Do You Naturally Show Affection?

Does affection come easily to you, or does it feel stiff and a little embarrassing when you offer it or when someone offers it to you? A lot of that traces back to how you were raised. My own background is German, and growing up I saw almost no displays of affection. Even now, as an adult, reaching out that way still feels strange to me.

I have told family members I love them, people I genuinely care about, and watched them go quiet, unsure how to respond. Once I tried to hug my father when he was unwell, and he went rigid. In my house, anger was far simpler to show than tenderness ever was.

Touch matters when it comes to affection. Everyone needs some of it, whether that means a back rub or something as ordinary as settling onto the couch next to another person to watch a movie.

There is an old parable about "warm fuzzies and cold pricklies" that gets at how people need love and can wither without it. In the story a witch convinces everyone that each person only has a limited supply of warm fuzzies to hand out, so they start relying on the cold pricklies she offers instead.

The cold pricklies in my family were anger and criticism, and those were what kept me going. Disappointment got used now and then too. Warm fuzzies showed up rarely, and when they did they weren't very warm. Most of them came from a distance, the kind of moment where I'd hold up a new dress so my Dad could see it.

Reflexology suggests that massaging the hands and feet can help heal other parts of the body. Hands are easy to work with because nobody has to take off any clothing. A group can hold hands while praying or meditating or picturing something together, and people can stretch their arms out to leave a bit of room between themselves while they do it.

Can any of this reach into someone's sex life? Absolutely. With so many rules against physical touch in most settings, people rarely get the chance to bond this way, or to offer each other support and reassurance through it. Sex can be something that gives life to the people sharing it. Not, though, when it amounts to "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am." Is there anything unmanly about a little making out before sex?

Pets frequently receive more warmth than the humans in a household, and they are experts at drawing it out. When love and affection go unencouraged in childhood, where is the person supposed to learn to give them once grown?

On a trip to Sedona I had the most wonderful massage, and none of it felt awkward, even undressed beneath a sheet. I wasn't embarrassed when she touched me gently in places that had never been touched before.

Think about how boys, once they begin to mature, get told they're too old for the "sissy" business of giving or taking affection. Given messages like that, it's a wonder more of us don't dry up on the vine.

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