress.
Massages of hands and feet can heal certain parts of the body according to Reflexology, Hands are convenient to use as it doesn’t require removing any clothing. Holding each others hands in a group as we pray or meditate or visualize something and the arms can be stretched out to put some space between people as they do this.
Could this affect someone’s sex life. Very definitely so. With all the bands on physical touching in most places, people don’t get much chance to bond this way or offer support and reassurance this way. Sexual relations can be life getting to those involved; but not if it is,”Wham Bang; Thank
Pets often get more love and affection than the human family members and they know how to get it. If love and affection are not encouraged when one is a child how can he or she display these things as an adult?
When I went to Sedona, I had the most beautiful massagre and I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable although I was undressed under a sheet. I was not embarrassed when she touched me intimately in parts that I never had been caressed before.
Do you know that boys especially when they start to mature are considered too old for sissy things like displaying or receiving love and affection. It is amazing that because of things like this, that we don’t wither on the vine.
Have you ever tried to figure out who you really are? I have and have usually wound up confused and/or have found myself wanting!
We need to accept ourselves and others as who we really are. Studying to be a psychologist, I have studied many different theories of personalities which delineate many different types of personalities, describe them, tell how they originated, and how they affect what a person does.
For example, a person can be introverted or extroverted. Yet, I have found that I have been both at different times in my life. I used to hide behind my mother’s skirts as a small child and now I more openly express myself and care less what other people think. Now, I am me and less likely to change that depending on what other people think. I accept myself as I am unless I see a good reason to change it.
I also view myself as having found a way to judge myself as a person and have found ways that helped me to become that way. I am, unfortunately, somewhat judgmental because of this which is something I don’t approve of generally and have trouble understanding why other people are different from me and why we don’t always agree or get along.
I also don’t understand why I am vulnerable to certain things and sometimes make the same mistakes over and over. Now I think I do. Many times in the past I have explored the metaphysical science of astrology and I have not been able to master it. Yet, other people seem to do quite well with it and they can often answer with it the questions that I can’t seem to answer.
I have decided that I am going to explore something called “Human Design” by Karen Parker which is based on astrology, but seems to present it in a different way than I have been used to and possibly seems fertile.
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As much as we would sometimes like to, rotely learning material does not automatically generate people who can use the material. Rote learning is good for learning things that we must be able to recall quickly and what is learned rotely is different from person to person depending on what they do and what kind of information they need to have on hand. A simple example is memorizing words and their meanings to give a person a good vocabulary that they will use every day. This is true of what we call knowledge.
A person does a lot of learning when they are still little. They generate theories with resulting hypotheses that they test out probably before they can talk. Most adults reason with words, but children start learning how things work before they can talk. I am sure science will find out just how this is done with or without words someday or may be studying it even now.
They also learn usually through rewards and punishments what ideas that they have about things work or don’t work. Even animals learn this way although we used to think that animals had inborn instincts that determined what they would do or not do. Instincts are definitely inborn probably because most animals have to be able to do some things for themselves at birth.
Everyone is an individual even before birth. Their inborn DNA determines many of the strengths and weaknesses they might have. Thus no child is exactly like one of their parents. The problem is that sometimes one of the parents wants a child to do what they like to do; but the child was not born with the same abilities, the same brain, and/or bodies. Thus such a desire can be doomed to failure and the child may receive the blame for not being able or wanting to do what the parent would like the child to do. The child then often grows up to feel worthless in their parent’s eyes and to fail to develop as his or her individual self.
For example, my mother was the youngest of two girls (no boys) and while her older sister got to help with chores in the house, her father expected her to help him outside at the farm. He wasn’t unreasonable but she was afraid of horses and while she was young everything was still done with horses.
Children are thinking and reasoning and planning for themselves long before their parents even know it. Children can recognize different tones of voice, and facial expressions and body postures and how people react to determine if it is safe to do or not do something. Sometimes the parents may say one thing and mean another. How about telling a child to go give someone a kiss when the child can tell that either that person does not like them or their parent does not like the person. Double bind? Say one thing and do another?
We can learn not only from our own experiences we can also learn from other people’s experiences. But sometimes other peoples conclusions or theories from these experiences may not fit into our understanding of things. Eventually most parents want children to think for themselves and to be able to make good decisions so they can be independent (parents usually die before children) and require less and less supervision.
Ultimately children should be able to think for themselves and to be able to evaluate what they have learned and experienced and change their bodies of knowledge some learned through the experiences of others and their theories about how the world works to fit new information. Sometimes the information instead is changed or rejected because it doesn’t fit their theory.
Wisdom comes with time and having learned to be able to think for oneself as you have accumulated knowledge and experience. Strange or new information can be frightening and it might be easier to reject it, but the cost, in the long run, is greater than if the person had worked it through even if it was scary or painful to do so. Many people do this with physical problems and sometimes if they do do something, it can be too late. Yes, we all have the right to make mistakes and sometimes we can learn from them; but fear of change or possible consequences can keep us from even trying to do it.
Colleges and universities used to be places where you could learn new things and try new ideas out. It was supposed to be a safe place where things could be discussed freely and new ideas often tried out safely. Professors could have different ideas about the way things should be; but there was open debate encouraged in classes. Yes, you may have been expected to learn certain things especially in certain areas of work or professions because you were expected to know these tings to graduate and go on in your field or the college was not doing the job they were getting paid for.
Wisdom is usually obtained over time and there are things that are not learned through study or only by experiences in universities or medical or law schools. Wisdom is also flavored by individuality and people’s individual tastes. It never hurts to try something even though you think you might not like it. I have had experiences that I might not been completely ready for that gave me strengths that I might not have been able to develop any other way.
You are never ready to do anything, but at some point you have to go ahead and do it because the time when you are completely ready might never come. Wisdom truly comes from these experiences. I didn’t truly understand grief until my best friend, her unborn child, and her young daughter were killed in a traffic accident.
I may be older than you; but I might be wiser than you in many ways that is one of the reasons I write this blog. Do I expect you to believe or learn from everything I write, no. But it might it expose you to some information that would spur you to do or think differently in a way that would benefit you.
I also am a teacher and I have learned that students are all different especially in terms of the knowledge and experiences they come into class with. They are also different in terms of their mindsets about learning. This is especially true when it comes grade time.
Think for yourself. Evaluate what you have learned just don’t accept something without thinking about it or testing it if possible in real life. There is a reason that all science classes includes laboratory sessions so the students can have experiences that they can relate to the material being presented in lectures. This called critical thinking and it is something dictators don’t want people to do.
I just talked about fear and the biggest fear is of fear itself. If we don’t talk about things until one of us, either partner gets mad, then it is hard to overlook how bad it makes us feel and deal with the issues themselves.
I don’t know about you but my very sense of security can be threatened. It got this way in my first marriage and maybe if we had the fights that we did when we were divorcing all along, the marriage could have been better.
Not trusting your partner is very destructive in a relationship; especially not trusting them to make a fair compromise and to not penalize you for bringing something up that needs to be dealt with.
Progress in my life has often been scary and painful and I often did not work on solving problems because I didn’t want to face the pain involved. This is especially true in interpersonal situations. Do you think that the most progress is made when something is easy to do? Be honest with yourself….
Progress can not always be assured even when we face something painful and that is potentially painful too. Could we learn something? This is something that could realistically happen. Learning can be painful too especially when you have to give up all or part of a long-held belief system.
When confronted with new conflicting information about a belief that a person has long held, people can either reject the new information in some way or change it so it fits their paradigm. The other option is to change their belief system to fit the new information. This is what learning is all about.
Some people are not really looking for conflicting information as it makes them uncomfortable so they back away from confrontations. They think there always has to be a winner or a loser in a disagreement and they are programmed not to lose because it hurts too. Compromise is sometimes a new thing to some people because of this.
When people come to new understandings about things, they can both be winners. They understand each other better and can anticipate making better decisions without out so much potential “flack” from the other partner.
Why people can’t change:
1. They would have to admit they were wrong about something.
2. They might have to make some other changes too.
3. It would take too much time.
4. They are waiting for somebody else to change first.
5. They would have to admit that they wasted time or money doing the wrong thing.
6. They might have to admit that somebody else was right and they were wrong or too much pride and too much emphasis on winning some type of competition.
7. Having to be always right even if it kills you.
Why they should change:
1. To stop putting money down a rat hole.
2. To become an example for somebody else.
3. To stop wasting time defending why they can’t change.
4. To save more time and money after investing some current time and money making a change.
5. To stop having to hide some deficiency from others.
6. To learn something new.
In the long run there are great benefits: For example, learning to drive as an adult. Erased my dependency on others. Gave me freedom.