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Stoke The Fire And Watch The Blaze

rp_2793302319_fb8e5d72d7_m.jpgHow come we leave the most important jobs to chance and neglect providing any preparation for them in the aim of providing people the chance to put their mark on something very important or  to ignore it .  Do we have the inalienable right to mess up somebody’s life before the person even has a chance to live it?  Is reproduction a right or a privilege?  Could we mess up another person’s life this drastically if we weren’t allowed to exert this influence until their were of a majority?  Does ownership apply only to property and not to people?  Sometimes you would think so but it is not true.  Do we have the right to mess up a person’s life just because we took part in the conception of him or her?  Environmentalists want to restrict people’s rights to use their property but we don’t want to restrict a family’s rights to shape their offspring’s development and future contributions to society and to stunt or restrict a child’s future potential?

 

rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpgPeople who get parenting classes early enough either before they have children or before it is too late to help their children find it benefits both themselves and their offspring.  In terms of protecting people’s rights to promote have their own set of values we may prevent some people from having any values at all or from being exposed to any set of values.  Are or are not values useful?  Do values help guide people to acqiring goals in life and acquiring respect for other people having their own maybe different sets of values.  Not having values and therefore not teaching them often leads to only protecting the right to not having any values.  Also the value of human life either after conception or after birth often has no value and results in killing and enslaving other humans.

Love often gets left out of the equation when values get left out of the equation.  Babies placed in orphanages in the past to be raised without mothers (or fathers) failed to thrive and did not live to grow up.  Some people get more upset about the abuse and neglect of animals than they do about that of children and babies born and unborn..  Some animals if given tne chance become emotionally attached to other animals or humans if given the chance.  Do humans have the right to be given this chance.  We talk about pets who give their masters unconditional love and how people who are alone and maybe also ill do better if they have access to pets.  What is unconditional love.  It is love given without the expectation of it being returned.  It is recognition of the innate worth of life.  It is something that innately benefits the giver as much as it benefits the recipient.rp_277759056_8069814eb7_m.jpg

Love is giving without expecting it to be returned.  Modern day business people might think that a person would be crazy to do this.   Forced giving does not assuredly generate trust nor reciprocation.  Stoke the fire and watch the blaze.  Each person has something to give.  Love is the core of values.  Caring for other forms of life reinforces the value we have for life.  Often we give up caring about something because we feel it won’t help.  Evil (the absence of values) is facilitated by those who have been encouraged to have no hope that they will to be able to make a difference.

Look up the words, “power” and “force.”  We are often encouraged to think that we don’t have the strength to be able to make something to happen.  This is the core belief behind wars.  That is that we have to exert force and go against somebody’s will in order to make them do something they don’t want to do but what we want them to do anyway.  “Power” is the strength inherent in wanting really to do good.  It is stronger than “force.”  Good people often don’t use it because they don’t think that the have it and /or that it will work against the force of evil.  However, consider Gandhi and Martin Luther King as examples of “power” in action.  “Love” and “good” are  the strength behind power.

rp_2793302319_fb8e5d72d7_m.jpgStoke the fire of “good” and watch the blaze.  Giving unconditional love is the way to do this.  We are not “powerless” as other people who have no values, who want other people to have no values, and who would use “force” to generate evil would like us to think.

Old Rolls Or Old Roles

rp_300px-Nuclearfamily.jpgOld rolls or old roles?  Which are staler.  Have you changed even so you might fall back into old roles when you are back in an old situation.  The expectations can still be there and you can’t resist them.  Does everybody eat at the dining role table when you eat in the kitchen even though you are not a child anymore.  Do you wait until everybody else has eaten before you even attempt to eat your food?  Anticipating a family visit can take you back to childhood, adolescence and possibly young adulthood. and when you actually get there it can be even worse.  The cues that used to set you or family members off, still do.  Okay, it doesn’t happen for you.  What about your partner when they visit their family.

Do we ever grow up in spite of our families?  Daddy’s girl or mama’s boy are roles that are easily taken up again when around mommy or daddy again.  Do you or did you have a sibling that used to boss you around, always got their way , or could beat you in a fight verbal or physical?  Were you the “STAR”, the one always recognized for your accomplishments or were you invisible and if you you did anything that achieved  recognition,  did certain or all other family members ignore it or worse yet  not even know that something like that happened?

Old habits die hard. Do family members that were used to giving you orders still order you around effectively when you are around them?  Do you pick up the check, wash the dishes, mind the little children while the rest of the family doesn’t even thank you and may even go off without you.  Enabling, double binds reassert themselves.  Do they order for you, refuse to get you a drink, or comment on your hair or what you wear or even go so far as to pick out what you wear.rp_Yes_stars_drama_logo.png

Worse yet do you become sick or somewhat spacey when planning to make a home visit.  Worse yet can be family reunions where you are given no choice as to what happens or do you do the opposite and wind up planning the whole thing with everybody else’s wishes, preferences, and time schedules in mind, not yours, because it is easier for you to just give in.  Do you find yourself not making a fuss even when you are grossly inconvenienced.  If it is your partner’s family reunion, do you get taken along for the ride and have a miserable time.  Do old dramas reoccur like Uncle George drinking all the spiked punch and getting sick and puking all over someone’s pants or carpet.

Do you wonder why you went.  Was it just to go and put in an appearance.  Did it even mess up your schedule and cause you to miss something else that you would have preferred to go to another family reunion, or a planned event with hard to get tickets.  Do the people there smoke, drink excessively, or cuss outrageously even in front of children?  How many of these events have you enjoyed? in the past ten years.rp_Send_It_On.png

Are you still the scapegoat at these events like a school reunion, etc..  Or worse yet do you still get bullied or even worse yet emotionally , physically, or sexually abused.  Some times sexual abuse by a family friend or member does not stop when the victim reaches adulthood.  Do the people there go off into their own groups (old school friends) and leave you on the fringe. Or instead do you lapse into old negative behaviors deliberately talking about things and doings while openly leaving someone out and who has a miserable time.

I suggest a spa visit before to get ready or better yet after to pamper yourself.  Aim to just live through it and give yourself some quiet decompression time possibly both before and after the visit.  Reward yourself for getting through it even if you only went out of obligation such as  “Honor thy father and mother.”  You might even go so far as to do or not do one thing that that you usually don’t do or do (almost helplessly) on these occasions.  Stand up for yourself, but be totally prepared for what might happen if you do this.  These people can still push your  buttons even if they have not been pushed in a long time.

Okay you are strong; you wouldn’t let this happen to you.  What about letting it happen to somebody else just because this was the way it always used to be.  You don’t want to cause any conflict.  Worse yet then they might pick on you too.  Have you really matured and do what you think is right rather than falling back into going along with the crowd.  “The crowd” can exert a lot of pressure and you may be seen as spoiling their good time.

Happy, Happy, Happy!

My happy face anyway!.

My happy face anyway!.

Taking a Rocket Risk  ala  Mary Mcellehattan’s book,.  Going where my heart’s desire is.  Fuflilling my bucket list.  It may be my last hurrah; but I am going.  Learned a lesson.  Don’t wait for somebody else to do it for you.

Create your own happiness.  Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you.  It’s your decision.  It’s your life.  You don’t need somebody else’s permission even if you would like to have it.  Don’t lose the moment.  I am not going to let anybody else’s opinion spoil your day or days spent where you only dreamed of being before.  Being yourself is not necessarily bad and is actually mostly or all good.  Most of us have been raised to seek somebody else’s approval (and sometime it’s even the world’s!) before doing something.

Don’t cloud a life time experience by being scared, afraid, or unhappy because somebody else doesn’t want you to do what you want to do.  Unhappy emotions are for the most part useless unless they are part of the grieving process.  Yes, I may be scared when I announce my intentions.  Just as people have different tastes in movies and music, they have different tastes when it comes to choosing a lifetime experience.  Do you have a certain food that you dislike and you can’t even stand to see it on somebody else’s plate.?  Liver (and onions) is something I enjoy, but I don’t have much company.   Are you always eating where someone else wants to eat as you don’t want to make waves and it’s not that big of a deal. anyway.  Move over Rover, there is a new dog in town.

Experiment!  Campaign for your choices when you are with someone or a group.  How often have you listened to yourself when deciding on something to eat.  Do you wait to see what others are

"Make my day!

“Make my day!

going to order first?   Have you ever thought, “My, wouldn’t that taste good.”  I even eat snails and of course all kinds of mushrooms including those we pick ourselves during mushroom season.  I have to agitate someone to get them on my pizza!

Planning a life experience like I am.  Go ahead fantasize the best trip ever including every thing you want even if you are not sure how you are going to get it.   It doesn’t hurt to be prepared if someone asks you what you want.  It’s your trip, it’s your budget.  What do you like best about visiting some other place?  I like to get to know the people and taste the food.  I like for my trips to be multipurpose and accomplish more than one of my goals.  I want to be met by a local and showed around by a local.  I want them or someone knowledgeable to set my itinerary.  I want to really experience the place while I am there.

Do you want to go through life saying , “I wish I could have done something.”  That negativity can last for a lifetime.  Who is being negative about this.  You oar someone else?  Is it,”If I feel bad about what you are going to do, you should feel bad too and have a miserable time planning your trip, taking your trip, and talking about it after.”  Secretly they may want to ruin your whole life by being this way about things you want to do.  Does someone in your family have this power over you?  To whose benefit is it?  There was a cartoon character  that always had a rain cloud over his head.  This could be you if you let this happen.

“If I am not happy, nobody else is going to be happy!”  Have you heard that before?  Does it have to be true?  How about having a good time anyway.  Happiness is a choice and it’s yours. Don’t listen to this sort of thing.  Don’t let this happen!   Some people are self-sacrificing and if they don’t let themselves do or have something, they don’t want you to either!

How You Grieve Can Not Be Predicted Nor How Long

How you grieve can not be predicted nor how long.  Also it can not be avoided or it will cause irrevocable damage.  Grief over the loss of a child can cause relationships to fail especially when  communication shuts down.  Grief can’t be easily avoided or ignored.  A person can grieve for any loss or impending loss such as the loss of a job, having a child leave home, etc.

The longest I grieved was five years (and it’s really not over yet.) and the deaths were unexpected and tragic.  I never have forgotten my dear, dear, friend (who was like a sister to me) who was pregnant and her toddler daughter who died on the way home for my friend and her husband to tell both sets of grandparents she was expecting.  Shock is hardly the word for how I reacted.  They have always been in my heart and mind and I marked the occasion for several years on my friend’s birthday.rp_3704705698_7d71898ce1_m.jpg

There are several stages of grief and a person does not go through them in any particular order.  This statement was made by Dr. Elisabeth-Kubler Ross herself at a workshop I attended.  Different sources on the internet say different.  They say that people progress through these stages in a particular order.  Actually a person can bounce back and forth between them.  A person may think that they have completed a certain stage and then he or she goes back through one of them again.

The stages are:  denial,  bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.  Denial is not being able to accept the the loss has happened or that the impending loss will occur.  Such as “No, no, he or she can’t be dead” or not accepting a diagnosis of terminal illness.  Pretending that a spouse who leaves is not gone for good and is going to come back when he or she returns to their right mind are other ways that a person can deny that a loss has or will occur.  Bargaining  is making a deal with God or other sources of power that the person will not die or some loss will not occur if the person who is doing the bargaining does some particular thing.   A person can be angry at the person or situation that caused the loss or at the deceased for leaving them alone.  Depression occurs when the person   realizes that the loss is permanent and the person left behind doesn’t know how they can be able to stand it.   Realizing that life will go on after the loss or that no matter what a person does the loss has or will occur is part of acceptance.

What is dangerous is that people who are grieving will isolate themselves and not encourage anyone to console them.  People in different stages of grieve often clash and harm rather than help each other.  People who grieve can project their anger on to others and even go so far as to seek revenge.  Many people who grieve feel helpless and unable to cope.  They can even become irrational and impossible to reason with.   Many deaths are just senseless and can’t be rationalized in any way.  For example, a random killing by a person bent on killing someone and doesn’t care who it is or a death or deaths from an auto accident killing whoever happened to be there at that place and time such as in my girlfriend’s case..

For example, years after my father died I got to see his death certificate and found that he died from multiple bed sores which was probably the fault of the nursing home.  My father had dementia and was irrational and unreasonable at times.  He remained a strong man and my mother could not handle him.  We grown children all lived away from home and she relied on neighbors and other family members to help her with him when he became aggressive.  For over a year after my father’s death, she couldn’t be reasoned with because she continued to constantly blame herself for putting him in the nursing home.   We all thought that she should have given up taking care of him by herself years earlier.  Now I know why she wouldn’t listen to us when we tried to talk to her.

Forgive, Forget, Let Go…

rp_Anxiety.gifForgive, forget, let go….   Taking things another step further….   If you feel that you have to forgive someone in order to let go, you might really never let go.  Could it be possible that there is nothing to forgive and the very act of forgiveness is standing in the way of getting on with your life?

I had a very nasty? teacher once.  He would rap your knuckles with a ruler if you did something that he thought deserved it.  Altogether it was a very frustrating experience and I cried many tears over our encounters.  I had just started grade school and he was a music director who got stuck teaching elementary school kids along with his other duties  as organist and choir director.  He was very temperamental as sometimes musicians and other artists are.  Teaching was probably very frustrating for him and it probably kept him from spending all his time doing what he really desired to do.  He made my life  miserable and my cousin who was also in the same class room said that he picked on me when he could have left me alone.  I admit I was a challenging child, a quick learner with a lot of creative ideas.  It was difficult to keep me busy and I questioned his authority frequently.

For a long time I could not see this situation from his point of view.  I had a very unhappy time while he was my teacher (He wasn’t the only teacher that I had that I had trouble with in elementary school.)  The point was that in my school we had almost all male teachers and I don’t think any of them thought that teaching elementary school children was their life’s work like it was for women at that time.  I had one good year i elementary school, the year I had a woman teacher.

Altogether it was an unfortunate experience and it did not help my self-esteem.  My parents were also very frustrated with me being called to the office so often and their having had to come to school to talk about my behavior with my teacher or the principal.

Altogether it was a very frustrating experience for everyone.  Now who should be forgiven, the teacher, my parents, myself?  Sometimes saying that something has to be forgiven suggests malice aforethought.  Weren’t we all doing the best we thought we could.  I no longer see myself as a “bad” disobedient child, misunderstood maybe, but not bad.  Did I have a “bad” teacher or did he do the best he could in the circumstances?

Was this teacher taking his anger out on the children in the class by expecting too much of them.  Was he angry because he was being forced to teach when he would rather have been only in charge of  music?  My parents at that time like many parents in that era worried more about what other people would think and felt that children should be taught to respect their elders no matter what they were like.rp_8619481133_df8a85fccf_m.jpg

Now that I can see more of the picture should I continue the anger and frustration by thinking that I have to forgive my elders for what they did to me when I was a child or should I let go with the understanding that they were only people that didn’t know better.  To me forgiveness can require a lot of time and energy and it has the flavor of  something that I must do for my own and others’  good.  Letting go does not suggest that what they and what I did were right but that there was a lot of misunderstanding and confusion involved.  Also to some extend, I was more concerned about what happened to my brother and cousin when they were in this teacher’s class with me.  It is always more frightening to see somebody else get hurt when you are not them and don’t know how badly they might be suffering when you already know how painful it has been for you in the situation.

Hatred, anger when attached to letting go makes it a greater burden than it has to be.  What might remain a burden for the “offender” to deal with no longer becomes one for you.  The biggest satisfaction an offender might have is not doing the dastardly deed but the fact that the victims have to deal and live with the consequences forever.  When it comes to this, the victim has to let go as the offender no longer has them in his or her grasp.  I realized a couple of years that after my divorce many years ago, that I was still cogitating over how my ex had treated me towards the end of our marriage and how unhappy I was. and that he may have gone on merrily without me and started his life over forgetting I ever existed.

If you come from the northern  part of this country, you may know about mosquitoes and how badly their bites itch and how you can create even bigger sores and create more irritation by scratching them,  People who get them often feel they are helpless and can’t leave them alone.  Often the next step is that you stop going outside in mosquito season and wound up being cooped up inside in the house during the hottest part of  summer without air conditioning.  Wouldn’t it been wonderful if you could have avoided that?  You can avoid something similar by letting go of old past hurts.

Don’t regurgitate, don’t do what cows do and chew your cud again and again.  Yes, learn from your past experiences but don’t let them monopolize the present or scar the future.  Sometimes you don’t have to forgive you just need to let go and take what the future brings an opportunity to do something different and new.

rp_Cult_and_Ritual_Abuse.jpgCAUTION;  A HISTORY OF SEVERE PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE AND SOMETIMES EVEN SEVERE MENTAL ABUSE REQUIRES PSYCHOLOGICAL TREATMENT AND SHOULD NOT BE HANDLED ON ONE’S OWN.  Abuse can also happen when you are an adult.  Also do not let the abuser dictate how you handle the abuse.

 

 

Robin William’s Suicide, Completely Misunderstood!

(No media have been added because to do so might  make light of this tragedy by focusing on the “clown” not the person.)

Laugh clown, laugh.  Could it be that comedians and persons with depression who commit suicide are some of the most misunderstood people in the world.

We all enjoy laughter.  It has even been proven scientifically to help people fight cancer.  Why do we laugh when others put themselves down?  Why do we laugh when we put ourselves down or worse yet why do others put us down and expect us to laugh about it?

What people don’t realize is that if people feel threatened enough to put us down that we may be more powerful and talented than we think.  Otherwise why we would be seen as such a threat?

Things people say about us create mind chatter.  It may even have a little truth in it.   Also most of us  believe it is better to laugh than to cry.  But why would someone who loves us do this to us anyway?

Have you ever been told that you don’t have a sense of humor when other people make jokes about you at your expense.  Maybe it is a way for comedians to control being put down this when they make fun of themselves.  Other comedians ridicule others to get the same thing.

Deep underneath what does it do to one’s self-esteem?  As the thoughtless mind chatter is repeated over and over, it can become the truth at least from our point of view and maybe others too.  Ridicule is not funny and eats at your insides.  It is worse enough when others do it to you but what about when you do it to yourslelf.  Traitor!

When you get real good at it, how can you stop yourself when other people begin to expect that you will put your show on any time, any place.  Can you imagine a comedian at his or her spouse’s funeral making a joke of it.  I can. What a Sad Sack.

If you get recognition and also re-numeration for it; it must be be worthwhile  and it often becomes who you are.  Then why are you so unhappy?  Why would you commit suicide to get out of the situation?  You can’t or shouldn’t always take work home with you; but comedians do.  On top of that no one wants to cry with you when all they expected from was a few good laughs.

Imagine a prostitute who doesn’t enjoy her work.  Doesn’t a comedian somewhat prostitute him or her self to make it in the world.  You can’t just pretend to be or act happy to be happy.  Only the real thing works.

On top of this, put depression, the dark night of the soul when a person feels hopeless, like the worst person in the world ,and possibly even deserving of hell if they commit suicide,  even if it doesn’t seem reasonable to others.  It is a job  hazard associated with being a comedian especially if the depression feeds a dark sense of comedy which makes other people laugh at and accept him or her.  This could be considered as reinforcement for being depressed.  Drugs are also a way to self-medicate and they work for awhile but eventually can  lead to self destruction and death and/or an “accidental” way of committing suicide.

Add to this the possibility that a person is not only severely depressed at times but also has manic states, possibly extreme manic states, which fuel their comedy and creativity and impair their judgment.  Often to medicate this state results in killing the goose that lays the golden egg.

Please do not condemn Robin Williams for ending his life as he saw it and not as we think we understand it.  Aren’t suicidal people often in hell on this side before they ever go to the other side?  Who are we to condemn them?

 

Who Does Your Anger Hurt Worse?

Who does your anger hurt the most?  You or the person you are mad at?  Have you ever been so mad you were sick with anger.  Do your guts tighten up?  Does something you can’t stand give you a headache.

We have the capacity to let things go and the reward is often patience, fewer worries, and a peaceful mind.  Why punish yourself again and again by remembering often in great detail what some ungodly person did to you.

Recent someone got mad at me and wouldn’t let it go immediately.  I did not get mad nor did I keep a score card of hurts suffered from that person with that person’s name on it.  I did not respond with anger to anger and did not escalate the situation.  Later we both talked about it.  I reassured the person that I took their upset seriously and they admitted that they were having a bad day that did.  I also admitted that they had a point and I wasn’t dismissing their concern.

Frustrated anger tortures the person who gets intensely mad and can’t let go of it.  You may have heard of the type A personality who is prone to heart attacks.  They can be like that

By God, that makes me mad and I’m going to stay made no matter what the person I am mad at does.  I have a right to be angry and to express my feelings.   It wasn’t my fault.  Gosh and by golly, I might even sue the person.  if I could find a lawyer who will take the case and there are some lawyers out there that will encourage pe0ople like me to do this.  No matter who wins, you will have to pay the piper.  Sometimes the only one who benefits from this type of action is the lawyer.  Who is this hurting?rp_300px-Anger_Controlls_Him.jpg

What price will you pay to get revenge.  Focusing on it every waking moment.  What happens to families and friendships even to  careers if a person narrows their focus to this one thing and  neglects other concerns.

Can you figuratively speaking fight fire with fire?  Depression is anger turned inward and if you are the kind of person who does this then you may feel the only person you can retaliate against is you and this is the reason behind some suicides or worse yet murder-suicides.

Just because somebody gets mad at you should you get upside.  Think how infuriating it is sometimes if you get mad at a person and they don’t get mad back.  It can make  you feel ridiculous and even unaccountedin that situation..

Feelings should be recognized and acknowledged.  People have a right to their feelings, it is how they express them that can be a problem.

Often the source of our anger is that we tend to look critically at others and take offense if they don’t meet up to our standards even if they are strangers we meet on the street.  I am no light weight but I have reduced my portion sizes and have tried not to reward myself constantly with sweets. Yet  I still find it offensive when I find a person on the street that is significantly overweight more than I  still am.  So much so I almost miss the happy smile on the person’s face and great personality because I get mad at somebody else for not watching their weight like I think like I do.  My best friend in first grade had a weight problem but at the time I didn’t even see it.  What if I had let it stop me from making a life long friend who was like a sister to me.  We had so much fun and shared some great adventures.

Anger often is a control issue.  We get mad when we can’t control something.  Actually the only person we can reliability control is ourselves and sometimes we can’t even do that.   If we have a problem controlling something about ourselves, we often focus on that or some similiar problem in someone else.  “Don’t look at me.  Look at him or her.”

We often get in the way of our own happiness i this way and we  can get physically ill in the process.

What is this idea about needing to control everybody else, anyway?  Obviously we are suffering from lack of faith, hope, and trust not only in others but maybe  too in ourselves but with others to.  Don’t get me wrong there are some dangerous people out there and sometimes only when we get mad enough will we do anything about it.

 

 

You Don’t See It (All) Coming

Oh, Oh, I have been thinking again and have just got to get it out where you and I can see it and read it.  So here again is another rough draft.

You don’t see it all.  Don’t you think that you could trip over something if you didn’t see it and you might get badly hurt.  Most of us do this all the time psychologically.  If it hurts to think of something, it is easier sometimes to forget it.  If we have a fault, it feels better to focus on the faults of others rather than our own.  Where do you think gossip c0mes from?

Gossiping

Gossiping

If we have a significant failure in our life or think we lack ability in an important area, we might overcompensate by focusing all our time and energy in another area where we think we are might be able to do better or there is less competition.  This often happens in families where an older sibling is a star athlete or straight A scholar.  Have you ever heard about a young girl who is attractive and limber and says she won’t try out for cheerleader because her old sister or cousin was one and she couldn’t compete.    Are we just fooling ourselves  (“Pride goeth before a fall”) or are we making it to a bad situation.

For example, frequently extremely talented people when their performances turn into money making propositions, often neglect to get good help in managing their assets and live in a fantasy land where they don’t have to think about things like that.  They often give over control of their own organization to someone else while retaining the right to spend what they earn as they see fit.  Can’t you see the train wreck coming in this type of situation?rp_300px-The_game_you_play.jpgFreud called these tendencies to avoid psychological pain and difficulties defense mechanisms.  They are projection, overcompensation, denial, repression, and rationalization.  As good a job as they do of protecting us, they can get in our way of living a full and healthy life.

For example, if you lived in an area with poisonous snakes denying that they lived in your part of the country, might lead to a dangerous surprise someday especially if you go to an area where these snakes are known to live and come out of hiding to lay in the warm sun because they are cold blooded creatures and you both pick the same sunny spot?! to sun bath.  In this case ignorance is not bliss.rp_Crookedfingersdignity.jpgBlame rhymes with shame and that is what we feel when we do this.  Shaming is a powerful tool used by significant others and others in power over us to keep us from doing something or to get us to do something.  Shame seems to have no useful purpose but to thwart us in our desires.  Often this turns into a situation like in the story about the emperor’s new clothes.  The tailor had the emperor thinking that he had such a fine cloth to make him a new outfit that only very special people could see it and thus were able to wear it.  How the townspeople laughed when they saw him in the new outfit that the tailor had made for him and they could only see he had only underclothes.rp_300px-TV_highquality.jpgWhat we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel with our senses and what we make of them are our perceptions.  After you go to bed and turn most of the lights off, you won’t be able to see anything until your eyes adjust and then what you see will be mainly black and white and not as clear as you normally would see it.  Now do you know why toddlers see monsters and are afraid of the dark at bedtime.

Last night my little grand daughter was spending the night and sleeping on the couch.  She keep asking about that black thing over there in the corner and was not satisfied until I went over there and found what she was looking at, a dark blue throw in a heap on the floor next to Grandpa’s recliner.  Since she trusted me and I reassured her with my actions by checking it, she went to sleep.rp_300px-Sweet-dreams-dreaming-of-snow-white-and-the-seven-dwarves.jpgChildren are less stupid than we give them credit for being.  They know less than we do and may have put together what they know in a guileless way, but it still makes sense if you can see it from their point of view.  Unhappily sometimes it is easier to put these children off or tell them a convenient lie than to spend the time it really takes to understand and deal with the situation.  For example, the old there are no monsters under the bed comment which can lead to tears on the child’s part and frustration on the adult’s part.

Do we hide stuff from ourselves by using such things as defense mechanisms?  Then do they come back to haunt us in the future?  Maybe it is better when you do see it all, no matter how uncomfortable that makes us.  How often does one partner not see it coming when the other partner asks for a divorce and/or has an affair?  Yes, we do have to focus in order to get anything done like texting while driving but then we might fatally fail to attend to something else that was going on at the same time.

 

 

Help Yourself To The Smorgasbord of Life

It is time to help yourself to the smorgasbord of life.  There now is so much information out there that you can use to help yourself have a better life.  Self-Help books have multplied geometrically.  More and more people are investigating the spiritual realm whether it is the one that they were born into or one that they adopted when they were older.  This kind of knowledge was once hidden and/or people were discouraged from pursuing it on their own.

Knowledge of this universe and how it works can only help you manifest what you want out of life for yourself or others.  Often you hear people saying, “I can’t help myself” when asked why they are not getting ahead and/or don’t know what they want out of life.rp_The_Meaning_of_Life_with_Gay_Byrne.jpg

All knowledge is built on knowledge previously attained and assimilated.  Every discovery that leads a person on to new fields rings an imaginary chime in the person head and often affirms an idea or belief that the person was already contemplating.

In the smorgasbord of life, you only take what you need and help yourself to whatever tempting dish calls to you.  In a real life smorgasbord,  I might choose herring in sour cream or wine sauce.  You, however, might not touch it and may even be repulsed by it.  Remember to avoid temptation when it calls for you to hurt yourself or someone else.

If-your-inner-voice-canThere are so many new techniques of self-discovery perpetuated by modern day psychology;  meditation and mindfulness are just two of them. Old standards are relaxation techniques and hypnosis.   Should we save such techniques for people who are having serious mental health problems or should we teach them and encourage their use by everyone to help them feel better and succeed in life.  When the pupil is ready the teacher will come.  Be realistic and find a reliable qualified practitioner.

There has been the scientific verification of things in psychology that we either didn’t know could happen or couldn’t prove if we suspected that they might happen.  The formation of crystals when water was frozen was effected by the positive or negative nature (the vibrations) of  the words that labeled the water’s containers.  When they were positive , the crystals were beautiful and well formed under the microscope; but just the opposite happened when they were negative.  It was difficult or almost impossible for the water to form stable crystals when the words were negative.

It is also shameful that much has been learned in psychology as a science that could help us to raise people from children to adults with fewer problems in behavior, thinking, and relationships.  In the name of freedom, we are not allowed to tamper with how and why children are conceived, who can have them, and how they are raised.

Many children are raised with parents who are poor examples of how to behave and in less than optimal circumstances especially when parents or caregivers decide not to use their available resources (time? money?) on the children.  If there are problems, parents can determine that nothing will be done about them.  In psychotherapy later in adulthood how much time is spent undoing what went wrong in childhood?children-innervoicejpg

Atmosphere is important.  Children, even babies can sense when an adults, words, facial expression, behavior, or gestures do not match.  However, the adult often tells the child who sense this that they are wrong because the adult does not want the child to not trust them.

There are resources out there and they can be found in many places.  People and groups of people who share the same beliefs involving respect for all life, determination to do the most good for the most living beings, and love for all provide these kind of resources.

The Most Dangerous Words: I Love You.

 

Three simple words, “I love you,” but very dangerous.  Can a boyfriend say this to a girlfriend or vice versa?  What if he or she doesn’t say it back?

 

Jesus said, “Love your enemies.”  This can be done silently or out loud.   Love is the match for hate.  Remember your enemies will have a long hard row to hoe someday.  God reminds us of this.

 

Enemies, a Love Story

Enemies, a Love Story (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I am not the judge of someone else.  I don’t know what God knows or the other person knows so how could I know is right for them.

 

I try to keep my temper; but sometimes emotions comes first before rational thought.  Remember this is not the part of the brain that is fully developed in teenagers, young adults, and some adults.

 

Act without thinking, repent at leisure.  How can it hurt to say I love you (even if only in your head) and go on without behaving rashly or expressing an emotion that can hurt others?

I was the cause? of some road rage yesterday.  I drove through the drive way used to pick up and drop off college students; and I guess I cut off another car that was pulling out after picking someone up or letting someone off.  That car followed me downtown and passed me by going into the oncoming traffic lane.   I had already forgot about the incident until I recognized the car.

 

Positive thinking is where it is at.  I don’t get anywhere fast; I do some things slowly and I guess incur the rage of some other drivers.  (Don’t worry I have a lead foot sometimes when I am out on the highway whether or not I am in a hurry.)   Usually I look for the beauty in things and people I see around me.  I also look for ways to help people and look out for people.  Occassionally I give a cautious compliment based on what I observe..

 

 

 

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