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Celebrate Yourself?

rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpg

Do you keep a low profile.  Do you wait for others to celebrate you life landmarks and they never do?  Did you miss your graduation? because it was too much pomp and circumstance and you saved everybody the hassle of coming to it.  I have my Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin; but I don’t know what my academic colors are because I didn’t go.  I didn’t feel I should make everyone make the trip back  as when I finished I was no longer on campus.

Only two people were invited to our wedding, the witnesses.  I don’t believe I have ever celebrated my anniversary with a special date night on the town.  Is it bad to blow your own horn?  I bought my own birthday cake and my friends knew I was celebrating my 70th birthday last November but my family didn’t know it wasn’t an ordinary birthday (Don’t worry it has been almost a year and either I am getting used to it or getting over it (being 70)).  Many achievements in college I didn’t get to celebrate with my family because they couldn’t make the trip but my mother did come for my graduation.  But when my son and my son-in-law graduated from the training academy, we went.

If you don’t celebrate yourself, no one one else will.  If you don’t think you are worth it, no one else will?  Your attitude toward yourself communicates itself nonverbally to others and they treat you the same way you treat yourself.  I can be very professional when I know I am right and have the responsibility to do what is right!  But it doesn’t carry over sometimes to my family and friends.  Even the grand kids have begun to question my authority.  But I’m not going to back down for their sake.

I have a list of complements hidden on the back of my medicine cabinet door that I would like to get; but it is not posted where anyone could see it.  Why are we encouraged to be so self-effacing?  I am the opposite of a narcissist I guess.  Stand up, stand up for what you believe in including yourself.  I hesitate to share my opinions at home or at family occasions so nobody knows what I think there.  I hesitate because I might embarrass myself or others like family or friends.  Keep your mouth shut.   Ever hear of that?

Self-help materials suggest that you associate with only supportive friends in order to keep your self-esteem high.  Of course that can keep you in denial by only associating with people who agree with you.  Is there a happy medium?  Are you lying to yourself or do other people keep trying to put you down?

Ruminating? Is It Useful?

rp_8619481133_df8a85fccf_m.jpgHave a problem you can’t solve?  Has somebody hurt you?  Do you like to talk it over with a friend or friends?  Do you want to share your frustration or hurt feelings.  Do you think it will make you feel better if someone thinks or feels the same way you do?

A little coruminating can help but continuous airing of frustrations, bad news, or unrequited love can make you feel worse, especially for women.  Depression can deepen and anxiety increase and you can even drive away friends with your constant texting or late night phone calls.

Pathways can be reinforced in our brains and associated feelings can be intensified with constant musings and repetitious ventilating.  Going over and over a problem for which there is no current solution or recourse is frustrating both for you and the person you are sharing it with.  It may even make it worse leaving you unable to recognize a solution or change in the situation when it happens.

Sometimes you can create a time table suggesting when you should try to solve the problem again or when you really should worry because you haven’t heard from someone.  In the mean time take a break and encourage yourself not to do anything rash or jump to conclusions.rp_300px-High_Anxiety_movie_poster.jpg

For example, being called to jury duty may throw a wrench in your monkey works if you are sequestered in a jury on long infamous trial but you might get excused from jury duty before you even have to report because of something that you didn’t know would excuse you from serving in the first place or after you get called in for the jury selection for a trial.

There is one thing that I usually say to myself when I start worrying about something that might happen or have happened and that is usually when something bad happens, I don’t expect it so if I am worrying that it has, it probably hasn’t happened.

Enjoy yourself.  It is later than you think.  Excuse yourself from ruminating about something especially when you don’t have all the information and won’t have it for a while.  Yes, be ready when the time comes to do something about it.  It is a lot easier to prepare for something and make plans for when something happens when you’re not worried about it and can think rationally.

 

Do Adults Bully Children In Their Own Families??

at least i'm not a bully

at least i’m not a bully (Photo credit: Miss Blackflag)

Do adults bully children in their own families?  Unfortunately, yes.  Making fun of someone, joking with them, is not humorous  if the person being teased gets upset.  Do we stop or this is this a signal to keep on going?  Building a child’s self-esteem is one of the most important functions of the family.

English: A Bully Free Zone sign - School in Be...

English: A Bully Free Zone sign – School in Berea, Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most children will get plenty of opportunities outside the family to be put down, bullied, and feel insignificant.  What downers!  But this doesn’t happen in my family!  Yes, it does and it is often ignored and not even noticed or the person gets away with it because the family member should be able to take a joke.  While this may be alright in adult company, it is not right in a family setting with vulnerable children with fragile egos.  Do you think making a three year old cry on purpose can be justified?

I have noticed that in this society we often do not notice what is going on around us and it is especially true in families.  We tend to do the same old thing over and over and nobody notices it.  They often say things like “I was just teasing (while repeating an unappreciated taunt).”  They follow this with comments like, “I don’t know why he or she cries so much?  He or she must be a crybaby?”

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version)

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love will keep us together.  Hugs and kisses, well earned complements, a smile in someone’s eyes or elsewhere on their face is priceless and does not cost anything to give.  They are free.  What are we thinking?  Is it that by bringing someone else down we are building ourselves up?  In this case are the means are justified by the end result.

What do you think if you see someone kill a baby rabbit out in the field just for the fun of it and then laughs?  Aren’t children just as vulnerable?  Especially when they don’t know as much as you do and don’t always understand what adults are talking about.

 

 

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When Are You Helping? And When Are You Medling?

The Three Gossips

The Three Gossips (Photo credit: Christmas w/a K)

When are you helping and when are you medling.  Do you think of something somebody has shared with you as juicy gossip or an unspoken prayer.  Do you actually make things worse?  Understand always.  If it is not your personal business, be sure whatever you do helps, not harms.  Do what the other person wants even if you think you know a better way.  Help is not help if it is not what was sought.

Divine Machines

Divine Machines (Photo credit: hersheydesai)

Sometimes control of a situation is the only thing a person has left when they are at a lost as what to do.  If someone has a problem, don’t make it worse by gossiping about it.  Above else do no wrong.  You may not agree with them; but this may be the only shred of dignity the person has left.  Controlling how the news gets out is the only thing that they have left that they have any control over.  Don’t take that away from them.  In this case, it is not all about you.  Don’t make it that way.

Prayer Mormon

Prayer Mormon (Photo credit: More Good Foundation)

Don’t be a drama queen and be the first one to tell the story even if it is not yours to tell.  When somebody has a problem they like to focus on themselves and the other people personally involved not other people who want to grab the attention for themselves.

How many times have you started to talk about a problem and someone interrupts you to tell you about their similar problem which (at least to them) was much worse.  What you can do is just pray.  For this you need no audience.

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Anger And Control, Just Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go!

Philosophically I think that I have gained control of my anger; but realistically, I haven’t.  The little gremlins (better known as grandchildren) have gotten to me.  No matter how patient and understanding I am something that they do or say or something else that they don’t do or say takes me over the edge and I am ashamed of my self afterwards to have such little ones see or hear such a thing or things.

Families

Families (Photo credits: www.myparkingsign.com)

I am on my best behavior (Wouldn’t you be?) with my grandchildren.  I want to show my adult children that I have truly grown up since I raised them and am providing a good example to their children now no matter what I was like in the past.  I can forgive myself for what’s happened in the past and do better, but can my children forgive me?  Will I be jealous if  I see them do a better job with their children than I did with them?

Is there such a thing as being too nice!?!  Wouldn’t you just like to let go, but not in front of the grandchildren!  The longer I live, the more responsible I become and I am not as easy on myself about forgetting to do things, not getting things done, and giving up when I have a problem to solve or something that I have put off mastering.  I think I am ready to take a vacation, not from life (I am not suicidal), but from everyday life.

It is amazing how easily a cuss word comes out when you thought that you have literally forgotten how to use them and I could shake a fist at somebody who has ticked me off after being in a confining SUV with a crying baby on a long sixty mile trip home from the hospital after having had surgery by failing to fill my prescription (on the third try through the drive through) so I would have pain medicine when I finally got home.  Nor do we live close to the pharmacy.

DriveThruPharmacyMainImageAnger has a lot to do with control.  Yes, it involves self-control but it also involves retaining control when you can and need to have control over your own life, thoughts, and feelings.  Too much Mrs. Nice Guy.  Was that my problem when I blew up?

Did I fail to stand up for my rights?  As an adult, setting boundaries for children.  As a customer, letting a business hold me hostage when I was supposed to be served by them?

 

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Much Ado About Almost Nothing

Much Ado About Almost Nothing or Save Your Drama for Your Llama!  A Llama is a Drama Queen.

Don't Feed the Drama Llama

I recently purchased a tee shirt with the saying on it saying, “Leave Your Drama To My Llama”  I didn’t know at the time that I was going to go off on a tangent about Llamas.  My first thought (which was not “politically correct“) was of changing the first two letters of “Llama” to “Ob“.  Oops, now I am talking politics and I am not sure what is happening to our freedom of speech in this country so bear with me while I digress; but I have.

The Drama LLama

The Drama LLama

I knew the shirt was meant for me as it was in my favorite colors, pink and turquoise and it was my size, at my price point (two bucks), and it was the only one.  I have never seen one like it before or since.  It was meant for me I concluded.  I was looking for something to wear to my class on Halloween.  Screwy, right?

Also right after Halloween, I heard about a Llama being kidnapped in France and I saw the Llama on TV.  Llamas usually don’t make the news like that.

Llama Abduction

Llama Abduction

Nobody got the pun in my class so I decided to look up a Llama as a symbol and this is what I found

Iceberg Llama

Iceberg Llama

“LlamaEndurance, service, sacrifice. Hard work, responsibility, stubbornness. Llama people tend to be sociable, giving, and easygoing, but fully capable of standing up for themselves if crossed. Llama medicine can teach us to relax and trust in our own abilities to maneuver even the most difficult paths in life,” from Foxloft.com.  Does that fit me?

Llive, Llaugh, Llove

Llive, Llaugh, Llove

Because I did the search for Llamas as symbols; I found several memes about Llamas.  I liberally salted these through out this post.  I’ll keep looking as this intrigues me as I had never heard of the “Drama Llama” before.  What do you know about this?  See below.  Just joking?

My Opinion Of Your Opinion

My Opinion Of Your Opinion

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Making Your Way Out Of The Swamp Of Denial

swampimages

Making your way out of the swamp of denial or helping someone make his or her way out of the swamp of denial may have many causalities, yourself included.  Too many people do not want to pay the price; but they have to pay the piper eventually.  Seniors may put off making the adjustments they need to make in their chosen lifestyle as they get older and need more help.  They are often not willing to face the consequences and often have put it off for way to long and it doesn’t get easier, it just gets harder and harder to do.  Not taking personal responsibility for some of their life decisions as not working is something that gets in the way.  They can get angry and because of their denial they take it out on the very people they need.

Denial is not conducive to rational thinking or to making an objective assessment of the consequences of choices people in denial might make is close to impossible.  Seniors, especially, may have always thought, “I don’t want to think about that yet.  It couldn’t happen to me.  I like things just the way they are.”  Honor thy father and mother is the commandment which gets harder and harder to obey.  In fact these people may drive away the very people they need.

Now Is The Time That....

Now Is The Time That….

Such people in denial (like some seniors) often have had a position of status quo that was comfortable for them and which they never had to compromise.  It is hard for these people to make the necessary adjustments when they never wanted to or had to before.  At the same time their off spring or local support group runs out of patience with them because some seniors who are in denial won’t accept the help  they have to offer and these seniors even get (sometimes) hateful with them.

God Bless you (friends and family) you may be in for a hard ride with no thanks or gratitude or cooperation for your effort.  The problem may be impossible to solve if the person who needs to change is in the state of denial and stays there.  You might even think you are going crazy.  You say to yourself,”This can’t be real.”  You think that no one would deny something like that when the handwriting is clearly on the wall.

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Hurt Feelings, Things We May Not Talk About

If we say something and someone has hurt feelings, does this mean that there are certain things we may not talk about?  Are we automatically in trouble because we did not know that saying what we said would upset somebody else?  In a democracy, we have freedom of speech or do we?

A Firing Offense

A Firing Offense (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Is it a firing offense to say something that a patron, client,  or customer takes offense to even if you didn’t know beforehand that they would?  Would your boss or supervisor back you up in this situation? or would he or she throw you on the sacrificial altar of customer satisfaction and client good will?

The shoe has been on the other foot.  It creeps me out to listen to satanic rock music, discuss dental procedures in detail, witness autopsies, or see or handle snakes. I have strong personal spiritual and moral values which I do not attempt to shove down other people’s throats.  Other people have not been as kind to me.

I grew up in a family where you would occasionally hear cuss words used and nobody got upset and where my father would get gifts of liquor from business associates which he never opened and I married into a family that took offense at the use of cuss words, but some of whose members did occasionally take  a drink and might have even had an alcohol problem.  I had to remember what I could do where.  Currently I personally have forsaken cussing and drink very little, if any, alcohol.

Personally I have gotten in trouble in the past for not saying pot smoking was wrong because it was a bad drug, but only because it was illegal.  That is not what I think now.  I also have gotten in trouble for saying that men who did not go to war in World War II were called yellow bellies; because they were thought to be cowards whatever the reason why they did not fight.  I was not a man then and did not realize how sensitive this issue was.

Tolerance is a virtue.  Freedom involves being able to say or believe something without someone of different beliefs or practices saying theirs supercede yours and stopping you.  In return for this courtesy,  we can temper our usage of what someone else considers bad language and we can not engage in things that are openly offensive to others when we don’t have to.  When we share space in this world with others; we should make it as pleasant an experience as possible when we have no reason not to.

 

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Concealing One’s Motives

But-behavior-in-the-human-being-is-sometimes-a-defense,-a-way-of-concealing-motives-and-thoughts,-as-language-can-be-a-way-of-hiding-your-thoughts-and-preventing-communication.Concealing ones motives happens all the time.  Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive.  The motive behind this is that people wouldn’t believe us or do what we want them to do if we made clear our real motivation.  Deception is rampant.  Many people do not feel that honesty is the best policy.  People feel that they would not get what they want if they told the truth.

Concealing one’s motives also happens when a person feels that the behavior would not be acceptable by others if they knew the real motive.  People like to pass judgments on other people and to avoid being embarrassed or rejected, people conceal why they really do something.  People are often discouraged by other people’s reactions from asking for what they really want or saying who they really are even though their needs, their desires, and even their own identities are not supported by this.

Concealing ones motives happens when we do not trust others.  The real reason we want to do something might give the other person information that they could use to hurt us.  For example, if telling the real reason we have done or want to do something, has something to do with our sexual orientation or religious beliefs.  Prejudice is a big reason some people do not tell the truth.

Live and let live is a motto to have when understanding other people’s behaviors and it leads to other people not concealing one’s motives.

 

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People Who Believe Their Own Lies

Truth lies

Truth lies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

People who believe their own lies.  Once I didn’t think it was possible, but now I do.  I have met too many of those type of people.  The next biggest problem is not only that they believe their own lies, but also they have to tell them to you over and over and you can’t leave until they are finished.  How polite is too polite?

The lies that people who believe their own lies tell are almost always preposterous.  Usually you don’t have to be an expert in the area he or she is talking about to know that the story you just heard can’t possibly be true.  For example, just how many life threatening operations can a person have in their life and still be alive to talk about them?

If almost any listener can’t believe the lies that people who believe their own lies tell, how do the liars believe them?  The stories that they tell are usually fantastic and are designed to astound the listener and stupefy the audience.  These liars continue to tell these stories over and over because they think that these tales will have this desired effect on the audience. They especially love to have new listeners who haven’t heard their stories before; but they often don’t stop to check and usually don’t remember or care if the listener has heard these stories before.

What is strangest of all about the people who believe their own lies is that as long as they have the floor, they don’t care whether they have told the story before or not.  Would you like me to introduce you to one of these people?  I didn’t think so.  There are certain people’s places that people don’t like to stop by even if they have a perfectly good reason to do so.  You know why of course.  Then there are people who know they are lying and are not telling the truth, but they don’t care because it doesn’t suit their purposes to tell the truth.

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