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Should You Judge A Book By Its Cover? What Do You Think Is More Important? Looks? Or Personality??

Drp_300px-Kohlberg_moral_stages_vop.gifo you realize we learn to like certain skin colors, hair types, body shapes, heights, and to discriminate between them.  To me, my mommy was beautiful and my grandmas were a “sight for my sore eyes,”  although they were older and heavier than my mother.  My BFF, who I met in first grade, was not judged by me on the basis of her physical size but on how much fun we had when we were together.  I had a cousin the same age as I was and I often got hand me downs from her as she (although my age) was “bigger” than me.  We have to be taught to see these differences as significant.  The standards of beauty and handsomeness can vary quite strikingly from culture to culture and have you looked at wedding pictures and seen that there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man.

I was having a discussion with my daughter-in-law and discovered that an actress that I considered to be no beauty was considered very attractive by my daughter-in-law.  Also men and women focus on different parts of the anatomy when they try to decide if a woman is beautiful and/or and a man is a potential  “chick magnet.”  Haven’t you ever heard a discussion about what physically attracts a man to a woman: her boobs, her butt, her legs, her hair color, or whatever.

Remember the saying, “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses.”  Doesn’t seem to face-partsmatter now.  It used to be what attracted a woman to a man was his profession or his ability to be able to support her in the style she was or would like to become accustomed to.   At mid-life or latter some men look for a younger woman sometimes even young enough to be their daughter.  Then there women who are “cougars” and seek younger men.  Ever hear the terms, “sugar daddy”or “trophy wife”?

There is one particular cable news channel that is often on at my house and one of the recurring “experts” I became acquainted with was so ugly, I didn’t like to look at him; however he was very knowledgeable and had a very credible life history to support his road to being this “expert.”  All of a sudden one day as I was listening to him, I realized he no longer was bad looking to me.  His looks didn’t change but my attitude toward them had.

rp_5798468679_59ea50286a_m.jpgI came to realize that I had been selling other people short when I concentrated on their looks instead of their personality, knowledge, and abilities.  I also I noticed I was selling myself short too when I dressed to impress and probably could not afford it instead of wearing something flattering and comfortable so I could be comfortable being me.  I don’t mean that looks don’t count.  You can go too far in this direction to the point of being offensive.

I had planned to post on the fact that the cable news channel had only impossibly beautiful women in at least distracting (if not very conservative) clothes, dangerously high heels, high maintenance hairstyles, and glamorous makeup that required that these women show up early for work in order to attain this look.  Also of course, the men who had the same jobs were often not necessarily tall, athletic, and youthful and wore more comfortable, less revealing, clothes.  I then realized I was judging these women on how they looked but in a negative way.  They didn’t deserve that either.  They invested a lot of time and money into looking the way they did and should not be judged for trying so hard.

Conversation Stopper: People Are Rude Because Other People Are Too Polite To Call Them On It

Arp_300px-Kohlberg_moral_stages_vop.gifre some people rude and obnoxious because they count on other people to be polite?  Also do some people lie because other people won’t correct them for fear of being rude themselves?  Some people say hurtful and insulting things because they don’t expect other people to call them on it.  They will also tell lies because other people will often give them the benefit of the doubt or don’t want to start an argument.

What is often true is that the other person is uncouth and often cruel because they can get away with it.  It is sometimes even extremely obvious that they are doing this but they think that no one will say anything and they usually don’t.  Doing so often accounts for a period of stunned silence from the audience members with it being so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

For example, I once entered the room where a large family gathering was already going on and rp_300px-Determinants_of_Forgiveness_Graphic.JPGeverybody looked to see who was coming in.  The rude person in a loud voice asked, “Who cut your hair?”  It was obvious that person was being critical of the way I looked.  It had already been a long day for me and I replied, “Well, who asked you?” in front of the whole group.  This was met by stunned silence not just at the initial comment that had been made but at my reply.  I felt it had been very appropriate considering that this person made a game of doing such things.

rp_7510823738_6616ac3a63_m.jpgSometimes the only way you can handle such comments is by being rude, obnoxious, and impolite in return.  Such cruel people love to embarrass people and often do this when they have a crowd for an audience.  People who are crude this way often may unconsciously worry that they might have the same problem that they are pointing out in somebody else but we usually don’t call them on it.

Rediscovering Yourself

meditation stonesI went to Sedona to rediscover myself.

Rediscovering your self is a process that you go through many times in your life.  You may think that you already know who you are and then you discover what you really are is really someone else.  Have you become society”s conception of what you ought to be.  Make your own plan, forge ahead blindly not knowing where you are going but knowing you have the freedom to do so.

Meet your soul, the person you were meant to be, not letting other people or other things determine who you are.  Do you not know what you want.  although you may know what you do not want.  Unfortunately the unconscious only understands positive statements and we waste a lot of time having negative thoughts and not converting these negative thoughts into positive ones.  We don’t want to be disappointed so we warn ourselves that we must protect ourselves against losing things that have come to mean a lot to us.

rp_300px-ThinkingMan_Rodin.jpgMost of us were warned against having a “big head” as a child or even as an adult and this prevents  us from promoting ourselves.  Fortunately or unfortunately men more than women are encouraged and reinforced for creating a name for themselves and for getting respect from others.  Think of the accomplishments a man can line up: school board president, kindly old physician, preacher, evangelist, solid businessman.  Someone whose opinions and comments count.

Some of us have been encouraged to step back and let others have the limelight.  “Pride goeth before a fall.” A male “expert” often gets more recognition than a female “expert”. We think for  “the chosen” to have powers, others must shirk or shrink from the limelight.

Our self-confidence is often  so fragile that we can become depressed and procrastinate and feel  doomed to fail.  We think that there is no room in the inn for us and we must settle for the stable.    We spin our wheels and get nowhere.

Everyone is important just as every child is precious.  Do you not think that your grandchild or son or daughter is or was precious.  Their eyes, their nose, their mouth were perfect.  Every saying they made or thing that they did or created was or is  precious.  Something to be cherished and remembered.  What happened to you?  When did you stop being a cute little kid?  God’s or nature’s perfect gift.

rp_303404356_6ff7a23b4b_m.jpgSelf confidence and courage do a lot to keep a person from having cold feet about what they want to accomplish.  Most of us suffer from the that we can’t debilitating have or do what we want so we stop wishing and visualizing the perfect future for us.

Sometimes we focus on one objective  that was chosen by ourselves as an acceptable one or by others for us to the exception of all else.  Remember when we free to explore all outlets of life back when your artwork or other creations were considered to be significant and not a waste of time.  Yet you began to work harder and harder to meet the one goal that you thought was achieveable whether you liked it or not.

The opportunities are endless if you believe in their existence.  Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others limit you.  Are you the friend everybody likes because compared to you they are successful in life?  “Oh, woe is me”, can be an endless litany and those who listen to it can become tried of it eventually.  When should you start discovering your real self?  THE TIME IS NOW!

 

 

Should You Celebrate Yourself Before You Celebrate Others?

PsychosisVonnegutCoverIs this an either or question?  Think of Life as a balance scale with yourself on one side and others on the other side.  Too much on one side or the other and the scale won’t balance.  It also can make you grouchy and resentful and possibly greedy.  How about the person for whom nothing is ever right and who is difficult to please.  Too much candy and then none of it tastes good.  You work hard so you can enjoy life and then you never have any time to do what you enjoy.  Rush through things and then you don’t have time to enjoy them.  Best get-a ways I ever had were when we forgot about time and enjoyed the setting, the company, the conversation, and sharing the experience.

Savoring is enjoying what you do have.  Whether it is clean sheets, fresh corn on the cob, a clean car, or unexpected, but welcome, company.   Savoring involves being able to accept a change of pace when one offers it self.  Remember when you were in schoo9l and had a snow day?  It represented a free day to go out and play in the snow.  Did you ever really miss having school on a snow day?  Have you ever read a book while caught in a traffic jam after an accident on the interstate?  I did and it was one I had already read so I reread it.  Did I waste my time grouching and complaining about the jam or the fact that the only book I had I had already read.  Time went faster as I lost myself in the story I had read before.

“Enjoy yourself.  It is later than you think,” was a title of a song.  Did the writer know what he or she was writing about?  On the other hand are you too busy enjoying yourself that you have no time left for anybody else?  Grandma or grandpa are you too busy to babysit your grandchildren because you always have a golf tournament, a card game, or a committee meeting.  You may even rationalize this away by telling yourself that the grand children will be more fun and less work when they get older and then you never find the time then either.

me,me,mejpgAre you there for every meeting your social or church group has and have held every office over the years and some for several years in a row.  Do people say that they don’t know what they would do without you?  Are you tied up babysitting for family and the family always knows who they can get at the last minute.  You!  You tell friends that you would like to do something with them and then are unable to follow through with your plans with them because of family obligations.  You have planned a trip somewhere on a special day and have made all the reservations and paid fees that are not refundable but don’t go because you have to do something for someone else and that is more important than what you wanted to do.

Is “wallflower” your middle name?  Do you let everybody else take all the credit, get all the prizes, and celebrate all the milestones?  Would you be surprised if nobody showed up for your own funeral and/or that your relatives didn’t even have a memorial service for you.  In fact, while you are alive you even encourage them to do this when you die.

There needs to be a nice balance here.  You are just as important as others are and others are just as important as you are.  Giving and receiving are both part of the equation.  Knowing what might really please you now may be the inspiration for something you can do for somebody else later.  Parents of young children often know this as do members of families with a chronically ill loved one or a recent unexpected death in the family.

kindness,acts ofGiving is important.  Gratitude is important.  Giving as a form of gratitude is one of the most sincere forms of thanks.  You give me some of what you have and I give somebody else some of what I have.  It is the daisy chain of gratitude.  I may not be able to pay you for the tank of gas I needed to get to the doctor, but may be I can mow the neighbor’s yard.  Remember the old story about someone who gets out on the wrong side of bed and kicks the cat who scratches the dog who bites the mailman, etc.  Start your day off right and who knows who the favor might effect?

Ever skip a meal to get something done (maybe even for someone else) and then wind up so hungry you bite someone’s head off?  Was that a really good idea to begin with?  Being self-sacrificing can lead to “gunny sacking”  in which you expect the recipients to pay you back without you asking them to do it or to stop asking you to do things for them or to say, “No,” once in awhile when you offer to do something.

 

Celebrate Yourself?

rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpg

Do you keep a low profile.  Do you wait for others to celebrate you life landmarks and they never do?  Did you miss your graduation? because it was too much pomp and circumstance and you saved everybody the hassle of coming to it.  I have my Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin; but I don’t know what my academic colors are because I didn’t go.  I didn’t feel I should make everyone make the trip back  as when I finished I was no longer on campus.

Only two people were invited to our wedding, the witnesses.  I don’t believe I have ever celebrated my anniversary with a special date night on the town.  Is it bad to blow your own horn?  I bought my own birthday cake and my friends knew I was celebrating my 70th birthday last November but my family didn’t know it wasn’t an ordinary birthday (Don’t worry it has been almost a year and either I am getting used to it or getting over it (being 70)).  Many achievements in college I didn’t get to celebrate with my family because they couldn’t make the trip but my mother did come for my graduation.  But when my son and my son-in-law graduated from the training academy, we went.

If you don’t celebrate yourself, no one one else will.  If you don’t think you are worth it, no one else will?  Your attitude toward yourself communicates itself nonverbally to others and they treat you the same way you treat yourself.  I can be very professional when I know I am right and have the responsibility to do what is right!  But it doesn’t carry over sometimes to my family and friends.  Even the grand kids have begun to question my authority.  But I’m not going to back down for their sake.

I have a list of complements hidden on the back of my medicine cabinet door that I would like to get; but it is not posted where anyone could see it.  Why are we encouraged to be so self-effacing?  I am the opposite of a narcissist I guess.  Stand up, stand up for what you believe in including yourself.  I hesitate to share my opinions at home or at family occasions so nobody knows what I think there.  I hesitate because I might embarrass myself or others like family or friends.  Keep your mouth shut.   Ever hear of that?

Self-help materials suggest that you associate with only supportive friends in order to keep your self-esteem high.  Of course that can keep you in denial by only associating with people who agree with you.  Is there a happy medium?  Are you lying to yourself or do other people keep trying to put you down?

Happy, Happy, Happy!

My happy face anyway!.

My happy face anyway!.

Taking a Rocket Risk  ala  Mary Mcellehattan’s book,.  Going where my heart’s desire is.  Fuflilling my bucket list.  It may be my last hurrah; but I am going.  Learned a lesson.  Don’t wait for somebody else to do it for you.

Create your own happiness.  Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.  It’s your decision.  It’s your life.  You don’t need somebody else’s permission even if you would like to have it.  Don’t lose the moment.  I am not going to let anybody else’s opinion spoil your day or days spent where you only dreamed of being before.  Being yourself is not necessarily bad and is actually mostly or all good.  Most of us have been raised to seek somebody else’s approval (and sometime it’s even the world’s!) before doing something.

Don’t cloud a life time experience by being scared, afraid, or unhappy because somebody else doesn’t want you to do what you want to do.  Unhappy emotions are for the most part useless unless they are part of the grieving process.  Yes, I may be scared when I announce my intentions.  Just as people have different tastes in movies and music, they have different tastes when it comes to choosing a lifetime experience.  Do you have a certain food that you dislike and you can’t even stand to see it on somebody else’s plate.?  Liver (and onions) is something I enjoy, but I don’t have much company.   Are you always eating where someone else wants to eat as you don’t want to make waves and it’s not that big of a deal. anyway.  Move over Rover, there is a new dog in town.

Experiment!  Campaign for your choices when you are with someone or a group.  How often have you listened to yourself when deciding on something to eat.  Do you wait to see what others are

"Make my day!

“Make my day!

going to order first?   Have you ever thought, “My, wouldn’t that taste good.”  I even eat snails and of course all kinds of mushrooms including those we pick ourselves during mushroom season.  I have to agitate someone to get them on my pizza!

Planning a life experience like I am.  Go ahead fantasize the best trip ever including every thing you want even if you are not sure how you are going to get it.   It doesn’t hurt to be prepared if someone asks you what you want.  It’s your trip, it’s your budget.  What do you like best about visiting some other place?  I like to get to know the people and taste the food.  I like for my trips to be multipurpose and accomplish more than one of my goals.  I want to be met by a local and showed around by a local.  I want them or someone knowledgeable to set my itinerary.  I want to really experience the place while I am there.

Do you want to go through life saying , “I wish I could have done something.”  That negativity can last for a lifetime.  Who is being negative about this.  You oar someone else?  Is it,”If I feel bad about what you are going to do, you should feel bad too and have a miserable time planning your trip, taking your trip, and talking about it after.”  Secretly they may want to ruin your whole life by being this way about things you want to do.  Does someone in your family have this power over you?  To whose benefit is it?  There was a cartoon character  that always had a rain cloud over his head.  This could be you if you let this happen.

“If I am not happy, nobody else is going to be happy!”  Have you heard that before?  Does it have to be true?  How about having a good time anyway.  Happiness is a choice and it’s yours. Don’t listen to this sort of thing.  Don’t let this happen!   Some people are self-sacrificing and if they don’t let themselves do or have something, they don’t want you to either!

Should You Keep Your Mouth Shut?

rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgShould you keep your mouth shut or is that what other people want you to do so people like you will only hear or say what others want them to hear or say.

Lately I have been “spouting off” in my dreams saying the things that I don’t? dare to say in real life.  I really let other people have it when in my dreams I see them doing something that I see as wrong.  I guess it helps to get it off my chest that way; but why do I not say these things as often when I am awake.

This of course may not be popular since the advent of women’s lib, but one thing seems to be true to me and that is that women often let men think that they support the mens’ opinions because they don’t want to argue because men often appear to think that there is only one right opinion and it is theirs and won’t agree with women because that is giving in and they don’t want to be be seen as losing.  Women are often peacemakers in families and agree so as to not disagree and start a fight.  Who is more often passive aggressive, women or men doing what they want to do but making the other person think that it was their idea and that doing it that way will be good for them

How many wars would we have if women had their way?  How many wars are caused by people, often men, feeling justified in hurting, even killing others, because they don’t or will not believe what they do.  They don’t just want to control others, they want to eliminate them.rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpg

Fear of death or torture can be an effective silencer of opposing points of view.  Not only do I want to be able to do what I want to do; but also I want to be sure you will not just give me lip service permitting me to do it.  It is like a rapist telling his or her victim; “I’m going to molest you and hurt you as I do it and you are going to like it, not just pretend to like it,” so as to avoid getting killed or even worse.

Sexual predators are addicted to sexual excitement and the subsequent release of pent up energy and. as they progress like addicts do, they require more and more in stronger doses of their “sexual” drug to achieve their payoff.  What I am now hearing now is that blood lust is even worse and more horrible.  Killing and torture become an end themselves, not just the means to an end’ and require more and more thrills so that the horrible deadly acts get worse and worse.

We are afraid of what other people think and even worse yet would do if we said, maybe even just thought, something that they wouldn’t agree with.  Yes some things appear to be morally right or wrong and I believe there is such a thing as good and evil.  Is it possible that the most important thing is that other people who are wrong would like us to think that way and keep our mouths’ shut and let them get away with “murder.”

rp_3380860520_1b0dca5ab0_m.jpgSometimes it is not a good idea to be nice all the time.  What kind of an example do we provide to our children and others who might look up to us.  Do we give more power to evil when we do this?  Have we more power than they would like us to think.  Why do we, in trying to be nice, give them more power instead of less.  Do the oppressed have a voice? and what about the people who don’t know about it or, don’t want to know about it, should they keep silent and know or do nothing?

Something that is often apparent in Christian churches is that ministers and pastors and therefore their parishioners do not want to rock the boat and therefore, pray only for the world leaders in business and world affairs to have good judgment; but stop and think even if the leaders have it, will they use it appropriately.  Would it be going too far to ask that those who have the best interests of the people in mind be put in positions of power and be supported by those who believe.

Asking others to stand for and work and pray for world peace is often not encouraged in public and sometimes not in church.  Often only the pastors and leading members of the church can voice their concerns about this; but do they?.

Often in conventional churches, members are not advocated to stand up in front of the congregation and do this just as wives have been discouraged from contradicting their husbands and/or taking the place of leaders in the congregation.  Women can do the work of the church; but to take the lead in the church is often not encouraged of women.  Men may not be used to and/or accepting about the way women like to do things and subtly if not openly discourage this.rp_300px-Mary_Cassatt_Young_Mother_Sewing.jpg  Yet, women might be the strongest voice for peace we have whether in the home, in the community, or in the government.

As my dreams have shown me,  I am unconsciously if not consciously standing up for my beliefs and my right to voice them.  What about you?  Should you and I keep quiet?

 

Self Conscious, You Are Not Alone

rp_8779146668_6e5def7ac9_n.jpgSelf-conscious?  You are not alone.  In a new social situation, you may not be the main attraction.  You may be ignored, not on purpose, but because other people are greeting and talking with people that they know.  They may not be aware that they are ignoring you even if they invited you in the first place.

Why are we so self-conscious?  Well, we are the center of our own world and we often forget that we are not the center of some other person’s world.  Also we tend to be so critical in this society that we couldn’t possibly think that other people aren’t judging us.

In a new social situation, it may just be that it will take some time for you to fit in and for you to get the hang of it.  Everyone has been “the new kid on the block sometime”.   Celebrities often fall prey to the idea that everybody is always looking at them and they think that they want to be ignored, but really don’t.

Just as obnoxious is the person who thinks that everybody wants to hear what they have to say and they take over a group discussion or conversation and don’t give anyone else a chance.  I attend a lot of workshops and there always seems to be someone who thinks that their comments and questions are so important that they dominate the discussion showing how brilliant and erudite they are.  They don’t get the subtle hints from the audience that they ought to move on.

This can be very boring for the rest of the audience if the leader does not cut this person off after a reasonable amount of time or suggest that everybody might like to hear from someone else.  At local social occasions, there always is someone about whom people say there comes so and so again, let’s get out of here.

Sometimes it seems hard to strike a happy medium in these situations just because people tend to think that they are the center of attention even when they are being ignored, deliberately or accidentally.  Don’t be so self-conscious.  Pay attention to what is going on around you and see how you might fit in once you get the hang of it.  No, you are not the center of attention just because you are so awful or because you are so great.  Give other people a chance and move over.  When it is your turn, you’ll know it.  Just don’t remain clueless as to your real effect on a group.

 

 

 

Love One Another Right Now Even If It Costs

rp_8619481133_df8a85fccf_m.jpgYou think you can’t win if you don’t compete by withholding love from others because they might win and you might lose.  Do you find it difficult to impossible to be happy for others when they succeed and get rewarded for it on top of it and you don’t?

I cheer for others and can sometimes even be gloriously happy when they succeed.  Some people think that is strange.  Yet it is living proof that I too can win and meet my goals.  So many of us have had it brow beaten into us that others winning lowers the chance of our being able to do so also.  This means fewer accomplishments for us.  Do you find it hard to congratulate others when you, yourself, have not succeeded.  Do we often covet what others get or have because we feel that there is no more room in the inn for us to get some.

Love when divided multiplies.  The more we give the more we potentially can have.  There is an old story about a wicked witch who comes to a happy community and tells the occupants that they only have so much love to give and not to give it out unless they were sure of getting it back.  She even starts selling charms and spells that will substitute for giving from their supply of love unless they are sure they will get it back.  They conserve their supply of love for their own loved ones, not strangers.rp_300px-Friendship_love.JPG

Why should people give from their rapidly limited decreasing supply of real love when they can get “love” to give to others from the witch and thus not deplete their supply of real love.  They reserved their “real” love for themselves and their families and friends.  You know that people can die from lack of love and soon people began to drop like flies.  It was the phony love that killed them.  People became very selfish and stingy.

Just because you give love away doesn’t mean you will have no more love to give or have for yourself.  Strangely enough one child in the town where the evil witch loved either had not heard this or didn’t believe and began giving away love freely, without abandon, and NOBODY he gave to DIED FROM LACK OF LOVE ANYMORE INCLUDING HIMSELF.

Try the 29 day giving spree and give of your own treasures to someone else who would appreciate having them.  Or give more money to others than you just have to.  Why be stingy or calculate the appropriate amount to the penny when it comes to giving tips.  It only counts if it hurts a little or a lot for you to give these things.  It must cost you something to do this or it won’t count.  Something you were planning to throw out and dispose of at the Salvation Army does not count.  Remember what goes around comes around and it sometimes happens very quickly and in a surprising way.

Modern science has shown that people who do this are at the very least happier and may even get a rush of endrophens.  People who do this often start planning ahead about what they are going to give next.  This leaves less time for anxiety, sadness, and worry and for defaming others, putting them down, criticizing them, and passing judgment on them.rp_Not_So_Much_To_Be_Loved_As_To_Love.jpg

At Christmas time, have you ever played secret Santa?  People who work or live in the same place secretly draw names and do one thing kindly and anonymously each day for that person until Christmas.  The receiver tries to guess who the Secret Santa actually is.  Part of the fun is confusing the recipient and surprising him or her on Christmas when the secret is revealed.  It is fun to keep him or her off the track.  This too is part of the fun sometimes of paying it forward  as the recipient may never know who was so kind and/or generous.

 

Am I Better Than You?

achievementAm I better than you?  Competition is what it is all about.  Our society is all about winning and losing.  Some people give up before they start because the perceived competition out there is so overwhelming.  Worse yet, even when you don’t want to compete, someone else might enter you in the competition.  This is often true about children and their parents.

Yes, you should do your best; but you should enjoy yourself doing it.  I learned this lesson early; but it didn’t hurt me.  I was almost always picked last for the pickup ballgames in the schoolyard; but I still enjoyed playing.  Winning was not so much on my mind then.

“Whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game,” is a famous quote.  Do you agree with it?  It is like seasoning something you are cooking.  Too much salt, too little salt, too much pepper, too little pepper, or too much sugar, too little sugar.  In our society, we sometimes don’t want anyone to lose so everybody wins.  What should the emphasis be on?

Or are you so competitive that everything you do is a contest?  I was that way in my classes in school.  It even spread over to my life outside of school.  Every time a party I attended played games; I wanted to win every time.  Did that make me a spoil sport?  Did that take the pleasure of playing the games away from everyone else who didn’t win?

Even if I am better than you, I shouldn’t gloat.  Making people feel bad in this way may eventually drive them away.  Remember the song, “I can do anything better than you?”  Plus the strengths, talents, and abilities that our society admires are not always what is needed to solve the world’s problems or fix society’s faults.

Aren’t you excited when somebody on a reality show makes a fabulous find of something previously undiscovered.  Who knows that when it comes to other people and even ourselves what hidden things we might have that might better ourselves and/or others.,