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Should You Judge A Book By Its Cover? What Do You Think Is More Important? Looks? Or Personality??

Drp_300px-Kohlberg_moral_stages_vop.gifo you realize we learn to like certain skin colors, hair types, body shapes, heights, and to discriminate between them.  To me, my mommy was beautiful and my grandmas were a “sight for my sore eyes,”  although they were older and heavier than my mother.  My BFF, who I met in first grade, was not judged by me on the basis of her physical size but on how much fun we had when we were together.  I had a cousin the same age as I was and I often got hand me downs from her as she (although my age) was “bigger” than me.  We have to be taught to see these differences as significant.  The standards of beauty and handsomeness can vary quite strikingly from culture to culture and have you looked at wedding pictures and seen that there is a man for every woman and a woman for every man.

I was having a discussion with my daughter-in-law and discovered that an actress that I considered to be no beauty was considered very attractive by my daughter-in-law.  Also men and women focus on different parts of the anatomy when they try to decide if a woman is beautiful and/or and a man is a potential  “chick magnet.”  Haven’t you ever heard a discussion about what physically attracts a man to a woman: her boobs, her butt, her legs, her hair color, or whatever.

Remember the saying, “Men don’t make passes at women who wear glasses.”  Doesn’t seem to face-partsmatter now.  It used to be what attracted a woman to a man was his profession or his ability to be able to support her in the style she was or would like to become accustomed to.   At mid-life or latter some men look for a younger woman sometimes even young enough to be their daughter.  Then there women who are “cougars” and seek younger men.  Ever hear the terms, “sugar daddy”or “trophy wife”?

There is one particular cable news channel that is often on at my house and one of the recurring “experts” I became acquainted with was so ugly, I didn’t like to look at him; however he was very knowledgeable and had a very credible life history to support his road to being this “expert.”  All of a sudden one day as I was listening to him, I realized he no longer was bad looking to me.  His looks didn’t change but my attitude toward them had.

rp_5798468679_59ea50286a_m.jpgI came to realize that I had been selling other people short when I concentrated on their looks instead of their personality, knowledge, and abilities.  I also I noticed I was selling myself short too when I dressed to impress and probably could not afford it instead of wearing something flattering and comfortable so I could be comfortable being me.  I don’t mean that looks don’t count.  You can go too far in this direction to the point of being offensive.

I had planned to post on the fact that the cable news channel had only impossibly beautiful women in at least distracting (if not very conservative) clothes, dangerously high heels, high maintenance hairstyles, and glamorous makeup that required that these women show up early for work in order to attain this look.  Also of course, the men who had the same jobs were often not necessarily tall, athletic, and youthful and wore more comfortable, less revealing, clothes.  I then realized I was judging these women on how they looked but in a negative way.  They didn’t deserve that either.  They invested a lot of time and money into looking the way they did and should not be judged for trying so hard.

Stoke The Fire And Watch The Blaze

rp_2793302319_fb8e5d72d7_m.jpgHow come we leave the most important jobs to chance and neglect providing any preparation for them in the aim of providing people the chance to put their mark on something very important or  to ignore it .  Do we have the inalienable right to mess up somebody’s life before the person even has a chance to live it?  Is reproduction a right or a privilege?  Could we mess up another person’s life this drastically if we weren’t allowed to exert this influence until their were of a majority?  Does ownership apply only to property and not to people?  Sometimes you would think so but it is not true.  Do we have the right to mess up a person’s life just because we took part in the conception of him or her?  Environmentalists want to restrict people’s rights to use their property but we don’t want to restrict a family’s rights to shape their offspring’s development and future contributions to society and to stunt or restrict a child’s future potential?

 

rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpgPeople who get parenting classes early enough either before they have children or before it is too late to help their children find it benefits both themselves and their offspring.  In terms of protecting people’s rights to promote have their own set of values we may prevent some people from having any values at all or from being exposed to any set of values.  Are or are not values useful?  Do values help guide people to acqiring goals in life and acquiring respect for other people having their own maybe different sets of values.  Not having values and therefore not teaching them often leads to only protecting the right to not having any values.  Also the value of human life either after conception or after birth often has no value and results in killing and enslaving other humans.

Love often gets left out of the equation when values get left out of the equation.  Babies placed in orphanages in the past to be raised without mothers (or fathers) failed to thrive and did not live to grow up.  Some people get more upset about the abuse and neglect of animals than they do about that of children and babies born and unborn..  Some animals if given tne chance become emotionally attached to other animals or humans if given the chance.  Do humans have the right to be given this chance.  We talk about pets who give their masters unconditional love and how people who are alone and maybe also ill do better if they have access to pets.  What is unconditional love.  It is love given without the expectation of it being returned.  It is recognition of the innate worth of life.  It is something that innately benefits the giver as much as it benefits the recipient.rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpg

Love is giving without expecting it to be returned.  Modern day business people might think that a person would be crazy to do this.   Forced giving does not assuredly generate trust nor reciprocation.  Stoke the fire and watch the blaze.  Each person has something to give.  Love is the core of values.  Caring for other forms of life reinforces the value we have for life.  Often we give up caring about something because we feel it won’t help.  Evil (the absence of values) is facilitated by those who have been encouraged to have no hope that they will to be able to make a difference.

Look up the words, “power” and “force.”  We are often encouraged to think that we don’t have the strength to be able to make something to happen.  This is the core belief behind wars.  That is that we have to exert force and go against somebody’s will in order to make them do something they don’t want to do but what we want them to do anyway.  “Power” is the strength inherent in wanting really to do good.  It is stronger than “force.”  Good people often don’t use it because they don’t think that the have it and /or that it will work against the force of evil.  However, consider Gandhi and Martin Luther King as examples of “power” in action.  “Love” and “good” are  the strength behind power.

rp_2793302319_fb8e5d72d7_m.jpgStoke the fire of “good” and watch the blaze.  Giving unconditional love is the way to do this.  We are not “powerless” as other people who have no values, who want other people to have no values, and who would use “force” to generate evil would like us to think.

Love One Another Right Now Even If It Costs

rp_8619481133_df8a85fccf_m.jpgYou think you can’t win if you don’t compete by withholding love from others because they might win and you might lose.  Do you find it difficult to impossible to be happy for others when they succeed and get rewarded for it on top of it and you don’t?

I cheer for others and can sometimes even be gloriously happy when they succeed.  Some people think that is strange.  Yet it is living proof that I too can win and meet my goals.  So many of us have had it brow beaten into us that others winning lowers the chance of our being able to do so also.  This means fewer accomplishments for us.  Do you find it hard to congratulate others when you, yourself, have not succeeded.  Do we often covet what others get or have because we feel that there is no more room in the inn for us to get some.

Love when divided multiplies.  The more we give the more we potentially can have.  There is an old story about a wicked witch who comes to a happy community and tells the occupants that they only have so much love to give and not to give it out unless they were sure of getting it back.  She even starts selling charms and spells that will substitute for giving from their supply of love unless they are sure they will get it back.  They conserve their supply of love for their own loved ones, not strangers.rp_300px-Friendship_love.JPG

Why should people give from their rapidly limited decreasing supply of real love when they can get “love” to give to others from the witch and thus not deplete their supply of real love.  They reserved their “real” love for themselves and their families and friends.  You know that people can die from lack of love and soon people began to drop like flies.  It was the phony love that killed them.  People became very selfish and stingy.

Just because you give love away doesn’t mean you will have no more love to give or have for yourself.  Strangely enough one child in the town where the evil witch loved either had not heard this or didn’t believe and began giving away love freely, without abandon, and NOBODY he gave to DIED FROM LACK OF LOVE ANYMORE INCLUDING HIMSELF.

Try the 29 day giving spree and give of your own treasures to someone else who would appreciate having them.  Or give more money to others than you just have to.  Why be stingy or calculate the appropriate amount to the penny when it comes to giving tips.  It only counts if it hurts a little or a lot for you to give these things.  It must cost you something to do this or it won’t count.  Something you were planning to throw out and dispose of at the Salvation Army does not count.  Remember what goes around comes around and it sometimes happens very quickly and in a surprising way.

Modern science has shown that people who do this are at the very least happier and may even get a rush of endrophens.  People who do this often start planning ahead about what they are going to give next.  This leaves less time for anxiety, sadness, and worry and for defaming others, putting them down, criticizing them, and passing judgment on them.rp_Not_So_Much_To_Be_Loved_As_To_Love.jpg

At Christmas time, have you ever played secret Santa?  People who work or live in the same place secretly draw names and do one thing kindly and anonymously each day for that person until Christmas.  The receiver tries to guess who the Secret Santa actually is.  Part of the fun is confusing the recipient and surprising him or her on Christmas when the secret is revealed.  It is fun to keep him or her off the track.  This too is part of the fun sometimes of paying it forward  as the recipient may never know who was so kind and/or generous.

 

Happiness Is Contagious

The lilt in your voice, the smile in your eyes are contagious.  Happiness is the most contagious with little kids.  It is easy to improve their mood by doing this.happiness-is-contagious-wx-70842

We often look without seeing, hear without listening.  We miss so much precious information when we are in too much of a hurry to go somewhere or do something to spend the time to process it.  It is surprising to discover that the smiles of children sparkle; their voices tinkle with a tune.  Little children spread happiness and it is contagious.

Usually if we can’t accept what we are hearing or seeing, we just deny it.  Psychically other people can be an open book if we are reading their expressions to get more information about them so we can understand them better and help them.

English: A Swedish box of chocolates called &q...

English: A Swedish box of chocolates called “Aladdin” (top layer, identical to the bottom layer). Svenska: Den svenska chokladasken “Aladdin” (övre lagret, identiskt med undre lagret). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Spread the word.  Life can be a bowl or cherries or a box of chocolates if you want it to be.  Ever start the day by getting out on the wrong side of the bed?  That has serious repercussions.  Pay attention to how you start the day and do it in a different way for your own sake.

 

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A Valentine To My Sister

Valentine's day countdown

Valentine’s day countdown (Photo credit: Julie K in Taiwan)

A Valentine to my sister.  You know who you are.  You were made, not born.  I thought I had no sisters, only brothers and I envied those who did.  I know sisters fight sometimes and envy what the other has.  This was true of us; but now we’ve formed a sister’s bond and I know you were chosen to be my sister, we were made to have this relationship, not born this way.

I thought the world was wonderful when I had two daughters of my own; but I didn’t know what the world had in store for me when I acquired a daughter by law.  I am so proud when I go anywhere with you three.  I know I have to share you with your own mother and with your mother-in-laws too.

Bonds can be made as well as created by birth.  We also have two wonderful sons by law and my husband (their father-in-law) appreciates them too.  We never lost a daughter or a son, we just gained another son or daughter.  We also greatly appreciate their parents for giving birth to them and for becoming part of our extended family.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The biggest blessing of all is the nieces and nephews, cousins, and shared grandchildren that came to be.  The more love is shared the more there is to share.

 

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If I am One Hundred Percent So Are You

Not So Much to Be Loved as to Love

Not So Much to Be Loved as to Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How do you picture other people in your life?  Are they 100%?  If you are 100% then more then likely they are 100% too.

I was looking for a way to say that all people are equal in the Supreme Being‘s eyes and if we love ourselves, we love others too.  In find it difficult to say I love you to everybody; but I found that I could say, “You are 100%.”

My next step will be to say, “You are worthy of love.”  What motivates you in your behavior is often the fact that you don’t feel loved and you feel that you have to hurt others in retaliation for this.

What horrible things we do because we do not really love ourselves.  Think of all the not so  random shootings and vehicular violence that occurs.  We all want to be loved and accepted.

Missing the love and respect of just one parent can damage a person irrevocably and result in retalitory violence against his or her spouse and children and against the world in general.  How many people have grown up with angry parents who take their anger out on their children?

How can a parent give a child the necessary unconditional love when they did not get it themselves?  How much of a child’s behavior is motivated by a desire to be loved and accepted?  Gang membership is often used as a way to do this.

So let’s make a start and just say in our heads to everyone we meet, “You are 100%.”

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Pay It Forward, Give Love Away

lightinthesouljpg

Pay it forward.  Give love away to the next person (a child especially) that you see.  You make the light in my eyes shine.  I see you from across the room.  I smile and you come to me.  It is obvious that you have made my day.  How can a child live without this?  Infants imitate facial expressions.  Help raise a child even one you don’t know.  Let them know by your facial expression that he or she has made your day just by their mere presence.  Send love to a child to day.  It costs nothing.

Take the whole thing a step further.  Works with adults too.  Smile at the next person you see.  Don’t look at them suspiciously.  Christians and other spiritual people have the love of God to sustain them.  It is like the five loaves and three fishes, the more you give away, the more you have leftover for yourself.  Get down off the shelf.  Spread love and happiness around.  The more you give away, the more you get.

Since I have been practicing this, strange things have been happening.  I got a spontaneous hug the other day from someone I didn’t know but who said they knew me.  Last night a pecan pie (oh, how I love pecan pie) appeared at the door.  It was a spontaneous gift from a neighboring Mennonite family.

Little girl serving a pecan pie.

Little girl serving a pecan pie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It doesn’t take money to pay it forward, it just takes love and a smile.  You don’t necessarily have to have an agenda.  Just try it and see what happens.  Shy? are you lacking in self-confidence?  Then just send love anonymously.  Try it on the next grumpy person that you meet.  Try it.  Light up your soul.

If you see someone having a problem, don’t make it worse.  Don’t join in with a heckling crowd.  Don’t join the crowd and express your annoyance too with a misbehaving, fractious child when an agitated parent obviously has lost control  of the situation.  If you can’t help, don’t make it worse.  Smile a look of understanding instead.  Pay it forward.  You don’t know when you might need that smile yourself.

 

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