Bullying: The New Sport

Having been on the receiving end of bullying, I know the feeling of the bull in the arena. Jabbed and chased in circles, worn to the bone, furious with nowhere to put the fury, and left with no option that ends well. People have tried for years to ban bullfights on grounds of simple decency. Somehow the bans never stick.

The parallel to bullying holds. The person being targeted keeps absorbing the damage while everyone around expects that person to stand up alone against someone stronger, or against a pack. There's shame in that expectation. What makes it acceptable to surround a person who has no one in their corner and who has already been branded as weak?

It causes real injury. It is not comedy, especially when the target is already struggling. And when a group leans on you to pile on with them, understand what that is: a hate crime. It can tip into ugly mob behavior fast. The worst version is when an adult who is supposed to be keeping order cheers it along, or steps in to take part.

A line often gets drawn between what people call teasing and what they'll admit is bullying. It's harmless, they'll say, the kid is too sensitive, needs thicker skin, has to learn to swallow it without whining. They miss, or don't bother to notice, that every round of name-calling writes another line into how that person sees themselves, and the line is negative. Is it still a joke when someone is picked apart and ends up stuck with a nickname that stings, a nickname the person carrying it never found funny?

There's another side worth sitting with. We've reacted to teasing and cruelty by building safe rooms and arranging play therapy, places a person can retreat to whenever someone else's behavior bothers them, even though people are entitled to hold opinions that differ and to say them out loud. I wonder whether, in doing that, we've raised a crop of people who fold at the first pressure.

There's something gained from facing the hard or frightening moment and owning it. A kind of durability, a quiet pride, that carries forward into the times a person has to take the lead or push through something unpleasant.

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