Being Grateful to Those You May Hate
It is easy to fixate on the harm someone caused us and let that erase everything else. We replay the hurt, catalog the wrongs, and somehow the good parts of the relationship vanish from memory. Almost no connection is purely bad, yet once it falls apart we often rewrite it that way, as if the whole thing had been a mistake from the start.
Try writing down the kind things that person did. The ex-spouse, the friend you no longer speak to, the parent you call abusive: give each of them a list of their better moments. Keep it somewhere you can reach it on the days when your mood sours and your brain will only serve up grievances. None of this means pretending real danger never happened, and it does not mean praising favors that were only done to put you in someone's debt so you would feel obligated later.
There was almost certainly a stretch when things felt right between you, or you would never have stayed. That is worth some appreciation. Picture how different your feelings might be if the relationship had held together, or if you had been able to speak openly with a parent before they were gone. You might find yourself tallying up what you were lucky to have instead of what you lost.
The good memories are rarely dramatic. Spreading butter and sugar on a slice of plain white bread as a small indulgence. Picking out a pet you both came to love. Splitting the housework, and the other person quietly taking on the one chore you could not stand.
Chasing revenge keeps you stuck in the ugliest footage on a loop. Dwelling on what they did wrong just feeds your own misery.
Turn your attention toward these relationships and try, even if only in your own head, to patch things up. For anyone who believes in reincarnation, the thought goes that you might settle some of your karma with these people now rather than carrying it into another life.