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How To Relax Even If You Are Frustrated

Have you been encumbered with a load of frustrations? Take a deep breath and instead of sucking your stomach in as you let the air instead let your stomach stick out as you take a deep breath in through your nose and then let your breath out through pursed lips as your stomach deflates  Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest as you breathe in and out  Too often we do not make room for the air that we take in. It probably seems distastefully ugly to do it this way but it works and that’s the most important thing. When you let the air go let your stomach collapse.  This is the right way to do it.  Hold your breath for at least 30 seconds before you let your air out.

You may be too embarrassed to do it this way in front of the person or persons who have upset you or you may be too embarrassed to do this in front of any kind of audience. no matter what they have to do with upsetting you. Wait and do this as soon as you can get away from an audience.

Now you can let the air go out your nose not your mouth. This makes what you are doing a little less obvious if you might have an audience.   Deep breathing can keep you from getting extremely upset or extremely angry. Either of which might not be the smart thing to do at that time. This can give you time to think about how you should react.

For example, if you are frustrated this might give you time to solve the problem or to think about when you need to do something about it or how you can bring yourself down because there is nothing you can do momentarily.  It helps to let go of your anxiety or anger without knowing when or if you can solve the problem. For example, I had a flat tire on an extremely hot day on a country road.  Soon another disabled person stopped to see what He could do to help.  Then the Sherrif came along, changed my tire, and shadowed me as I drove to the nearest town to a garage to get the tire fixed.  It also was an extremely hot day.  I stayed calm because getting upset would not have helped.  I did breathe a sigh of relief when the sheriff said he would change my tire,  I was going to a nearby city but changed my mind when all I had to drive on was a tire with a plug.   I was extremely happy with how it turned even if I couldn’t make my trip to the city.  I realized I could do it another day.

I could have tried the breathing trick then but I didn’t know about it then..I  wasn’t that flexible then but waiting worked and not getting upset worked then as help came along quickly.  .

Too Close for Comfort

If you can’t pick your companions, workmates, or roommates you can wind up in a pickle.  Either your abilities are not recognized or are not found useful.  Too close for comfort can wind up in fights, with one person not being able to tolerate the other.  This can result in an open fighter or in misery for the one person who can’t tolerate the other or in an open fight.  Being afraid to bring up the topic of the dispute keeps the sore open to being rubbed.  How long can you tolerate something?

Can you bring up something to a person you have tolerated but not confronted.  This is often how some marriages end up.  It is how my first marriage ended up.  My guts couldn’t tolerate the situation.  Actually, we had some beneficial disagreements when we settled some things we had to settle in order to split up.  When the marriage had already in a slipt up; it was easier to bring up some things we needed to talk about and that couldn’t be avoided if we were having to deal with in order to split up our household.

We laughingly talked about the title for a movie about our split called, “You get the kleenex and I get the toilet paper”.  We made our decision based on what was the most valuable to one or the other.  Our cat was a different problem; we couldn’t decide who got him until we found a kitten underneath the car after we had gone to the movies.  PS: Going to the movies at supper time every night was one way to avoid a fight.  I found out later each of us had kept secrets from one another.

I had a college roommate once but instead of rooming with her another year I decided that I would be better off being alone (and I did get one of the few single rooms for the next semester).  I was lonely and afraid of the dark that next semester.  My ex-roommate got a roommate picked for her and they were not really comfortable with one another.  I wish now that I had not been so selfish.  Roommates can always be a big issue if you are not good at picking roommates or if you are not good at getting along with one another or if you have a roommate picked for you that no one else would like a druggie (This happened to my brother).  My sophomore year the second half I got put in with another roommate because my room was too cold and her roommate quit school.  She had her own friends and she could sleep through my typing at night on my typewriter (it was a manual).

How do the astronauts do?  Speaking of being too close for comfort.  I had a NASA fellowship one year in graduate school and that was as close to being an astronaut I become.

 

 

 

Don’t Let Someone Else’s Frustration Lead To Your Frustration Too

Frustration can be catching.  A person who is frustrated is often looking for someone else to place the blame on or they might simply want someone to commiserate with them.  However, when they do this they might be looking for someone else to agree with them and if they don’t agree, the person gets mad at them also.  Now two people are frustrated and that doesn’t solve the problem.

Blaming someone else can lead to solving the problem for some people.  Then they can walk away from the problem as they can see the other person as causing the problem even if they didn’t.  They may leave grumbling to themselves with possibly a relationship destroyed in the process.  If the other person who is involved in this upset plays their part right, they will feel guilty too.  Some people, when the encounter is over, may realize when they are some distance from the situation may they hadn’t done anything to the other person but sympathize with them.

I’ve said this before, “Don’t let some legitimate frustration lead to more frustration than was initially created”.  Giving help is a fine thing to do; but not if the person won’t legitimately consider what is offered.  Such people often are not really wanting to be calmed down and then to see what happened as not as upsetting as it once was.  You may have learned to not let one frustration lead to another but they haven’t.

I may have said this before but if someone looks like they have a storm cloud hanging over their head don’t encourage a lightning strike because it might even be directed your way.  I have learned to put my distance from that person.  Lightning can strike closer than you think even when you see the mire possibility of a lightning strike move on out.  The biggest problem like this happens when you are in line at the checkout counter and the person ahead of you (it doesn’t matter how many persons are between you and him or her) has a problem.  Any comment good or bad might be taken the wrong way.  It might take away to have the storm blow over.  If you are at the end of the line, you might be able to escape or better yet not get in this line if you see trouble coming or worse yet you see trouble occurring.

Worse yet, is if trouble is already occurring and you can’t not get involved, like when your husband or wife is getting in the car with you or you have to get in the car to get home with him or her and he or she is already mad and worse yet they take it out on you as there is no one else to attack.  Often no matter what you say it gets you into trouble or if they get in the car with you or if you are already in the car.  You’d like to take cover or run.

Maybe the best way to handle this matter is to take a time when everybody is claimed down to discuss this.
Saying something like remember when I got in the car mad about how some salesperson treated me, I took it all on you.  Wouldn’t that be if this sort of thing happens with you or me?  We agree both of us to calm down and discuss this later when we have a safe place to discuss these things.  You might bring out some of this author’s comments on this type of problem.

 

Don’t Let Your Frustration with Being Frustrated Lead To More Frustration

You are a mechanic and you break your favorite and most useful tool and now you can’t finish your project until you run to the store and buy a new one, but the stores are closed.  How frustrating is that!  Very frustrating; but what if you get mad and throw your next favorite tool and it bounces up and hits the car that you were working on and dents it  Initially you had just one problem and now you have two or three.  Your favorite son comes in the garage door and you yell, “Get out of here before I take your favorite toy away”.

Phew, this is disgusting and leads to more problems than the one you started out with.  Sometimes just walking away from the problem if you can do this helps cut down on the amount of frustration you feel.  It might be difficult to just walk away if you can.   You can take some time to cool down and then seek help.  You can ask for advice from someone or you can just give yourself some time out.  Maybe you will think of another solution right away or you might start brainstorming some possible solutions.  Or you could give up the job and let somebody else do it.  Especially if you think about the possible cost of buying that new tool and trying to fix the dent yourself.

Women seem to have a different way of handling such situations  They almost immediately start to put themselves down and during the litany of saying such terrible things, they don’t want to touch the problem again.  This means the problem won’t get solved.  The problem becomes such a bad and scary thing they don’t want to face it.  Then they think about how others might think of them if they knew he or she was having this problem.  Also, he or she might think of the cost involved in seeking help for the problem.  They are feelings of low self-esteem, anger, being put down by someone else without them offering to help, or if they do offer to help, she or he feels put down.

A good personal rule to observe is don’t let one problem lead to another.  People sometimes don’t see clearly when they are so upset with the frustration they are dealing with.  Sometimes people wind up with more problems that they wouldn’t have caused if they waited and thought about it.  Frustration happens to everyone and don’t get upset about it happening to you.  If you are a Christian, you should know that things didn’t always work out right for prophets, Kings, and the disciples in the Bible.    They had big problems and yours can seem small by comparison.  Think of Job who lost everything but eventually got it back when he didn’t expect to get it back.

Of course, you call break things, get mad at somebody who really didn’t have much to do with the problem, walk away and never come back, become suicidal, break up a relationship with the person who really didn’t have much to do with the problem, destroy the things that you were working on which initially didn’t have much wrong with them, etcetera,  etcetera.

Give yourself some time off if you can so you can see it clearer later.  Do some self-reinforcement by thinking about problems you solved in the past and/or, thinking of someone who could help you without putting you down.  Put a stop to the negative thinking you might have started.  Give yourself some time out.  Don’t let one problem lead to another if it didn’t have to do so.

 

 

A Little Dribble Of Poetry

 

I frequently talk in rhyme
Just any old time.
It may be a dribble
Right in the middle
Of a conversation.
It is a form of relaxation

Even if it sounds silly,
I just go willy-nilly.
Everywhere I go
Even if I am slow
My rhymes just go
And I just know…
.
Rhymes follow me
That I can see.
It matters how things sound
Even if no one is around
And I go to town
Showing how things sound!.

FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME

Do you believe what he is saying?

Reading people Is An Important Skill To Have No Matter What Your Age.

I watched the FBI director being interviewed for his current position. He very carefully told the interviewers what they needed to hear. He was not open and he didn’t give a spontaneous answer to anything they asked of him.  A good FBI director would have followed up on things that popped up that required that he would step out and do things that needed to be done no matter how unpopular. He has been safe and careful and in my opinion useless. It was easy to see this happening from how he acted during the interview.

Another thing to watch for is nervousness. The person on your TV screen frequently looks down and away from the camera. The person has nervous gestures like pencil tapping. They may grimace. How comfortable are they with what they are doing? If it is the type of situation where they should feel pressured or upset then it is okay.

When you meet a person that you have just met and they are overly friendly,  does this person have reason to befriend you such as a car salesman or an insurance salesman? You should initially be cautious.  This is especially true if you appear to be lonely or unsure. You can be an easy target for a scam. I can be one. Promises and compliments can manipulate. I was one for a car salesman from whom I bought my first car. He said he needed to borrow $1000 from me. Needless to say, he never paid me back.  From this, it is clear that I can be an easy target for scams. I think that might be part of bipolar disorder which I found out that I have recently.

What you see is not always what you get.  If something appears to be too good; then be careful.  Don’t fall for a person’s line.  Don’t be too needy or quick to accept a proposal.  The person may feel excited for you to accept their offer.  People in sales can become good actors.  They befriend people quickly and easily.  It is always good to go into a sales situation cautiously and carefully try to judge how the person is acting to reacting  Sometimes things are to be too good to be true and they are.  How excited is the person?   Do they have your best interests at heart?  Are they earnest?  Are they too quick to wrap up a deal?  How anxious are they?

Look for nervousness.  Look for a person being too excited about you accepting a deal.  Look for nervous gestures when a person is supposed to be sincere.   Ne careful when it is clear that a person is acting and saying how they are supposed to in a given situation

Why Does A Person Have A Shopping Addiction?

 

Gluttony Could Be A Form Of Food Addiction

My first shopping addiction- involved collecting colored glassware from the early 19oos.   My then-fiance gave me a pressed glass turquoise goblet in the moon and star pattern,  It was then I decided to collect turquoise glass or other pieces of glass in the moon and star pattern.  After we were married and lived in Kansas, it was our hobby to go out in the countryside looking for pieces of glass that attracted us.  It was easy to charge our purchases.  Then we acquired cabinets to put the glass in.  When we divorced, we had to decide who got what.  He got all the goblets except the one he gave me.  I got the vaseline glass, a weird yellow-green, and a few pieces of carnival glass, not the orange-yellow glass that most people collected, but the blue, green, and purple. That was one type of shopping addiction where if you saw something to have in your collection’ you just had to have it and usually found a way to pay for it creating a large number of charges on your credit card.

Then it involved shopping for clothes.  I wanted to have clothes In the style that was most popular.  Would you believe that?   I had to have mini shirts and combination panty-slips to go under them?    I loved wild shoes and I especially liked wedgies.  That addiction continues to this day.  And it also included my children when they were home and in school.  I remembered being in high school and not having new outfits every fall in high school and college like the other girls.  Some even had matching underwear.  I made sure that I had appropriate underwear for my going away outfit and nighties for my bridal wardrobe when I got married in the ’60s.

This continued to the present when I liked to dress as my type 3 in Dressing Your truth and when I got bigger, I had to discard smaller clothes and get bigger ones and always in the right colors and textures for a type 3.  I did not save up for my purchases and I did not have a budget.  I did not get a thrill when I did this like some people with a shopping addiction which was one difference.  Men, for example. could have an addiction involving cars, hunting equipment,  sports equipment, or even clothes or watches.

Some people get a thrill out of spending money.    It is like an alcohol or drug addiction.  There is a biological reaction.  Once the person attains this,  they want to get some more. People also do this as a form of competition.   Gambling is a form of this. They have to look better than someone else or at least as good as someone else.  They are not comfortable unless they do.   Buying a used name brand item for less than half the price is an example of this.  The item may not match your wardrobe, but it is a Gucci or something like that.

A coup;e of things to do to stop a shopping addiction would be to think of something you could buy if you did not buy those items and saved up.  Never go shopping without a list.  Currently, I need a crossbody bag as mine wore out.  I should look for that and not buy anything else I find in my search for such a bag.

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My Shopping Addiction

Having had my debts consolidated at least three times; you might have thought that I would have learned something.  Not true.  I lose track of how much money I have left in the bank; having a credit card can make it easy to put off paying for an item.  Then I  also didn’t share my problem with my family.  I was ashamed and also sneaky.  It was my problem so I had to solve it.

Since then I have learned that I was bipolar and just before that I finally admitted to myself that I have a shopping addiction and that it was uncontrollable on my own.  I also wondered how my bipolar disorder contributed to my shopping addiction.  Which came first the chicken or the egg?  The bipolar disorder or the shopping addiction?

Did the problem of keeping things in proper order cause my shopping disorder or did my desire to have stuff and not being responsible about how to pay for it?  I see something as being neat to have now and not worrying about do I have the money to pay for it without going over my bank balance and getting an overdraft fee or crating a load of debt on my credit cards with exorbitant interest.

I did not share this problem with my family as I wanted to solve this embarrassing problem myself and I didn’t want to hear the bad things they might have to say about me.  I was afraid that they might kick me out into the street.  They might talk to themselves about me and be friendly with one another but not me.  It was different than that.  They did gang up on me and I felt bad and they managed things exceedingly well and did things on the phone and on the computer that would have been hard for me to do.  I thought that they might kick me out of the family and have nothing good to say to me again but it didn’t happen.  They talked to me more easily and I could be more open with them.

I am still loaded up with paperwork, but I do feel some relief.  I admitted that I still wanted to publish my book but I said I would stick to the amount of money I originally gave to my publishers.  So I don’t have to sneak around to do it.  Everyday Psychology for Everyday People contains some of the posts that I have made on this website: but there is still plenty of material for more books, but let’s see how this one does first.  It is called, Everyday Psychology For Everyday People.

I am writing a follow-up on this post as I have more to say.  I will talk more specifically about what attracts people to different types of shopping addictions or just plain straight addictions.

Conversion Reaction And Bipolar Disorder

.This seems to be an odd combination, but it seems to have appeared in me. It seems to me that I don’t want it to happen, but it does. It happens when I most need to be independent. Conversion reactions are a physical reaction that happens and it handicaps the person it affects. It could be hysterical blindness or a person becomes deaf or incredibly weak. The person affected is panicked by the sudden handicap and does not immediately appear to receive any benefit from the physical problems A person can even become mute. I develop a sudden weakness which leaves me liable for injury from a fall.

The only benefit that I might receive is help. I feel helpless and fear that I might injure myself. This situation is incredibly dangerous and doesn’t seem to benefit me at all. The only explanation I might have is the lack of help around the house when I do things that are scary and/or painful without any help from someone else. When these incidents happen in front of someone else, I get help even though I am scared at the same time.

I don’t think that this combination of bipolar disorder and conversion reaction is very common in persons with bipolar disorder like I have. When I get weak I get very panicky. I am very afraid that I will fall. I want a wheelchair for safety. Honestly I have fallen and hurt myself so there is a reason why I would be very afraid. Those with conversion reactions like have may be avoiding the fear of falling. However, persons with conversion reaction are usually may be seeking a =ttention and not so much being afraid of falling.

Hallucinations Can Lead To Delusions in Bipolar Disorder

She appears SCARED!

If you think someone said, “I love you” or “I hate you”n you then might think that they were expressing their love for your they were expressing their hatred for you. Then you might avoid them in the first case or you might want to express your affection by saying, “I love you” back. How embarrassing this could be. Once you know that this could happen in bipolar, you might become more cautious. This has to do with auditory hallucinations. Visual Hallucinations are more likely to be scary. I tend to have these in my bedroom at night. Sometimes I see black lace as if it were covering my eyes with a film. This to me is more fascinating than scary. But when it appeared as if the wall curved across the room from me, It was scary and I pulled my covers over my eyes and went to sleep after saying my prayers just in case.

Now when I think that someone says something unusual, I hold my tongue and see if the person says something similar to what they said before. Once I saw a scary face on top of my therapist’s face. I told him about this at a later session because I didn’t want him to think of me as crazy. Hallucinations can lead to delusions. I might have thought my therapist was a secret space alien.

Shadow monsters are another category of hallucinations. For example, a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor might look like a sleeping cat until you take a second look. this leads to some self-examination whenever you see or hear something unusual or something that is not validated by the perceptions of others
My perception of these types of hallucinations came slowly as I had not had hallucinations which I actually called hallucinations in the past. Could dreams too that I thought I had had had really been hallucinations? I once had a lucid? dream about an evil servant of the devil actually having nonconsensual sex with me. Could some dreams actually be hallucinations? Contributing to this is the fact I frequently am a lucid dreamer where I actually take part in my dreams.