For example, when I want to ask a man a quick question while he is watching TV or on the phone, I am told to wait a minute which never comes. If I am doing something, a man expects that I should interrupt what I am doing tell him the information that he wants to know which usually also involves that I stop what I am doing and do it for him. However, I am expected to multitask and to not forget what I was doing or going to do to take care of something for him.
Another example, men have goals and aspirations that can take a good part of their time and of their disposable? income. Or else they think to themselves, what else am I working for? Women work to contribute to the family income and also to pay the childcare costs so they can work to do this. Certain hobbies and their accompanying expenses are considered necessary “man” things to do. Women like to look nice and to have a nice place to live which is not as important to men.
Women risk their lives and their health in order to reproduce while men usually think it is no big deal. Even if a woman chooses not to reproduce, it is still her responsibility. Also often there are men who like to have unprotected sex and who often do not see reproduction as their responsibility. Birth control and a woman’s menstrual cycle usually are two things women have to take care of and suffer from. Men often think that these are things a man does not have to be concerned about.
Also having children can create a great big stress on a woman’s body and under certain circumstances can kill a woman. Any woman who has been pregnant more than once including stillbirths and miscarriages, as well as live births, can tell you that they can all be different. Even I who had three children late in life seemingly uneventfully can tell that you that I could have lost my third child during birth and I didn’t know this til after she was born.
Some women don’t want to bother with being pregnant but still have to deal with mixed feelings about having an abortion and the often dangerous lack of skilled care at abortion clinics. On the man’s side is the possibility that when an abortion is involved, he may still want the child if the woman doesn’t!
Sometimes I think that some men can become so attached to their ideas and accomplishments that they can’t accept the idea that their ideas may no longer work with new discoveries being found and can stand in the way of necessary progress. Academia reinforces this with its publish or perish mandates necessary to obtain tenure. Women are more flexible and more able to see different points of view. Relationships for women are more important for women and often make up for the fact that they are less attached to a job or position or a theory.
To me, the slavery of the mind, body, and soul of others is the core belief of abuse. If I control you, I control all parts of you. Nothing that’s yours can escape me. The abuser is a dictator, a slave owner, a sovereign ruler. Perhaps even a god.
In spouse abuse, It’s usually the husband who controls, not only what the wife does or says, but also whom she associates with, her family and friends. In order to do this, the abuser isolates the victim and controls what assets the victim has access to if any. Usually the abuser is not satisfied with just controlling these things, but also the abuser wants to control the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of the victim.
Associated with the abuse is also a sense of low or zero self-worth on the part of the victim. The victim also has no rights and the victim depends on the abuser to meet his or her basic needs. Even what the needs are is often dictated by the abuser. If there are children involved (and there usually is), their ownership reverts to the abuser not the victim.
Thus it is difficult for the victim to get away from the abuser since the victim has little or no resources and often does not feel that he or she is strong enough to survive on their own.
When people grow up, they should develop both their masculine and feminine sides. This is often forgotten when a father has the desire to have a “real boy” and the son has anger issues because of his father wanting to have a “tough” kid and reinforcing such behaviors. Having softer feelings, being sentimental, and certainly not crying, are not encouraged by this type of father. Feminine girls are often handled in almost the completely opposite way. I definitely surprised my older brother in early grade school when I tore in to a kid that was beating up on him. Anger is often considered the appropriate emotion for boys and men to have when they are upset and in the same situation, girls are expected to cry. I was also brought up to believe that when a catastrophe occurs that women are supposed to make and serve coffee and sandwiches while men do the “real” work. You can guess that when the river was going to flood my college campus what I did. I filled sand bags.
Thus I found that as I grew up, that there were situations in which I had to take charge and do the right thing and I could not wait around for another person, especially a man, to come around and take charge for me. “The buck stops here,” was the new motto of the day. I learned that when something goes wrong and you are “it”, you can’t always wait for someone else to come and help do anything. I surprised myself by what I could do when I had to. Some of those times were my most valued experiences as I matured.
There are times when you (yes, you women) have to deal with dangerous situations and be very careful not to upset the apple cart. You might not be able to win if there was a physical fight but you can sometimes side step a dangerous confrontation by using your head. I am not suggesting that you put yourself purposefully in such a situation to prove yourself; but to remind you that it can happen. Using both the masculine and the feminine side is sometimes the best solution in such situations. We can’t always leave it to the men to take care of such problems and before I get in trouble, men can’t always leave it to the women when a women’s touch is needed.