Discover our App

Centerpointe Research

identity

Anger, The Source Of Depression?

rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpgIs anger the source of depression?  Doesn’t it take a  lot of anger as the motivating force in order to kill yourself.  You can’t take it out on anybody else so you take it out on the only other possible victim, yourself!

Anger is the dark cloud that follows the depressed person around.  It is always raining on the depressed person’s parade.  When it is hard to feel happy (Some people say that this is genetically so for the depressed person) and sadness lingers longer for the depressed person than for the nondepressed person.

“Don’t rain on my parade” could be the motto for the depressed person.  The average depressed person; however, doesn’t see any way out.   Normal solutions for other people like creating a diversion like going for a walk, listening to some music, or watching a movie doesn’t serve as the distraction that it might serve for normal person who is upset and feels bad.rp_3775721812_ec64821eb7_m.jpg

As tragic as it sounds, “taking” someone with you is not an unthinkable solution for the depressed person because he or she is so angry.  Worse come to worse the most horrible solution is not taking just anyone with you, but taking your loved ones, your children with you.  It is a way of taking them out of this cruel world so they don’t have to suffer like the depressed person has.

Not being able to vent anger or modeling what parents, authority figures, and possibly peers have done is to blame the only one left to blame, themselves.  If you are not allowed to be angry and are in fact even more rejected if you try leaves no way out.  The beauty of the world is “blacked” out.  Not only is the depressed person chronically unhappy, but  they have been made to feel that the only one they have to blame is him or her self.rp_Anxiety.gif

This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that it is hopeless to try and do anything about being depressed.  Often venting about being depressed and hopeless and how needy you are only has one possible outcome driving other people away because they become tried of hearing this.  Also it usually also generates the creation of “Why don’t you, yes buts,” which is a game people play to insure that there is no solution for their plight which seems to be more important than finding one.  Because it justifies them having not found one before now.  (See the book, “The Games People Play.”)

Feeling responsible for having lived a lifetime of depression is hard to accept and/or give up.  If I am not the happiest person in the world, than I must be the unhappiest one.  This provides some justification for one’s helpless plight in life.

rp_Enjoy-life-foods.jpgIn conclusion, again could it be that some people have a harder time feeling happy than others and that it might be genetic.  Perhaps endorphins are not as easily released in some people as it is in others.  Another genetic possibility is that when unhappy some people have a harder time getting over it when their past experiences in trying to do so have been unsuccessful or prolonged so that the depressed person can’t predict an immediate or future good outcome when they are suffering in this way.

Last, but not least, depressed people may have had little success finding role models who are able to successfully handle depression by such things as distraction and avoiding ruminating about it.  Also parents and other role models may have added to this sense of hopelessness by focusing on their own inability or the depressed child’s inability to do anything about it and by reinforcing a poor self-concept.rp_8779146668_6e5def7ac9_n.jpg

Find Yourself, Not Someone Else

Find yourself; not someone else.  It may be admirable to have a child or even children who are like you and follow in your footsteps; but he or she or they may not be comfortable in your shoes.  In times past, it was important for people to have children so they could pick up where they left off.  Parents trained their children to take their place someday and to be of help to them in a labor intensive time.  Parents usually were not happy if their children did not take over for them.

Now it is more a matter of self-validation.  It confirms to the parent that he or she took the right path when the children take the same path.  Sometimes it is like the story of the ugly duckling.  Remember that one turned out to be a swan, different, but beautiful.  You can feel like the ugly duckling if you don’t fit into your family, class in school, or community.  Some children like the ugly duckling even look different from the people that they are being raised with when if they were being raised with their own genetically kind (people who would probably look like them) wouldn’t look different at all.  Down syndrome children and some biracial children are even often seen as different from their relatives.

English: Vilhelm Pedersen illustration for &qu...

English: Vilhelm Pedersen illustration for “Ugly Duckling” in public domain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you study genetics and how traits are passed down from parent to child, you will often find that it is a very complex problem and doesn’t always work the way it seems it should.  Children can have the same parents and have surprisingly different traits.  This is also true of apptitudes and abilities.  Add into this what happens to them from the time of conception to birth which may not be like their siblings and the children and their parents will still be related; but can be very different.  Also traits may get passed down, but not to the desired child or sex (like first born male).

Children inherit tempraments which may or may not be like that of their parents.  Sometimes oil and water do not mix.  An “easy” parent may inherit a slow to warm up child and he or she can’t understand why his or her child does not easily take to new things.

Some talents or abilities which might be very strong can not be desired or appreciated in the family or society into which a person is born.  I was born on a farm and eventually married a farmer (after doing other things) and I can understand why he sometimes does not understand why a “city” boy does not know how to do things farm boys know how to do and he has difficulty valuing what the “city” boy can do by virtue of his college education even if it was not in agriculture.

As much as I love flowers,  I don’t want them to be all alike all the time.  I like seeing new and different ones.  Also some flowers that some people call flowers around here are called weeds by other people in other places.  This might even be true of people growing marijuana when flowers appear in their plots.  (I am not recommending that  you start growing marijuana however.)

Be yourself as long as you are not deliberately hurting yourself (or others for your own gain) and when you find yourself, you will make your contribution to the world and become what YOU were or are meant to be.  I believe finding yourself is why we were meant to be as we each have our own contribution to make.  If we pay too much attention to what others tell us we should be, we may get led astray.  It may not be easy, but it often will be rewarding.  For example, how many shoes at how many shoe stores do some of us have to try before we find a shoe that fits us, feels good, and wears well.  It usually is a personal thing.  What shoe style works for one may not work for another.  Also many people, especially women, pay the price for wearing shoes that they think they should wear because they are in fashion, etc.  (Check out Oprah on this issue.)

Enhanced by Zemanta

Women’s Perception Of Their Place In The World

gender-decision-makingWomen?  What is your perception of your place in the world?  Women are made to have a unique purpose and niche in the world which they often don’t recognize until it is too late.  Men focus on the things that are supposed to make us happy, but don’t.    Still in positions of importance and places of power, you see few women and definitely not in suits and ties.  What has happened to us?  Where are we going?  Men have taught us to distrust other women and for us to turn to them  (they think) for answers to our problems and guidance in our affairs.   It is easier for men to focus on obtaining positions of power and to focusing on amassing large amounts of wealth and control  or ownership of vast amounts of property and  valuables.  Thus they may easily be blindsided by acquiring these things and not seeing the importance of love and spirituality in their lives.

familykidpictureLife is like a speculator sports especially when it comes to having children in your lives,  You are like a football  fan eagerly following his or her favorite team.  You follow along with their highs and lows being encouraging and supportive.  .  It is intriging how little children learn things and get things done in their own way.   You may never have so much influence over another person’s life again.  Two things we are not usually taught are how to handle our own lives and our own feelings.   Two more because of this, we are often not aware how much influence you have or your children’s lives in turn.  Also if you are not the prime motivator of a child’s life, you still can alleviate the effect of those who are.  Many people are not aware or don’t care about how teasing others or making fun of others can effect their lives.  Why is it fun to make someone cry so easily. 

We are one in the spirit and what hurts one of us hurts all of us.  Causing pain and suffering even if only of the mental and emotional kind can be cruel and unthinking of us.  It can create the type  of wound that may never heal.  Fear of what will others think of us  has been drilled into us in our society.  Why do we pick on the powerless and weakest of us in this way.  Many of us have not been taught to have respect for the life around us. 

emotional-abuse-disney-princess-16471851-496-479It is more probable that women are aware of this and have been made aware of this in their upbringing than men.  We (women) are the nurturers of the rest of us.   Men and children depend on us to take care of them and to recognize their needs and to meet them.  Men have more problems late in life when they are left alone and women are becoming more and more aware later in life that the men who want them to marry them at that time, do not want to be alone and do not know how or do not want to meet their own needs themselves.  When they learn this type of ability to live independently they blossom. 

Women are more likely to develop faith and spiritual powers to be better able to help others and the whole world and the universe than to meet concrete, self-oriented goals.  Women are more likely to know that our perception of the world and of the things and forms of life within it can easily change and that we have often been  egotistical and to thought  that the world revolves about us.  This creates a self-centered lifestyle.  In actuality women are often not self-centered enough and to expect others to meet their needs because they have met theirs.  Women are more likely to live vicariously and to be the power behind the throne.  Consider our First Ladies in our country.

When men have found that they have metaphysical powers, they often abuse them and use them to control others and things around them.  That is why some spiritual societies as Atlantis and Lemuria self-destructed.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Maybe, You Are Where You Are Supposed To Be

you-are-exactly-who-you-are-suppose-to-be

See this post at www.mutualspiritualaffinity.com.

 

Your Own Bragging Rights

achievementself-loveDo you have your own bragging rights?  I’ve been afraid to have them.  The higher up you go, the farther you can fall.  That’s what I have always been told.  “The meek will inherit the earth,” is another one.  How about, “Be all you can be-in the Army.”  If we all live up to our God-given or inborn potential, will there be anything left for anybody else?  Potentially we can be or do almost everything if we want to.  We may not have the time in this lifetime to do it all.  But I would love to be able to pick and choose.  Parents say they want their children to do it better and have it better than they have.  But aren’t you the parent just a little bit jealous of your own child when this actually happens?

Sometimes the only bragging rights parents have are about their children and grandchildren.  Could it be like second hand smoke?  Everywhere around you and you can’t help breathing it in; but it does you no good.  Parents sometimes work themselves to death in order for their kids to have it better than they did and often the children do not appreciate what has been done for them.  Part of the problem has been that very rarely does the child want to do or have the exact same thing that the parent wants.  Do it yourself, don’t put everything off or postpone starting your life til after the children are gone.  Especially if you have done a lot for your kids, they may still be depending on you when they should be out on their own or worst yet, they expect you to do the exact same thing as you did for them for their kids.  Too much is too much and enough is enough.

Alright already.  Do your children make plans and share confidences that don’t include you?  You know they are having a good time; but you aren’t.  Are you missing out on something?  Create your own experiences, celebrate your own successes, develop your own tastes and appetite for adventure and success as you see it.  Develop your own bragging rights for things that you have or are doing that promote you.  Maybe it is not so bad to search for and find your own purpose in life or thrive on your own accomplishments.

Not only should you do something well, you should want to shine at it and you should try to do it better than even you expected.  Start now.  Don’t wait for an empty nest (or even to be widowed) or it may be too late then.  Exercise your bragging rights now especially to yourself by saying all those things you would like to hear.  Compliments are made, not born, and may not come easily when applied to oneself.  If we fear success and don’t even dare hope that we will do something spectacular, we leave room for others to do what we could do for ourselves.  Wives and mothers, do you wait til everyone else’s needs are to take any or do you not assert yourself because, it didn’t matter anyway and it keeps the peace.

Who are you?  Have you forgotten?  Have you discovered your hidden talents or have not done anything with them because you don’t think you are worth it? or don’t really have any talent as compared to other people you know who have done it?

The most highly defended is the greatest asset.  That’s why Rocket Risks (Motor Mouth Publishing) are worth it.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Who’s Your Inner Voice? Part I

Having discussed mind chatter before, now I want to know,  Who’s your inner voice?” Parent, teacher, minister, God, the devil?  Your friends and/or neighbors.  Family members besides your parents?  When you talk to yourself, do you become your inner voice or do you have to do it out loud?  Interesting idea isn’t it?

Who’s your inner voice?  If it is not you, then it is someone else like I said above.  Why do you let somebody else tell you what to do when it is you who will suffer the consequences?  Doing what you are told to do by that inner voice may save you some grief or it may not save you some grief.  If you constantly repeat in your head what somebody else has told you, is this benefiting you or that person.

Who’s your inner voice?  Have you thought about it and come up with an answer?  Did you choose that inner voice?  Does it benefit you?  Please don’t just believe that because the voice comes from inside your head that it is really saying what you need to hear.  Our parents, our peers, may have less than good intentions when they tell you something and it sticks in your head and tells you to do something for your own good?  Think for yourself.  What really do you need to do for your own good?

Who’s your inner voice?  Is it positive or negative?  Negative voices whether anger, fear, self-despairaging comments are things that get you in to trouble, lower your self-esteem, and may even make you think you wish you were dead are not in your best interest.  Guilt, shame, etc. can work against you if you continue to voice them even after the incident has passed and you have made amends if any were necessary.

Who’s your inner voice.  Does it egg you on, promote behavior that will harm you or others?  Adolescents often have an imaginary audience who they perceive as judging their behavior.  They also may believe things that are not true (personal myths) that support beliefs that will put them in harm’s way.  For example, they think they are invincible.

Inner voices can be positive.  You may have grown to trust them.  When you are about to give up, they keep you going.  More about who’s your inner voice next time.

children-innervoicejpg

Enhanced by Zemanta

Defining Your Identity

English: High school students from the United ...

English: High school students from the United States learn about prerequisites for veterinary school and the veterinary school admissions process at a career fair in March 2005 in Washington, D.C. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The process of defining one’s identity can be an arduous task.  It can be a never ending process lasting throughout your entire life.  No wonder some people take the “easy” way out and join a cult.  Scientology is an example of this.  In return for doing what appears to be getting your life in order you give up your freedom to live your own life.  The more unambiguous an organization is the more attractive it is to some people, especially those who can’t deal with ambiguity.

“Foreclosure” is the psychological word for accepting as your identity something that society, your family, your culture has set up for your future without much consideration of what that would mean for you.  Freedom of choice was often not a factor here.  Large catholic families, for example, in the past often had at least one child that they planned to have devote her or his life to the church by becoming a nun, sister, priest, or monk.  If it is a good fit, the person can have a successful life.  Often, especially in the past, this decision was made when the child was very young and while attending Catholic school.

Often one still chooses their identity at an early age even if his or her family did not choose it for them because the process involved in achieving that career takes a lot of preparation and it needs to be done early.  This is often clear when a person decides to make a career change later in life.  Now that people are living longer, it is happening more and more often.  Often it is a part of mid-life crisis.  Often people who do not “jump” into something early in their lives often are afraid that they will “miss the boat.”  Yet those who do so later often have more experience and make better choices.  This is very clear in careers that peak early and bring with them fame and fortune but allow little time for those who are successful that way to develop their talents and their characters.

More to come later on finding your spiritual identity and when, if, and how doing so relates to finding a career.  Also how your initial identity is created by your environment (including your family), by your heredity (abilities, deficiencies, and talents), by the place where you were born, the time when you were born, and by the political and religious issues at that time.

Career path

Career path (Photo credit: highwind012)

 

Enhanced by Zemanta