It’s Just Me! Discovering Myself And Ridding Myself of Shame, Blame and Guilt
My happy face anyway!
I have discovered an energy type system which I have followed for a long time now but I had not really found the type of energy that I personify and did not see how the system could help me understand myself and how I could present myself as an example of a type of beauty that would give me a special glow that would attract compliments and increase my self-esteem. Initially, I picked the wrong type and although I felt some benefits when I accepted my scatter-brained side of myself and realized I was more of an idea type person than a planner; but then my real self came through and I saw that I am more a motivator who likes to see something come through so I can see the finished product. The best example is how and when I pursued a professional degree so others could see how motivated I was and how far I would go in pursuing something.
This started when I finished grade school and decided to take college prep classes and to get the highest grades in high school I could get so I could go to a good college and get a scholarship. I also pursued this goal to prove to my fellow students and teachers and myself that I had what it takes. This continued in college because I wanted to get into a doctoral program to pursue a doctorate in clinical psychology. Those goals I pursued continuously for ten years. I also then completed two years of postdoctoral studies in child clinical psychology and after working for two years in my field, I also completed the studies for and passed my state licensing exam as a psychologist.
My next set of goals was to have at least three children which my husband and I accomplished within four years. This was done by the age of thirty-nine for me and forty for my husband. You can see that I can set goals and reach them. Just recently the number of our grandchildren reached ten another goal.
Writing this blog was a surprise for me later on in life and I also have started to occasionally sing hymns in church acapella. I found that I was also comfortable teaching lecture classes in psychology. This is the way I represent a Type Four, but I still have secondary traces of Type One as I often have too many irons in the fire and I often multitask keeping too many irons in the fire. Today I deviated from working on bills to writing this post. I also want to hang some posters and pictures on my walls especially on the walls in my office which I have as yet to unclutter, but I am working on it.
Stylewise I am edgy and look best in some darker jewellike colors and in dramatic and edgy styles. Hairstyles require some movement and often streaks or patches of color or highlights. Jewelry too needs to be edgy, often angular and somewhat bold. The latest good thing about the whole energy thing is I have started to get some compliments from strangers so far all women.
I have found out that where I have had trouble in the past was where I was trying to go along with some other energy type which didn’t suit me and therefore I had difficulty doing it successfully. I am not a totally well-organized type of person and as I have said before is that I would write the term paper first and then write the outline. Also, the types of clothing worn successfully by other energy types do not suit me and make me look bad. For example, hunting for a suit for job interviews I found very challenging and difficult to do and the suits that I found never really suited me so I was never confident that I looked well and that my outfit was appropriate. This definitely was a “no-no” when it came to how I presented myself for a job interview.
Recently I have started wearing shorts again in place of capris or crop pants and I am feeling more comfortable doing this. I do have to be sure that the shorts are Type Three, a little rough around the edges. They can’t be flared, a little ruffly or a soft faded Type One or Type Two color. I have to also avoid black or whites which are Type Four. I am also considering dresses or skirts again in my type.
Look up Carol Tuttle, Dressing Your Truth, on the internet. She also has some books which will help you. Also, she has written a book about children’s energy types, The Child Whisperer. She has a solid background in counseling which is reassuring. You can get some color and pattern cards which will help you select clothes. When I have a solid before and after pictures I will publish them here. Remember part of finding your helpful energy type is when you find that it works and you can type in successes and failures related to your energy type and then it feels right. This doesn’t always happen immediately but when it does you will know it. For example, I have always liked statement pieces when I go out to buy jewelry and I usually don’t feel dressed until I have a necklace or bracelet on.
The Word Ambiguity Is Ambiguous-Curious? Read This Post
Many people have difficulty tolerating ambiguity. This may be just why our nation is so polarized right now between the left and the right, Trump haters and Trump supporters.
Actually, ambiguity is often the state of knowledge. We just can’t get a clear picture of how things are and just when we do, we find out something new. Young twenty-somes often do not feel comfortable with ambiguity and this is the reason why many of them are seduced into cults which claim that they have all the answers like Scientology.
Boundaries can be ambiguous
I am satisfied that I don’t know all the answers and that some answers will never be extremely clear although they may become clearer over time. I believe that I don’t know all the answers and that I won’t know all the answers in this lifetime. People who do not believe this way makes me very nervous as I don’t totally agree with everybody and everybody doesn’t agree totally with me.
College was the place where my fellow students were encouraged to disagree and to debate many points of view unlike most of the students of today who are reinforced for accepting the beliefs of certain professors who are deemed politically correct.
Gaining in knowledge should encourage surprises and new
Self-Styled Expert?
ideas not consistently reinforce all beliefs presented or taught. Science should constantly explore and evaluate conclusions made from current experiments and past knowledge. Many scientists often currently skip the phase where they develop a naturalistic understanding of the area of knowledge that they choose to evaluate. This often involves acquiring personal experience which has been typical of anthropologists in the past who went out to live among a people that they proposed to study. First-hand experience can sometimes be better than book-learning.
The Best Child-Expert
How many child psychologists have ever had first-hand experience bringing up children? or have spent time playing with them after they themselves have entered high school or college? Getting down on the floor and participating in a child’s imaginary world is often different from observing and taking measurements from an experimental psychologist’s perspective. I especially like to have the child have me draw a picture of an experience he or she has had. Also, suits and ties and tight skirts and high heels get in the way of making these observations.
I once was a participant in setting up an experiment about snake phobia. I was not
She appears SCARED!
particularly worried as I didn’t think actual snakes would be used even though I was snake phobic and didn’t tell people because they then would surprise me with one of the real snakes used in their experiments. I knew that when I saw someone carrying a shoe box in the rooms where my fellow students had study carrels there usually was a snake in it and I would leave the room without saying anything.
After I was strapped into a recliner with leads for physiological responses in a room with no windows and the only door behind me, and shown slide pictures of snakes, I was told this was when the actual snake would be brought in a glass aquarium from behind me. If this had happened, I (or any real snake phobic) would have gone “ape-shit” and that would have been the end of the experiment and the start of a lawsuit if I and/or they had survived.
No one knows everything and we never will. We just have to live with ambiguity in our lives. Concrete knowledge is desired and claimed by some, but can not usually be true in actual reality.
Is this Green?
Another supposedly concrete example of ambiguity is the spectrum of colors. The is no such thing usually as a pure color and the changing fashions in fashion design and interior decorating illustrate this. For example, a color of green that is fashionable in yarn for crocheting and knitting goes out of style and it goes on sale. Someone making items from this yarn for sale at craft fairs might not get many buyers. This color of green no longer is fashionable. Or pick up an old or vintage handmade throw at a flea market and it might not go with the things you currently have where you plan to use it. Did you know that the color green or other primary colors can be ambiguous?
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FINALLY I AM FREE TO BE ME!
My happy face anyway!.
Finally I am free to be me. Are you free to be you?
I just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think. I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field. I am free to be me finally. Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions. I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments of me made by others. I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.
Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself. Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards. Who am I? Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences? Make way for ME! I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable. Now can I trust my own judgment?
Would you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man. I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts. I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions can offend me. (Am I right or wrong? ) Or have I discovered music for myself?
Failures do not always define you. Whose judgment are you relying on? Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that. This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you. We all do not have the same tastes!
You probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions. For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat. Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?
I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want. Who am I actually? Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?
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Bullying The New Sport
(Rough Draft) As a victim of bullying, I have felt like the bull in the ring at a bullfight. Poked and prodded until he is exhausted, extremely angry, and unable to do anything about it but die. There have been attempts to outlaw bullfights for humanitarian reasons, but they never get it done.
This seems to be the same way with bullying as the victim continues to suffer and is expected to fight back in his or her own defense against a more powerful foe or gang of bullies. This seems to be shameful. Where does it seem fair to gang up on someone like that who has no defenders and is seen as weak by his or her foes?
Bullying hurts. It is not funny. Doing this to a person who is already down. If a group demands that you join them in bullying. Remember it is a hate crime. It can result in vicious mob behavior. Sometimes persons who should be supervising this group, egg it on and join the “fun” instead.
Sometimes people create a separation between what they call just teasing and bullying. They say it is all in fun and that the victim is thin skinned and needs to toughen up and to learn to take it without being a wimp. These people do not see or care that the person’s self-image is being reinforced as negative when teased or name-calling. Is it just in fun when the victim is being degraded and starts to carry around a nickname that is not flattering and really not funny to the victim?
Has overreaction to bullying and teasing that is not funny led to creating safe places and even offering play therapy where persons can go and take part if the behavior of others upsets them even though it is the right of others to have differing opinions and to share them in public. Now have we created wimps like these?
Taking responsibility in dangerous or difficult situations can create a type of toughness and self-pride that does the person well in future situations where they must take charge of things or do something difficult.
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I Am Free Of Judging Myself By Others
I just discovered in my old age (where I have found that insights blossom) I am no longer bound by what others think. I don’t have to judge myself by people who are successful in my field or in any other field. I am free to be me finally. Instead of withering on the vine, I am growing again in new and different directions. I grant that I have had difficulty with the judgments of me made by others. I may not be the world’s expert on a subject, but more than likely they aren’t either.
Be on your guard as you may be greeted by the anger of others if you do assert yourself. Attacking what is the most defended by others may reach the highest rewards. Who am I? Am I what I want to be and can be if I only let go of others’ past influences? Make way for ME! I am discovering things that were lost or discarded as not achievable. Now can I trust my own judgment?
Would you, if you were a man, wear a suit that was tailored to fit some other man. I had a husband who was very particular about collar sizes and sleeve lengths in his shirts. I have discovered I only like music that is sung a certain way and any other versions almost offend me. Am I right or wrong? Or have I discovered music for myself?
Failures do not always define you. Whose judgment are you relying on? Come home to the person you should know ( yourself) and glorify that. This is not permission to clobber other people so you can have your own way, but you might make some people unhappy because they can no longer control you. We all do not have the same tastes!
You probably can no longer be the peacemaker just giving in because someone with a louder voice is used to making a group’s decisions. For example, such a person then picks the restaurant for a group to eat at which then decides what you can have to eat. Avoiding conflict does keep the level of the drama down but at what price to you?
I am becoming well-defined as I age and have lumps and bumps that may not please others or that may interfere with what they (not I) want. Who am I actually? Do I have undiscovered talents and interests that I can use to shape “my world”?
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Who Are You?
How do you define yourself? By what others tell you? By what you think you should be? By what you really are?
Most of us grow up learning to define ourselves by the first two ways given? Thus we may never learn who we really are! Often we reach middle age or our golden years, not knowing who we are! Then we feel we have lost valuable time actually we could have been being ourselves in our lifetimes.
Who are you? In our society, we are subject to many outside influences trying to control who we are. We are unique human beings (one of a kind) who are shaped by varying outside influences and by inborn internal constraints.
Even identical twins are not entirely identical. In their bodies in some ways, they are mirror, rather than identical, images of each other and, of course, inevitably they are not treated exactly alike by other people and have experiences that are not exactly alike.
Yes, we inherit certain abilities and disabilities from our ancestors; but not always in the way that our family is happy with. Because that is so, many parents and grandparents are unhappy with their children and grandchildren who are unable to follow in their footsteps.
Even if we find idols other than our parents or grandparents to follow after, we might still not be qualified to do so. My parents were not college graduates so when I went to college something that my parents had not had the opportunity to do), I chose to become a psychologist, something that no one in my family had ever done.
I ignored some of my creative artistic and musical inclinations to become a knowledgeable scientist who would successfully do research to prove certain principles in the science of psychology. I felt had to do this to become what I was interested in being a practicing therapist and intuitive diagnostician and this was a preliminary step!
Actually, I was really interested in helping ordinary people before their problems became serious which is something I am doing now by writing this blog. I have also discovered that instinctively I have a good singing and speaking voice and artistic sense. That led me to rethink my past interests in projective drawings and hypnosis and other forms of altered states as an aid in therapy. I had briefly become involved in these things and then rejected them because they did not represent mainline scientific psychology and because I thought I was not talented enough in these areas.
Now Is The Time That….
So who are YOU really?
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Lets Not Keep Throwing Kids Away Literally and Figuratively
Frightened young girls get pregnant so they have somebody to love and young boys like to feel studly and see how many babies they can generate. Neither is a good reason to have a child. Nurturing a child is also a full-time process which involves being selfless much of the time. It also requires good judgment which is not fully developed until young adulthood.
Our welfare state facilitates irresponsible parenthood and children often raised without discipline or love. How many children are thrown out on the street and have to learn how to survive there on their own.Then we chastise them (not the parents or the state) for doing this and becoming angry at society and not fitting in there.
No wonder these children don’t trust anybody. Yes, the ghetto (where many of these children end up) doesn’t always teach middle-class values. In order to survive, these children do what they can to live on the streets or with parents and foster parents that don’t care or use them for their own purposes. They often only want the check. Worse yet these parents may have been raised the same way that they are raising their children.
Parents having the right to raise or not raise their biological children as they see fit does not take into account the rights of the children. They also go so far as to often use abortion as the method of choice when it comes to practicing birth control.
I think it is a case of blame the victim (which is the child) for the sometimes irrefutable abuse they sustained whether caused by the system, natural parents, and/or foster parents.
Last, but not least, parents who do a good job of raising their children by giving their kids love, discipline, and values do not get rewarded by the system. There are no rewards for doing a good job, just for doing a bad job.
Child custody also gets handled often by people who do not know what they are doing, what the child needs, and what constitutes a good parent. If they do know these things they are hampered by laws and regulations that often don’t make any sense.
For example in one northern county of my state, only the worst judges, those who are not doing their job in other venues, get “demoted” to doing child custody cases and they receive no training on how to do this in a way that would benefit the child whose custody is being determined.
I have proposed that that county develop special training for these judges determining custody cases. It would include forty hours of hands-on training by professionals in the field of custody determination. Doing it this way ensures that judges would actually participate and not just skim through some information on the subject. It should also be a mixed group so no judge would be swayed in a particular direction.
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Do You Hear Only What You Want To Hear?
Do You Hear Only What You Want to Hear Or See Only What You Want To See? Do you sometimes tune things out and skip parts of the material that is given to you? or that is shown to you?
I go to a place to meet my spiritual needs and I go to hear what God wants me to know. I try to go with no preconceived notions of what I will get from attending church that day. I quiet myself and pay attention to what is prayed, said, or done. It is a time to be in the moment, not about feeling bad for what has happened in the past or being anxious or worried about the future.
Something was said yesterday during the service that I caught and am presenting here. This idea not only applies to worship services, but also to doctor visits, books, lectures or workshops.We often hear what we want to hear not actually was said or intended. When we learn something new, we often make changes to other ideas we have held or if this makes us uncomfortable we decide to tweak the material that was presented so it fits our notions of how the world should be.
Gossiping
Ever play the game of gossip and noticed how distorted the original message became?
We may tune in and tune out adjusting what we do hear to make it more acceptable no matter what the content. We can have attacks of boredom. We can become irritated because we have to sit there and listen to the speaker drone on and on. We can day dream or even fall asleep. Pay attention there may be something useful there.
This also can apply to visual material like posters, power point presentations. Did you read the quote presented at the top of this post. Here it is again. How did it make you feel: comfortable or uncomfortable. Are you generally open and receptive? or do you not like someone else telling you what to do and/or commenting on your appearance, possessions, and family. You have your own ideas and are comfortable with them.
I realize when I jump to conclusions I don’t pay attention to what is being presented. Stereotypes of people and cultures leave much to be desired and prevent us from encompassing diversity and learning what these people and cultures are really like.
Now you may understand why that Active Listening (Carl Rogers) is so important in communication. Being able to repeat what the other person has said before giving your reply encourages people to hear everything that was said.
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Stay Involved, Don’t Opt Out
Social interaction is crucial to children learning language. Watching a video or listening to an auditory version is not enough. Are children becoming autistic because people in our world are becoming less and less involved? What about a good old fashioned conversation or a satisfying read? Being unable to interact with others is a very real problem and I can see the day when children have virtual play dates? How removed from reality is this? Will we all sit home and rely on clouds and the internet to keep us in touch? Will the ethers be doing our talking? It will no longer be necessary to read or write as computers will communicate for us just by talking and ultimately will thoughts and images not words be used to share ideas?
This just started out as a blog about how children need human contact to learn and ultimately to thrive. Scarey isn’t it? For example, someday people will not sign their names, not just because they did not learn cursive writing; but because reading and writing are no longer considered necessary. We have done this since the dawn of the machine age and eliminating the human factor in creating things that we need and use. Is it possible we are also eliminating the good vibrations that many skilled, dedicated craftsmen and craftswomen put into their work.
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How Easily Intimidated Are You?
Do you do what is right even if other people will think it is wrong? Will you do what other people think is wrong when you know it is right? How easily intimidated are you?
How well do you stand up for yourself or others when this happens? Are you easily shamed or guilted into doing something that makes you personally uncomfortable even at your own personal expense. When the rolis called up yonder and you go before the ultimate judge (yourself) how will you fare? How many things will you have missed out on? How many chances will you have passed by to do what you knew was the right thing but didn’t have enough courage to do?
What will you have sacrificed to make others happy by letting them get away with abusing your time trying to convince you that they are right when you know they are wrong. Giving up being joyful and happy so that others who will never learn anything the hard way can escape the consequences of their behavior. Do you sometimes feel life is a drag especially when you go along with other peoples’ preferences instead of your own especially if those choices will make you uncomfortable and continue to suck the joy out of your life.
Worse yet you go against your own internal moral code in order to conform to societies expectations and generalizations about “correct” behavior that could be be and might be applied to your behavior. Are you willing to be punished for doing something you know is really “right” even if it goes against the codes of others?
How independent are your standards both for yourself and others. Are you willing to spend time with someone who is boring but doesn’t know it because other people often let him or her get away with it. Would you spend time with someone who has few friends but who would appreciate getting your time or do you follow the crowd and do the same old thing that you do every time you go out instead? What does your intuition say you should do?
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