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Centerpointe Research

Who’s Defensive?

Are you open minded or do you frequently deny that the problem might be with you and not someone else.  In The Games People Play, there is a game called, “Why don’t you, yes, but.”   It happens when someone comes with a problem to be solved and rejects every possible solution the therapist proposes.  I suspect that to be seen as having such a problem and having it be your fault is unacceptable.  The person can maintain this attitude even after receiving disastrous feedback, numerous times.

The behavior that is involved is often so crucial to the person’s functioning that they can’t do without it.  For example, other people see the person’s inappropriate behavior and comments as offensive, but he or she continues to feel that the problem is that the other person can not take a joke or a friendly flirtation.  This is a frustrating situation for all involved.  The person receiving the comments is obviously very uncomfortable and may stop interacting with the person who gives them while the person who gives them claims to be mystified as to why the relationship was ended when they were just being friendly.

The solution to this situation involves some dearly needed problem solving on the person’s part who does not recognize that they need to change their behavior in these interactions which end so unsatisfactorily.  Obviously they are lacking in some social skills.  They have a problem seeing the real impact that their behavior has on others.  Thus they see no need to change their behavior in these situations.

games people play

games people play (Photo credit: girlguyed)

 

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