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Monthly Archives: January 2019

I Thought It Was Just Me!

Somebody can be mean to you and can also convince you that you deserved it. Is this just bullying or can it be more sophisticated than that? Saying things like “This is for your own good or I wouldn’t be telling you this”. Some people saying they are just being helpful then why does it hurt so much? and if this is just to help you, why does it hurt so bad? Why as a result do you feel so shameful and like you shouldn’t go out till after dark? It seems like that everything you do out of what you think is kindness is taken the wrong way.

Don’t take this the wrong way if you really are just being helpful but if you are bullying then these comments are not so helpful and you are not just being kind. Then it is not just me. What is the long term gain of these behaviors? Do you wind up feeling better than the person you help in this way in some way? Do you feel it is important for the person that you are criticizing for their own good to feel shameful in some way? Then if not just shameful then guilty. Women are much better at playing this game than men. Men who just as soon just go ahead and hit you and leave your self-esteem alone.

Is feeling shame is less upsetting than having a black eye? Probably not at least to women. Now don’t go ahead and take this wrong way and let it justify physical abuse of women as if a slap or punch feels better than a “God D–n you Bitch”. Mental and emotional abuse are still forms of abuse. What do you get out of having the privilege of correcting someone? If you get any privilege or satisfaction out of it, maybe you aren’t doing it for the person’s own good?

What does it mean when someone says that a guy who is physically or verbally abused should take it like a man? When this is done to a woman should she take it like a woman? What does that mean? Does it mean that no matter how mean and nasty the lecture that the woman should turn around and apologize for something that they didn’t know was wrong? It is always for their own good. Then why does it feel so bad to them? How come it hit them broadside and maybe they feel that they didn’t see it coming.

How come the person doing it feels such relief after they let the other person have it? Worse yet maybe it rick-o-shayed and something hurtful just bounced off the speaker’s back and on to the back of the “victim”. For example, the man has a fight with his wife and then kicks the cat on the way out while grumbling at the cat that it was in his way. The perpetrator can be extremely dense and not see the relationship between being mad about something with somebody and taking it out on somebody else. Road rage often is the result of this as the person overacts at some slight offense on the road out of proportion to what really happened.

In the distant past, I used to get very critical letters from someone about my parenting skills. I didn’t realize at the time that this was happening. It is a form of scapegoating and the other person makes you feel bad so they can feel better. It is something like receiving a bomb like one of those exploding sacks dropped on your porch with poop in it. The problem is the size of the bomb and the length of the bombardment. There is no chance to recover as the bomb blasts come one right after the
other. If there is no bomb shelter, then you cover your ears and close your mouth and put your arms around yourself so as to make as little a target as possible. Also, it is not difficult to appear normal or better than normal for the bombardier when around other people after the blasts are over.

Opinions Are Usually Based On Assumptions, Not Facts

This is an opinion piece based on what I think about a particular topic; but often these days people write on a topic giving their opinions about a topic, not a presentation of and an analysis of the facts about a given subject. This means a presentation is often one-sided and gives a person’s particular point of view about a topic. For example, all border walls are bad. They prevent good people from coming to America to start life over after escaping from economically deprived countries or ones whose governments they don’t support and they often point out the saying on the Statue of Liberty to support these people’s right to do this.

What the idea about that doing this presents an open pathway for criminals to enter our country and an invitation for people to come and get free health care, education, and food that many actual citizens are not able to get. Thus many presentations of public opinion leave certain facts out. Finally, many people who come into our country this way without screening and many may not want to live according to our laws and values especially as treated by the declaration of independence. For example, the mutualization of young girls female parts and child marriage between young girls and grown men without consent is promoted by some cultures.

Also, many people who promote this, do not expect to have to live under these conditions. How about men who cross open borders in Europe and who perceive young unaccompanied women in casual dress which exposes some of their body parts such as their faces or legs as open targets for rape and who do not expect to get arrested and prosecuted for this.

Update On Security Modes

Sometimes we have security modes that go into action in desperate situations when we feel we have no way to deal with a situation and we think that others on whom we depend will desert us in a crisis situation we did not know existed but others thought we should know did exist. The first mode is to run away and to not notify others where we are going when we are confused and shattered. We are actually seeking someone who would understand us and support us in our crisis. Also at this point, we feel that the weight of everything is upon us.

When I was a child, I would cry my heart out whether I was at school or in my room at home. Of course, there was no one available to hold me while I cried and to support me in my crisis. The result was that I was all alone in my crisis.

As an adult when this occurs, the result is very much the same. Then there seems to be only one more thing that can be done if nothing happens to support me and this is to forget the whole thing. This is why those people who insult or assault me in this way thing think that I didn’t listen and that it didn’t affect me in any way and that I didn’t care.

The worst insult when I am left with no way out and threats are made that will affect my security if I try to question what they said and/or go to other people involved for help. There is no way out that is why I seem to have the two alternatives listed above. That is why people involved think that I don’t care especially if I seem to have forgotten the incident.

What are your security modes? I recently read about Shame shields which she to be one type of security modes: anger, forgetting, silence, or shame (feel bad as if you did something wrong and must apologize). These are all ways of dealing with apparent life-threatening danger.

Make my loved ones detach from me as the person who is upset with me has more control over that person. Make me seem like an evil person because I am supposedly doing what they are accusing me of doing and keep other people involved from supporting me because of that. They accept no guilt for the situation. In fact t

In school when this happened when I was shamed by the teachers, I had no place to go or no one to run to. My parents, if they knew, would not take my side or cuddle me or support me. So I kept it secret and threw away the teacher’s notes. Even today I feel I should keep it secret as no one would understand me, support me, or believe me.