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Monthly Archives: February 2013

Taking Responsibility

With great spending power comes great responsi...
With great spending power comes great responsibility (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With power, there is responsibility,  It can go to your head.  This sometimes happened to Kings in the Old Testament.  They thought that they could do anything that they wanted to do and had the power to carry it out. For example, there was the King who sent the husband of a woman he coveted into battle in a position where he was very vulnerable expecting that he would killed and leave the way clear for the King to have this man’s wife.  He abused his power.     They did not obey the law, they made the laws instead.  To whom much is given, much is expected.

On the other hand, there are people who didn’t expect to be in power, but when it happened, they rose to the occasion.  Everyone needs a little bit of humility, even the greatest of persons.  One endearing quality of  many saintly persons is that they are humble.  Even Jesus did not strive to be a king on earth.

If you acquire a position of responsibility on earth and/or access to personal wealth, don’t let it go to your head.  Don’t do things just because now you have the opportunity to do them and/or want to show others that you can (and they can’t).  Power and wealth are responsibilities and because you can do more, more is expected of you.

 

 

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What A Way To Go!

Paradise: Ascent of the Blessed

Paradise: Ascent of the Blessed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leaving this world happens in many ways.  Sudden death with unresolved issues is one of the worst.  Along with this is any anticipated death with unresolved issues that the dying person doesn’t get to deal with before they die, maybe because they are dying alone.  But when we keep in mind the needs of the dying, we can help them even if we are not family or close friends.  The person or persons who keep those who are near death company provide more than a needed service, they give of themselves.

A friend of mine has been taking the time to go and visit her friend’s mother in the hospital.  Both her friend’s mother and her friend’s husband are terminally ill and her friend can’t be with both people at once.  My friend’s husband is unhappy with her spending so much time with her friend’s mother.  Don’t you think she is providing a priceless gift of service to her friend and her friend’s mother?

When people are at the end of their life, they have to deal with so many challenges and are often neglected for patients who have a better prognosis.  Yes, we have the hospice movement, but there are people who fall through the gaps.  Have you read the story about a nursing home who had a cat that would come to a patient’s room when they were near death and stay with them.

 

 

 

 

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Are You Shoveling Somebody Else’s S–t?

Have you found yourself saying, “Why don’t you….?” and getting a”Yes, but ….” in reply?”   This scenario comes from a book called,”The Games People Play” by Erick Bernes, M. D.  The person actually doesn’t want a solution to his or her problem.  Consciously or unconsciously he or she is getting some kind of payoff by not changing.  You think that by helping your friend, you will be getting a needed boost to your self-esteem.  You are counting on that to be your payoff.  Part of the game is that nobody admits they are playing the game and that no mutually

The Games You Play

The Games You Play (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

satisfying solution is possible.  This game can be played over and over again with no successful conclusion.

The game can go even farther when you invest, not only time, but money and effort,  into this proposition.  You the helper gets mad and frustrated and the friend with the problem gets their feelings hurt when you do.

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Don’t Prime The Pump

Farmhouse

Farmhouse (Photo credit: mindy_g)

It was almost before my time, but in order to get water to come out, people had to prime the pump.  When someone is going to have a confrontation with someone about something, he or she often ruminates about it ahead of time.  This leads to increased anxiety about the upcoming meeting and/or angry feelings anticipating a negative outcome or emotionally upsetting interaction.  We all have mentally rehearsed not only what we are going to say in such a situation, but also what the other person or persons will have to say.  On top of this, a person may replay such interactions over and over in  their heads and think of ways that it could have happened differently if they or the other person had said or did something different.  However, sometimes it can be fruitful if it leads to a change in behavior or reaction that makes such an interchange more fruitful in the future.  Other times, it can have just the opposite result and it can be disastrous!  Take for example the following humorous? story that has made the rounds and which I have heard and then repeated in the past to make this point.  There was a salesman in a rural area who had a flat tire, but he did not have a jack so that he could change it.  The man did not feel very comfortable asking a farmer for the use of a jack because he thought that as a rule people who lived in this area did not like traveling salesmen.  It was a long walk from this man’s car to the nearest farm house and most of it was up hill.  As he walked up the slope he felt tireder and tireder and he became more and more pessimistic about his chances of borrowing a jack.  He kept running the anticipated potentially frustrating conversation over and over in his head and he became more and more angry as each version became worse and worse.  Finally he got to the door of the farm house, he knocked and the farmer came to the door and opened it.  Before the farmer could say anything, the salesman said, “You can keep your g– d— jack!”

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The Women Do All The Work And….

Non-commissioned Officer Parade at Fort Myer

Non-commissioned Officer Parade at Fort Myer (Photo credit: DVIDSHUB)

Undercover Boss (UK TV series)

Undercover Boss (UK TV series) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The women do all the work and the men get all the credit.  How many times has a boss said to a secretary, “Please write a letter to Bosworth telling him I am not interested in his offer and why,”  or “Order this month’s office supplies and make the invoice up for them.”

Whose paycheck reflects the value they are to the company?  How many times has a new boss came into the company who had to rely on his office staff to tell him what he had to do and how to do it?  About whom has it been said,”This place would fall part if she (or he?) weren’t here.”

Yes, sometimes the roles are reversed in a different way.  In the Vietnam war, how many college graduate newly commissioned officers had to rely on their noncom-missioned officers or troops to lead them into battle or be killed.

Life is unfair.  Who works the hardest and who gets to play golf on Thursdays? On top of this, these people may also have more responsibilities at home and/or have to work more than one job to survive than their bosses do.  See “Undercover boss” on television.

There are bosses who are worth their salt and underlyings that frequently fail to show up for work and don’t do what is expected of them.  There are people who work in fast food restaurants and in nursing homes who fail to show up to work their shifts and for whom the boss must find a replacements and even in some cases the boss his or her self has to take one of these shifts.

 

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The Marriage May Not End With The Divorce

Many people continue to have a quasi

Grounds for Divorce (song)

Grounds for Divorce (song) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

marital relationship with their ex-mate after the divorce has been filed or even after the divorce has been finalized.  It is difficult to break out of any familiar relationship especially one where you are used to depending upon another person to meet most of your needs whether for sex, companionship, financial support, emotional supp0ort, or socialization.  It is difficult to stop depending upon your ex-mate for one, some, or all of these needs.  Once a problem comes up, the first person that you might think of to help you would be your ex-mate or you might be the first person your ex-mate thinks of when he or she needs something.

The legal system does not take into account the fact that most relationships end gradually.  Most people involved in divorce actions do not follow the legal formalities exactly in ending their relationship.  Some people stop wearing their wedding rings and using their married names before the divorce is final and others do so long after it is final.  Some people separate and no longer live in the same house or apartment long before the divorce is final and others live together long after the divorce is final.

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Dreaming

English: Sweet dreams dreaming of snowhite and...

English: Sweet dreams dreaming of snowhite and the seven dwarves - painting by Franz Schrotzberg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everybody dreams; but some people don’t remember their dreams.  My sleeping partner would probably say that he doesn’t dream or that if he does dream, he doesn’t remember them.  I have woken up and found him acting out some kind of scenario complete with audible mutterings.    People who do remember their dreams are encouraged to record them immediately after they wake up.  There are many different systems of dream symbols for interpreting dreams.  The main problem  is that often symbols have different meanings for different people.

Dreams do seem to provide a service.  Otherwise, we wouldn’t dream.  It is also important that we spend a certain amount of our time asleep dreaming.  Animals appear to dream.  Most dog and cat owners would probably back this up.  Small children dream.

Some people say that they travel in their dreams and they are out of their body when they do it.  Flying or levitating in dreams is interpreted as supporting this idea.  People think that they can go places and see people who are either have passed away or who they have not seen in awhile.  At least they remember these people as showing up in their dreams.

Most people will agree that they have had nightmares, scary dreams, where they are in danger and try to escape, often unsuccessfully.  Sometimes dreams are accompanied by paralysis that appears to be permanent at the time where the sleeper is aware of his or her problem moving, but can not wake up and do anything about it.

Finally some people feel that there  is lucid dreaming where you are able to stay aware in your dream that you are dreaming and are able to control what happens in the dream.

 

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The Winner Takes All

Finding a man to ask you to marry him or getting a girl to say yes when you pop the question is not a winner takes all proposition.  It is not a competition although some see it as such.  Do you want to be a high maintenance trophy wife or a cougar?  Do you want to be a kept man or have a trophy wife.  This can be a losing proposition any way you take it.

Love is a give and take relationship, not a one-sided one.  If someone is doing all the taking, the giver might put some requirements on the marriage contract which the taker might not like and feel forced to comply with.  When something is begrudgingly given, the recipient is not getting a gift, but an obligation.

A good relationship is one where you can be yourself and be honest with your partner at the same time.  It’s a “magical” connection between two people where their hearts are involved.  Each one supports the other and helps them to be truely the person they were meant to be.

Trophy Wife Anniversary Cake

Trophy Wife Anniversary Cake (Photo credit: Kevin McShane)

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You Made Me Do It

Who me?   I don't think so....

Who me? I don't think so.... (Photo credit: The hills are alive)

Who me?  Take responsibility for my own actions?  If I get upset and have a meltdown, who’s going to take responsibility?  You hurt my feelings.  You made me mad!  If other people would just leave me alone.

Shovel your own biological residue.  I have not been assigned as your own personal whipping boy or girl.  Get me out of here before you explode.

Who shoulders the blame?  Does it make you uncomfortable to think you might have been a little at fault in the whole situation?

Drama queens!  Drama kings!  It is all about you.

Can you shoulder some responsibility for your actions?  If you take responsibility, then you should do something about it.

Getting upset can be a selfish action. Taking center stage away from the person who really has a problem and you can help if you weren’t so busy worrying about yourself.

Then there is the opposite side of the question.  You have a problem and somebody else could help you, but you refuse to let them.  You play martyr.  You are afraid to give up one bit of control.

Move over.  Get out of the way.  Let’s resolve the situation.  If you have to, have your pity party and get over it.  Move on.  Don’t do anymore damage than has already been done.  Control yourself.  Blow your top, but don’t take it to an extreme.

We spend more time being upset about a problem than we do solving it.  What can I do?  Oh, woe is me.  Take charge of yourself.  Let some fresh air in.  Go about it in the right way.

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Informal?

English: Woman in red tea-shirt and blue jeans...

English: Woman in red tea-shirt and blue jeans in Poland. Polski: W parku im. Stanisława Staszica (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The style of dress has become a lot more relaxed.  For example, how common is business causal?  Somehow a winter coat worn with short shorts on a February day in a Midwest doctor’s office by a man who is more than a little overweight is not very appealing.  Once upon a time a doctor’s visit meant a man would wear dress pants and a sports shirt and a woman would wear a dress or a skirt and blouse.  Going to church usually involved dressing up in a suit and tie for a man and a woman would wear a dress or a suit with heels, nylons, gloves, and a hat.  Now it means blue jeans and maybe even a tee shirt.

Now when appearing on TV, you still usually see suits and ties on men and dresses and 3 or 4 inch high heels on women.  Men are still fairly covered up, but women often wear sleeveless short dresses that ride up far above the knee with plunging necklines.  It looks like the woman wearing these would be fighting a constant battle with her clothes to keep from revealing parts of the body which most people used to keep covered by underwear.   Also the women are gorgeous; men, not so much.

Have you paid any attention to what people wear to court?  Lawyers and judges still dress appropriately and their dress shows their respect for the law; but other people coming to court appear to not be so concerned with how they look.  It seems that respect can be shown by our appearance whether it is at a formal function, a business meeting, or a job interview.  First impressions do count.

Gentleman wearing bowler hat and three-piece suit

Gentleman wearing bowler hat and three-piece suit (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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