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Monthly Archives: December 2016

Life Doesn’t Come With An Instruction Book

(Rough, rough Draft)  Life doesn’t come with an instruction book even though you deserve one.  You have to write your own.  Many people spend most of their lives looking for ones that are already written.  But they are no perfect matches.  Each person is unique.  You might try on several different lifestyles that are recommended to you or that you admire, but you usually never find one that fits perfectly.

Clothes used to be tailored or created with the help of a dressmaker.  I remember patterns that came with places where you might make the pattern smaller or larger.  Some people even had a dress form that could be adjusted and a dress could be fitted over it to create a perfect fit.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the style of life that you pick could be adjusted that way?  I found it difficult to find my place as a psychologist when I was around other psychologists in my training that were quite different from me.  Not only was it hard for me to model myself after them as a psychologist but also these model psychologists ended up being quite critical of me and I had difficulty making myself like them.

If I did find a psychologist or psychiatrist or other mental health practitioner that I did want to model myself after, I often was too hard on myself.  I could not understand that my talents were only emerging and I was judging myself by professionals that were much further along in their professional careers. I tried really hard and basically succeeded but I didn’t really learn who I was and I continued to do this on into my professional life.  I really didn’t know who I was and because of

I tried really hard and basically succeeded, but I didn’t really learn who I was and I continued to do this on into my professional life. Because of this, I had trouble succeeding and meeting other people’s expectations.  I continued to work really hard and felt that I was just not ever going to be a success.

Eventually, I got into the areas of self-help and spirituality and read whatever I could find about out them and attended workshops in these areas when I could find them.  Again I felt that I wasn’t making progress in these areas either even though they fascinated me.  I didn’t know it at the time that these things were a personal experience and different for each person involved.

It wasn’t until I approached the areas of different types of learning that I found out that I was a different type of thinker.  I am a creative type of person who has to do something first.  I can’t tell you what I am going to do before I do it.  I often don’t know what I am going to do before I have done it.  I can explain what I have done and organize what I did after the fact instead of before the fact.

I am left-handed and am right-brained instead of left brained.  I find it easier to do whatever it is that I am going to do and then answer questions about what I did and how and why I did it.  For example, I am very good at interviewing people and getting information out of them; but the best way to show other people what I do when I am interviewing is to do it behind a one-way mirror and answer the audience’s questions afterward.

Gee, I wish I had known this about myself much earlier in life and had not passed up opportunities to develop myself in areas where I could have been quite creative if I had continued to develop my talents.  A couple of areas are hypnosis,  interpretation of drawings and the use of drawing in children’s therapy.  I also found out that I can sing quite well if I don’t feel self-conscious and I sing songs interpretively that just seem to have stuck in my head without an accompanist.  (I guess I can’t pick a key and I haven’t found an accompanist that can shadow me.)  I was never able to take voice lessons although I had sung in

I have now found out that I can sing quite well if I don’t feel self-conscious and I sing songs interpretively that just seem to have stuck in my memory without an accompanist.  (I guess I can’t pick a key and I haven’t found an accompanist that can shadow me.)

I was never able to take voice lessons although I had sung in choirs at school and in church.  I now think that might have made me worse instead of better.  I found that when I was in college that the voice majors were all quite technically accomplished and that I couldn’t compete with them and do what they did.  Now I do my own thing and I can do it quite well if I am not afraid to be me.


Bullying The New Sport

(Rough Draft) As a victim of bullying, I have felt like the bull in the ring at a bullfight. Poked and prodded until he is exhausted, extremely angry, and unable to do anything about it but die.  There have been attempts to outlaw bullfights for humanitarian reasons, but they never get it done.

This seems to be the same way with bullying as the victim continues to suffer and is expected to fight back in his or her own defense against a more powerful foe or gang of bullies.  This seems to be shameful.  Where does it seem fair to gang up on someone like that who has no defenders and is seen as weak by his or her foes?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgBullying hurts.  It is not funny.  Doing this to a person who is already down.  If a group demands that you join them in bullying.  Remember it is a hate crime.  It can result in vicious mob behavior.  Sometimes persons who should be supervising this group, egg it on and join the “fun” instead.

Sometimes people create a separation between what they call just teasing and bullying.  They say it is all in fun and that the victim is thin skinned and needs to toughen up and to learn to take it without being a wimp.  These people do not see or care that the person’s self-image is being reinforced as negative when teased or name-calling.  Is it just in fun when the victim is being degraded and starts to carry around a nickname that is not flattering and really not funny to the victim?

rp_Send_It_On.pngHas overreaction to bullying and teasing that is not funny led to creating safe places and even offering play therapy where persons can go and take part if the behavior of others upsets them even though it is the right of others to have differing opinions and to share them in public.  Now have we created wimps like these?

Taking responsibility in dangerous or difficult situations can create a type of toughness and self-pride that does the person well in future situations where they must take charge of things or do something difficult.rp_1753458_5bbf0fa664_m.jpg

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Children Are Our Most Precious Resource, Don’t Waste Them

rp_3692285331_9043cf7c46_m.jpg Children are our most precious resource.  Don’t waste them.  This subject is worth repeating.  They need love and affection to thrive.  Good self-esteem is a must for all children to have.  Nor should they lack support.  Enough food and drink so they can grow and be healthy and not be hungry.  These needs are often not met during weekends or in the summer.  For some kids, all the food they get is in school.  How can one study and learn when they are hungry?  Security and safety are another need.  Children should not be afraid or the innocent victims of crime.  Adequate housing helps meeting these needs. Don’t forget adequate schools that can meet these needs too. 

Finally and still important is an education on the rights of people,  the rules we need to respect so that we can all get along, and the development of an inner sense of right and wrong.  History is a necessary  part of education so we don’t make past mistakes and so that we can also learn from past successes.  Children also need protection so that they are not used only to satisfy other people’s needs when it is not in their best interest.rp_6250513028_b874eef6f1_m.jpg

Parents or parent substitutes can be valuable assets to our culture.  Those who take on the responsibility of providing for  their or other children’s needs.  Support is often provided for those parents who fail but not for those who want to succeed at doing this.  Laws should be created and adjudicated with the child’s rights in mind.  Children are not property and are individuals with innate rights.  Custody determinations often forget this.  I know of one county court system that penalizes the worst of their judges by having them do custody cases.  Yuck!!!  Children are not property!

When Is Reassurance Necessary?

Once a child forms an attachment to an appropriate parental figure, it should not be broken unless abuse occurs.  Natural parents should not be allowed to slip in and out of a child’s life threatening his or her security and sense of trust.  Often such unattached children will attach themselves to anybody almost instantly as he or she is so needy.


First Shack Ups, Now Hook Ups

rp_376058047_150_150.jpgHookups (having sex with someone you don’t know and might never see again just to have a sexual climax or orgasm.)

First shack ups, now hookups, distancing ourselves, avoiding any real connections.  How can you lose someone when you never really had them?  Avoiding feeling close to someone with whom you perform an intimate act seems to be worse than two people moving in together without any commitment.

Hookups seem like pornography.  How can you mechanically have sex without caring about the other person or feeling close to him or her and have a real life emotional experience?  Sex without responsibility still has consequences.  Sexual diseases and pregnancies can be the unwanted consequences.

Society seems to want to have life without any responsibilities, any form of commitment.  Respect, honor, responsibility all seem to be avoided in this way.  Yet these are the things that make life real.  With these things come pain, courage, glory, and honor.  These real experiences help us learn how to cope with life especially when we experience a loss possibly through no fault of our own.

My best learning experiences often occurred when I thought I was going to fail and initially did not know what to do next.  I had to do something out of the box in order to get out of the box.  I had to give some of myself, something that I didn’t know I had, and risk failure and disappointment.  For me, being intelligent could not always ensure I could win the competition.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained?