Arguments And Fear Of Upset Feelings
Last time I was writing about fear, and how the fear we should worry about most is the fear of fear itself. When two people put off talking about what's bothering them, the conversation usually doesn't start until somebody loses their temper. By then the anger sits on top of everything, and it's almost impossible to look past how awful it feels to actually sort out what went wrong.
Maybe you're different, but for me that kind of tension can shake my whole sense of being safe. That's what happened in my first marriage. I've wondered since then whether things might have gone another way if we'd had the hard arguments earlier, the ones we finally had while we were splitting up, instead of saving them all for the end.
Mistrust eats away at a relationship. The worst version is when you can't count on your partner to meet you halfway, or when part of you expects to be punished simply for raising something that has to be talked about.