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Robin William’s Suicide, Completely Misunderstood!

(No media have been added because to do so might  make light of this tragedy by focusing on the “clown” not the person.)

Laugh clown, laugh.  Could it be that comedians and persons with depression who commit suicide are some of the most misunderstood people in the world.

We all enjoy laughter.  It has even been proven scientifically to help people fight cancer.  Why do we laugh when others put themselves down?  Why do we laugh when we put ourselves down or worse yet why do others put us down and expect us to laugh about it?

What people don’t realize is that if people feel threatened enough to put us down that we may be more powerful and talented than we think.  Otherwise why we would be seen as such a threat?

Things people say about us create mind chatter.  It may even have a little truth in it.   Also most of us  believe it is better to laugh than to cry.  But why would someone who loves us do this to us anyway?

Have you ever been told that you don’t have a sense of humor when other people make jokes about you at your expense.  Maybe it is a way for comedians to control being put down this when they make fun of themselves.  Other comedians ridicule others to get the same thing.

Deep underneath what does it do to one’s self-esteem?  As the thoughtless mind chatter is repeated over and over, it can become the truth at least from our point of view and maybe others too.  Ridicule is not funny and eats at your insides.  It is worse enough when others do it to you but what about when you do it to yourslelf.  Traitor!

When you get real good at it, how can you stop yourself when other people begin to expect that you will put your show on any time, any place.  Can you imagine a comedian at his or her spouse’s funeral making a joke of it.  I can. What a Sad Sack.

If you get recognition and also re-numeration for it; it must be be worthwhile  and it often becomes who you are.  Then why are you so unhappy?  Why would you commit suicide to get out of the situation?  You can’t or shouldn’t always take work home with you; but comedians do.  On top of that no one wants to cry with you when all they expected from was a few good laughs.

Imagine a prostitute who doesn’t enjoy her work.  Doesn’t a comedian somewhat prostitute him or her self to make it in the world.  You can’t just pretend to be or act happy to be happy.  Only the real thing works.

On top of this, put depression, the dark night of the soul when a person feels hopeless, like the worst person in the world ,and possibly even deserving of hell if they commit suicide,  even if it doesn’t seem reasonable to others.  It is a job  hazard associated with being a comedian especially if the depression feeds a dark sense of comedy which makes other people laugh at and accept him or her.  This could be considered as reinforcement for being depressed.  Drugs are also a way to self-medicate and they work for awhile but eventually can  lead to self destruction and death and/or an “accidental” way of committing suicide.

Add to this the possibility that a person is not only severely depressed at times but also has manic states, possibly extreme manic states, which fuel their comedy and creativity and impair their judgment.  Often to medicate this state results in killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

Please do not condemn Robin Williams for ending his life as he saw it and not as we think we understand it.  Aren’t suicidal people often in hell on this side before they ever go to the other side?  Who are we to condemn them?


How Do You Confront Denial?

In A State Of Denial

In A State Of Denial

How do you confront denial, especially in yourself?  You most need to do this when you have been putting something off and the adverse consequences are multiplying.  Even more so, you may have had opportunities to solve your problems which you didn’t take and now regret that you didn’t take them.

Now you can grieve over your losses or potential losses and do nothing or you can open yourself up to trying something new.  Life is a series of passages which come and go.  Children can’t remain babies forever and as people get older, they acquire more physical limitations whether due to age, accidents, or the type of physical activities that they have engaged in.  For some people, this happens sooner than later.  People leave your life whether through death, disagreements, or deciding to pursue new goals that are incompatible with your goals.

New people keep coming into your life unless you are a hermit.  Do you welcome them or resent the fact that you now have to deal with someone you don’t know well and who are replacing people you were once were well acquainted with and who were very comfortable to be around?  Having a quiet incident free life can be a mixed blessing, it doesn’t prepare you for when life knocks  you for a loop.

Do you greet new things in your life by saying “I can’t” or “I won’t  do that?”

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Denial Is Not A River In Eygpt

denialquote,EgyptDenial (the Nile) is not a river in Egypt” is something I might have heard of in Alcoholics Anonymous; but it’s something said by Mark Twain first.  Many people use denial because they say to themselves,,”Denial will never hurt anyone.  It will keep me out of trouble.”  The sometimes scarey trouble of having to do something about it such as when you have $40,000 in credit card debt and you keep making the minimum payments.  It will hurt nobody (but me and you).  Sometimes we are afraid of what other people’s reactions will be to what we don’t want to admit to.

denialroadsignDenial can become so evasive that we no longer are living in the real world.  We may forget what it was that we were denying and this results in a second denial when reality hits us in the face and we have to deal with the consequences.  Then the only thing that we can say (and we now believe it to be true), “I don’t remember doing or having that.”

Denial is one way of dealing with too much stress.  We can’t handle everything that we need to handle so we conveniently forget one or more of them.  This way we miss appointments, don’t get assignments done, and even have a physical condition get worse.  How often have you said,”I don’t have time to deal with that now,” and then to compound the problem have even forgotten that something needed to be done.

“Me?  Face the things I have denied.”  “No, way!”  I have got enough to do and/or worry about right now.  Many of the things we avoid this way generate a lot of anxiety.  Sometimes our body tells us this by creating a physical problem or by making it get worse.  I have done this and have developed hives (both inside and outside my body), earaches, and stomach and bowel problems.  It’s not “all in your head”; but it is not all outside you either.  Some people call them psychosomatic problems?

stressedoutWhat can you do about denial?  Obviously you can take some of the things you stress about off your “To do list“.  You can look for the hidden stress factors which you are basically denying right now and do something (which you have been putting off  doing) This is because doing this will you think make you even more anxious.  With these types of psychosomatic symptoms, recovery can be almost instantaneous when you “sh.. (defecate) or get off the pot”.

I am at my personal limit when this happens.  I often become even more anxious by resolving the problem but there usually an end to the process and I get some relief.  Then I wonder why I tried to deny this problem for so long?  There is a price to pay which does not seem worth it at first and that is why you deny the problem.  Often there are  at least two choices in the process of resolving this problem and neither appears to be a good one.

When in denial, I have carried such burdens by denying them for such a long time that looking back I wondered why I let myself live that way?  How about you?  Is there something you have put off dealing with? or something stupid you are doing which is a waste of time and money (like getting life insurance policies with your spouse with each other as beneficiaries when you really down deep, underneath it all are headed for a divorce)?

signs,doublebindLast, but not least, to avoid one obstacle in life by not seeing it, you start stop seeing other obstacles and soon you have blurry vision and “blind spots.”  You begin seeing more and occurrences through the filter of denial and you get further and further from what is really there or reality.  If this hits home, I suggest you look up the topic, “mindfulness” as it helps develop realistic thinking  and helps you to avoid missing some of the things that are going on (like the look on a person’s face which doesn’t match their words) that would help you make a better judgment.

For example,  you may have been denying to yourself that the person might not have your best interests in mind, but you feel stuck because you feel that person is the only one that can help you.  Sometimes that is called a double-bind.  It is when a person says something that is not matching what they are doing otherwise, like their tone of voice or lack of eye contact.  Denial of one part or other of the equation is a way of dealing  with it and you can guess which people go for (especially if they are all ready insecure).

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Alcohol Problem? Why Not Try Hypnosis?

alcohol-addictionWith the twelve step programs and all the addiction services out there, I have never heard mentioned that someone tried hypnosis.  How about you?  Maybe it should not be the only thing an addict tries but it could be an adjunct part of his or her therapy.  People with addictions need all the help they can get.  Hypnosis with a qualified hypnotist who has worked with weight problems and other addiction problems couldn’t hurt.  It would be cost effective if done in groups and that might encourage someone to try it when they wouldn’t do it on their own.  At the very least it would teach a person how to relax without seeking their drug or addictive behavior of choice.

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