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Centerpointe Research

The Builtin Judge

Only God Can Judge Me

Only God Can Judge Me (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Other people don’t have to judge us.  We judge ourselves.  We are so afraid of what other people think of us that we try to beat them to the punch.  “Oh, I look awful in this dress; I should have gotten my hair done.”  “I’m a lousy bowler;  I never should have agreed to go bowling.”

It is so terrifying to be disliked or reprimanded that we jump the gun and do it first.  This insulates us from the truth which might not be as terrifying as what we anticipate that others could say about us.  It makes it even more anxiety arousing when we do think we are going to hear the truth about what others think about us.

This is why many people have trouble accepting what other people say about them and often feel very misunderstood because of this.  They are constantly anticipating how someone else might react to something they did or said and when they are not accurate, they badger the other person into saying he or she didn’t really mean it or that he or she really saw it their way.  This type of situation never ends well.  They actually don’t change the other person’s mind and the relationship continues to be strained or is ended altogether.

People often wind up in group therapy because of this problem.  They say that they have had relationships broken off  by other people and they don’t understand why.  They were just kidding or the person couldn’t take a joke.  With the help of a therapist who can cushion the blow, the person is helped to accurately hear feedback from others about how they really come across.

 

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