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Monthly Archives: March 2021

My Shopping Addiction

Having had my debts consolidated at least three times; you might have thought that I would have learned something.  Not true.  I lose track of how much money I have left in the bank; having a credit card can make it easy to put off paying for an item.  Then I  also didn’t share my problem with my family.  I was ashamed and also sneaky.  It was my problem so I had to solve it.

Since then I have learned that I was bipolar and just before that I finally admitted to myself that I have a shopping addiction and that it was uncontrollable on my own.  I also wondered how my bipolar disorder contributed to my shopping addiction.  Which came first the chicken or the egg?  The bipolar disorder or the shopping addiction?

Did the problem of keeping things in proper order cause my shopping disorder or did my desire to have stuff and not being responsible about how to pay for it?  I see something as being neat to have now and not worrying about do I have the money to pay for it without going over my bank balance and getting an overdraft fee or crating a load of debt on my credit cards with exorbitant interest.

I did not share this problem with my family as I wanted to solve this embarrassing problem myself and I didn’t want to hear the bad things they might have to say about me.  I was afraid that they might kick me out into the street.  They might talk to themselves about me and be friendly with one another but not me.  It was different than that.  They did gang up on me and I felt bad and they managed things exceedingly well and did things on the phone and on the computer that would have been hard for me to do.  I thought that they might kick me out of the family and have nothing good to say to me again but it didn’t happen.  They talked to me more easily and I could be more open with them.

I am still loaded up with paperwork, but I do feel some relief.  I admitted that I still wanted to publish my book but I said I would stick to the amount of money I originally gave to my publishers.  So I don’t have to sneak around to do it.  Everyday Psychology for Everyday People contains some of the posts that I have made on this website: but there is still plenty of material for more books, but let’s see how this one does first.  It is called, Everyday Psychology For Everyday People.

I am writing a follow-up on this post as I have more to say.  I will talk more specifically about what attracts people to different types of shopping addictions or just plain straight addictions.

Conversion Reaction And Bipolar Disorder

.This seems to be an odd combination, but it seems to have appeared in me. It seems to me that I don’t want it to happen, but it does. It happens when I most need to be independent. Conversion reactions are a physical reaction that happens and it handicaps the person it affects. It could be hysterical blindness or a person becomes deaf or incredibly weak. The person affected is panicked by the sudden handicap and does not immediately appear to receive any benefit from the physical problems A person can even become mute. I develop a sudden weakness which leaves me liable for injury from a fall.

The only benefit that I might receive is help. I feel helpless and fear that I might injure myself. This situation is incredibly dangerous and doesn’t seem to benefit me at all. The only explanation I might have is the lack of help around the house when I do things that are scary and/or painful without any help from someone else. When these incidents happen in front of someone else, I get help even though I am scared at the same time.

I don’t think that this combination of bipolar disorder and conversion reaction is very common in persons with bipolar disorder like I have. When I get weak I get very panicky. I am very afraid that I will fall. I want a wheelchair for safety. Honestly I have fallen and hurt myself so there is a reason why I would be very afraid. Those with conversion reactions like have may be avoiding the fear of falling. However, persons with conversion reaction are usually may be seeking a =ttention and not so much being afraid of falling.

Hallucinations Can Lead To Delusions in Bipolar Disorder

She appears SCARED!

If you think someone said, “I love you” or “I hate you”n you then might think that they were expressing their love for your they were expressing their hatred for you. Then you might avoid them in the first case or you might want to express your affection by saying, “I love you” back. How embarrassing this could be. Once you know that this could happen in bipolar, you might become more cautious. This has to do with auditory hallucinations. Visual Hallucinations are more likely to be scary. I tend to have these in my bedroom at night. Sometimes I see black lace as if it were covering my eyes with a film. This to me is more fascinating than scary. But when it appeared as if the wall curved across the room from me, It was scary and I pulled my covers over my eyes and went to sleep after saying my prayers just in case.

Now when I think that someone says something unusual, I hold my tongue and see if the person says something similar to what they said before. Once I saw a scary face on top of my therapist’s face. I told him about this at a later session because I didn’t want him to think of me as crazy. Hallucinations can lead to delusions. I might have thought my therapist was a secret space alien.

Shadow monsters are another category of hallucinations. For example, a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor might look like a sleeping cat until you take a second look. this leads to some self-examination whenever you see or hear something unusual or something that is not validated by the perceptions of others
My perception of these types of hallucinations came slowly as I had not had hallucinations which I actually called hallucinations in the past. Could dreams too that I thought I had had had really been hallucinations? I once had a lucid? dream about an evil servant of the devil actually having nonconsensual sex with me. Could some dreams actually be hallucinations? Contributing to this is the fact I frequently am a lucid dreamer where I actually take part in my dreams.