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Some Symptoms And Causes Of Shopping Addiction (Onionmania)

She appears SCARED!

Recently I came across a paperback book called Shopping Addiction by Caesar Lincoln. It had some good points to make about shopping addictions. If you think you have a shopping addiction or know someone who has a shopping addiction, these points might interest you.

People with a shopping addiction can not control how they spend their money for various reasons. One reason is to get a thrill out of spending money. This is often connected with wanting others to notice how much money the thrill-seeker can spend often on an object or activity.  Sometimes the compulsive shopper just picks up the random item to get the thrill of buying something.  When presented with the situation in which the compulsive shopper can spend money, they have a hard time controlling themselves. This is all without regard to how much money they are spending even if it means breaking the budget (actually most compulsive shoppers do not have a budget or somebody else controls the budget.).

Some compulsive shoppers have the urge to buy (sometimes high-priced items) for their collections. They are particularly hyped-up if they have found a rare, but often expensive, item to add to their collection. I did this with my ex-husband. We collected colored antique pressed glass. I still have items in boxes instead of on display as I have run out of room. (In my second marriage I can only think of two things I have bought for my collection. )  Instead, I channeled my collecting to second-hand stores and resale shops.

Compulsive shopping can be caused when a compulsive shopper has been brought up in a family situation where the money for the items deemed as unnecessary is low. Basic bills for existence are often met but the frills are few and far between. That somewhat fits me for my growing up. We then had a budget with little room for excessive spending on things than I could like boughten clothes versus homemade ones. I dreamed that one day that I could buy those things at full price (No waiting for sales). I have more bought things than I could reasonably use like clothes on sale so now I have more clothes than I can fit in my dressers. I have plastic totes full. It would have been more practical to be able to try on clothes to see if they flattered me or fit me but most of them I ordered online and didn’t want to bother to return them. I have trouble too getting rid of clothes even if they don’t suit me or fit me.  I would have been better trying on clothes and making outfits.

Shopping addicts can even buy and save bargain items for household use. Again how many paper towels can a household reasonably use in six months to a year. Here are the reasons for shopping addiction that I found in this book in my own words.  Yes, a shopping addiction can result in clutter, even in hoarding.  Shopping addicts seem to try to buy admiration of others by buying status objects for themselves or by spending money on others they can’t afford or they give away items that are hard even expensive to replace.  Shopping addiction can put pressure on a relationship. What is interesting as an example I can give an example of a marriage where a couple in their previous marriages had the opposite roles of spending and budgeteer and then when they remarried they traded places.  Money appeared to be a thing over which they fought for control.  It seemed to be funny that this happened in their second marriage.

There are twelve-step groups for compulsive spenders, but they are mostly in metropolitan areas.   You could look it up on the Internet for Debitors Anonymous.

Take Good Care Of Yourself You Belong To You Yourself

Who are you taking care of? Your husband or wife, your children, your pets, the people you work with or for? Often we forget about taking good care of ourselves. Doing this makes feelings of resentment decrease or even disappear. It gives you strength not only to take care of yourself but then you can take care of others if you want to do so.

Bubble Baths, a hot shower, a nap, practicing relaxation techniques, reading a book or watching a film or your favorite channel  Go hunting, play with your pets, take care of your body by brushing to whitening your teeth,  Chating on the phone with a good friend or going out to lunch with him or her.  Explore new hobbies, turning a hobby into a business (whoops this might create tension instead of lowering it.

Sometimes we do not know ourselves very well and we might get into therapy. try out different hobbies, join new groups and make new friends.  Just remember if doing this makes you tenser, you might back off from the new activity a little or even stop it.    If you were telling a friend to take good care of themselves maybe you can learn from this what if anything you learn from helping your friend get to know themselves might help you get to know yourself.

The Origination Of Hallucinations In Bipolar Disorder

 

She appears SCARED!

As a bipolar person when I perceive people as doing astonishing things then I stop for a moment and withhold my reactions as I don’t want to embarrass myself.  My daughter was laying down the law to me and all of a sudden she stood up and lambasted me for being poor at handling my money.  I stopped thinking for a moment and realized this was imaginary and my daughter wouldn’t know what I was talking about if I reacted to it.  Also as much as I love being told by some person that they love me this is often a verbal hallucination and it would be embarrassing for me to say I love you back unless this was a family member or good friend.  These are just tricks that my mind plays on me usually at the end of a telephone call.

 

I have had hallucinations as a kid and this may be why I am afraid of the dark.  I was having an asthma attack and saw orange and green bugs and snakes all around me even with the lights on.  I was on codeine cough syrup as I was having an asthma attack so when I told her, my mom thought it was the codeine cough syrup causing these visions.  I became very afraid of the dark I slept with a light on after that and later slept with my head under a pillow.  Curiously enough often when I was sleeping with someone next to me or in a bed in the same room, I was not afraid.

 

As an adult, I began to think that I was afraid of the dark because I was molested at night by my Dad as a child.  Also, I masturbated very early on by using running water in the bathtub.  By the way, my two brothers did not want to talk with me about this or what had happened with them and our dad.  Curiously enough when I attended a cathartic workshop. the words, “Don’t hit him hit me came into my head”.  My dad had a very intense temper and I think my brothers were afraid of him.  My oldest brother inherited his temper.  With this going on in our household there could have been fodder for hallucinations.

 

“Depression..

Who knows what I saw in the dark as a child.  Could I have been hallucinating then?  Could I have been hallucinating about my after?  Also, things at night do not look like they do in the daytime.  It could be that I saw things.  A crumpled pillow or a blanket or a towel could look like a monster and with the ability to hallucinate I could have more easily seen these things like hallucinations and of course, my parents would not have seen them.

 

Recently I was made aware that with a bipolar diagnosis, I could hallucinate.  I also in the recent past before my bipolar diagnosis had brief hallucinations of people in a circular shape such as my husband and strangers  My husband was wearing the wrong color shirt in the hallucination.  They were off to one side and did not last very long, just long enough that I could notice them and figure out what they were.   Once over ten years ago I saw a candy striper with a tray of cinnamon rolls.  I knew it was not real as no candy stripers worked in the hospital and she also disappeared quickly

 

Knowing that I can hallucinate helps me to  “spot” them and react appropriately.  I can not predict when they will happen.  I just have to realize that they can happen and not react too quickly.  Other people often do not believe in them and would think I am “crazy” if they found out about them.  I would rather share these experiences with someone who understands that hallucinations are just a part of bipolar disorder and can be controlled at least by me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Nuts Are You About Your Pets And Why

Pets are friends are friends.  Pets can be very loyal and if they are not they are just straight badasses.    They are not very sneaky except when it comes to food and toys and sleeping on your bed.  Our dog likes the carpet in my bedroom as it is quite plush and she leaves black fur all over it.  Also when it rains and dogs are afraid of storms.   It seems they can sense them from far away.  Cats can be badasses if you let them get away with stuff that they too like to do.  For example, go outside and scratch on the upholstered sofa and chairs.  Squirts of water from an old Windex bottle work to stop them from doing these things.  Some people think it is cruel to do this but if you practice this long enough, the sight of the empty Windex bottle is enough to stop them from doing these things.

Now for the positive side of having pets or from pets having you as their person or purrson when you talk about cats.  I do not like people who are cruel to their pets or star dogs and cats.  They even use them for target practice.  They’re are good at abandoning puppies or kittens even when they should have neutered their dog or cat in the first place.  It takes some responsibility to have a dog orr cat.  Hey guys, even hunting dogs deserve respect.

Now when compared to a human friend, pets never tell secrets, pets can cuddle you when you are upset.  You don’t have to sleep alone when you have a pet.  Curl up with your pet and you might have hours of one-sided conversation.  You can tell secrets to your pet and they won’t tattle.  Pets can play tricks on you usually with no harm intended.  Computers to cats are like heating pads.  Cats like to seek warm places.  They are very funny when it seems like they will pick the smallest box to curl up in not the one that is the right size.  Both dogs and cats think your clothes, your bedding, and your throws since they smell of you are good places to lay down.

Crying does not scare off and animals are often the type of friend who will not reject you or criticize you if you have problems that they don’t understand. Just the sight or the sound of a beloved animal friend is enough to help you calm down.  Some people who are cruel and wicked and mean will take out their anger and feelings of resentment on their animals.  The first societies to deal with abuse were founded for animals that have been abused not humans such as spouses and children.  One way to abuse an animal is to starve, freeze or overheat an animal.  Yes, it happens to children and adults too.

In most cases when you leave a dog or cat they will love you back unless they have been abused or allowed to run wild.

I am nuts about animals.  I talk to them, I offer them treats and toys.  I miss them when I am away from them or they are away from me for practical reasons.  If I can’t see them I look for them or ask my partner if they know where they are at.  Just the sight on them reassures me.  I don’t like to be alone.  I enjoy it when the cat is just being a cat chasing a moving light or a dog is just being a dog playing catch.  I love the sight of birds around my house. Frogs don’t scare me.  Snakes do.  Please don’t throw them at me.  It will scare them too.

 

 

 

 

How To Relax Even If You Are Frustrated

Have you been encumbered with a load of frustrations? Take a deep breath and instead of sucking your stomach in as you let the air instead let your stomach stick out as you take a deep breath in through your nose and then let your breath out through pursed lips as your stomach deflates  Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest as you breathe in and out  Too often we do not make room for the air that we take in. It probably seems distastefully ugly to do it this way but it works and that’s the most important thing. When you let the air go let your stomach collapse.  This is the right way to do it.  Hold your breath for at least 30 seconds before you let your air out.

You may be too embarrassed to do it this way in front of the person or persons who have upset you or you may be too embarrassed to do this in front of any kind of audience. no matter what they have to do with upsetting you. Wait and do this as soon as you can get away from an audience.

Now you can let the air go out your nose not your mouth. This makes what you are doing a little less obvious if you might have an audience.   Deep breathing can keep you from getting extremely upset or extremely angry. Either of which might not be the smart thing to do at that time. This can give you time to think about how you should react.

For example, if you are frustrated this might give you time to solve the problem or to think about when you need to do something about it or how you can bring yourself down because there is nothing you can do momentarily.  It helps to let go of your anxiety or anger without knowing when or if you can solve the problem. For example, I had a flat tire on an extremely hot day on a country road.  Soon another disabled person stopped to see what He could do to help.  Then the Sherrif came along, changed my tire, and shadowed me as I drove to the nearest town to a garage to get the tire fixed.  It also was an extremely hot day.  I stayed calm because getting upset would not have helped.  I did breathe a sigh of relief when the sheriff said he would change my tire,  I was going to a nearby city but changed my mind when all I had to drive on was a tire with a plug.   I was extremely happy with how it turned even if I couldn’t make my trip to the city.  I realized I could do it another day.

I could have tried the breathing trick then but I didn’t know about it then..I  wasn’t that flexible then but waiting worked and not getting upset worked then as help came along quickly.  .

Too Close for Comfort

If you can’t pick your companions, workmates, or roommates you can wind up in a pickle.  Either your abilities are not recognized or are not found useful.  Too close for comfort can wind up in fights, with one person not being able to tolerate the other.  This can result in an open fighter or in misery for the one person who can’t tolerate the other or in an open fight.  Being afraid to bring up the topic of the dispute keeps the sore open to being rubbed.  How long can you tolerate something?

Can you bring up something to a person you have tolerated but not confronted.  This is often how some marriages end up.  It is how my first marriage ended up.  My guts couldn’t tolerate the situation.  Actually, we had some beneficial disagreements when we settled some things we had to settle in order to split up.  When the marriage had already in a slipt up; it was easier to bring up some things we needed to talk about and that couldn’t be avoided if we were having to deal with in order to split up our household.

We laughingly talked about the title for a movie about our split called, “You get the kleenex and I get the toilet paper”.  We made our decision based on what was the most valuable to one or the other.  Our cat was a different problem; we couldn’t decide who got him until we found a kitten underneath the car after we had gone to the movies.  PS: Going to the movies at supper time every night was one way to avoid a fight.  I found out later each of us had kept secrets from one another.

I had a college roommate once but instead of rooming with her another year I decided that I would be better off being alone (and I did get one of the few single rooms for the next semester).  I was lonely and afraid of the dark that next semester.  My ex-roommate got a roommate picked for her and they were not really comfortable with one another.  I wish now that I had not been so selfish.  Roommates can always be a big issue if you are not good at picking roommates or if you are not good at getting along with one another or if you have a roommate picked for you that no one else would like a druggie (This happened to my brother).  My sophomore year the second half I got put in with another roommate because my room was too cold and her roommate quit school.  She had her own friends and she could sleep through my typing at night on my typewriter (it was a manual).

How do the astronauts do?  Speaking of being too close for comfort.  I had a NASA fellowship one year in graduate school and that was as close to being an astronaut I become.

 

 

 

Don’t Let Someone Else’s Frustration Lead To Your Frustration Too

Frustration can be catching.  A person who is frustrated is often looking for someone else to place the blame on or they might simply want someone to commiserate with them.  However, when they do this they might be looking for someone else to agree with them and if they don’t agree, the person gets mad at them also.  Now two people are frustrated and that doesn’t solve the problem.

Blaming someone else can lead to solving the problem for some people.  Then they can walk away from the problem as they can see the other person as causing the problem even if they didn’t.  They may leave grumbling to themselves with possibly a relationship destroyed in the process.  If the other person who is involved in this upset plays their part right, they will feel guilty too.  Some people, when the encounter is over, may realize when they are some distance from the situation may they hadn’t done anything to the other person but sympathize with them.

I’ve said this before, “Don’t let some legitimate frustration lead to more frustration than was initially created”.  Giving help is a fine thing to do; but not if the person won’t legitimately consider what is offered.  Such people often are not really wanting to be calmed down and then to see what happened as not as upsetting as it once was.  You may have learned to not let one frustration lead to another but they haven’t.

I may have said this before but if someone looks like they have a storm cloud hanging over their head don’t encourage a lightning strike because it might even be directed your way.  I have learned to put my distance from that person.  Lightning can strike closer than you think even when you see the mire possibility of a lightning strike move on out.  The biggest problem like this happens when you are in line at the checkout counter and the person ahead of you (it doesn’t matter how many persons are between you and him or her) has a problem.  Any comment good or bad might be taken the wrong way.  It might take away to have the storm blow over.  If you are at the end of the line, you might be able to escape or better yet not get in this line if you see trouble coming or worse yet you see trouble occurring.

Worse yet, is if trouble is already occurring and you can’t not get involved, like when your husband or wife is getting in the car with you or you have to get in the car to get home with him or her and he or she is already mad and worse yet they take it out on you as there is no one else to attack.  Often no matter what you say it gets you into trouble or if they get in the car with you or if you are already in the car.  You’d like to take cover or run.

Maybe the best way to handle this matter is to take a time when everybody is claimed down to discuss this.
Saying something like remember when I got in the car mad about how some salesperson treated me, I took it all on you.  Wouldn’t that be if this sort of thing happens with you or me?  We agree both of us to calm down and discuss this later when we have a safe place to discuss these things.  You might bring out some of this author’s comments on this type of problem.

 

Don’t Let Your Frustration with Being Frustrated Lead To More Frustration

You are a mechanic and you break your favorite and most useful tool and now you can’t finish your project until you run to the store and buy a new one, but the stores are closed.  How frustrating is that!  Very frustrating; but what if you get mad and throw your next favorite tool and it bounces up and hits the car that you were working on and dents it  Initially you had just one problem and now you have two or three.  Your favorite son comes in the garage door and you yell, “Get out of here before I take your favorite toy away”.

Phew, this is disgusting and leads to more problems than the one you started out with.  Sometimes just walking away from the problem if you can do this helps cut down on the amount of frustration you feel.  It might be difficult to just walk away if you can.   You can take some time to cool down and then seek help.  You can ask for advice from someone or you can just give yourself some time out.  Maybe you will think of another solution right away or you might start brainstorming some possible solutions.  Or you could give up the job and let somebody else do it.  Especially if you think about the possible cost of buying that new tool and trying to fix the dent yourself.

Women seem to have a different way of handling such situations  They almost immediately start to put themselves down and during the litany of saying such terrible things, they don’t want to touch the problem again.  This means the problem won’t get solved.  The problem becomes such a bad and scary thing they don’t want to face it.  Then they think about how others might think of them if they knew he or she was having this problem.  Also, he or she might think of the cost involved in seeking help for the problem.  They are feelings of low self-esteem, anger, being put down by someone else without them offering to help, or if they do offer to help, she or he feels put down.

A good personal rule to observe is don’t let one problem lead to another.  People sometimes don’t see clearly when they are so upset with the frustration they are dealing with.  Sometimes people wind up with more problems that they wouldn’t have caused if they waited and thought about it.  Frustration happens to everyone and don’t get upset about it happening to you.  If you are a Christian, you should know that things didn’t always work out right for prophets, Kings, and the disciples in the Bible.    They had big problems and yours can seem small by comparison.  Think of Job who lost everything but eventually got it back when he didn’t expect to get it back.

Of course, you call break things, get mad at somebody who really didn’t have much to do with the problem, walk away and never come back, become suicidal, break up a relationship with the person who really didn’t have much to do with the problem, destroy the things that you were working on which initially didn’t have much wrong with them, etcetera,  etcetera.

Give yourself some time off if you can so you can see it clearer later.  Do some self-reinforcement by thinking about problems you solved in the past and/or, thinking of someone who could help you without putting you down.  Put a stop to the negative thinking you might have started.  Give yourself some time out.  Don’t let one problem lead to another if it didn’t have to do so.

 

 

A Little Dribble Of Poetry

 

I frequently talk in rhyme
Just any old time.
It may be a dribble
Right in the middle
Of a conversation.
It is a form of relaxation

Even if it sounds silly,
I just go willy-nilly.
Everywhere I go
Even if I am slow
My rhymes just go
And I just know…
.
Rhymes follow me
That I can see.
It matters how things sound
Even if no one is around
And I go to town
Showing how things sound!.

FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME

Do you believe what he is saying?

Reading people Is An Important Skill To Have No Matter What Your Age.

I watched the FBI director being interviewed for his current position. He very carefully told the interviewers what they needed to hear. He was not open and he didn’t give a spontaneous answer to anything they asked of him.  A good FBI director would have followed up on things that popped up that required that he would step out and do things that needed to be done no matter how unpopular. He has been safe and careful and in my opinion useless. It was easy to see this happening from how he acted during the interview.

Another thing to watch for is nervousness. The person on your TV screen frequently looks down and away from the camera. The person has nervous gestures like pencil tapping. They may grimace. How comfortable are they with what they are doing? If it is the type of situation where they should feel pressured or upset then it is okay.

When you meet a person that you have just met and they are overly friendly,  does this person have reason to befriend you such as a car salesman or an insurance salesman? You should initially be cautious.  This is especially true if you appear to be lonely or unsure. You can be an easy target for a scam. I can be one. Promises and compliments can manipulate. I was one for a car salesman from whom I bought my first car. He said he needed to borrow $1000 from me. Needless to say, he never paid me back.  From this, it is clear that I can be an easy target for scams. I think that might be part of bipolar disorder which I found out that I have recently.

What you see is not always what you get.  If something appears to be too good; then be careful.  Don’t fall for a person’s line.  Don’t be too needy or quick to accept a proposal.  The person may feel excited for you to accept their offer.  People in sales can become good actors.  They befriend people quickly and easily.  It is always good to go into a sales situation cautiously and carefully try to judge how the person is acting to reacting  Sometimes things are to be too good to be true and they are.  How excited is the person?   Do they have your best interests at heart?  Are they earnest?  Are they too quick to wrap up a deal?  How anxious are they?

Look for nervousness.  Look for a person being too excited about you accepting a deal.  Look for nervous gestures when a person is supposed to be sincere.   Ne careful when it is clear that a person is acting and saying how they are supposed to in a given situation